Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - Teenage Wasteland

So the countdown to March 19th continues (one in the eye for all those who believe we'll have to wait till December 21st for the 2012 apocalypse) and I'm back to picking one song for every year of my life so far.

These were my choices from 1972 - 1982... and now, on with the show.

11 (1983) Yes - Owner Of A Lonely Heart

What!? I hear you scream. You chose this over A New England or any of the songs on your favourite Costello album, Punch The Clock? I know, it's shocking, isn't it? I was never a huge Yes fan but this one album - this one song - soundtracked so many of my teenage memories. It's partly that killer riff, partly the sentiment (I was that Owner Of A Lonely Heart), partly John Anderson's angelic vocals... and yeah, partly the Trevor Horn sheen. It's not one man and his guitar singing an out of tune song about how all the girls in his school were already pushing prams: it's impossible to compare the two. But it'd be a few more years before I fell for Billy Bragg. When I was 11, this rocked my world.

Speaking of which, Number One in the charts on my 11th birthday? Another Jim Steinman classic. Turn the pomp up to 11 with Total Eclipse Of The Heart. Brilliant.

12 (1984) Bruce Springsteen - Glory Days

This is where it starts to get difficult. Do I pick a song that would mean more to me in later life, something from The Smiths or Rattlesnakes by Lloyd Cole? Or do I go with my gut and settle for the one album that screams 1984 louder than anything else in my head? Not the best Bruce album, but certainly the most iconic. And when you're 12 and only just finding your pop feet, that's all you want.

Meanwhile, if I'm feeling old, I just need to look at Bruce Springsteen in this video. God, he looks about 12 - and yet, he'd been making records for well over a decade by the time he finally made the big time.

At number one on my final pre-teen birthday? Lionel Richie, Hello. At least it wasn't I Just Called To Say I Love You.

13 (1985) Huey Lewis & The News - The Power Of Love

Oh god, when will he get past his American rock phase, you're wondering? Not just yet. Huey Lewis was another of my teenage heroes, helped along by Michael J. Fox and his DeLorean. Yes, this was the year of How Soon Is Now, and if I'd opened my ears properly I might have realised Morrissey had written that song just for me. But despite my teenage moodiness, I had an optimistic spirit and Back To The Future was my teen movie. Well, that and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Huey and the gang made three great albums prior to this one... and never came close again. Maybe that's what sent my tastebuds off in other musical directions?

It could be worse. The Number One that marked my ascent to teenagerdom? Easy Lover by Phil Collins and Philip Bailey.

14 (1986) The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out

Well, it couldn't really be anything else, could it? Even though I wouldn't properly appreciate this song for a good few years, it probably had a bigger impact on my life than any other record in my collection. It made me love The Smiths and forgive Morrissey anything. Back in '86, I was listening to far more Fore!, Graceland, Slippery When Wet and A Kind Of Magic. But The Queen Is Dead became my retrospective teenage anthem. It's hard to believe I didn't love it when it first came out.

By the way, if There Is A Light... hadn't been released in 1986, it wouldn't have been replaced by any of the records above. No, this year's runner up, and the song that most reminds me of teenage school discos, is Caravan Of Love by The Housemartins. Just in case you were wondering.

Number One as I turned 14? Chain Reaction by Diana Ross (with a little help from the Bee Gees.) Now that's what I call music.

15 (1987) Prince & Sheena Easton - U Got The Look

So many records say 1987 to me, yet it's hard to pick just one that stands out above the rest. Too much choice. My two favourite albums of the year are Tunnel Of Love and Strangeways, Here We Come yet neither produced a truly iconic single. I was tempted by Barcelona, Livin' On A Prayer or Sweet Child O' Mine, but while I don't rate Sign O' The Times the album as highly as many critics (though it's title track probably does say more about 1987 than most other songs released that year), this was the single that finally made me love the little purple freak.

