Louise Went To New York And All She Brought Me Back Was This Lousy T-Shirt...

...although obviously, since The Big Lebowski is my all-time favourite movie, this is pretty much the Best. Present. Ever.

Yes, Louise went to NYC without me. Her friend won First Class tickets and invited Louise along... although the airline did their best to muck them about and not actually give them First Class... just "the First Class Experience". Which turned out to be not quite the same. Still, free flights to the city that never sleeps... home of Peter Parker, Andy Sipowicz, Bruce Springsteen (yes, I know that's Jersey, but that's where they flew to) and so many more of my heroes. The Dude himself abides in Los Ang-eles County, as I'm sure you're all aware... but he does have a presence in the Big Apple, thanks to this little store Lou and her friend stumbled across down in Greenwich Village.

How cool is that?

And this T-shirt really ties my wardrobe together.

What I'm Wearing Today...

So I'm perusing Louise's copy of Marie Claire on the toilet the other night and once I'd finished reading about "Women Obsessed With Every Man They Meet" and "Wedding Night Sex Confessions" (honestly, you women, you're so sex-obsessed!) I stumbled across an interesting article called "I Blogged My Way To Millions - A Guide To Making Your Fortune Online". Well, naturally I was hooked... this could be the answer to all my unemployment woes. I mean, hey, I write a blog anyway... imagine if I could become a millionaire just by doing something I'm already doing!

Unfortunately, many of the ideas for blogging my way to millions were a little out of my league (they involved moving to Hollywood and schmoozing actors or being reborn as someone with a vaguely interesting lifestyle)... but one proved inspirational. Apparently there's this woman in (I can't remember where and Louise has taken the magazine back now) who started a blog which involved nothing more than posting a photo of whatever outfit she was wearing to work that day. Her blog's become such a success she's been able to quit her day job and concentrate 100% of her time to wearing clothes, taking photos of herself wearing clothes, and posting photos of herself wearing clothes online.

Well, two can play at that game, love...

This is what I'm wearing today. Little Lebowski Urban Achievers from Last Exit To Nowhere. Brown cords from... the shop. Slippers.

Here's what I wore yesterday. Incredible Hulk T-shirt from some comic shop that had a sale on. Same brown cords. (Why would I wear a pair of trousers for just 1 day?) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing tomorrow. My new Spidey T-shirt from the cover of Amazing Spider-Man #100, by John Romita Senior. Same brown cords. (What? They won't be dirty yet.) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing on Thursday. Joker T-shirt by Hahahahaha Hooohahahahaha Hehehahahahaa! Same brown cords. (Yes, I do change my underpants daily.) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing on Friday. Except I probably won't because I'm always too scared to wear this T-shirt in public. I bought it from the comedian Mundo Jazz. I'm always worried people won't get the irony and I'll get either beaten up or arrested. Same brown cords (they'll go in the wash on Saturday, all right?) Slippers.

Great stuff - now I'll just sit back and watch the cash roll in! Why didn't I think of this years ago?

Bad Day At Work?

Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes, well, he eats you.

Easter Meme

1. Tell us who was the last person you took a shower with.

Our shower isn't big enough for two people, so the answer to that question is nobody.

Although, there was this one time, at band camp...

2. Tell us about your favorite tee-shirt. Extra points if you show a pic. (We know. What can you do with freakin' extra points?)

Either this... (Available from here.)

(And no, that's not me modelling it. And mine is a lighter blue.)

Or this...

(Available from here.)

And no, I'm not on commission for those links.

3. Has anyone ever hit on you even though they knew you were taken?

I can't remember anyone ever hitting on me full stop. Hit me, yes...

4. Do you plan what to wear tomorrow?

Not usually.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Why?

OK. I just had some coffee.

Mmmmm, coffee.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's black?

My shirt.

7. Tell me about an interesting dream you remember having.

Last night I dreamt I was in a recording session with a celebrity voice (can't remember who it was) and we had one hour to record five scripts. It took about half an hour to record two, then, for some unknown dream reason, we took a 20 minute break. At which point the awful anxiety kicked in that no way would we be able to finish the rest of the scripts in the time we had left.

Have I mentioned I hate my job? Well so does my subconscious.

8. Did you or might you meet anybody new today?

Not if I can help it.

