Top Ten Comparison Songs

Nothing Compares 2 U, sang Sinead O'Connor (with a little help from Prince)... but that was before the internet came along and gave us the chance to weigh life's many options without ever leaving the house. Whether we want to compare car insurance quotes, phone plans, holiday destinations or even potential soulmates... we're now just a few clicks from the right answer. Even rock stars are it. Here's ten examples of popular musicians scratching their heads, wondering which way to go...


10. Ian Brown - Destiny Or Circumstance

When contemplating that lucrative Stone Roses reunion, which of the above drove Ian Brown to make his final decision?

9. Otis Redding - Trick Or Treat

Otis finds himself torn to pieces by a lady who can't make up her mind: does she love him, does she like him... or is she just leading him on?

8. B.A. Robertson - To Be Or Not To Be

Brian Alexander Robertson wonders whether Hamlet's fateful decision would have been easier if he'd had an internet chatroom to moan about his uncle in? "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

7. Fionn Regan - Bunker Or Basement

Location, Location, Location must have seen Fionn Regan coming.

6. Adam Ant - Friend Or Foe

Adam Ant wants those who get to know him to become either admirers or enemies. The worst reaction is no reaction. He will forever be the Marmite of popstars.

5. The Delagados - Sink Or Swim

The Delgados don't give us much of a choice, but as long as Emma Pollock keeps singing, I'll keep swimming towards the sound of her voice.

4. Nina Simone - Love Me Or Leave Me

Tough love from Nina - you might not believe her, but she'd rather be lonely than be with somebody else.

3. Michael Jackson - Black Or White

It was the question that dogged Michael Jackson for years - and this was his answer.

Yay! Norm from Cheers is in the video. Boo! So is McCauley Culkin.

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

...she's gonna get you, get you, get you, get you. You have no choice but to co-operate once Debbie Harry has you in her sights.

1. The Clash - Death Or Glory

A song about growing up and leaving youthful rebellion behind... or growing old disgracefully. A young Joe Strummer seems undecided which is the better option. Should he stay or should he go? Either way, it's just another story.



Time to compare the songs above and decide which one's best for you...

Top Ten Coffee Songs

Went into Cafe Nero today. Ordered my usual black coffee to take out.

"Would you like a biscotti to go with that, sir?"

"Tell you what, call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

As mentioned a couple of weeks back, I'm back on the drugs. Specifically caffeine. And for no other reason than because I didn't have enough room in my Top Ten TV Songs for Blur... here's my Coffee Countdown.



10. Johnny Ray - Coffee & Cigarettes

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono...

If it's good enough for Kevin Rowland, it's good enough for me.

9. Otis Redding - Cigarettes & Coffee

Some of the greatest songs ever written take place in the wee small hours of the morning, yet typically they're written from the point of view of a lonely, down-at-heel loser who's only companion is a whiskey glass. Otis bucks that trend by writing a small hours love song. They're just sitting here talking over cigarettes and coffee - with Otis on the stereo.

8. Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffee Spoons

The song that proves Crash Test Dummies weren't just an annoying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm One Hit Wonder.

7. All Saints - Black Coffee

All Saints, Rol?

Really?

I'm a big fan of the classic girl-groups - from the Supremes to the Shangri Las... and for a second - just one second - All Saints came closer than most to recapturing and updating that sound. Ultimately they failed, but give them some credit...

6. Richard Thompson - Java Jive

From Richard Thompson's epic trawl through 1000 Years Of Popular Song, here he takes on The Ink Spots' 1940 hit. You know the one.

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me..."

5. James - Coffee & Toast

Recorded in the original sessions for the Pleased To Meet You Album, this was subsequently relegated to b-side status when Brian Eno stepped on board the good ship James as producer. A shame, because this would have been the best track on the album. Perhaps Tim Booth realised this - he quit the band for 7 seven years after its release.

4. Squeeze - Black Coffee In Bed

Featuring Paul Young and Elvis Costello on backing vocals, another of those songs that reminds you what a great lyricist Chris Difford is.

3. Blur - Coffee & TV

The song that broke Blur and persuaded Graham Coxon a solo career was beckoning? Could be.

2. Prince - Starfish & Coffee

Prince goes into Cafe Nero...

"Hello sir, can I take your order."

"Yes, I'd like Starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham, please."

"Certainly sir. And would you like a Biscotti with that too?"

"Call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

Soulwax do a cracking cover of this song too.

1. The Clint Boon Experience - White No Sugar

The man on the mac in Macedonia
Hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC
This is definitely a new revolution

Mr. Boon - play that tune!



So that was my caffeine fix - what's yours?