My birthday Number One at 15? Everything I Own, a watered down cover version of an old reggae standard by a past-his-prime Boy George. Hardly one of the year's musical highlights.

16 (1988) Morrissey - Every Day Is Like Sunday

Damn it, I really wanted to give this one to Billy Bragg and Waiting For The Great Leap Forwards, but it doesn't quite compare to trudging slowly over wet sand back to the bench where your clothes were stolen. What does?

On the day I reached the age of consent (not that anyone would consent back for a good few years), the ironic Number One was I Should Be So Lucky by Kylie Minogue, a hideous slice of SAW-ed off landfill pop. And do you want to know something even worse? I actually bought the damn thing. I must have been desperate...

17 (1989) Del Amitri - Nothing Ever Happens

The late 80s were a dire time for music, though I still managed to find plenty to keep me going. As with the best of his songs, Justin Currie's debut hit combines apathy with misanthropy in a way few other artists could or would ever attempt. For 1989, it was this or I'll Sail This Ship Alone.

Meanwhile at Number One on March 19th, Madonna reached her artistic pinnacle with Like A Prayer. IMHO.

18 (1990) The Inspiral Carpets - This Is How It Feels To Be Lonely

This is how it feels to be 18. This, November Spawned A Monster and Birdhouse In Your Soul paint a curiously accurate picture of my last year of A Levels. Happy 18th!

Meanwhile, topping the charts on my birthday? Dub Be Good To Me by Beats International. I liked him in the Housemartins, I even dug Fatboy Slim, but this one wasn't a Norman conquest for me.

19 (1991) Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - The Fire Inside

An unusual choice for the year that brought us Smells Like Teen Spirit and Losing My Religion, but this has long been one of my favourite songs. Elvis Costello almost stole the year with The Other Side Of Summer, but in the end Bob is Number One with a Bullet Band.

And on my 19th birthday? The Stonk by Hale & Pace. Bloody hell.

20 (1992) Bruce Springsteen - Human Touch

I went with my gut on this one. Neither of the two albums Bruce released in 1992 are among anybody's favourites. There were far better records released this year - including Automatic For The People, It's A Shame About Ray and Generation Terrorists. But this track carries a kind of crushed yet hopeful romanticism that's always made it stand out for me. I guess it reminds me of being 20 more than any of the above.

My 20th Number One birthday song was Stay by Shakespeare's Sister. Morrissey gets the last word in as usual.

Back next week with the run-up to my 30th.

Top Ten Sexy Songs

If you were here a couple of weeks back when I did sex, you'll understand the rules. This time it's ten great songs with 'sexy' in the title. In tribute to the second issue of Too Much Sex & Violence, out now...

10. The Beatles - Sexy Sadie

The original title was 'Maharishi', written by John after the Beatles' India experience. I don't mind including the occasional Beatles track in these lists, but I like to get them out of the way early on because they hardly need my help to sell any more records.

9. Dr. Hook - Sexy Eyes

Of course, if you're a huge Beatles fan you'll probably be horrified to see them one place below Dr. Hook, but them's the breaks. This song reminds me of that old Kenny Everett gag about "the woman in the bar who rolled her eyes at me... so I picked them up and rolled them back."

8. Art Brut - Sexy Sometimes

Eddie Argos wants to be Barry White... though he accepts his chances are slim.

I want to be played in the background,
While a couple drinks their wine.
That would be a triumph, with a voice like mine.

7. Corinne Bailey Rae - Sexyback

Yes, it's the Justin Timberlake song.

Yes, it's the version it's OK to like.

6. Little Man Tate - Sexy In Latin

A bittersweet tale of young love from Sheffield's dear departed.

5. Hot Chocolate - You Sexy Thing

Love the Starsky & Hutch guitar on this. It's worth tracking down Cud's version too, if you can get your ears on it.