9. If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be?

Sitting out in the sunshine, reading a good book.

10. Can you think of a meme question that's never been asked?

Where have you hidden all the bodies?

11. What comes to mind when I say China?

Honestly? At risk of offending one fifth of the world's population, the very first thing that came to mind was this...



( From Bridge Of Spies)

Never underestimate the effect Carol Decker had on my adolescent brain.

12. Are you overly emotional?

No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

13. If you could listen to just one rock album (CD, vinyl or mp3) which one would you pick?

Oh, I'm sure I've answered this question before many times.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I'm a biter.

15. Do you like your car?

Not at the moment.

16. Do you like yourself?

More than most people do.

17. Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen?

Would he ask me?

18. What was the last song you listened to?

China In Your Hand! Do keep up.

19. Are (or were) your parents strict?

They didn't need to be. I had too much respect for them.

20. Have you ever wondered what attending a wild orgy (if only to watch or...) would be like?

Is there really anyone on the planet who hasn't ever wondered this? If so, I don't want to meet them. (Not to say that, having wondered it, I haven't decided it's not for me.)

21. I say cottage cheese. You say:

Yuck.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Another one I've answered before and can't be bothered to answer again. (The nicest was Nick Heyward.)

23. What was the last movie you watched at home?

Machete. Very disappointing.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

No.

25. What countries have you visited?

Greece. France. Switzerland. Germany (very briefly). I think that's all so far.

26. Have you ever made a phone call while you were drunk that you've regretted? If yes, do tell.

I once mad several drunken calls to a girl I had been going out with - but wasn't any more. Fortunately I was able to delete them from her mobile before she ever heard them. (Which may seem rather sneaky and underhand of me - but it saved us both a load of embarrassment in the long run.)

27. Where were you going the last time you were on a train?

That London.

28. Bacon or sausage?

Bacon.

29. How long have you had a cell-phone?

15 years or so. And it's the same one.

30. What other memes do you do regularly?

I don't do any memes regularly. After I've done them once, why would I do them again?

31. Who is the craziest meme host?

Whutchutalkinabout, Willis?

I suppose this is the place where I'm supposed to link back to Sunday Stealing, where I stole this particular meme from in the first place.

32. Who invented chop sticks?

What am I, wikipedia?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Louise. And the cats.

34. Are you too forgiving?

Probably.

35. When was the last time you were in love?

I still am.

36. Tell us about your best friend.

That would be Louise.

37. What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school?

Most of what I learned in high school was pretty stupid. I only wish I'd learned not to pursue a career in radio.

38. What was the last thing you cried about?

A post I've written for The Vinyl Villain which will probably go live next week. I'll try and remember to link to it then.

39. What was the last question you asked?

Why?

40. Favorite thing to do this time of the year?

Eat chocolate eggs and not go to work.

41. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?

42. How would your best friend describe you?

It'd all depend on how much I'd pissed her off that day...

43. Have you ever seen all three Twilight films?

I saw the first half of the first one and that was more than enough.

44. Ever walked into a glass door?

Probably. That sounds like the sort of doofus thing I'd do.

45. Favorite colour on that person you are attracted to?

Aquamarine.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

No.

47. What hair style (for you) would you like to see return?

The one I'm sporting.

48. What was the last CD you bought?

The Ugly People Vs The Beautiful People

49. Do looks matter to you?

Sometimes.

50. Could you ever forgive a liar?

I'd try.

51. What's the hardest bill to pay every month?

The mortgage, I guess, it being the largest.

The one I most resent paying is petrol - fuel prices being so bloody extortionate at the moment.

52. Do you like your life right now?

It could be better.

Could be a whole lot worse too.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

TV, no. Radio, yes.

54. Can you handle the truth?

Of course not, Jack.

55. Do you have good vision?

I've never needed glasses.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

Have we met?
57. How often do you talk on the phone?

As infrequently as I can manage.

58. What celeb would you like to come home to?

I wouldn't want a celebrity in my home. They're not housebroken, any of them.

59. What are you wearing?

A shirt and trousers.

60. What is your favorite wild animal?

The snow leopard.

61. Where was your facebook picture taken?

It wasn't. It was drawn. By Nige.

It's the cover to PJANG #5.

