The Word Wrestler Cometh

For anyone who's wondering what I've been up to since my redundancy, or about my plans for the future, here's the answer...

I've become the world's first official Word Wrestler! A freelance copywriter. A self-employed copywriter, proofreader and social networking expert. My business is very much in its infancy and I'm sure to make mistakes so I'd appreciate all the feedback I can get. If you have time to take a look at my copywriting website and want to offer any helpful, constructive advice then either leave a comment here (I've disabled comments on the site itself) or send me an email. It's a scary step, but also a very exciting one, and I'm determined to find my way in this brave new world.

In other news, I'll be appearing live this weekend along with Paul Rainey, Rob Wells and Steve Miller at the Comics - On The Ration panel at this year's Caption Comics Festival in Oxford. The C-OTR panel is on Sunday afternoon but I'll be there most of the weekend, with copies of PJANG for sale and free Too Much Sex & Violence postcards for anyone who wants one. If you're coming along, do pop over and introduce yourself. I'll be modelling some of the outfits from my recent What I'm Wearing Today post, so you shouldn't be able to miss me.

This Blog Is Not For Sale

A couple of interesting emails have plopped into my inbox lately. I guess this blog has been going long enough, gets enough daily hits, and ranks high enough in Google Analytics (or whatever) that it has a certain perceived value. I never understand how you value a website - how Facebook or Twitter can be sold for billions for example. I know it's got something to do with the evil industry, but as my own relationship with the evil industry is such a painful one, I prefer not to delve too deeply. Anyway, while Sunset Over Slawit isn't quite at the stage where Aaron Sorkin is penning a screenplay based around my life, it's obviously been noticed by somebody. To wit, email #1...

We have a client who would like to pay you for the opportunity to post some of their content on your website. All of the content is professionally produced and you can select from pieces relevant to your audience.


The result is you get some free, interesting content for your readers while getting paid.


In return our client is asking for one link that they specify at the bottom of the content (no porn or gambling). Feel free to contact me with any concerns or clarifications you may have.

My first reaction to this was... really? What client? How much?

My second reaction was... hang on, WHY? Why would someone want to use this silly little blog to hawk their filthy wares? OK, so I'm now getting about 200 hits a day (though I have no way of knowing how many of those are spambots), but many of those hits must be the same people coming back again and again. Hell, half of them are probably just Steve. Surely there are more cost-effective ways of blowing your marketing budget than throwing it at me to squeeze the occasional ad for Pepsi or Apple in between My Top Ten Furniture Polish Songs and Why I Hate Audi Drivers post #463?

(Neither Pepsi nor Apple - nor Audi - gave me any money to mention them in the paragraph above. I actually prefer Coke, Microsoft and any other form of vehicular transportation ever invented to the brands in question... which I why I chose them. To avoid favouritism.)

My third thought was... surely those people who visit this blog every day do so exactly because they want to read content written by me? Which, given that my goal in life is to be a writer - and have my writing read by others - fills me with joy and pride and a buzzing in my nether-regions equivalent to Kate Winslet brushing past me in a negligee with a mint condition copy of Amazing Fantasy #15 tucked in her armpit. (In short, thank you all.) BUT if the reason you come here is to read me... why would you want to read some "free, interesting content" written by somebody else with the sole purpose of getting you to click a link and buy something?

So, thanks, but no thanks. If you want to pay me to write something, even something that promotes your wares... I'll give it a shot. I've gratefully received some nice free books, graphic novels and music as a result of writing this blog - and written about them whenever I had something worthwhile to say. But just copying and pasting someone else's words and using the goodwill of Sunset Over Slawit to peddle some old bollocks I have no interest in whatsoever... thanks, but I get enough of that in the day job.

But wait... we're not done yet! Because then comes email #2...

I represent a firm that purchases entire blogs, that is, the URL as well as the content of the blog. We use these blogs to improve the search engine rankings of our clients.


Our firm requires that the blog has correct English and grammar. It must have original content (not duplicate content from other blogs or websites) as well as having no pornography or other distasteful content. In addition, the blog must be able to be found on Google.


If you are interested in selling your blog(s), please reply with your URL(s) as well as your asking price(s). An actual offer for your blog would happen after a detailed analysis of it that showed that it met all of our criteria.

The email then goes on to suggest that, given the right t&c's, and based upon my current Google Ranking, I could make around $500 from this deal. Which isn't to be sniffed at, I suppose - especially when you're as skint as I am.

Except...

Well, my first thought was "bollocks".