4. Flight of the Conchords - We're Both In Love With A Sexy Lady

Bret, she was looking at me
No, she was looking at me
Bret, she was looking at me,
She had her eye on my knee
Dog, I'm sorry, she had her eye on my guns
Are you loco? She was checking out my buns
No, bro, she had an eye on me
She had an eye on me
Well, how could she have an eye on both of us?
Wait a minute, you talking about the girl with a lazy eye?
I think she might have had a slightly lazy eye

We're both in love with a sexy lady
With an eye that's lazy
The girl that's fly with a wonky eye
She's smokin' with an eye that's broken
I think it's hot
The way she looks left a lot
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

The word 'genius' cannot be used enough when talking about Flight of the Conchords.

3. Right Said Fred - I'm Too Sexy

For everyone who complained about the lack of Salt 'n' Pepa on the sex countdown: here, I hope you're happy now.

My actual real number 3 is...

Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Oh! To Be Young & Sexy

...but I couldn't find that on youtube. Still, it's as worthy of your attention as anything else here today.

2. Rod Stewart - Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?

Because...

Steady now, ladies.

1. Prince - Sexy M.F.

It's hard enough trying to search for the word 'sexy' on youtube, try searching for the full title. Then try finding a version Prince's record company haven't objected to being there in the first place. All that said, it's worth the effort for a song that was (understandably) edited to death for radio play.

See also Lovesexy, somewhat less obscene yet still impossible to find on youtube for the reasons outlined above.



So - what sexy song gets you in the mood?

Top Ten Comparison Songs

Nothing Compares 2 U, sang Sinead O'Connor (with a little help from Prince)... but that was before the internet came along and gave us the chance to weigh life's many options without ever leaving the house. Whether we want to compare car insurance quotes, phone plans, holiday destinations or even potential soulmates... we're now just a few clicks from the right answer. Even rock stars are it. Here's ten examples of popular musicians scratching their heads, wondering which way to go...


10. Ian Brown - Destiny Or Circumstance

When contemplating that lucrative Stone Roses reunion, which of the above drove Ian Brown to make his final decision?

9. Otis Redding - Trick Or Treat

Otis finds himself torn to pieces by a lady who can't make up her mind: does she love him, does she like him... or is she just leading him on?

8. B.A. Robertson - To Be Or Not To Be

Brian Alexander Robertson wonders whether Hamlet's fateful decision would have been easier if he'd had an internet chatroom to moan about his uncle in? "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."

7. Fionn Regan - Bunker Or Basement

Location, Location, Location must have seen Fionn Regan coming.

6. Adam Ant - Friend Or Foe

Adam Ant wants those who get to know him to become either admirers or enemies. The worst reaction is no reaction. He will forever be the Marmite of popstars.

5. The Delagados - Sink Or Swim

The Delgados don't give us much of a choice, but as long as Emma Pollock keeps singing, I'll keep swimming towards the sound of her voice.

4. Nina Simone - Love Me Or Leave Me

Tough love from Nina - you might not believe her, but she'd rather be lonely than be with somebody else.

3. Michael Jackson - Black Or White

It was the question that dogged Michael Jackson for years - and this was his answer.

Yay! Norm from Cheers is in the video. Boo! So is McCauley Culkin.

2. Blondie - One Way Or Another

...she's gonna get you, get you, get you, get you. You have no choice but to co-operate once Debbie Harry has you in her sights.

1. The Clash - Death Or Glory

A song about growing up and leaving youthful rebellion behind... or growing old disgracefully. A young Joe Strummer seems undecided which is the better option. Should he stay or should he go? Either way, it's just another story.



Time to compare the songs above and decide which one's best for you...

My Top Ten Thunder Songs

So the THOR movie is almost upon us and appears to be getting halfway decent reviews too. Good old Kenneth Branagh, eh? I won't be seeing it for a while, but in honour of the God of Thunder, what better than a Top Ten Thunder songs?

If you're really good, we'll do lightning next week.

Special mentions go to Thunder, Thunderthighs, Thunderclap Newman... and (thanks to Rob), Thor himself... with Thunder On The Tundra! (Nice hammer.)