62. Can you waltz?

I'm more of a cha cha cha man.

63. Do you have a job?

Are you employed, sir?

Employed?

You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?

Is this a... what day is this?

64. What was the most recent thing you stole?

Louise's heart.

(OK, you can stop laughing now.)

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Many times. I am Spider-Man, after all...

True Grit

Well, what do you say?

It's a Coen Brothers film with Jeff Bridges. So a film by my favourite writer/directors, starring my favourite actor, who were together responsible for my all time favourite movie.

And it does exactly what it says on the poster. It's many years since I saw the John Wayne version, and the only thing I remember is "Fill your hand, you son of a bitch!" (which is present and correct). The Coens have returned to the original novel as source material, and given it a quirkiness only they could get away with. There are some wonderfully random moments that contribute very little to the main plot but do give us that "mad world" vibe the Coens play so well. The cinematography is beautiful, particularly on the opening shot, thanks to another reliable member of the Coens posse, Roger Deakins. Matt Damon proves he can play character comedy as well as he does square jawed leading man, and Bridges is... well, Bridges. The ghost of John Wayne doesn't even get a look-in.

So it's exactly the film I expected... with one exception. I'm always wary of child actors (call it the Daniel Radcliffe Is Wooden effect) so I was prepared to suck air through my teeth at the precocious kid who has to carry the majority of the True Grit plot... yet Hailee Steinfeld excels. Only 13 when she took this role, she acts the socks off most Hollywood thespians twice her age. Definitely one to watch...

Top Ten Milk Songs

I did coffee...

I did tea...

But for those of you who prefer your beverages caffeine free and full of calcium... a Top Ten Milk Songs seemed a must.

10. Eddie Cochran - Milk Cow Blues

Rock 'n' Rollers knew how to write songs about farm animals. See also the Elvis version. We need more cows in the chart these days (and no, I don't mean Lady Gaga).

9. Kelis - Milkshake

Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Haven't a clue what this means, but it does make me want to go to the yard. And I don't even like milkshakes.

This would normally be a good time to mention Flight Of The Conchords' hilarious reaction to this song... but I'm saving that for next week.

8. Garbage - Milk

You always have to wonder why Shirley Manson decided to call her band Garbage. Doesn't suggest a whole lot of confidence in the end product, does it? I still think Rubbish would have been a better name.

7. Art Brut - DC Comics And Chocolate Milk

Part of my Best DC Comics Songs post, the ironic thing being that this song is actually better than most DC comics these days.

6. Dr Feelgood - Milk & Alcohol

One of Mark Radcliffe's favourite bands. I reckon The Dude would appreciate this song too, since his beverage of choice is a White Russian.

"Hey man, there's a beverage here!"



5. Herman's Hermits - No Milk Today

Written by Graham Gouldman, who went on to form 10CC, this always reminds me of free school milk. Here's something I've probably told you before - drinking milk makes me throw up. I discovered this when I first went to school. After a couple of days trying to get me to drink my free school milk, the teacher gave it up as a bad job. When I went up to the next class a year later, I tried explaining to the new teacher that I didn't drink milk, but she wasn't for listening. She soon learned.

4. Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk

Not quite as bad for Rufus as Eddie Argos's chosen accompaniment for chocolate milk. In case you were wondering, chocolate milk makes me throw up too. And so do cigarettes.

3. Saint Etienne - Milk Bottle Symphony

Possibly Saint Etienne's greatest moment.

Oh, sod it, there's no 'possibly' about it.

2. Billy Bragg - Milkman Of Human Kindness

If you're lonely, I will call
If you're poorly, I will send poetry

If you're sleeping, I will wait
If your bed is wet, I will dry your tears

If you are falling, I'll put out my hands
If you feel bitter, I will understand

I love you
I am the milkman of human kindness
I will leave an extra pint

A bad pun has never sounded so sweet.

1. Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)

I was never really a Benny Hill fan. Even as a kid I found him a bit too silly, and I guess I was too young to appreciate the innuendo. But I do consider Ernie to be a minor work of genius: not just a spoof country and western song played for laughs, there's something genuinely moving about its tragic and spooky denouement.

Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernies ghostly goldtops a rattling in their crate?
They won't forget Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west

Have you Got Milk? What's your favourite milky milky song?