Why I Don't Get My Sci Fi Nerd Badge

Thanks to Samurai Frog, who pointed me towards this list of 20 Things Every Sci-Fi Nerd Should Own Physically & Emotionally...

1) Conan The Barbarian Soundtrack

I was never much of a Conan fan, though if I were I suspect I'd have wanted someone other than Arnie to play that particular Hyborian hero. As to the soundtrack...?

FAIL.

2) Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

I have read this but honestly preferred the film. It is still on my bookshelf though, so I guess I score one point here.

3) The Twilight Zone Collection

Yes. The original US box set with TZ companion book included. Rod Serling is a genius.

4) The Original Star Wars Trilogy – WITHOUT ANY ADDED CRAP

I have the original VHS videos upstairs in the attic, pre-Special Edition, though I think even they had been mucked around with prior to release. I'll count that as a yes, even though I haven't watched them in years.

5) A Profound Hatred for Star Trek Enterprise

I never watched any Star Trek apart from the original Kirk & Spock series, but I don't have any particular hatred for the other series. Enterprise was the one with Scott Bakula, right? How can anyone hate Scott Bakula? (Louise went to college with Scott Bakula's niece. She got a signed photo as proof but she's lost it now.)

FAIL.

6) The Lord of The Rings Extended Edition, The Soundtracks and all of the books

Never liked Orcs.

FAIL.

7) A Profound Sadness for the Way Battlestar Galactica Ended

Never seen it, though Louise has been watching the DVDs and is preparing herself for a let down.

FAIL.

8) A Passionately Favorite Version of the REAL Doctor Who

By "real Doctor Who", I guess you're referring to the pre-revival era? Personally, I don't think of that as any more real than the current incarnation. The Who I grew up with was Tom Baker and I also had a great fondness for Peter Davidson. My favourite Doctor of all time may well be Matt Smith though...

Half a point?

9) A Fear That Will Smith Will Someday Star in The Movie Adaptation of Your Favorite Book

I Am Legend is a favourite book and I had few problems with the Will Smith movie. I guess that's another:

FAIL.

10) Toys from Your Childhood That You Refuse To Part With

Huggy bear. (He lost his nose to a dog.) Not very sci fi, but I'll take the point.

11) The Belief that the Word Midichlorian Was Just from a Nightmare and NOT a real Star Wars Movie

I'll definitely take that point.

12) The Original Tron Movie

Y'know... I'm not sure I've ever ever seen it.

FAIL.

13) An affection for the TV show Firefly

"Affection?" We call it love round these parts.

14) A Hatred for Chris O’Donnell

Why? Because he wasn't Burt Ward? Nah, I don't hate O'Donnell. I might hate Joel Schumacher... if it wasn't for Falling Down.

FAIL.

15) You Know Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics

FAIL.

16) You think Cheetara is HOT!

Thundercats was after my time.

FAIL.

17) You Believe Aliens are our REAL Gods

Am I trying to get my Sci Fi Nerd Badge or my Complete & Utter Numbskull Badge?

FAIL.

18) You Have a Favorite Animated Cult Sci-Fi Movie

Can't think of one.

FAIL.

19) You Blame Hot Rod for Optimus Prime’s Death

Transformers was (just) after my time.

FAIL.

20) You DESPISE Michael Bay for Masturbating on your Childhood

No, I despise George Lucas for that. Michael Bay is just an idiot. If I despised idiots, I'd never leave the house.

FAIL.


Seven and a half out of twenty? Guess I can't claim my badge. I suck at everything...

48 Hour Film Challenge - Tapped Out

As last year, some mates of mine had a crack at the Sci Fi London 48 Hour Film Challenge. They were given a title, a prop and a line of dialogue... and just 48 hours to write and shoot a short sci fi film that included all three. Here's what they came up with...



Well done, guys - best of luck with the competition!

Movie Review: John Carter

The first rule of Film Club is: you do not talk about Film Club.

You all know the second rule of Film Club.

The third rule of Film Club is... if there's a crap genre movie (sci fi, horror, superhero) that all the critics have ripped to shreds: you will go see it in the hope that "it can't be that bad" and generally walk out saying "actually, it was worse".

When I compiled my list of Worst Movies of 2011, Louise pointed out that I hadn't seen any of them with her; I'd seen them all with Film Club. I replied that it was for her own good. Film Club watch the most awful pieces of dreck with me so that she doesn't have to.

It was with Film Club that I saw Ghost Rider: Spirit Of Vengeance. Solomon Kane. Pandorum, Surrogates and Outlander. The execrable 10,000 BC. And, of course, Green Lantern. So it came as no surprise when Film Club called me up and said "right, for your birthday, we're taking you to see John Carter - on us!" How could I resist?