10. Kiss - God Of Thunder ( From Greatest Hits)

The most appropriate record on the list, if not the best, though Kiss seem to be confusing Thor with Elvis... he's not just the God of Thunder, he's also the God of Rock 'n' Roll. And a very naughty boy too, no doubt.

9. Leo Sayer - Thunder In My Heart ( From The Show Must Go On: The Very Best Of Leo Sayer)

Man, that is one serious 'do, Leo.

I can't help but think of Kenny Everett while watching this video.

8.Alphabeat - 10,000 Nights Of Thunder ( From This is Alphabeat)

I know absolutely zilch about Alphabeat, but this record found its way onto my radar a couple of years back and it's not an unpleasant way to spend 3 minutes and 30 seconds.

This is the first time I've ever seen the video though... and if I didn't know better, I'd swear the (male) lead singer was a young Chris Morris.

7. John Cougar Mellencamp - Thundering Hearts ( From American Fool)

Back when he was just a Cougar, JM took a motorcycle ride through the valley of the Thundering Hearts, and this was the result.

Louise recently bought Guitar Hero for her wii. Yes, we've jumped on board the Guitar Hero craze just as everybody else jumped off it (or maybe not). Anyway, one of our favourite songs to play, from Guitar Hero 5, is JCM's Hurts So Good. Just in case you were wondering.

6. The Kinks - Johnny Thunder

From my favourite Kinks album, The Village Green Preservation Society, the songs takes its name from the same DC Comics character that also christened the late New Yorks Dolls guitarist.

5. Tina Turner - We Don't Need Another Hero (Thunderdome) ( From All The Best)

From the movie Mad Max 3 - Beyond Thunderdome (1985) [DVD] - now there's a killer idea... Thor vs. Max Rockatansky. (Not in 3D.) C'mon, Hollywood - make it happen!

4. ACDC - Thunderstruck ( From The Razor's Edge)

Featured in the soundtrack to Iron Man 2(although the soundtrack to Iron Man 2 was pretty much a crass exercise at shifting a Greatest Hits album for a band that never does Greatest Hits albums).

Still worth getting your old school uniform on for...

3. Tom Jones - Thunderball ( From Best of Bond...James Bond)

Another soundtrack favourite. Tom Jones allegedly fainted while singing the last line in the recording studio, so much thunder did he put into his performance. Big girl's blouse.

2. Prince - Thunder

Here's a story I might have told before.

Thunder is the opening track to the album Diamonds And Pearls. I remember buying the CD as soon as it came out and rushing home to listen to it. Realising I had to work that night, I decided to copy the CD onto cassette to listen to in my car on the way (this was 1991, so forgive me for not having an in-car CD player). To make sure the album filled the cassette, I programmed the CD player to repeat-play then left it recording while I went to have my tea. I returned, picked up the cassette, and set off to work. Thunder was a great opening track and I was really enjoying it... but, boy, did it go on. I was halfway to work before I started to get a little bored of it - how long was this track anyway? Was track 2 ever going to begin?

No. It wasn't. Because rather than repeat-play the whole album, I'd set the cassette to record repeat-play just track 1... and filled an entire C90 with it. A great song then... but perhaps not one you want to hear for an hour and a half solid.

1. Bruce Springsteen - Thunder Road ( From Born To Run)

There is a constant debate going on in my head about which is my favourite Bruce Springsteen song. This is always one of the top contenders, and therefore has a pretty good chance of getting into my Top Ten Favourite Songs of ALL TIME.

The screen door slams
Mary's dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again



Do you have thunder in your heart? What song's it playing?

(Attention, Thor-fans, I reviewed Thor Visionaries Walt Simonson Volume 1 over at Comics On The Ration last week. Go there and say hi to Rob.)

Top Twenty Crazy Songs

These are crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy songs...

