Top Ten Songs About The 90s

50s...

60s...

70s...

80s...

And finally...

The 90s is just as maligned as the 80s, if not more so. But I'll defend it with equal fervour. Though it was something of a rollercoaster personally, musically it was my time. Britpop gets a lot of negative press, but so many of my favourite bands came from that era that I can forgive it the thuggish excesses of Oasis.

Pulp, Blur, Suede, the Manics, Radiohead, The Verve, the Divine Comedy, Ash, Gene, My Life Story, Catatonia, Supergrass - even Ocean Colour Scene and Shed Seven had their moments. In many ways, these bands represent my teenage revolution - even though I had to wait till I was in my 20s to properly embrace sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Well, ill-advised relationships, Jack Daniels and Britpop, anyway.

As with the other lists, this is NOT a Top Ten Songs FROM The 90s... only a Top Ten Songs ABOUT The 90s...

10. Travis - Tied To The 90s

Let's start with the obvious one (though not quite as obvious as the one we'll end with). Travis began life as a cute, knockabout indie band. On their second album, they discovered big ballads. On their third, they discovered pandering to the lowest common denominator and trying to beat the upstarts Coldplay at the game the stole from Travis in the first place. On their fourth album, they lost. What went wrong, eh?

9. Seahorses - 1999

I always thought the Seahorses had more potential than their one album and final unrelated single showed. John Squire got bored too easily and went off to paint pictures of dolphin. He could have been a contender...

16 sweet Chablis sham kisses
17 nothings whispered in her ear
18 attempts on her best pair of knickers
1999 was a hell of a year

8. Moxy Fruvous - Stuck In The 90s

Weird Canadian comedy hipsters from the early 90s who released one classic album (Video Bargainville) and then decided to try and become proper, serious musicians... which was much less entertaining.

7. Eminem - '97 Bonnie & Clyde

In which Em tries to prove himself a suitable father to Hailey by singing Will Smith lullabies and trying to murder her mum. Again.

What can I say? It appeals to my warped sense of humour.

6. Picture Centre - Fireworks October 1990

A band so fey and ephemeral they make Belle & Sebastian sound butch, this is wonderful 3am chill-out stuff. A band so forgotten, they don't even rate a Wikipedia entry. But I remember them.

Just.

5. Blur - End Of A Century

See, I was going to select 1992 , which is all very well, but not really a patch on the song above. So that's what you get.

End of a century?
It's nothing special...

4. Carter USM - The 90s Revival / 1993

Ah, Carter. How I wish I could claim to have been a huge fan of your under-appreciated oeuvre "back in the day". Sadly, it passed me by. Only now, in the 21st Century, am I finally coming to appreciate your greatness. Just in time for your forthcoming reunion tour. That'll be a true 90s revival.

3. Fountains Of Wayne - '92 Subaru

Most car songs celebrate classic '57 Chevvies and their ilk. The FOWs can only afford a late model Subaru, second hand from some old ladies out of state. Ah, but they love it like a Caddy.

2. The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Instant Repeater '99

Often when you see a year on the end of a song title it's only there to show you when the song was recorded - or, more frequently in the 90s, remixed. Tonight though, Swedish serial guitar abusers TSOOL will actually sing '99 like it's... well, erm, the next record in our countdown. (Even though the song itself was released in '96.)

1. Prince - 1999

Like it was ever going to be anything else. Originally released in 1983, a much bigger hit in 1985, reissued for no reason I can figure in the final year of the millennium (unless you're one of those people who believes the final year of the millennium was 2000)... a song that created its own idiom.

Somebody once told me that come the 21st Century you'd never hear this record again. "Why would anybody play it once it's out of date?" Um... because its sentiment is timeless? There's no reason not to party like it's 1999 even in 2011 if you want to.

As for my own millennium memories... I had the flu so I spent the turn of the century in bed. (It really was 'nothing special'.) Was it as good as everybody thought it would be...?



And so we end our countdown of songs about decades. I won't be compiling a Top Ten Songs About The Noughties because it's all still too close and there aren't yet enough decent ones to go round. Maybe one day...

In the meantime, do you have a favourite song about the 90s? If so, you know what to do with it.

Next week, something completely different...

Rubbish!

2010 - Songs Of The Year

And so begins my countdown of the best of 2010 with a random sample of my favourite tracks of the year. The usual rules apply.

You'll see 20 of these artists again at the end of the week when I count down my favourite albums of the year. The rest of them, either their albums weren't up to scratch... or I haven't got round to listening to them yet.