In case you haven't yet heard, John Carter has already been dubbed "one of the biggest flops in cinema history". It looks set to lose Disney $80+ million. Even Mark Kermode hated it... and Mark Kermode watches even more crap films than Film Club. In short, John Carter was going to be a stinker... what better way to celebrate my 40th?

So, OK, I've set this up nicely, just like an M Knight Shyamalan script. You're all ready for the twist...

The truth is: I didn't think John Carter was all that bad. Oh, it was no classic, but I've seen far worse films over the last 40 years, and far, far worse sci fi films. As cheesy, fx-laden romps go (yes, in 3-bloody-D, obviously) John Carter was still way more enjoyable than any of the films listed above, had far more heart than any of the Star Wars prequels, and was far less bursting with patronising bullshit than Avatar. It had a charismatic leading man, some cute and non-annoying aliens (certainly no Jar Jar Binks), hammy villainy from two decent British thesps who should know better (though both Mark Strong and Dominic West have previous form in the crap genre movies category with Green Lantern and Punisher: War Zone respectively). And, you know what? If it hadn't bombed worse than Hiroshima, I'd have happily let Film Club buy me a ticket to see the sequel they struggled so hard to set up (which now looks a forlorn hope). I really don't see what all the whinging is about. If audiences will happily plunk down their money to watch three dire Transformers films (and, yes, I saw all three with Film Club) then why did everyone have such a problem with John Carter? It was better than Cowboys Vs. Aliens...

Book Review: A Long,Long Sleep by Anna Sheehan

Anna Sheehan's novel retells the Sleeping Beauty fairytale in a futuristic setting. Rosalinda Fitzroy wakes up after 62 years in "stass sleep" (a suspended animation chamber) to find herself sole heir to her parents' empire, a freak in the eyes of her schoolmates and contemporaries, and pursued by an unstoppable robot killing machine to boot. She's missed out on an awful lot during her years of slumber, including "The Dark Times" (a global apocalypse) and the life and times of her original childhood sweetheart Xavier. There's also big questions to be asked about why Rosalinda was ever in stass to begin with... and dark secrets to be revealed from her own past and her parents'.

A Long, Long Sleep is certainly a page turner. It rattles along at a fair old pace with strong characters and plenty of twists. I suspect I'm not the book's target audience, it's probably aimed at younger female readers BUT it's a hell of a lot better written than the Twilight books and though the internalised teen romance seemed a little twee at times (to a cynical old grouch like me), for the most part I was hooked. There's no edge to it, which I'd have preferred, but neither is there a great deal of the sci-fi gobbledygook that spoils many a futuristic thriller. Immensely readable, give it a go if it sounds like your kind of jazz.

Movie Review: The Thing (2011)

John Carpenter's The Thing is one of my favourite movies. It's the perfect horror film, full of isolation, paranoia, dread, shocks and a truly great monster. Well crafted characters, top note performances and a classic stalemate ending. Any sequel, prequel or remake was doomed to failure in my eyes then... and yet, I found myself inexplicably drawn to The Thing 2011. In truth, it was much less of a car crash than I expected, but that's not to say I enjoyed it. The best I can say is that it's utterly, utterly pointless. Put that on your poster!

Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.'s movie is slavishly devoted to Carpenter's. It sticks rigidly to the plot template it established (taking into account the debt Carpenter owed to John W. Campbell's short story "Who Goes There?" and the original 1951 movie Thing From Another World). It's basically a 2 hour love letter to the Carpenter movie, to the point that it makes tremendous efforts in the final credits sequence to set up that film's opening scene. The problem is, it adds very little to the mythology - and take away many of the elements that made Carpenter's version so successful. The scenes aboard The Thing's spacecraft go nowhere and the "Who's got fillings?" inquisition isn't a patch on Carpenter's hot wire in the blood sample sequence. Worse still, it jettisons Carpenter's creepy synthesiser soundtrack in favour of orchestral overkill... something that's brought home in the epilogue when they finally dig out the synths to evoke the original. The CGI, meanwhile, could have been a whole lot more gratuitous... but it still couldn't hold a candle to Stan Winston.

The cast do their best, yet cute and spunky as Mary Elizabeth Winstead may well be, she's no Kurt Russell. Hey, I don't know, maybe if you've never seen the Carpenter version then the 2011 Thing might have something for you. It's not a bad movie... it just doesn't make any effort to justify its own existence. It may be a carbon copy, but it ain't nothing like the real Thing...

Movie Review: Another Earth

I knew very little about Another Earth as I walked into the cinema, only that it was a low budget movie about the discovery of an identical earth in orbit around our own. I was intrigued enough to give it a go, and I'm glad I did. Hidden away, with no stars and a limited release, this proved to be one of the year's most engrossing pictures.