20. Slade - Mama We're All Crazee Now

Slade almost missed out on this list altogether due to Noddy's crazy spelling.

19. Super Furry Animals - Crazy Naked Girls

I include this purely because I know it'll double the number of hits this post gets. And not from SFA fans...

18. Huey Lewis & The News - Gimme The Keys (And I'll Drive You Crazy)

After releasing one of the biggest albums of the 80s, Huey and the gang came back with one of the cheesiest. It bombed. Still, you've got to love a video as bad as this.

17. Eminem - My Dad's Gone Crazy

Haillie Jade has just realised her dad is nuts. Took her long enough. But just how nuts...?

Cuz when I speak, it's tongue in cheek
I'd yank my fuckin teeth before 'd ever bite my tongue
I'd slice my gums, get struck by fuckin' lightning twice at once
And die and come back as Vanilla Ice's son

That nuts.

16. Aerosmith - Crazy

In which Steven Tyler gets his daughter Liv, and one of her sexy model friends, to dance around in and out of their school uniforms to sell his records. Which must be kind of the LA rockstar equivalent of sending your kid up the chimney. Crazy.

15. Dr Feelgood - Crazy About Girls

I remember a time when I was crazy about girls...

14. Hot Chocolate - Girl Crazy

...and so does Errol Brown.

13. James - Crazy

Tim Booth isn't crazy - he's just laughing at himself.

12. Guns n Roses - You're Crazy

Axl doesn't just think you're crazy, he thinks you're fucking crazy. It amuses me how many people on youtube dedicate this to their ex-girlfriend... and to Charlie Sheen.

11. Gnarls Barkley - Crazy

Before he found solo fame singing "fuck you and fuck her too" to everyone who dissed or dumped him in high school, Cee Lo Green was crazy too.

10. Madonna - Crazy For You

This reminds me of being a teenager in love. I can't even remember who the girl was, but I was ridiculously smitten and certain that if I got her on her own and played her this song she'd reveal her mutual desire. Did it ever happen? What do you think...?

"From the motion picture Vision Quest".

You know - Vision Quest!

No, me neither.

9. Queen - Stone Cold Crazy

One from my youth. Freddie dreaming he's Al Capone. Exhibit A in the case against anyone who believes Queen didn't ROCK.

EDIT: Oh, and I just rememembered Crazy Little Thing Called Love. Why the heck did my computer not suggest that? Has it deleted it? Bugger!

8. Prince - Let's Go Crazy

Let's go crazy
Let's get nuts
Let's look for the purple banana
'Til they put us in the truck, let's go!

Dear old Prince. He didn't have very far to go.

7. The Osmonds - Crazy Horses

The Osmonds got so pissed off about the exhaust fumes from their neighbour's car that they abandoned their traditional boy band shtick and went all heavy rawk... with pleasingly mental results.

Apparently Westlife covered this in 2003. Thankfully I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour.

6. Fine Young Cannibals - She Drives Me Crazy

Whatever happened to Roland Gift?

5. Magnetic Fields - Crazy For You (But Not That Crazy)

You know how Meat Loaf would do anything for love but not that...?

Stephin Merrit has similar issues.

I treated you like radium. I treated you like God.
You were my glass menagerie, did you not find that odd?
I dwelt within and went without and broke my virgin flesh.
I performed acts of devotion as if you were Ganesh, but now
I'm crazy for you but not that crazy.

4. Paul Simon - Still Crazy After All These Years

Sometimes a lyricist writes straight from my heart...

I'm not the kind of man
Who tends to socialize
I seem to lean on
Old familiar ways
And I ain't no fool for love songs
That whisper in my ears
Still crazy after all these years

See also Crazy Love Volume II, from Graceland.

3. Patsy Cline - Crazy

Strictly speaking, this is probably the best song on the list. It should by all rights be Number One. But there's two songs in my collection that, while not quite so classic, mean just a little more to me...