As always, these lists are a work in progress...




Brandon Flowers - I Came Here To Get Over You

Carl Barat - The Fall

Johnny Cash - Ain't No Grave

The Crookes - Yes, Yes We're Magicians

Eels - The Man

Shrag - Tights In August

The Hold Steady - The Weekenders

Tom Williams & The Boat - Concentrate



Spoiler Alert! - Booster Gold

Adam Fromm - 88 Lines About 44 Fangirls (can't find a link - shame, as it's bloody excellent)

Boy Cried Wolf - No Comfort From Your Skin

Town Bike - Bastard Heart

Hurts - Wonderful Life

Meat Loaf - Los Angeloser

Superman Revenge Squad - An Old Man Flicking Through A Pornographic Magazine

Thea Gilmore - This Town

John Grant - Sigourney Weaver



Amanda Palmer - Creep

Jonny Cola & The A Grades - The Party's Over

Betty & The Werewolves - Paper Thin

Duke Special - Wanda, Darling Of The Jockey Club

Belle & Sebastian - I Want The World To Stop

Bruce Springsteen - Someday (We'll Be Together)

The Charlatans - My Foolish Pride



Dum Dum Girls - Jail La La

The Courteeners - The Rest Of The World Has Gone Home

The Divine Comedy - Down In The Street Below

James - Ten Below

Goldheart Assembly - King Of Rome

Richard Thompson - Sidney Wells

Lily Rae & The Saturday Girls - Hiding In Cinemas

Edwyn Collins - Bored

Lucky Soul - Woah Billy!

Emma Pollock - Hug The Harbour

Kathryn Williams - 50 White Lines

Rufus Wainwright - Who Are You New York?

Everybody Was In The French Resistance... Now! - He's A "Rebel"



Lloyd Cole - Writer's Retreat

Kort - Incredibly Lonely

Hayseed Dixie - Won't Get Fooled Again

Fyfe Dangerfield - Faster Than The Setting Sun

Gil Scott-Heron - New York Is Killing Me



Allo Darlin' - If Loneliness Was Art

Villagers - Ship Of Promises

Joe Summers - New Rave Scene

Babybird - For The Rest Of Our Lives

Teenage Fanclub - Baby Lee

I Am Kloot - Northern Skies



Avi Buffalo - What's In It For

Neil Diamond - Midnight Train To Georgia

Robyn - Don't Fucking Tell Me What To Do

The Gaslight Anthem - American Slang



My Chemical Romance - Na Na Na

Harper Simon - Berkeley Girl

Jimmy Webb, Billy Joel & Jerry Douglas - Wichita Lineman

The National - Anyone's Ghost

Titus Andronicus - A More Perfect Union

Justin Currie - You'll Always Walk Alone

Manic Street Preachers & Ian McCulloch - Some Kind Of Nothingness

Laura Marling - Devil's Spoke

Young Hegelians - God Nor Money




Blur - Fool's Day

Swans - You Fucking People Make Me Sick

Vampire Weekend - Holiday

Codeine Velvet Club - Hollywood

The Hidden Cameras - In The Na

Paul Heaton - Even A Palm Tree

Top Ten Satan Songs

All right, all right, enough with the Top Twenty Devil Songs... let's have something a bit more FESTIVE, shall we?

How about a Top Ten Santa songs..?

D'oh! Me and my damned dyslexia!


10. The Louvin Brothers - Satan Is Real

An old style deep south country hit that breaks into gospel style preaching about the evils and temptations of modern music and society.

Quite possibly the most bizarre thing you'll hear this week... if you click the link.

No wonder Johnny Cash dubbed himself The Man In Black if this is what the country white hats were singing.

9. Luke Haines - Satan Wants Me

The devil has the best tunes... sounds like he's already got you, Luke.

8. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Satan Said Dance

This song sounds like a Charles Manson recruitment drive to me.

7. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me

(Or, as the mondgreen has it, "Beelzebub has the devil for a sideboard".)

When I was 16, Queen's biggest hit was among my Top Three Favourite Songs EVER. And that was long before Wayne's World.

6. British Sea Power - No, Lucifer

Why are satanic puppets so disturbing? A nightmarish video for one of BSP's most poppy songs.

5. Cake - Satan Is My Motor

Satan is the only one who seems to understand...

4. Orbital - Satan

I'm not a huge fan of dance music, but this Orbital track stuck in my mind from about 15 years ago because of it's amusingly sampled intro, and I had to recruit the twitter hivemind to help me remember it.