My second thought was... WHY? Why would you, as a legitimate business, wish to purchase a blog with an unsexy URL of http://moviebookreview-s.blogspot.com/ (hardly Audiscumbags.com, is it?), the content of which varies most weeks between misanthropic short stories, reviews of crap Nicolas Cage movies, and My Top Ten Songs About Global Thermonuclear Destruction? I just do not get it.

But, as we already established earlier this year when I considered moving this blog wholesale to posterous, I'd lose a good chunk of my readers if I wasn't where I've always been, and you all mean far too much to me to piss you off like that for a measly 500 bucks. That's not to say I wouldn't be open to a better offer...

If you enjoyed the free, interesting content above, please consider clicking on this link and spending a stupid amount of money on the aspirational, life-affirming products available there. If you didn't enjoy the free, interesting content above... go take a long walk off a short pier. Who needs you?

New Year... New Beginning... New Blog?

I'm thinking of pulling the plug on this blog.

OK, OK, stop cheering. It's not as good as it sounds.

I recently discovered posterous, a new blogging platform that works like a dream. It combines all the best bits of blogger, tumblr, wordpress et al. with none of the annoying stuff... and best of all, it's the most user-friendly platform ever. Seriously, it took me about an hour in the week before Christmas to upload two pages of PJANG to my wordpress, pfaffing about with resizing and editing html and a site that kept crashing and not allowing me to do what I wanted.

Last week I discovered posterous, and having heard how easy it was, I decided to give it a try... by making the entirety of PJANG #1 available to read online. It took me about 15 minutes to upload all three strips and the results are... well, see for yourself.

I was so impressed that I decided I'd move my whole wordpress site across there... but then I started thinking, maybe I should move Sunset Over Slawit too. This old blog's been feeling a bit tired of late... maybe a new home is just what it needs.

I have some reservations though. I regularly receive between 100 and 150 individual hits a day (which I'm pretty pleased with... but don't ask me who all these readers are, since only about six of them ever leave a comment)... would I lose that silent majority if I moved? Would I have to start again from scratch? Does it really matter?

Then there's the question of splitting up the blog. I know there are people who only come here to read my music posts or top tens. Or my comics stuff. Or my short stories (thank you). Perhaps I should host a separate blog for each? And another just for personal nonsense. And another for ephemera? Or is it better just to keep on bundling everything together in one? Do I even still need a writing blog and an "everything else" blog anymore? Should I just bring it all together under one roof where it can live together in harmony?

I'm still puzzling this one out... though obviously your thoughts would be welcome. Whatever happens, a change is gonna come.

In the meantime, in case you haven't already, READ PJANG #1 FREE HERE. Then please tell your friends. Especially if they're the sort who think People Just Ain't No Good.

It's Clichéd To Be Cynical At Christmas

I wanted to write you something special for Christmas.

Perhaps a #fridayflash story about a political party who wanted to ban the season of good will because it merely encouraged people to demonstrate bad will through the rest of the year. And about the serial killer determined to stop their nefarious schemes because Christmas was the only time off he gets.

Perhaps a comic strip pitting the Punisher against a Terminator-esque rogue Santa Claus gone evil. (Oh wait, I actually did write that.)

Perhaps some poorly veiled excuse to plug PJANG #5 again to the three of you who haven't yet bought a copy...

Perhaps a list of bleakly humorous festive tunes, like A Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis...




But then I read Steve's hugely touching Christmas post and I thought... you know what...?

It really is clichéd to be cynical at Christmas.

And I hate to be a cliché on top of all my other many flaws.

And so, to everyone still reading this saggy old, baggy old blogpuss of mine... have a very happy one.

I'll be back next week with my favourite things of 2010. A whole week of lists! Yipee!

PJANG #5 - People Aren't Getting Any Better

The fifth issue of my comic PJANG (People Just Ain't No Good) is finally available to order by clicking here!

The comic features two all new strips written by me, with art from Peerless Paul Rainey and Crackerjack Kelvin Green.

Covers, as always, by Notable Nige Lowrey... while everything else (all the stuff you take for granted) was helped along by Divine Davey Metcalfe-Carr. (Click that last link for a sneak preview of a future PJANG story.)

I'm really happy with the way this issue has turned out... and you can see why below. (Click on the individual images to biggify them and read the previews.)

To read the rest of these awesome adventures, go order yourself a copy of PJANG #5 now! What are you waiting for - Christmas?

I Wish, Wish, Wish You Were Dead, Dead, Dead

No, not you.

