Movie Review: The Muppets

If, like me, you grew up with The Muppet Show, these little fuzzy felt characters will always hold a place in your heart. And if that's the case, the new Muppets movie gives you everything you could possibly want. A heartwarming backstory, perfectly pitched so that innocence overrules sentimentality thanks to the performances of Number One Muppet fan (and co-screenwriter) Jason Segel and Amy Adams and the songwriting talents of FotC star Bret McKenzie. Well-chosen celebrity guests (including Alan Arkin, Kristen Schaal and Jack Black - giving his best performance in years). A sneering villain with a maniacal laugh (Chris Cooper - he raps too). A Muppets tribute act featuring Dave Grohl filling in for Animal. And most of all... the gang themselves, doing what they always did best: putting on a show.

So we get Kermit fighting to maintain a brave face while everything falls apart around his little green ears. Miss Piggy being a stuck-up sow (in Paris, naturellement). Fozzie being hugely unfunny. The Swedish Chef going 'durstyburstywursty'. The chickens singing Cee-Lo Green. Gonzo jumping off a roof. (Actually, I could have done with more Gonzo.) Stadler & Waldorf being sarcastic old grumps. Beaker going 'mee-mee'... in a barbershop quartet rendition of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. In short, everything we laughed at till we weed 30 years ago... updated slightly with contemporary references, but not a jot of contemporary cynicism.

If you love the Muppets, you'll feel like a child again. If you don't love the Muppets... can I suggest medical help?

Top Ten Tea Songs

What sort of True Brit would I be, listing my Top Ten Coffee Songs, if I didn't follow with a tribute to The Great British Cuppa?


10. Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea

"Give me a Leonard Cohen afterlife", pleads Kurt Cobain, "so I can sigh eternally".

Wonder if he got his wish?

9. The Proclaimers - Lulu Selling Tea

Like a Scottish Housemartins, The Proclaimers "voice their dissent" over the fact that the 60s people always talk about isn't the same decade they remember from the childhood. It's not the Beatles they grew up on, but...

Mother's Pride on the table, Batman on TV
A Man In A Suitcase, Daktari and Skippy
Jimmy Clitheroe, Colin Stein and Lulu selling tea

8. Supergrass - Whisky & Green Tea

Story of my life. Whiskey in my 20s, Green Tea in my 30s. Man, I needed those antioxidants!

7. Philip Jeays - The Tea Dance

Welcome to the tea dance
Old debutants getting up on their toes
Darjeeling and romance
Between potted plants and yesterday's Romeos

Philip Jeays - give that man an Ivor Novello.

6. Joni Mitchell - The Tea Leaf Prophecy

Still working my way through Simon Goddard's Mozipedia, and I hadn't realised how much of an influence Joni M. was on Mozzer's songwriting. Could this be her Ouija Board, Ouija Board...?

Out of the blue--just passin' thru
A young flight sergeant
On two weeks leave--
Says "Molly McGee--no one else will do!"
And seals the tea-leaf prophecy.

5. Frank Turner - A Decent Cup Of Tea

As mentioned already, Frank Turner is my musical discovery of the year, combining the fire and brimstone of a youthful Billy Bragg with the epic ambition of Springsteen. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have found a young songwriter who speaks to me as much as Frank does.

It's obvious to me,
But she never seems to see
That it's not about the days when everything has turned out right,
No it's more about the moments when she calls me in the night
To make her cups of tea and wash the weary worries from her head
And then to draw the pain out slowly as I put her into bed.

4. Belle & Sebastian - For The Price Of A Cup Of Tea

For the price of a cup of tea
You'd get a line of coke
For the price of a night with me
You'd be the village joke

Cue self-deprecating gag. Stuart Murdoch sets 'em up, I knock 'em down.

3. Fortunes - Storm In A Teacup

Pitter patter. Pitter patter.

2. The Scaremongers - Tea Leaves

From my favourite record of 2009, the Number One album Born In A Barn.

Didn't know it'd made Number One? Here's the proof.

1. Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman

Used as the theme to Ricky Gervais's Extras, this short (just over a minute) track is both poignant and uplifting. Not a clue what it's actually about, but it always makes me think of the foiled ambition of Andy Millman, Maggie Jacobs and Barry from Eastenders.



So... how do you take yours?