Daddy, what does regret mean?
Well son, the funny thing about regret is,
It's better to regret something you have done,
Than to regret something you haven't done.
And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend,
Be sure and tell her, SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!!!

Apparently, the sample originates from a Butthole Surfers track called Sweat Loaf. Which is nice.

3. Art Brut - Demons Out

In which Eddie Argos kicks Satan's arse.

How can you sleep at night when nobody likes the music we like?
How am I supposed to sleep at night when no one likes the music we write?
Record buying public, we hate them
This is Art Brut vs. Satan
Don't worry, we can take 'em!

2. Ben Folds - Satan Is My Master

About 45 seconds into this short track, Ben Folds is possessed by the devil. It's like Billy Joel meets The Exorcist.

1. Morrissey - Satan Rejected My Soul

Poor old Moz (#4765). Even Satan doesn't want him.




So, my little devils... which Satanic Song do you worship?


For more festive Satanic Santa fun, can I direct you towards this week's Thoughtballoons story? Ryan chose Santa Claus as this week's character... and I did a very bad thing.

Top Ten Self-Pity Songs (Volume 1)

Isn't self-pity great? I hereby declare it the most ace emotion ever! If I'm having a bad day, there's nothing more guaranteed to cheer me up than a good long bout of feeling sorry for myself.

You'd think that with all the money and groupies and cocaine and stuff, your average rock star wouldn't have much time for self-pity, yet they seem to get off on it almost as much as I do. Although to be fair, most of the anthems to self-loathing listed below come from early in the respective artist's career - by singing about how shit they felt, they made oodles of money and hence stopped feeling so shit about themselves... and then went on to stop writing such good songs, since happiness is rarely conducive to artistic greatness.

This is Volume 1 simply because there are so many great self-pity songs, I really couldn't narrow it down to just ten. I'll throw some more onto the fire the next time I'm feeling crappy. Do feel free to add your own suggestions in the comments box...


10. Wheatus - Teenage Dirtbag

I don't care, I love this song. It encapsulates how shit it is to be a teenager, listening to Iron Maiden, unable to get the girl you want because she's dating a dick. The video features perpetual loser Jason Biggs trying to cop off with Mena Suvari (from Amy Heckerling's underrated teen-com Loser). The band followed this supreme ode to woe with an Erasure cover. Yes, a fucking ERASURE cover. They deserved to self-destruct after that. But as one-hit wonders go... wow.

9. Eels - Dog Faced Boy

Coming home from the school today
Crying all along the way
Ain't no way for a boy to be
Begging ma to shave me please

You little punks think you own this town
Well someday someone's gonna bring you down
Life ain't pretty for a dog faced boy

E from the Eels has built a career on feeling sorry for himself, and understandly so when you consider some of the things that have happened to him. That said, he's always aware that things could be worse. He could always have a face like a shaggy mongrel.

8. Strangelove - Freak

If your name was Duff, you might expect your life to follow suit. So cheesed off that fate had robbed him by leaving that all-important 'y' off the end of his name - otherwise he might have been The Man From Atlantis or Bobby Ewing - Patrick Duff formed Strangelove and channeled all his negativity into this...

I walk the plastic streets
Just like a monkey
Just like a geek
My scraping knuckles bleed
I hear my Mummy crying out
He's a freak
I live a life alone
And all my friends are gone
It kind of turns me on
I hate them one by one by one
I'm a freak

7. Mansun - What It's Like To Be Hated

A song so utterly depressing, I can't even find it on youtube.

How are you feeling today, Paul Draper?

Ugly, scruffy, no one

Really?

Nasty, bitter, enraged

Right...

Hated, broken

Oh, come on now, cheer up - it can't be that bad.

Disturbed, unwanted at birth
The fucking joke that we are
I've never had any friends

Fair enough then.

6. Simon & Garfunkel - I Am A Rock

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

See the genius of Paul Simon here is that, bad as he's feeling, he's actually convinced himself he's better off that way. There was a time in my life I lived by the following lines...

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.

And if it all falls apart at sometime in the future, I'll live by them again.

5. Teddy Thompson - Turning The Gun On Myself

I really should do a list of suicide anthems. And this really should be on it. But as it's possibly the best song Richard Thompson Jr.'s ever written, it deserves its place on this list too.

4. Eric Carmen - All By Myself

When Eric Carmen was young, he never needed anyone. Making love? Making love was just for fun! Sadly, those days are gone. Now he's living alone, thinking of all the friends he's known... but when he dials the telephone... nobody's home.

