Top Ten Space Alien Songs

I know, I promised you my Top Ten Astronaut songs this week... but with the release of Prometheus, this one seemed too good an opportunity to miss.

This Top Ten is also dedicated to the late Ray Bradbury, one of my favourite authors. Something Wicked This Way Comes is among the greatest novels ever written.



10. Arctic Monkeys - Space Invaders

A Monkeys rarity. Can't remember where it came from. It's an Unidentified Playing Object.

9. Magnetic Fields - Alien Being

You talk a lot about nothing at all
Watch TV shows about nothing at all
Think a lot about nothing at all
Listen to songs about nothing at all

You write the laws about nothing at all
Make 3D films about nothing at all
Stage happenings about nothing at all
Sound and light shows about nothing at all

You complain about nothing at all
Go insane about nothing at all

You have no feelings
I think you are an alien being

8. Neil Hannon - Aliens

Another rarity: it's not often you hear Neil Hannon releasing a song under his real name. This was part of an Oxfam charity album called The Cake Sale. It's really quite lovely.

7. Dweeb - Chart Raider Space Invader

Dweeb were a late 90s indie band who sounded quite a lot like Ash and had most success with their excellent single Scooby Doo. This was their debut record... good luck in tracking it down!

6. Soko - I Thought I Was An Alien

Kind of a French Bjork, Soko transfixed me a couple of years back with her superb stalker anthem I'll Kill Her. Apparently she hates it now she's grown up a bit. Because I haven't grown up, I still love it. I Thought I Was An Alien is the title track of her latest album.

5. Dan Bern - Talkin' Alien Abduction Blues

In which Dan Bern gets abducted by aliens who strap him down, stick a probe up his nose... and start critiquing his songwriting.

Then they waved this wand around my head
Said, "Now we're reading your thoughts, you see
You got an awful lot of songs in there
Though it seems they're all in the key of G"

I said "What about Marilyn? That's in D"
They said "D flat, actually"
I said, "Yeah, because I tune it down a half step
What about Hannibal?"
They said "What about Hannibal?"
I said "Well, technically, it's in G
But it's really a dropped D tuning capo'd up"

They said "How come you don't play the harmonica more?"
I said "How come I'm in a space ship
Talking to aliens about my act?"
They said, "We'd rather talk physics
But you're illiterate there"

Couldn't argue.

4. Fountains Of Wayne - I Want An Alien For Christmas

Top of the FOWs Xmas list: a little green guy about three feet high with 17 eyes who knows how to fly. Who wouldn't want one?

3. David Bowie - Starman / Loving The Alien

Can you believe it's 40 years since the release of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars? I could easily have filled a Top Ten just from the Bowie back catalogue, but Starman is undoubtedly his greatest alien moment (and not just because it gave its name to the John Carpenter / Jeff Bridges movie). Loving The Alien can't compete, but it does feature one of crazy Davey's maddest videos.

2. Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien

Like Bowie, Thom Yorke could easily have fallen to earth with a bump. Could this be his most autobiographical song?

I wish that they'd swoop down, in a country lane
Late at night when I'm driving
Take me on board their beautiful ship, show me the world as I'd love to see it
I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me
They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely
I'd show them the stars, and the meaning of life
They'd shut me away, but I'd be alright
Alright

1. The Carpenters - Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Crafts (The Recognized Anthem of World Contact Day)

Originally recorded by Klaatu, who score an extra point for naming themselves after the alien hero of The Day The Earth Stood Still... but it's Karen Carpenter's version I consider definitive.



Those were my favourite alien anthems... but which one will you take to your leader?

Top Twenty Chicken Songs

I feel like chicken tonight, chicken tonight, chicken tonight...

20. Spitting Image - The Chicken Song

Gotta kick off with the obvious one. To 14 year old Rol, the Spitting Image Chicken Song was the height of hilarity. There's a certain irony that a sketch spoofing dreadful summer novelty records could spawn a Number One hit.

Put a deckchair up your nose...

(From 'Spit In Your Ear'.)

19. The Cramps - Chicken

You know I'm quickin' when I'm pickin' all the chicken

Greasy swamp rock of the highest calibre.

(From 'A Date With Elvis'.)

18. Paul Heaton - Little Red Rooster

Not to be confused with a certain other small crimson cockerel we'll meet further down the list...

(From 'The Cross Eyed Rambler'.)

17. Soho - Hippy Chick

Weird indie-dance hybrid from the early 90s which had the temerity to sample Johnny Marr's incredible guitar sound from How Soon Is Now. I hated it at the time, but find it weirdly nostalgic now.

(From 'Goddess'.)

16. The Moldy Peaches - Steak For Chicken

Humorous - if explicit - lyrics from Kimya Dawson and Adam Green (who we'll get back to shortly).

