Colin

This is Colin. Colin joins us for breakfast most mornings just after 6am. He climbs up the bird-feeder, eats a few pawfuls of seeds as an aperitif, then sits back and pulls the nut-feeder towards him for the main course. He chews the nuts through the wire squares till they're small enough to fit through the gaps into his mouth. Occasionally a magpie or wood pigeon will try to scare him off, but Colin has no time for stoopid birds. He's a squirrel with a mission. When he's had his fill, he slides back down the bat pole and disappears off into the woods. It's the same story almost every weekday... but on Saturdays, Colin has a lie in. He doesn't arrive for breakfast until after 9am. Lazy little bugger!

Clarence

When the change was made uptown
And the big man joined the band
From the coastline to the city
All the little pretties raise their hands

It's a much maligned instrument, the saxophone. Too often, especially in the 80s, it was used to add a noodling jazz instrumental break to ramp up the "class" on a soul or AOR hit. Many people, when they think of the sax, think of Careless Whisper, the intro to Baker Street (by Not-Bob-Holness), Zoot from the Muppet Show... or John Thompson's Jazz Club "nice".

Clarence Clemons played a different instrument entirely. In his hands, the saxophone was a weapon. It was a siren. It a scream of rage and triumph, of desperation and joy. That sax was crucial to the sound, and the success, of the E Street Band, and they'll never sound the same without him.

Rest easy, big man. Thanks for the music.

5-IN-1 MINI REVIEWS (PART-6)

UNKNOWN (2011) - I AM NUMBER FOUR (2011) - BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011) - THE LINCOLN LAWYER (2011) - PAUL (2011)



BATTLE: LOS ANGELES (2011)

MyRating: YY1/2

Director: Jonathan Liebesman
Cast: Aaron Eckhart, Ramon Rodriguez, Michelle Rodriguez, Ne-Yo, Bridget Moynahan, Michael Pena
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for sustained and intense sequences of war violence and destruction, and for language

Our world is being invaded by aliens when thousands of meteors suddenly crash into the Earth's oceans. The meteors turn out to be extraterrestrial spacecrafts and they start to destroy and kill everyone in sight. In the middle of the chaos, a platoon of U.S. Marines in Los Angeles is assigned on a mission to rescue some civilians trapped inside a police station. But they have to finish the mission fast within three hours and get out, before the U.S. Air Force bombs the territory. As the soldiers step into the alien hunting ground on their mission, they are being ambushed mercilessly by the alien forces. And that hunting ground soon will become their burial ground.

A promising and intriguing premise is not enough without a proper script and execution, and this movie was the prove. Despite quite good special effects, this movie ends up to become an average sci-fi movie. A plain and sour one, despite the noisiness that this movie created with men shot aliens and aliens shot men back, and machine guns bombarding in the background and men shouting all over the place, orchestrated the hell out of a fight, in a big mess. As soon as the movie began, it battled till the end. But without a proper story, the movie was just not engaging and involving enough, and the not enough character developments made the audience didn't care much on who will die. It was also difficult to differentiate one soldier from another, as there were many characters involved but all just look the same in the battle. They died before we even got to know them better, or maybe we confused on who actually has just died. The aliens themselves were not more than war machines and robots. It's like Terminator Salvation meets Black Hawk Down. This is not a totally bad and unwatchable movie, as we may still enjoy the battle and the messy fights. For me, it was just not memorable. Next time when aliens plan to attack our world again, remember to tell them that 'all actions and no story' is never enough. (MJ)

I AM NUMBER FOUR (2011)


MyRating: YYY

Director: D.J. Caruso
Cast: Alex Pettyfer, Timothy Olyphant, Teresa Palmer, Dianna Agron, Callan McAuliffe, Kevin Durand, Jake Abel
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and for language

A movie based on the novel written by Jobie Hughes and James Fre with the same title, about John Smith (Alex Pettyfer), a teenage boy came from planet Lorien, who finds himself next in line to be killed, after three of his kinds were being murdered by the enemies who hunt them since they were toddlers. He is Number Four. Living in runaway all his life with his guardian Henri (Timothy Olyphant), they move from one town to another and changing their identities each time. When they move to a small town in Ohio, John feels that it's time to settle down as he falls in love with Sarah (Dianna Agron). But it's just only a matter of time before his ruthless enemies will track him down to his latest place. Before that happens, he has to decide whether he has to run again or stay, while he has to sharpen his powerful new abilities. And when he meets with Number Six (Teresa Palmer), John realizes that they have bigger chance to stay alive by joining force together.