2. Kiss - Crazy Crazy Nights

I've been listening to the Kiss Greatest Hits CD recently. It was suprisingly amazing. I know, you won't believe me.

This was their first big UK hit, though in the States I guess it was considered their comeback. We missed out on the ridiculous furore first time round. I was 15 when I first heard this. No further explanation is necessary.

1. Robbie Robertson - Somewhere Down The Crazy River

And then, one year later, I heard this. Until then I thought Robbie Robertson was just J. Jonah Jameson's stressed out city editor. I'd never heard anything by The Band... and I'd never heard anything quite like this. Legend has it that producer Daniel Lanois created this track by secretly recording Robbie talking about growing up in Arkansas. (I'm not sure I believe that.) It's spoken word, gravelly voiced magic that paints wonderfully vivid pictures and sounds more like an excerpt from a movie soundtrack than a chart hit. And yet somehow it ended up getting played on the radio and made it to number 15 in the charts. There's no way anything like that would happen today and our charts are much worse for it. This remains one of the most atmospheric singles I've ever bought - it's right up there with Ghost Town.



So. Those were my craziest songs... what was I crazy to leave out?

No crazy frogs allowed.

Top Ten Songs About The 90s

50s...

60s...

70s...

80s...

And finally...

The 90s is just as maligned as the 80s, if not more so. But I'll defend it with equal fervour. Though it was something of a rollercoaster personally, musically it was my time. Britpop gets a lot of negative press, but so many of my favourite bands came from that era that I can forgive it the thuggish excesses of Oasis.

Pulp, Blur, Suede, the Manics, Radiohead, The Verve, the Divine Comedy, Ash, Gene, My Life Story, Catatonia, Supergrass - even Ocean Colour Scene and Shed Seven had their moments. In many ways, these bands represent my teenage revolution - even though I had to wait till I was in my 20s to properly embrace sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Well, ill-advised relationships, Jack Daniels and Britpop, anyway.

As with the other lists, this is NOT a Top Ten Songs FROM The 90s... only a Top Ten Songs ABOUT The 90s...

10. Travis - Tied To The 90s

Let's start with the obvious one (though not quite as obvious as the one we'll end with). Travis began life as a cute, knockabout indie band. On their second album, they discovered big ballads. On their third, they discovered pandering to the lowest common denominator and trying to beat the upstarts Coldplay at the game the stole from Travis in the first place. On their fourth album, they lost. What went wrong, eh?

9. Seahorses - 1999

I always thought the Seahorses had more potential than their one album and final unrelated single showed. John Squire got bored too easily and went off to paint pictures of dolphin. He could have been a contender...

16 sweet Chablis sham kisses
17 nothings whispered in her ear
18 attempts on her best pair of knickers
1999 was a hell of a year

8. Moxy Fruvous - Stuck In The 90s

Weird Canadian comedy hipsters from the early 90s who released one classic album (Video Bargainville) and then decided to try and become proper, serious musicians... which was much less entertaining.

7. Eminem - '97 Bonnie & Clyde

In which Em tries to prove himself a suitable father to Hailey by singing Will Smith lullabies and trying to murder her mum. Again.

What can I say? It appeals to my warped sense of humour.

6. Picture Centre - Fireworks October 1990

A band so fey and ephemeral they make Belle & Sebastian sound butch, this is wonderful 3am chill-out stuff. A band so forgotten, they don't even rate a Wikipedia entry. But I remember them.

Just.

5. Blur - End Of A Century

See, I was going to select 1992 , which is all very well, but not really a patch on the song above. So that's what you get.

End of a century?
It's nothing special...

4. Carter USM - The 90s Revival / 1993

Ah, Carter. How I wish I could claim to have been a huge fan of your under-appreciated oeuvre "back in the day". Sadly, it passed me by. Only now, in the 21st Century, am I finally coming to appreciate your greatness. Just in time for your forthcoming reunion tour. That'll be a true 90s revival.