(From 'The Moldy Peaches'.)

15. Paul Weller - Peacock Suit

Not strictly a chicken, but one of Weller's better post-Jam sandwiches, so we'll let it sneak in the back of the henhouse.

(From 'Modern Classics - The Greatest Hits'.)

14. An April March - Chick Habit

60s curio revived by Quentin Tarantino for the movie Death Proof. Be cool.

(From 'Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof OST'.)

13. John Cooper Clarke - Evidently Chickentown

Punk poetry that elevates the use of the f-word to an art form. Or the word "bloody" if you hunt down the censored 12a version which appears to be polluting youtube.

(From 'Word Of Mouth - The Very Best Of John Cooper Clarke'.)

12. Evelyn Evelyn - Chicken Man

Surreal Vaudevillian romp from the conjoined Evelyn sisters (or Jason Webley and Amanda Palmer).

(From 'Evelyn Evelyn'.)

11. Monkey Swallows The Universe - Chicken Fat Waltz

Tragically short-lived folk-pop combo from Sheffield drop this tender ode to shyness...

I time my day and plan my route for a glimpse of your shoes
But I do not see if you see me
I stare at the floor as you move through the door


And on my way each day I think of all the things I could say
To make you see how nice I can be
But then you come my way and I’ve nothing to say


And you could have anyone, anyone, honey
You’ll probably have everyone, everyone, honey
While I dream of only one, only one, only one

(From 'The Casket Letters'.)

10. Supergrass - Mansize Rooster

In which the three cheeky chimps from Oxford climb into a bathtub together, naked. Bet they hated the director of that video.

(From 'I Should Coco'.)

9. Adam Green - Choke On A Cock

Watching Springwatch this week, seeing all those little chicks with their mouths open wide, waiting for mum to bring them food... which, in many case, turns out to be the chicks of smaller birds further down the food chain... I started to wonder if that's what inspired this particular number from Adam Green.

Hmmm... perhaps not. Still, it does give me an excuse to plug this tasty variety of soup, available now from your local Asda.

No, I wasn't paid for promoting that.

(From 'Gemstones'.)

8. Rufus Thomas - Do The Funky Chicken

Did Rufus Thomas look back on his career and regret that the song he became most famous for involved a funky chicken? Or that he helped inspire the Goodies...?

Considering his other hits included Walking The Dog, Can Your Monkey Do The Dog? and Do The Funky Penguin... probably not.

(From 'The Very Best Of Rufus Thomas'.)

7. Mansun - Take It Easy, Chicken

Their debut single, from 1996, featuring the kind of lyrics you imagine David Bowie snipping out of a newspaper and patching together with Pritt Stick.

(From 'Legacy: The Best Of Mansun'.)

6. Magnetic Fields - A Chicken With Its Head Cut Off

Well my heart's runnin' round like a chicken with its head cut off
All around the barn yard falling in and out of love
Poor thing's blind as a bat
Gettin' up, fallin' down, gettin' up
Who'd fall in love with a chicken with its head cut off?

Also contains the sung refrain "woah, nelly!" which only Stephin Merrit (or maybe Neil Hannon) could pull off.

(From the excellent '69 Love Songs'.)

5. Louis Jordan & His Timpany Five - There Ain't Nobody Here But Us Chickens

Originally recorded in 1946 and still causing a commotion in the chicken coop today.

(From 'The Best of Louis Jordan'.)

4. Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster - Chicken

The video involves the band being strung up on meathooks by a bunch of chicken-plucking rednecks straight out of Texas Chainsaw Massacre...

...which might explain why we've heard little from the Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster since.

(From 'Horse Of The Dog'.)

3. The Bees - Chicken Payback

The Bees' greatest moment. Despite google throwing up "The Bees Chicken Payback Lyrics Meaning" as a search suggestion, the internet was unable to tell me (a) what the heck this song is about or (b) what the heck the Bees were on when they recorded it.

(From 'Free the Bees'.)

2. The Rolling Stones - Little Red Rooster

Originally recorded by Howling Wolf in 1961, though it traces its roots back to the 20s and 30s. Sam Cooke also does an excellent version, but Mick's cocky, sleazy interpretation is probably most famous.

(From 'The Rolling Stones Singles Collection - The London Years'.)

1. John Grant - Chicken Bones

From one of the best albums of last year (its absence from my own Best of 2010 list can only be explained by the fact that I didn't hear it till 2011). The video features a down-at-heel superhero turning to the dark side. Worth a click if you have a spare five minutes, this is a great song to sing along to if you're having one of those days...



(From 'Queen Of Denmark'.)

Dare you suggest a favourite... or a noteworthy omission... OR... are you chicken?

Top Twenty Crazy Songs

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy songs...