A fun enough teen action sci-fi movie. It has a decent script to back the story, while the action sequences were quite cool, especially the final battle between Number Four, Number Six and the Mogadorians. Watching these super teenage fighting while launching lights from his hands to attack the enemies can turn out to be enjoyable to watch. There was also beast versus beast scene, it may look clumsy, some may feel ridiculous, but it was there as the part of the thin-paper light story. For teenage girls, Alex Pettyfer maybe hot, but for guys, there were the very beautiful and refreshing Dianna Agron (the girl from Glee) and Teresa Palmer. Don't take this movie too seriously (it was not a material to be praised out loud, but at the same time easy to mock). I was just having some good time and I don't think the story was bad. Don't mind at all if they continue the story. (MJ)

UNKNOWN (2011)

MyRating: YYYY

Director: Jaume Collet-Serra
Cast: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones, Aidan Quinn, Bruno Ganz, Frank Langella
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of violence and action, and brief sexual content

Dr. Martin Harris (Liam Neeson) wakes up from a coma after an accident in Berlin, only to find out that his identity has been stolen by another man. No one recognizes him, including his beautiful wife (January Jones). Desperately wants to prove that he is 'him' and he is not insane, Martin suddenly finds himself becoming a target of some people who want to kill him. Trying to stay alive, and with the help of a woman (Diane Kruger), the only person who seems to trust him, he slowly discovers that there is even a major grand plan behind his amnesia and loss of identity. But why him?

Neeson is back with another action thriller after the successful Taken (2008), and this is another good one. A suspenseful movie with an interesting mystery and intrigue, as we also tried to guess and find out what was actually happening to him. A good portion of actions add up to the good thriller. Neeson was great and he looked comfortable in this kind of role. And don't mess with him, even when he is having an amnesia. He was tough, resourceful in critical situations, and he definitely kicked asses. The story gave a twist at the end, not totally unpredictable, but it was a good one. The movie may not be totally plausible, but it was a good fun and entertaining that will keep you on your seat. (MJ)

PAUL (2011)

MyRating: YYY

Director: Greg Mottola

Cast: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Seth Rogen (voice of Paul), Kristen Wiig, Jason Bateman, Bill Hader, Joe Lo Truglio, Jane Lynch, Sigourney Weaver, Blythe Danner
MPAA: Rated R for language including sexual references, and some drug use

The dynamic duo is back. After horror (Shaun of the Dead, 2004) and action (Hot Fuzz, 2007), this time these two funny men, Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, took the sci-fi genre in a comedic way (like their first two movies), as they have to bring Paul (voiced by Seth Rogen), an alien who has stuck on earth for more than 60 years, back to his mother ship. As two English comic book and sci-fi nerds, Graeme Willy (Pegg) and Clive Gollings (Frost), taking a road trip in their rented RV to America, their close encounter with Paul also has crashed their world with unbelievable and crazy adventure, as not only they now know that the extraterrestrials do exist, but the alien also causes them to be chased by FBI agents and a religiously fanatic father of a young woman that they accidentally kidnap.