That's just the title of my latest novel, which I finally hit 'print' on this morning. It's taken me 4 years, on and off, and it's changed quite a lot from my original intentions, but after much rewriting it's finally completed. There will, I'm sure, be further minor redrafts to make, once I've persuaded a couple of people to read it (oh, the horror of asking that favour!) but the story has finally been told to my satisfaction. Or, at least as much satisfaction as any self-critical milksops can ever achieve from any piece of writing.

Come the New Year then, I'll be moving on to new projects. I think I'll try another sitcom. After all, my last few attempts have been greeted with much applause... by everybody but the people with the power. And you'll be glad to hear that my latest idea is even more misanthropic, downbeat and bleakly humourless than anything I've ever written. So I'm sure that'll go down like a bomb.

In the meantime I've got a few more short stories to write (I'll have a new Friday Flash for you tomorrow) and some more comic scripts for artists who won't want to draw them. On that matter though, a tiny whiff of good news, PJANG #5 is now printed and winging its way back to me via the magic of delivery men. Which means I might get the first copies out before Christmas. Nigel's cover (well, one of them*) is below. More details to follow...

(*I already previewed the other PJANG #5 cover here.)

Catching Up

Between going to That London, editing my latest novel (which I've now decided is finished, bar the tinkering, and will be much shorter than originally planned, but hopefully much better for it), writing stories for Friday Flash and Thoughtballoons, and setting up a fake Twitter account to take the piss out of the most annoying man on telly (don't tell anyone it's me)... I've gotten a little behind on my usual blogging subjects. So here's a quick catch-up of some of the things I've seen, done, read and listened to lately...

You know when you see a film and you LOVE it, even though you know it could be much better? RED is the best could-be-much-better film I've seen all year. It's a little slow in places. A little corny. And Helen Mirren is - surprisingly - not very good. But... it has real heart, which is rare for an action movie. The opening sequence is exceptional. Bruce Willis really underplays it - not a smirk in sight. Mary Louise Parker is both hilarious and beautiful (and unlike a lot of women in Hollywood, seems to be maturing without the aid of botox). Malkovich hams it up like he's in panto. Karl Urban proves Bones wasn't a one-off scene-stealer. And amazingly for a film adapted from a Warren Ellis comic, this is the least cynical Hollywood movie I've seen in years. It's a heartwarming feel-good action romp like they don't make any more. No, it's not perfect, but it's a lot of fun. And a damn sight better than The Expendables.

Slightly less feelgood, though still enjoyable in its own way, is the "Lesbian Moms" flick The Kids Are All Right. Mark Ruffalo steals this one with his laidback manchild routine. Much as I admire Julianne Moore and Annette Bening, there's something insufferably smug about their characters that almost tips this film into annoying. Almost, but not quite. It's an adult relationships comedy that does some amusing things, though I really can't credit the Oscar buzz. And it has been saddled with the rubbishest film title of the year - what, they just put The Who on random play and picked the next song up? What was wrong with "My Two Moms"?



Lloyd Cole's new album Broken Record is garnering some of his best reviews in years. I suspect it's down to the fact that Lloyd's dragged a full band along with him this time rather than playing the acoustic troubadour card. I've seen him do that one-man-and-his-guitar act quite a bit over the last few years and it never grows tired... but seeing him perform his greatestest hits (plus the best of the new stuff) accompanied by two other fine musicians really was a treat. Some of the best guitar work I've heard in a long time. No drums though, he hates taking drums on tour - far too much hassle! I don't love Broken Record quite as much as I did 2003's Music In A Foreign Language, but it does feature Lloyd at his literate, world-weary best. Highly recommended, particularly if you get the chance to see it performed live.



I've mentioned the Ben Folds / Nick Hornby collaboration before, but it's worth another plug as it's fast becoming one of my favourite records of the year. Particularly their tribute to veteran songwriter Doc Pomus...

Finally, Comic of the Week comes from my sometime PJANG #4 collaborator, Ryan Taylor. The Grinning Mask is a fun tribute to the old EC horror comics, down to its Frederick Wertham-inspired title. Childhood hi-jinks meet scary monsters - excellent work from Ryan on story and art. Find out more about The Grinning Mask here.

Speaking of PJANG... issue #5 will be heading to the printers shortly, with not one but TWO covers by Nige Lowrey. Here's the first, based on the strip 'The Ex-Men', illustrated by Kelvin Green, to whet your appetite. Second cover to follow soon...