20. Slade - Mama We're All Crazee Now

Slade almost missed out on this list altogether due to Noddy's crazy spelling.

19. Super Furry Animals - Crazy Naked Girls

I include this purely because I know it'll double the number of hits this post gets. And not from SFA fans...

18. Huey Lewis & The News - Gimme The Keys (And I'll Drive You Crazy)

After releasing one of the biggest albums of the 80s, Huey and the gang came back with one of the cheesiest. It bombed. Still, you've got to love a video as bad as this.

17. Eminem - My Dad's Gone Crazy

Haillie Jade has just realised her dad is nuts. Took her long enough. But just how nuts...?

Cuz when I speak, it's tongue in cheek
I'd yank my fuckin teeth before 'd ever bite my tongue
I'd slice my gums, get struck by fuckin' lightning twice at once
And die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son

That nuts.

16. Aerosmith - Crazy

In which Steven Tyler gets his daughter Liv, and one of her sexy model friends, to dance around in and out of their school uniforms to sell his records. Which must be kind of the LA rockstar equivalent of sending your kid up the chimney. Crazy.

15. Dr Feelgood - Crazy About Girls

I remember a time when I was crazy about girls...

14. Hot Chocolate - Girl Crazy

...and so does Errol Brown.

13. James - Crazy

Tim Booth isn't crazy - he's just laughing at himself.

12. Guns n Roses - You're Crazy

Axl doesn't just think you're crazy, he thinks you're fucking crazy. It amuses me how many people on youtube dedicate this to their ex-girlfriend... and to Charlie Sheen.

11. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

Before he found solo fame singing "fuck you and fuck her too" to everyone who dissed or dumped him in high school, Cee Lo Green was crazy too.

10. Madonna - Crazy For You

This reminds me of being a teenager in love. I can't even remember who the girl was, but I was ridiculously smitten and certain that if I got her on her own and played her this song she'd reveal her mutual desire. Did it ever happen? What do you think...?

"From the motion picture Vision Quest".

You know - Vision Quest!

No, me neither.

9. Queen - Stone Cold Crazy

One from my youth. Freddie dreaming he's Al Capone. Exhibit A in the case against anyone who believes Queen didn't ROCK.

EDIT: Oh, and I just rememembered Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Why the heck did my computer not suggest that? Has it deleted it? Bugger!

8. Prince - Let's Go Crazy

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look for the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

Dear old Prince. He didn't have very far to go.

7. The Osmonds - Crazy Horses

The Osmonds got so pissed off about the exhaust fumes from their neighbour's car that they abandoned their traditional boy band shtick and went all heavy rawk... with pleasingly mental results.

Apparently Westlife covered this in 2003. Thankfully I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour.

6. Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy

Whatever happened to Roland Gift?

5. Magnetic Fields - Crazy For You (But Not That Crazy)

You know how Meat Loaf would do anything for love but not that...?

Stephin Merrit has similar issues.

I treated you like radium. I treated you like God.
You were my glass menagerie, did you not find that odd?
I dwelt within and went without and broke my virgin flesh.
I performed acts of devotion as if you were Ganesh, but now
I'm crazy for you but not that crazy.

4. Paul Simon - Still Crazy After All These Years

Sometimes a lyricist writes straight from my heart...

I'm not the kind of man
Who tends to socialize
I seem to lean on
Old familiar ways
And I ain't no fool for love songs
That whisper in my ears
Still crazy after all these years

See also Crazy Love Volume II, from Graceland.

3. Patsy Cline - Crazy

Strictly speaking, this is probably the best song on the list. It should by all rights be Number One. But there's two songs in my collection that, while not quite so classic, mean just a little more to me...

2. Kiss - Crazy Crazy Nights

I've been listening to the Kiss Greatest Hits CD recently. It was suprisingly amazing. I know, you won't believe me.

This was their first big UK hit, though in the States I guess it was considered their comeback. We missed out on the ridiculous furore first time round. I was 15 when I first heard this. No further explanation is necessary.

1. Robbie Robertson - Somewhere Down The Crazy River

And then, one year later, I heard this. Until then I thought Robbie Robertson was just J. Jonah Jameson's stressed out city editor. I'd never heard anything by The Band... and I'd never heard anything quite like this. Legend has it that producer Daniel Lanois created this track by secretly recording Robbie talking about growing up in Arkansas. (I'm not sure I believe that.) It's spoken word, gravelly voiced magic that paints wonderfully vivid pictures and sounds more like an excerpt from a movie soundtrack than a chart hit. And yet somehow it ended up getting played on the radio and made it to number 15 in the charts. There's no way anything like that would happen today and our charts are much worse for it. This remains one of the most atmospheric singles I've ever bought - it's right up there with Ghost Town.



So. Those were my craziest songs... what was I crazy to leave out?

No crazy frogs allowed.