A decent film by Pegg & Frost (who also wrote the script), but the humors were inferior as compare to their first two movies. The absent of Edgar Wright in the chair of director as well as the co-writer proved that the movie, even though starred by the same guys, was not the same without him. Something is missing. If Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz made me laugh hilariously, I hardly laughed or find something very funny to be laughed in this movie. The script and the dialogues were just not as funny, especially if you have high hopes to laugh as much as their two earlier movies. I tell you, it will not. But I think both Simon Pegg and Nick Frost appeared well in their ignorant trademark. They are funny and the ones who made this movie still worked (maybe one, no, two of the funniest comedians nowadays), they were just not very supported by their own script to make continuous laugh bombs. This made the movie fall short as a completely satisfying comedy, but it still has its funny moments. And despite the high expectations, the story was actually quite enjoyable. I like the second half better than the first half (the second half was also funnier), when it gets to the chase scenes and I started to accept that this movie was not in the same aura with the first two. The movie was closed with a cliche, but still a good enough ending. Now, what made me like still this movie despite the below expectation that I got? Pegg & Frost. (MJ)

THE LINCOLN LAWYER (2011)

MyRating: YYY1/2

Director: Brad Furman

Cast: Matthew McConaughey, Marisa Tomei, Ryan Phillippe, William H. Macy, Josh Lucas, John Leguizamo, Michael Pena
MPAA: Rated R for some violence, sexual content and language

Matthew McConaughey is back in his top form in this crime thriller, adapted from Michael Connelly's best selling novel, about Mickey Haller (McC), a slick and successful criminal defense lawyer operates around Los Angeles in a Lincoln Town Car, who receives a case to defend Louis Roulet (Ryan Phillippe), a son of a wealthy and powerful real estate mogul, accused of brutally beating and raping a prostitute. As Haller studies the evidence against his client, he finds out that the case may not be as simple as it seems. And when he further investigates the case as his ethical conscience being knocked, he discovers that his actions may just put him and his family in great danger.

McConaughey was the real charmer here. He was terrific and convincing as the smart and cocky lawyer, who puts 'right' and 'wrong' next to each other in a very thin line. He shined and sparked on screen with his fun to watch acting. He is indeed a good actor and this is one of his best performances, after straying away for so long in many roles that did not really bounce his career into the next level. Another good performance surprisingly came from Ryan Phillippe as the innocent client, who also pulled his role out in a good way. The script was well written and executed, even though I have to say that it was not exactly perfect and there were times when the story slightly lose its focus. But overall, a good and satisfying court room thriller with a performance to be remembered. (MJ)

MYMOVIE CRITIC - REVIEWING MOVIES FROM THE AUDIENCE'S STANDPOINT

The local nutter thinks I'm sleeping with his girlfriend...

...or his ex-girlfriend, to be precise.

So a couple of weeks back, just after we returned from our holiday in Kefalonia, we were sat watching TV just before 10pm on Sunday night when the nutter walked past our window. The path on the front of our terrace is used for access only through the front gardens of the five houses on our row. It doesn't go anywhere else and the only person who uses it, apart from our neighbours (very occasionally), is the postman. So when we see a shuffling loon go by during Cranford (not that either of us watch Cranford, or would be aware if it was actually on that night) our suspicions are naturally raised.

Next thing we know, he's knocking on the door. Or hammering might be the more accurate term. I go to greet him with a smile...

"Can I help you?"

"Is your dad in?"

"No, sorry, I think you've got the wrong house. My dad doesn't live here, he lives over in Slawit."

But that isn't enough to satisfy the nutter. The nutter is insistent.

"Older bloke, dark curly hair, I saw him here last week."

"OK. 1) Yes, my dad's older than me, well done. 2) He hardly has any hair, he's in his 80s and balding. 3) You didn't see him here last week. You didn't see anybody here last week because we've just got back from our holidays."

"Are you sure it wasn't you?"

You can ask your own questions about this particular switch in tactics. Either he's looking someone older than me with curly hair you're looking for... or it's me. If he doesn't even know that...! And secondly, "who the hell are you and why do you think I have to answer your questions anyway, you overly aggressive simpleton?"

This conversation may have continued indefinitely ("Was it Harrison Ford?" "Are you sure it wasn't a gorilla?" "I definitely met Fidel Castro, here, in this house, last Thursday night at 9 and we played draughts. He won me two nil." etc...) but then Louise appeared and told the nutter, "thank you, goodnight" and slammed the door on his stupid face. The nutter eventually buggered off, and we hoped we'd seen the last of him.