I don't know about you, but I'm welling up.

3. Beck - Loser

For many years, I thought that Beck sang "So - open up the door - I'm a loser baby, so why don't you kill me?"

Only when it comes to writing this post do my investigations reveal he's actually singing "Soy un perdedor", which, according to the internet... is Spanish for "I'm a loser".

2. Radiohead - Creep

I wish I was special. Don't you?

1. The Smiths - I Know It's Over

Of course, I could have compiled an entire Self-Pity Top Ten just from Smiths songs. And I could have made a Top Hundred just from sticking pins at random in Morrissey's solo catalogue. But none of them would have been quite as majestically miserable as this. It begins with Morrissey climbing into an empty bed he equates with a grave... and goes rapidly downhill from there. He then imagines a relationship with a potential partner who turns round and says to him these immortal words...

"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."

If you've never sat alone late at night and asked yourself these questions... count yourself very, very lucky.



There - don't you feel better now?

Top Ten Tea Songs

What sort of True Brit would I be, listing my Top Ten Coffee Songs, if I didn't follow with a tribute to The Great British Cuppa?


10. Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea

"Give me a Leonard Cohen afterlife", pleads Kurt Cobain, "so I can sigh eternally".

Wonder if he got his wish?

9. The Proclaimers - Lulu Selling Tea

Like a Scottish Housemartins, The Proclaimers "voice their dissent" over the fact that the 60s people always talk about isn't the same decade they remember from the childhood. It's not the Beatles they grew up on, but...

Mother's Pride on the table, Batman on TV
A Man In A Suitcase, Daktari and Skippy
Jimmy Clitheroe, Colin Stein and Lulu selling tea

8. Supergrass - Whisky & Green Tea

Story of my life. Whiskey in my 20s, Green Tea in my 30s. Man, I needed those antioxidants!

7. Philip Jeays - The Tea Dance

Welcome to the tea dance
Old debutants getting up on their toes
Darjeeling and romance
Between potted plants and yesterday's Romeos

Philip Jeays - give that man an Ivor Novello.

6. Joni Mitchell - The Tea Leaf Prophecy

Still working my way through Simon Goddard's Mozipedia, and I hadn't realised how much of an influence Joni M. was on Mozzer's songwriting. Could this be her Ouija Board, Ouija Board...?

Out of the blue--just passin' thru
A young flight sergeant
On two weeks leave--
Says "Molly McGee--no one else will do!"
And seals the tea-leaf prophecy.

5. Frank Turner - A Decent Cup Of Tea

As mentioned already, Frank Turner is my musical discovery of the year, combining the fire and brimstone of a youthful Billy Bragg with the epic ambition of Springsteen. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have found a young songwriter who speaks to me as much as Frank does.

It's obvious to me,
But she never seems to see
That it's not about the days when everything has turned out right,
No it's more about the moments when she calls me in the night
To make her cups of tea and wash the weary worries from her head
And then to draw the pain out slowly as I put her into bed.

4. Belle & Sebastian - For The Price Of A Cup Of Tea

For the price of a cup of tea
You'd get a line of coke
For the price of a night with me
You'd be the village joke

Cue self-deprecating gag. Stuart Murdoch sets 'em up, I knock 'em down.

3. Fortunes - Storm In A Teacup

Pitter patter. Pitter patter.

2. The Scaremongers - Tea Leaves

From my favourite record of 2009, the Number One album Born In A Barn.

Didn't know it'd made Number One? Here's the proof.

1. Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman

Used as the theme to Ricky Gervais's Extras, this short (just over a minute) track is both poignant and uplifting. Not a clue what it's actually about, but it always makes me think of the foiled ambition of Andy Millman, Maggie Jacobs and Barry from Eastenders.



So... how do you take yours?

Top Ten Coffee Songs

Went into Cafe Nero today. Ordered my usual black coffee to take out.

"Would you like a biscotti to go with that, sir?"

"Tell you what, call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

As mentioned a couple of weeks back, I'm back on the drugs. Specifically caffeine. And for no other reason than because I didn't have enough room in my Top Ten TV Songs for Blur... here's my Coffee Countdown.



10. Johnny Ray - Coffee & Cigarettes

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono...

If it's good enough for Kevin Rowland, it's good enough for me.