As with all the best sci fi, the big ideas here take a back seat to the characters. Essentially this is a story about two people: a reckless young student (Brit Marling) with a promising career ahead of her and a successful composer and family man (Lost bit-parter William Mapother, cursed forever to be known as as "Tom Cruise's cousin", proving himself here to a far more interesting actor). Both their lives are changed on the night the second earth appears in the sky, and what follows is the story of how they rebuild themselves while a terrible secret lurks behind their every encounter. It's a doomed love story, beautifully observed, with strong performances from both leads. The film, written by Marling and director Mike Cahill, grips from the start and leads to an enigmatic, emotional and hugely satisfying conclusion. If you get a chance to catch it on the big screen, grab it.

Movie Review - Super 8

I'm late reviewing Super 8, so I have little time left to convince you to go see the best film of the summer before it departs our multiplexes... but if you're one of those people who believes "they don't make 'em like they used to when I was a kid" and you were a kid back in the 1980s, you really are missing a treat.

JJ Abrams has recaptured the spirit of movies like The Goonies, Back To The Future, ET and Gremlins in this heartwarming monster movie that, yes, may veer ever so slightly off the tracks into schmaltz (particularly with its 'Our Two Dads' subplot) but ends up no worse for that. Because, you know what? Those films we love from the 80s came with a fair slice of schmaltz too... but they also made you care. And I cared about this film more than I have any other movie of the summer.

Watching Super 8, I yearned for my youth. Abrams could easily have told this story in the present day, but it wouldn't have had half as much charm. I live a big chunk of my life on the internet, yet still I found myself longing for simpler days when the most complex bit of tech in a teenager's bedroom was a handheld Pac Man, when kids made models and played vinyl records and argued with their siblings over what to watch on the only TV in the house. Rose-tinted nostalgia? Perhaps... I do remember the first time I saw Back To The Future back in 1985 thinking how much better it would have been to grow up in the 50s with Marty McFly's parents... Hollywood only ever reminds us of the good times in movies like this... but is that really such a bad thing?

I couldn't help but sympathise with the Sheriff Pruitt when he told a youth with a clunky cassette Walkman... "kids walking round with their own stereos is the last thing we need - it's a slippery slope!"

Top Ten Sci Fi Hero Songs

Because I figured we all needed a break from songs about hating your job, quitting your job and arguing with the Job Centre... here's something completely different.

My Top Ten Sci Fi Hero Songs

10. Kim Wilde - Blade Runner

(From 'Teases & Dares'.)

Yes, Kim Wilde wrote a song about Blade Runner, along with her dad Marty. Marty Wilde, not Marty McFly. I bet she's seen things you people just wouldn't believe.

9. Weird Al Yankovich - Yoda

(From 'The Essential Weird Al Yankovic'.)

Song about powerful Jedi master, Weird Al does, hmm? To the tune of Lola by the Kinks, he sings. Lyrics about how he met this wise muppet in a swamp on Dagobah, he writes. Mention awful sequels, he does not. Smart man, yes?

8. Julian Cope - Mad Max

(From 'Autogeddon'.)

Julian doesn't mean to hold a gun up to your head. I guess he leaves that sort of thing to Max Rockatansky.

7. Suede - Metal Mickey

(From 'Suede'.)

OK, he's hardly the world's greatest sci fi hero... but he was better than ALF. The song isn't really about him anyway.

6. Bellatrix - Jediwannabe

(From 'It's All True'.)



Icelandic indie chicks give great geek-rock - complete with retro-80s "boop boop!" laser beam vocals. And I just discovered their album also contains a track called Daredevil... where were they when I did my Top Marvel Comics Songs?

The nerds of a new age

Are coming up to take the stage...

They're coming round...

They're crawling into my bed.

Whatever gets you off, love.

5. The Timelords (KLF) - Doctorin' The Tardis

(From 'The History Of Jams a.k.a. The Timelords'.)

This track already made it onto my Top Ten Doctor Songs, but Who's counting?

4. Catatonia - Mulder & Scully

(From 'International Velvet'.)

I still have a great fondness for Mulder and Scully, and for the way Cerys Matthews sings their names in her razor-blade-throated Welsh. "This could be a case for Murrlder and Scccurlee!"

Special mention goes to Millennium, the X-Files spin-off, starring Lance Henriksen as Frank Black from the Pixies.

3. Spizz Energi - Where's Captain Kirk?

(From 'Where's Captain Kirk: the Very Best of Spizz Energi'.)