Wednesday evening this week, he was back. He walked past our front window again, on his mobile phone, staring in at us. He didn't knock on the door this time, but a couple of minutes later he came back the other way. Then he disappeared...

...until the following morning. I'd already left for work when, at about 8am, he came knocking again. Turns out he'd been waiting outside since 6am - waiting for me to leave - so that he could confront Louise on her own... and tell her...

"I thought you should know. Your partner's sleeping with my ex-girlfriend."

Louise tried her best to explain that this was highly unlikely since I rarely leave the house except to go to work, but the nutter had been doing his detective work and put together an air-tight case.

"My mate told me he lives on this road, he's got dark curly hair, he goes walking his dog up past my ex's place all the time, he drives a black Fiat, and he works just behind the school."

Oh, well, in the face of such incontrovertible evidence, I give up. It's a fair cop. Sorry, Louise it must have been me all along. Wait... hang on a minute!

Furious by now, Louise went to great pains to point out that a) my hair isn't curly, it's quiffed; b) we don't have a dog, we have three cats; c) I don't drive a black Fiat, I drive a silver Toyota; and d) I work in Bradford - 20 miles away from "behind the school"!

Eventually the nutter went away and Louise called the police. As he'd been kind enough to leave his name, she passed that on. Apparently he's "known to them", though they wouldn't elaborate on what that actually meant.

Now I've written this up in quite a light-hearted fashion but I'm actually quite angry. No, scratch that, I'm furious. I'm just hoping this is the end of it and the last we'll see of him.

I'll keep you informed...

WHAT WOMEN WANT (WO ZHI NU REN XIN) (2011)

MyRating: YYY

Director: Chen Daming
Cast: Andy Lau, Gong Li, Yuan Li, Benny Chan, Li Chengru, Russell Wong

A Chinese remake of the American romantic comedy with the same title starring Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt in the year 2000. This movie marked the first ever collaboration between the two Chinese superstars, Andy Lau and Gong Li, who appeared as a dream pairing cast together.

Sun Zigang (Andy Lau) is a chauvinistic creative director of an advertising company in Beijing, who likes to be the center of attentions of women, an expert in seducing females with his sweet mouth and charming personality, and eventually brings them to bed. However, deep down inside he doesn't really understand how women feel and what they want. When his company hiring another creative director, a talented executive woman named Li Yilong (Gong Li), in order to aim and sell more to female market, Zigang feels threaten as he gets himself a real competitor.

Doesn't want to lose his superiority to a woman, Zigang knows he has to prove himself, as well as to make the new comer quit the company as soon as possible. But one weird accident changes everything, as he suddenly has the ability to listen to all the thoughts and self talks from all women. Feeling like a curse at the beginning, Zigang quickly learns how to use his new gift for his benefits, as now he can know women's opinions and desires from listening to their thoughts, including stealing the advertising campaign ideas from Yilong and makes them his own. From disliking each other at first, Zigang slowly falls for his rival as they come to know one another, and he realizes that what he has done is not respectable and fair to Yilong, that he may need to do something to change the situation.

This remake has almost all the same plots and story with the original, with only some small adjustments. As I watched it, the scene that I waited to see was how the accident happened, as that was also the scene I remember the most from the original movie, when Mel Gibson fell in the bathroom and got electrified. And when Andy Lau finally fell, hah... it's happening! But despite all the similarity, in which it was obvious that the writer did not feel the need to creatively change the story and plots, I still think it was a decent remake.

What made the movie worked the most was actually the two main stars, Andy Lau and Gong Li, who made perfect leads in this movie. They were the reason why I watched this movie at the first place. Andy Lau was charismatic and charming as always. He played his character well and his acting was fun to watch. While Gong Li was attractive and fine in her role as the executive woman. Together, these two veteran actors sparked the screen and made the movie worth watching, definitely not in a heavy tone, but in an enjoyable way. Overall, a good movie for me to have fun and romantic time, a bit overlong, but I was entertained. Andy Lau sang an English soundtrack titled "Slip Away", a nice song, where he sang the song in the stage for Gong Li in one romantic moment in the middle of the movie. He's always my favorite actor. (MJ)

Original Sound Track: "Slip Away" by Andy Lau.
(Open the song with right-click to stay in this page)

Top Twenty Chicken Songs

I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight, chicken tonight...