9. Otis Redding - Cigarettes & Coffee

Some of the greatest songs ever written take place in the wee small hours of the morning, yet typically they're written from the point of view of a lonely, down-at-heel loser who's only companion is a whiskey glass. Otis bucks that trend by writing a small hours love song. They're just sitting here talking over cigarettes and coffee - with Otis on the stereo.

8. Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffee Spoons

The song that proves Crash Test Dummies weren't just an annoying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm One Hit Wonder.

7. All Saints - Black Coffee

All Saints, Rol?

Really?

I'm a big fan of the classic girl-groups - from the Supremes to the Shangri Las... and for a second - just one second - All Saints came closer than most to recapturing and updating that sound. Ultimately they failed, but give them some credit...

6. Richard Thompson - Java Jive

From Richard Thompson's epic trawl through 1000 Years Of Popular Song, here he takes on The Ink Spots' 1940 hit. You know the one.

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me..."

5. James - Coffee & Toast

Recorded in the original sessions for the Pleased To Meet You Album, this was subsequently relegated to b-side status when Brian Eno stepped on board the good ship James as producer. A shame, because this would have been the best track on the album. Perhaps Tim Booth realised this - he quit the band for 7 seven years after its release.

4. Squeeze - Black Coffee In Bed

Featuring Paul Young and Elvis Costello on backing vocals, another of those songs that reminds you what a great lyricist Chris Difford is.

3. Blur - Coffee & TV

The song that broke Blur and persuaded Graham Coxon a solo career was beckoning? Could be.

2. Prince - Starfish & Coffee

Prince goes into Cafe Nero...

"Hello sir, can I take your order."

"Yes, I'd like Starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham, please."

"Certainly sir. And would you like a Biscotti with that too?"

"Call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

Soulwax do a cracking cover of this song too.

1. The Clint Boon Experience - White No Sugar

The man on the mac in Macedonia
Hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC
This is definitely a new revolution

Mr. Boon - play that tune!



So that was my caffeine fix - what's yours?

Top Ten Movie Songs

No, not songs from the movies - songs about the movies. And no Celine Dion: guaranteed.



10. Belle & Sebastian - Like Dylan in the Movies

Stuart Murdoch's stalker anthem (one of many!) based around Dylan's famous promo film for Subterranean Homesick Blues. I'm not sure how the two connect, but when the end product sounds this good - who cares?

9. The Auteurs - Underground Movies

Another song I really don't have the first clue about lyrically... but as with most things Luke Haines touches, it has a welcoming seediness.

8. Murder By Death - Holy Lord, Shawshank Redemption Is Such A Good Movie

Murder By Death are great with the titles. This comes from the album Like The Exorcist, But More Breakdancing which also features tracks called: I'm Afraid Of Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf, Intergalactic Menopause and Flamenco's Fuckin' Easy. All inspired titles which the songs in question rarely live up to... how could they?

7. Suzanne Vega (If You Were) In My Movie

Simply put: if you were in Suzanne Vega's movie, you'd get the girl.

6. Death Cab For Cutie - A Movie Script Ending

Death Cab For Cutie believe you can go home again.

5. Thea Gilmore - Movie Kisses

Here it is
The not-so-happy-ending
We've done our picket fence defending
We did Bogart and Bacall and now the spotlight's gone, and anyway
All those movie kisses just last too long

4. Everclear - Songs From An American Movie Part 1

There's something of the David Lynch about many Everclear songs. On the surface: white picket fences. Underneath: darkness.

3. The Long Blondes - Lust In The Movies

I know you think you're in the movies.
You're in the movies and you don't wanna know me.
Well I know all about fear and desire, and I know all about lust, etc.

Edie Sedgwick, Anna Karina, Arlene Dahl.
Edie Sedgwick, Anna Karina, Arlene Dahl.
I just want to be a sweetheart.

I always thought Kate was singing about Tolstoy's tragic heroine Anna Karenina along with cult actresses Edie Sedgwick and Arlene Dahl. I never quite understood why.

Turns out it's actually Danish actress Anna Karina. Well, I never.

2. The Drifters - Kissing In The Back Row Of The Movies

One of those things you dream about doing when you're young and single... then when the opportunity does finally arrive: "Get off me, woman - I want to watch the film!"

1. Okkervil River - Our Life Is Not A Movie Or Maybe

Their best song, it's a lyrical blizzard and no mistaking, with some of the more interesting rhymes you'll hear this week.



Do you have a favourite movie song? Do tell.

Anyone who suggests My Heart Will Go On, Everything I Do (I Do It For You) or Take My Breath Away... don't let the door hit your arse on your way out.