Spizz gets beamed aboard the Enterprise, meets all the crew, goes Warp Factor 2, but can't find Captain Kirk. But wait - there's a twist coming that would make Shatner proud. And just to balance things out, they also recorded a song called Spock's Missing.

REM have also covered this. Sadly....... theShathasn't. Yet.

Oh, and lest we forget... there's Klingons off the starboard bow, Jim.

2. Feeder - Buck Rogers

(From 'Echo Park'.)

This is what happens if you get a house in Devon and drink cider from a lemon. Could be worse, you could end up in the 25th Century wearing a white spandex jump suit, with only Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes and the universe's most annoying robot for company. ("Bidee-bidee-bidee... right, Buck!") Still, it wasn't all bad. Let's not forget Wilma Deering.

1. Queen - Flash

(From 'Flash Gordon Soundtrack'.)

Because, come on, let's face it - he saved every one of us. And he only had fourteen hours to do it.

Altogether now... "GORDON'S ALIVE!!!"



So who got lost in the black hole? "Brown Eyed Han Solo Man"? "Things (From Another World) Can Only Get Better"? "I'm ET Like Sunday Morning?" Boldly go into the comments section now...

Source Code

Sgt. Colter Stevens has just 8 minutes to discover who bombed a Chicago passenger train in order to help prevent future attacks. In theory, he gets as many shots at the eight minutes as he needs. Though like all the best time travel adventures, time is running out...

Equal parts Quantum Leap, Groundhog Day and Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Duncan Jones's Source Code is my favourite film of the year so far. It manages to mix against-the-clock thriller with psychological mystery, plus also finds time for a very sweet romantic subplot. Like Jones's previous film, Moon, the less you know going in, the more you'll enjoy it. It has been the subject of much post-film debate in our office, though I will argue in defence of the majority of the time travel logic at work here (despite unreliable narrator Jeffrey Wright's dogged insistence that it isn't time travel) and the unexpectedly upbeat ending. Both worked for me, making this a movie experience that was equally thought-provoking, surprising and heart-warming.

Beyond the complex storyline and edge-of-your seat pace, the cast was perfect. Jake Gyllenhaal has floundered somewhat recently (Prince of Persia?) but this was as confident a stab at leading man as he's yet delivered - made me think of the first time I saw Matt Damon play Bourne... which is interesting as Gyllenhaal is rumoured to be pencilled in as Damon's replacement in that franchise. He was supported by two of the most naturally beautiful actresses currently working in Hollywood - Michelle Monaghan and Vera Farmiga, both providing warm and emotive turns. And then there's Jeffrey Wright, doing his very best 'creepy Orson Welles' impersonation in a role that's sure to gain him more attention. The first film this year that I've wanted to go right back in and watch again from the beginning, and a must-add to my DVD collection when that time comes.

48 Hour Film Challenge

Some friends of mine entered the Sci-Fi London 48 Hour Film Challenge. They had just two days to write, film, edit and complete a short sci-fi film... and this is what they came up with...


Rat Race (SCI-FI London 48 Hour Film Challenge... by StudioLAX

Congratulations, guys - I love it!

The Year Of The Flood

Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake is one of my favourite literary / science fiction crossovers (even though Atwood herself snobbishly denies the sci fi label). It's set in a speculative future where genetic engineering has gone haywire and civilization has fallen apart as a result. It's part romance, part post-apocalyptic thriller, part distorted mirror on the world we live in today. I loved it, and was intrigued to see Atwood returning to that world for a second novel, not a sequel as such but a separate story set in the same dystopian future.

The Year Of The Flood is a different beast entirely. I suppose you have to respect Atwood for trying something else - isn't that what we always complain about with sequels, that they just retread the same ground louder and brasher? That said, this one just didn't work for me. It tells the story of two survivors: Ren, a young dancer trapped in the sex club she worked at before the "waterless flood" (lots of obvious Noah parallels floating around here); and Toby, a young woman who tends a rooftop garden and awaits the return of her religious cult friends. Though each character is well drawn and believable, Atwood doesn't seem entirely certain what to do with them. Their stories lack the narrative drive that propelled Oryx And Crake.

There's also unpleasant hints of misandry. Atwood is no stranger to stories that pitch feminist heroes against unpleasant patriarchies, though normally there's a little more balance to her work. Reading The Year Of The Flood though, I felt subtly indoctrinated that when civilization does inevitably fall, men will devolve en masse into barbarian rapists. And while that's probably likely in certain circumstances... I'm not exactly planning it myself. Rest easy, ladies. Personally, I'd be far more likely to lock myself in the house and quietly starve to death (after eating the cats), while sobbing into my pillow that the internet had gone down forever. But maybe that's just me. Fellas...?