Top Ten Boring Songs

"We're so sick of your Top Tens, Rol - they're so BORING!

Boring...!? I'll show you boring!

10. Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin - Boring Fountain ( From Pershing)

The name of this band is Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin. There song may be boring - but with a name like that, who cares?

9. Cracker - My Life Is Totally Boring Without You ( From Cracker - Gentleman's Blues [Us Import])

Aw, you're just saying that.

8. Modest Mouse - Space Travel Is Boring ( From This Is a Long Drive)

Then you must be doing it wrong.

7. Los Campesinos - Romance Is Boring ( From Romance Is Boring)

Then you must be doing it wrong.

6. Ballboy - Sex Is Boring ( From A Guide for Daylight Hours)

Then you must be doing it wrong... or far more than the rest of us.

Take me back to your room
Tie me up and strip me naked
And lie me on your floor
And then you’ll see that sex is boring with me
It’s not what I came here for

5. Paul Westerberg - Boring Enormous ( From Stereo/Mono)

If your life is enormously boring, maybe you need a Replacement.

4. The Pierces - Boring ( From Thirteen Tales of Love and Revenge)

Sexy boy
Girl on girl
Menage a trois
Boring.
Marijuana
Cocaine
Heroin
Boring.

Wow. Some people are hard to please.

3. The Beautiful South - I Love You (But You're Boring) ( From Welcome To The Beautiful South)

Sadly, this rare BS track isn't available on youtube... though you might check out its sister song: I Hate You (But You're Interesting).

2. Pink - Boring ( From Funhouse)

There are many words we might use to describe Pink... boring is not one of them.

1. Pet Shop Boys - Being Boring ( From Ultimate)

Ah, Chris and Neil - you could never be boring to me.

I came across a cache of old photos
And invitations to teenage parties
"Dress in white" one said, with quotations
From someone's wife, a famous writer
In the nineteen-twenties
When you're young you find inspiration
In anyone who's ever gone
And opened up a closing door
She said: "We were never feeling bored"




So... what's your favourite boring song? (No 'bored' songs allowed - I'm saving those for a separate list.)

Top Ten Misery Songs

In a change to the expected programme, we take a break from Top Tens about popular beverages, and take a request from the floor instead. Kelvin didn't actually ask for a Top Ten Misery Songs... but he's getting it anyway.


10. Graham Coxon - Bittersweet Bundle Of Misery ( From Happiness in Magazines)

Kelvin thinks this sounds suspiciously similar GC's solo Blur outing Coffee & TV. I'm not sure I agree. You?

9. The Beatles - Misery ( From Please Please Me)

Yes, yes, I know, it's the friggin' Beatles. But always better a miserable Beatles than some happy-happy joy-joy grinning-Macca Beatles.

This was the first Lennon & McCartney composition to be covered by another artist. Originally written for Helen Shapiro, but she rejected it, the honour of being the first ever Beatles cover star actually went to comedian and singer Kenny Lynch. Yep, this guy...

8. Pink & Steven Tyler - Misery ( From M!ssundaztood)

Pink and Steven Tyler... now that's what I call scary.

7. Frightened Rabbit - Not Miserable

I will always remember the night that I almost drowned
All alone in a house

And the love that I lost
With all of the shit that came out in the wash
Just a pocket of fluff

And I'm not put upon
I'm free from disease, no grays, no liver spots
Most of the misery's gone
Gone, gone to the bone

No, lads, not miserable at all.

Taken from the album Winter of Mixed Drinks- which might be my album title of the year - even if the record itself isn't a patch on their last one.

6. Green Day - Misery ( From Warning)

Green Day write their own version of Walk On The Wild Side... the rest is misery.

5. The Pet Shop Boys - Miserablism ( From
Alternative)

Just for the sake of it
make sure you're always frowning
(Angst! Angst! Angst!)
It shows the world
that you've got substance and depth

Thank you, Neil, you made me feel good about myself... for a flickering millisecond. Was it worth it?

4. Half Man Half Biscuit - Reasons To Be Miserable (Part 10) ( From Back in the Dhss)

A fairly attractive girl walks past a building site and from underneath an industrial safety helmet you hear (wolf whistle) and you stand there witnessing the whole Neanderthal situation, wanting to twist your own brain out as they sit satisfied on their newly-built wall, laughing their hods off...

Reasons to be miserable
Another good excuse to be dead
It’s one more thing to gripe about
As I while away my days in bed

3. Brendan Benson - Misery ( From My Old, Familiar Friend)

Brendan Benson sounds more like mid-period Elvis Costello with every new record. If you're going to sound like anyone, that's a good place to start.

2. Tom Waits - Misery Is The River Of The World ( From Blood Money)

On which Tom plays calliope - or steam-powered organ. Forget guitars, we need more calliopes them in pop.

1. The Smiths - Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now ( From Hatful of Hollow)

Come on, you all knew where this was going... it was this or Miserable Lie. No contest really.

The song most often mocked by non-Smith fans (i.e. me, circa 1985) who claim the band are miserablists... and just don't get the irony.

Apparently this is one of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's 500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll. Which is pretty cool for all kinds of reasons.



So... what's your favourite misery music?