3. Fountains Of Wayne - '92 Subaru

Most car songs celebrate classic '57 Chevvies and their ilk. The FOWs can only afford a late model Subaru, second hand from some old ladies out of state. Ah, but they love it like a Caddy.

2. The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Instant Repeater '99

Often when you see a year on the end of a song title it's only there to show you when the song was recorded - or, more frequently in the 90s, remixed. Tonight though, Swedish serial guitar abusers TSOOL will actually sing '99 like it's... well, erm, the next record in our countdown. (Even though the song itself was released in '96.)

1. Prince - 1999

Like it was ever going to be anything else. Originally released in 1983, a much bigger hit in 1985, reissued for no reason I can figure in the final year of the millennium (unless you're one of those people who believes the final year of the millennium was 2000)... a song that created its own idiom.

Somebody once told me that come the 21st Century you'd never hear this record again. "Why would anybody play it once it's out of date?" Um... because its sentiment is timeless? There's no reason not to party like it's 1999 even in 2011 if you want to.

As for my own millennium memories... I had the flu so I spent the turn of the century in bed. (It really was 'nothing special'.) Was it as good as everybody thought it would be...?



And so we end our countdown of songs about decades. I won't be compiling a Top Ten Songs About The Noughties because it's all still too close and there aren't yet enough decent ones to go round. Maybe one day...

In the meantime, do you have a favourite song about the 90s? If so, you know what to do with it.

Next week, something completely different...

Rubbish!

Top Ten Coffee Songs

Went into Cafe Nero today. Ordered my usual black coffee to take out.

"Would you like a biscotti to go with that, sir?"

"Tell you what, call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

As mentioned a couple of weeks back, I'm back on the drugs. Specifically caffeine. And for no other reason than because I didn't have enough room in my Top Ten TV Songs for Blur... here's my Coffee Countdown.



10. Johnny Ray - Coffee & Cigarettes

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono...

If it's good enough for Kevin Rowland, it's good enough for me.

9. Otis Redding - Cigarettes & Coffee

Some of the greatest songs ever written take place in the wee small hours of the morning, yet typically they're written from the point of view of a lonely, down-at-heel loser who's only companion is a whiskey glass. Otis bucks that trend by writing a small hours love song. They're just sitting here talking over cigarettes and coffee - with Otis on the stereo.

8. Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffee Spoons

The song that proves Crash Test Dummies weren't just an annoying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm One Hit Wonder.

7. All Saints - Black Coffee

All Saints, Rol?

Really?

I'm a big fan of the classic girl-groups - from the Supremes to the Shangri Las... and for a second - just one second - All Saints came closer than most to recapturing and updating that sound. Ultimately they failed, but give them some credit...

6. Richard Thompson - Java Jive

From Richard Thompson's epic trawl through 1000 Years Of Popular Song, here he takes on The Ink Spots' 1940 hit. You know the one.

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me..."

5. James - Coffee & Toast

Recorded in the original sessions for the Pleased To Meet You Album, this was subsequently relegated to b-side status when Brian Eno stepped on board the good ship James as producer. A shame, because this would have been the best track on the album. Perhaps Tim Booth realised this - he quit the band for 7 seven years after its release.

4. Squeeze - Black Coffee In Bed

Featuring Paul Young and Elvis Costello on backing vocals, another of those songs that reminds you what a great lyricist Chris Difford is.

3. Blur - Coffee & TV

The song that broke Blur and persuaded Graham Coxon a solo career was beckoning? Could be.

2. Prince - Starfish & Coffee

Prince goes into Cafe Nero...

"Hello sir, can I take your order."

"Yes, I'd like Starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham, please."

"Certainly sir. And would you like a Biscotti with that too?"

"Call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

Soulwax do a cracking cover of this song too.

1. The Clint Boon Experience - White No Sugar

The man on the mac in Macedonia
Hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC
This is definitely a new revolution

Mr. Boon - play that tune!



So that was my caffeine fix - what's yours?