My Rise of the Planet of the Apes Review

The worst thing about the new POTA movie is the title. Repeat "of the"s sound clumsy. And 'Rise'? Why not Dawn? Or Birth? Or even the original working title, Genesis? "Rise" is a rubbish word, and that goes double for the next Batman film.

Beyond that, the fun begins. This is the first Apes movie where the titular (don't call 'em) monkeys are all-CGI rather than Roddy MacDowall or Tim Roth in ape suits and make-up. Of course, it's Andy Serkis behind the CGI as he's the only actor in the whole of Hollywood whose facial expressions can be motion-captured by computers. Fact. I thought I wasn't going to like all this computer generated idiocy. I grew up on ape suits and make-up (it was a confusing childhood) and I've long been a critic of the misuse of rubbish CGI over more traditional sfx techniques. But... damn it if these aren't some of the best CGI fx I've ever seen, only occasionally did I remember the chimps weren't real. And no 3D either - always a bonus.

The writers have worked hard to give us a credible origin story and an emotionally involving one. Scientist James Franco is desperate to find a cure for his dad's Alzheimers. Caesar, one of the apes he's testing his new brain-boosting drug on, may hold the key. But give Caesar a brain and he doesn't want to be an ape any more - he wants to be part of the family. Inevitably we end up rooting for the apes more than the humans - and by the end of the film, so does Franco.

Rise is peppered with references to the future / past Apes movies as NASA's first manned mission to Mars takes place in the background and the astronauts are soon lost in space. The in-jokes may go a little too far when we see the original Charlton Heston Apes movie playing on a TV in the background. If that movie exists in this reality... didn't anybody heeds its warning? My favourite reference comes from Harry Potter's Malfoy, now seeking alternate employment but still a sleazebag, as he tells Caesar to, "take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!" A famous line from the original Apes epic, and one that's cropped up in a few other movies too...

12.7 Thoughts About 127 Hours

1. Went to see 127 Hours on Sunday at 4pm. Should be finished by midnight on Friday. (Apologies to those of you who already had to sit through this joke on twitter.)

2. The strapline is rubbish. Every Second Counts? Not only does it remind me of a sad old Paul Daniels quiz show, but the more you think about it, the more irrelevant it is.

3. True story films are hard to get right. 12 Hours follows a similar path to Touching The Void, but it's less documentary, more dramatisation.

4. James Franco has matured as an actor since Spider-Man. That said, Harry Osborn was a thankless role. 127's hero, Aron Ralston, allows Franco much more scope. A nod from Oscar would not be unexpected... especially as this is the kind of "triumph over adversity" stuff the Academy regularly wet themselves over.

5. Is it a spoiler to mention exactly what happens to Ralston... and how he eventually escapes his dire predicament? Many of the reviews I've read have done so, and there's an argument to say that audiences are better off knowing... particularly if they're squeamish... but if you don't want to know, feel free to bugger off now. Your enjoyment of the film might be better for it.

6. So Ralston (Franco) goes canyoneering alone in the Utah desert, gets his arm trapped beneath a falling boulder and the canyon wall, has no way of calling for help, very little food or water, survives 5 days entrapment without losing his mind... then, in desperation has to cut off his arm with a dull blade to escape.

7. Ouch.

8. No, really ouch. I've seen some pretty painful things happen to characters in films, but nothing quite as shudder-inducing as this. I challenge you to keep your eyes on the screen throughout the key scene... particularly when Franco's cutting through his tendons.

9. As you'd expect, this is pure "triumph of the human spirit" stuff, well played by both Franco and Boyle. It's not a film that'll surprise you - paragraph 6 is basically the entire plot - but it will move you.

10. That said, the "people need people" subtext (Ralston's predicament is made worse by the fact that he didn't tell anyone - friends or family - where he was going that day; the movie's closing line is "next time, I'll leave a note") grates a little. But that's just my misanthropy in action.

11. Boyle directs pain- and stress-induced hallucinations very well. Though I've never been in anything like the kind of pain Ralston must have been in here, I recognise the trippy freakouts he has from when I've lost consciousness myself on occasion. The Scooby Doo hallucination isn't quite as freaky as Touching The Boid's Brown Girl In The Ring moment though.

12. Like all Danny Boyle films, you'll walk out humming the soundtrack and discover a new favourite tune. This time it'll be Never Hear Surf Music again by New York electro-indie plebs Free Blood...



12.7. Jack Bauer would have ripped his own arm off in Hour 2, then used the bloody stump to beat a terrorist to death. Just saying...