20. Spitting Image - The Chicken Song

Gotta kick off with the obvious one. To 14 year old Rol, the Spitting Image Chicken Song was the height of hilarity. There's a certain irony that a sketch spoofing dreadful summer novelty records could spawn a Number One hit.

Put a deckchair up your nose...

(From 'Spit In Your Ear'.)

19. The Cramps - Chicken

You know I'm quickin' when I'm pickin' all the chicken

Greasy swamp rock of the highest calibre.

(From 'A Date With Elvis'.)

18. Paul Heaton - Little Red Rooster

Not to be confused with a certain other small crimson cockerel we'll meet further down the list...

(From 'The Cross Eyed Rambler'.)

17. Soho - Hippy Chick

Weird indie-dance hybrid from the early 90s which had the temerity to sample Johnny Marr's incredible guitar sound from How Soon Is Now. I hated it at the time, but find it weirdly nostalgic now.

(From 'Goddess'.)

16. The Moldy Peaches - Steak For Chicken

Humorous - if explicit - lyrics from Kimya Dawson and Adam Green (who we'll get back to shortly).

(From 'The Moldy Peaches'.)

15. Paul Weller - Peacock Suit

Not strictly a chicken, but one of Weller's better post-Jam sandwiches, so we'll let it sneak in the back of the henhouse.

(From 'Modern Classics - The Greatest Hits'.)

14. An April March - Chick Habit

60s curio revived by Quentin Tarantino for the movie Death Proof. Be cool.

(From 'Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof OST'.)

13. John Cooper Clarke - Evidently Chickentown

Punk poetry that elevates the use of the f-word to an art form. Or the word "bloody" if you hunt down the censored 12a version which appears to be polluting youtube.

(From 'Word Of Mouth - The Very Best Of John Cooper Clarke'.)

12. Evelyn Evelyn - Chicken Man

Surreal Vaudevillian romp from the conjoined Evelyn sisters (or Jason Webley and Amanda Palmer).

(From 'Evelyn Evelyn'.)

11. Monkey Swallows The Universe - Chicken Fat Waltz

Tragically short-lived folk-pop combo from Sheffield drop this tender ode to shyness...

I time my day and plan my route for a glimpse of your shoes
But I do not see if you see me
I stare at the floor as you move through the door


And on my way each day I think of all the things I could say
To make you see how nice I can be
But then you come my way and I’ve nothing to say


And you could have anyone, anyone, honey
You’ll probably have everyone, everyone, honey
While I dream of only one, only one, only one

(From 'The Casket Letters'.)

10. Supergrass - Mansize Rooster

In which the three cheeky chimps from Oxford climb into a bathtub together, naked. Bet they hated the director of that video.

(From 'I Should Coco'.)

9. Adam Green - Choke On A Cock

Watching Springwatch this week, seeing all those little chicks with their mouths open wide, waiting for mum to bring them food... which, in many case, turns out to be the chicks of smaller birds further down the food chain... I started to wonder if that's what inspired this particular number from Adam Green.

Hmmm... perhaps not. Still, it does give me an excuse to plug this tasty variety of soup, available now from your local Asda.

No, I wasn't paid for promoting that.

(From 'Gemstones'.)

8. Rufus Thomas - Do The Funky Chicken

Did Rufus Thomas look back on his career and regret that the song he became most famous for involved a funky chicken? Or that he helped inspire the Goodies...?

Considering his other hits included Walking The Dog, Can Your Monkey Do The Dog? and Do The Funky Penguin... probably not.

(From 'The Very Best Of Rufus Thomas'.)

7. Mansun - Take It Easy, Chicken

Their debut single, from 1996, featuring the kind of lyrics you imagine David Bowie snipping out of a newspaper and patching together with Pritt Stick.

(From 'Legacy: The Best Of Mansun'.)

