Top Ten Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune & Pluto Songs

OK, following Earth, Mars, Venus and Mercury, I struggled to make a decent Top Ten with any of the other planets in our solar system. So here's the best of the rest, with two caveats...

i) There are no decent Uranus songs. For obvious reasons. And yes, I do include 'Rocket To Uranus' by The Vengaboys when I make that statement.

ii) I know Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore by those who know far better than me. But it's still better than Uranus.



10. Grandchildren - Saturn Returns

More interesting than the R.E.M. song of (almost) the same title. I know very little about this band other than they're from Philadelphia and don't appear to be any relation to Grandaddy.

9. Stevie Wonder - Saturn

Stevie's had enough of all the bad stuff - y'know, wars, murders, people nicking your trolley when you pop to the toilet in Tesco - so he's packing his bags and moving to Saturn, the planet where people live to be 205.

8. Tori Amos - Hey Jupiter

I'm not even going to attempt to tell you what this song is about. It's far too deep for a dumb-head like me.

7. The B-52s - Hallucinating Pluto

Because I have an extremely juvenile sense of humour, I love the fact that the only things written on the youtube page for this song are...

All rights and ownership go to The B-52's.

...and...

penises

6. Train - Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)

Come on, you'd almost written Train off as a one-hit wonder, hadn't you? I quite liked their new MONSTER HIT, Drive-By, until Louise asked me, "What are you listening to - is that the Jonas Brothers?"

5. The Futureheads - Jupiter

When your life fills you with despair,
You have to believe that there’s good out there
No enemies anywhere
Then you are free

If you're quick, lads, you can share a rocket with Stevie Wonder. He's going in vaguely the same direction.

4. Super Furry Animals - (Drawing) Rings Around The World

A little bit of a cheat, but worth it. A Saturn song in all but name.

3. The Divine Comedy - Neptune's Daughter

When the last course has been consumed
They withdraw to the drawing room
Where the Schubert she plays with style
Keeps her friends happy for the while
But the memories are a burden,
So she draws back both the curtains
Stepping out into the night...

Neil Hannon: the Noel Coward of indie-pop.

2. Donovan - Jennifer Jupiter

What's that, you say? "Juniper"? Don't be daft...

1. The Inspiral Carpets - Saturn 5

Dig that funky Clint Boon organ!

An Eagle lands, and a planet full of people raises its hands
All hail the men who will walk up in heaven today

So, that's the rest of my musical solar system... which would you land on? (Uranus, anybody?)

Top Ten Witch Songs

Following on from last week's Top Ten Bitch Songs by changing just one letter in my search engine (yes, I'm that lazy) - and also in celebration of the unholy mockery that was Season Of The Witch - here are ten songs filled with hubble, bubble, toil and trouble...

10. Jeff Buckley - Witches Rave

Everyone knows the story. Jeff Buckley made one classic album, Grace, then floated away down the Mississippi River before he ever got chance to complete its follow up, My Sweetheart The Drunk. His record company, doing what record companies do best at times like this, released the unfinished sessions as a double album of incomplete "sketches". They're nowhere near as compelling as anything on Grace, but who knows - maybe they would have been.

Whoever uploaded this to youtube decided to link it to scenes from the movie Unfaithful, so you get to watch Diane Lane get it on with Olivier Martinez while you listen to Jeff's song. This may prove too much of a distraction...

9. Get Well Soon - Witches! Witches! Rest Now In Fire

Gloomy German arthouse types give great title... but slightly less memorable song.

8. Everclear - The Good Witch Of The North

An Everclear track that begins with a shag and ends with a promise. The titular witch is obviously his girlfriend... would you marry this man?

7. Eagles - Witchy Woman

A song written by Don Henley in a delirious fever dream, the witch in question apparently being F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife Zelda, "the first American flapper". (Yes, I said 'flapper'. You just read it as 'slapper'.)

6. Hefner - The Sad Witch

Her atheist tracts are certainly persuading.

...is one of those lyrics that always brings an unnecessary smile to my face. The question is, if we threw Hefner in a lake with bricks tied round their ankles, would they float or would they drown?

(No indie-folk weirdoes were hurt during the preparation of this Top Ten.)

5. Eels - Teenage Witch

Speaking of which...

If being a witch isn't bad enough, E imagines it must be even worse being a teenager as well!

Heaven can't help a teenage witch
From sinking deeper down into the ditch

4. Bloc Party - Hunting For Witches

The witchhunt here is the media-fuelled hysteria created after 9/11 and the subsequent terrorist attacks on the London Underground. Those wacky, fun-lovin' Bloc Party lads.

3. Edwyn Collins - The Witch Queen Of New Orleans

Originally recorded by Redbone in the 70s, there's just something about the Edwyn Collins version that tips it over the edge. Great strings, and Collins' voice has never been richer. Curiously, he also does an inspired cover of our next track too... though sadly I can't find either of them on youtube.

2. Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft

Written and released in 1957. It's easy to think of Sinatra as being a big musical force in only the 40s and early 50s, disappearing off the scene once his nemesis, rock 'n' roll, arrived on the scene. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a classic, whatever the era.

1. Donovan - Season Of The Witch

The film may have been a crock, but Donovan's 60s hit steals the broomstick from all other contenders. It's also the only truly spooky song on the list.



So... who did I forget? Or, as Scooby Doo would have it... which witch is WITCH?