6. Magnetic Fields - A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

Well my heart's runnin' round like a chicken with its head cut off
All around the barn yard falling in and out of love
Poor thing's blind as a bat
Gettin' up, fallin' down, gettin' up
Who'd fall in love with a chicken with its head cut off?

Also contains the sung refrain "woah, nelly!" which only Stephin Merrit (or maybe Neil Hannon) could pull off.

(From the excellent '69 Love Songs'.)

5. Louis Jordan & His Timpany Five - There Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens

Originally recorded in 1946 and still causing a commotion in the chicken coop today.

(From 'The Best of Louis Jordan'.)

4. Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster - Chicken

The video involves the band being strung up on meathooks by a bunch of chicken-plucking rednecks straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre...

...which might explain why we've heard little from the Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster since.

(From 'Horse Of The Dog'.)

3. The Bees - Chicken Payback

The Bees' greatest moment. Despite google throwing up "The Bees Chicken Payback Lyrics Meaning" as a search suggestion, the internet was unable to tell me (a) what the heck this song is about or (b) what the heck the Bees were on when they recorded it.

(From 'Free the Bees'.)

2. The Rolling Stones - Little Red Rooster

Originally recorded by Howling Wolf in 1961, though it traces its roots back to the 20s and 30s. Sam Cooke also does an excellent version, but Mick's cocky, sleazy interpretation is probably most famous.

(From 'The Rolling Stones Singles Collection - The London Years'.)

1. John Grant - Chicken Bones

From one of the best albums of last year (its absence from my own Best of 2010 list can only be explained by the fact that I didn't hear it till 2011). The video features a down-at-heel superhero turning to the dark side. Worth a click if you have a spare five minutes, this is a great song to sing along to if you're having one of those days...



(From 'Queen Of Denmark'.)

Dare you suggest a favourite... or a noteworthy omission... OR... are you chicken?

Sex, Drugs & Cocoa Puffs

I've written many times about my admiration of Chuck Klosterman. Just click on his name in the labels below and you'll be taken to all manner of Klostermanny posts. I like his writing because he doesn't always toe the self-consciously cool line, he encourages his readers to look at the world from different perspectives, and while I don't always agree with everything he writes, I rarely object to it... because he makes me think.

Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifestois another amusing, provocative collection of Klosterman articles, and as long as I skipped the chapters on sport, I found it damned near unputdownable.

Here's a few extracts to give you a flavour...


On why some women of a certain age all want their man to measure up to John Cusack in Say Anything...

"We all convince ourselves of things like this - not necessarily about Say Anything, but about any fictionalized portrayals of romance that happen to hit us in the right place, at the right time. This is why I will never be completely satisfied by a woman, and this is why the kind of woman I tend to find attractive will never be satisfied by me. We will both measure our relationship against the prospect of fake love."

On why we shouldn't hate the Star Wars prequels...

"When Episode I - The Phantom Menace came out in 1999, all the adults who waited in line for 72 hours to buy opening night tickets were profoundly upset at the inclusion of Jar Jar Binks. "He's annoying," they said. Well, how annoying would R2D2 have seemed if you hadn't been in the third grade? Viewed objectively, R2D2 is like a dwarf holding a Simon."

On Chuck's obsession with serial killers...

"My fourth-grade teacher told our class we should never hitchhike, because the only people who picked up hitchhikers were perverted serial killers. This advice was complicated by what my fifth grade teacher told us the following year, that we would all have driver's licenses in a few years, and the one rule we always need to remember was never to pick up hitchhikers. This was because all hitchhikers were serial killers. According to what I learned in public school, every person on every freeway was trolling for destruction."

On the moral quandaries that arise as a result of finding himself physically attracted to Pamela Anderson...

"Answer this question. Let's say you were given two options: You can either (a) have sex with the world's most attractive person, but you can tell no one and no one will ever know, or (b) you can walk through life with that person hand-in-hand, creating the illusion that this individual is your lover - even though you will never so much as kiss. Which would you pick?"

His argument on the latter, if you're interested, is that most people would choose the first option instinctively but given a little more thought might decide the second was preferable. I'm not sure I agree. What do you think?