Top Ten Television Songs

Well, I did radio, it only follows I continue with a list of my favourite songs about the idiot box...

Special mention goes to two bands names after TVs - Television Personalities and Television. If I ever do a Top Ten about tents, Marquee Moon will be number one.

For any Blur fans wondering where Graham Coxon's Coffee & TV is, I'm saving that for the Coffee Top Ten. No, seriously.


10. The Handsome Family - All The TVs In Town

You can’t see the stars
Above the city skyline
But sometimes the air shines like gold
Under the yellow street lights

The psychotics in the park
Howling up at the sky
And the silent airplanes
Slowly drifting by

Sometimes it all seems to glow
As bright as the lights
From all the TVs in town

But when I wake up scared
In those still summer nights
When the air hangs like snakes
Around flashing neon signs

It seems like there’s nothing
Along these broken roads
But blinking lights on creaking metal poles

Ah, Rennie Sparks. Lyrical poet.

9. I Am Kloot - 86 TVs

I really should pick up the new I Am Kloot album. The reviews seem to suggest they're finally ready for their Elbow moment (years spent flogging a horse that only a few people realise isn't dead... until said horse is reborn as a stallion).

8. Billy Joel - Sleeping With The Television On

I am the product of a misspent youth spent listening to Billy Joel records. See also 'Close To The Borderline' in which Billy sagely notes, "I don't change channels so they must change me".

7. Pulp - TV Movie

Without you my life has become a hangover without end
A movie made for TV: bad dialogue,
Bad acting, no interest.
Too long with no story & no sex.

See also Clem Snide's Made For TV Movie, Everclear's TV Show and Bruce's TV Movie.

6. Mansun - Television

Overblown, theatrical instrumentation? Check.

Pretentious lyrics? Check.

Every album a concept album> Check.

So why did Muse become massive and Mansun disappear? Paul Draper was robbed.

5. Airborne Toxic Event - I Don't Want To Be On TV

I don't.

I've worked with a TV crew twice in my life, recording two separate documentaries, and both times I've found them peopled by arrogant tosspots who thought everybody else existed purely to do their bidding.

Apologies if you work in TV and you're the exception to that rule.

4. Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Kill Your Television

Music blogger Friend Of Rachel Worth over at Cathedrals Of Sounds has a regular feature in which he names Bands That Should Have Been Bigger Than The Beatles. I thoroughly agree with many of his suggestions, including Spearmint, Furniture and The Pearlfishers. Even if they'd never released a record, Ned's Atomic Dustbin deserve pop sainthood for their name alone.

3. Bruce Springsteen - 57 Channels (And Nothing On)

The early 90s is generally considered Bruce's creative nadir. Releasing two albums on the same day is always a sign that something's up (see also GnR - though Use Your Illusion I & II were slightly less disappointing than Lucky Town and Human Touch). This is probably the best track he recorded between Tunnel Of Love and The Rising, and the lyrics hint at just why his mojo went astray.

I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a truckload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Never trust any artist who's so content the only thing they've got to complain about is "there's nowt worth watching on TV".

2. Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy - Television, The Drug Of The Nation

This was one of the toughest Top Ten decisions I've had to face. Which is the better television tune, the Disposable Heroes... or the track that - by toss of a coin alone - made it to Number One? Both are essential listening, and yet they're also somewhat surprising choices that venture a little further from my usual whiteboy indie/rock safety zone.

T.V. is the reason why less than ten percent of our nation reads books daily...

1. Gil Scott Heron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
The revolution will not be televised.

No, the theme song will be written by Gil Scott Heron... and lo, it shall be genius.



So... which TV track would have you refusing to change the channel?

Top 40 Radio Songs

After last week's DJ Top Ten, and in celebration of today's announcement that 6 Music lives, here's a countdown of my favourite radio songs. Turned out when I checked my library there were so many great songs with radio in the title, I had enough for a whole Top 40 - with some left over! Seemed an appropriate enough way of celebrating the evil industry...


40. Roxy Music - Oh Yeah (On The Radio)

39. The Ataris - The Radio Still Sucks

38. Hefner - The Greater London Radio

37. Jane Bond & The UndercoverMen - Radio Moscow

36. Edwin Starr - H.A.P.P.Y Radio

35. Nirvana - Radio Friendly Unit Shifter

34. Robbie Williams - Radio

33. The Vines - Don't Listen To The Radio

32. Black Box Recorder - Factory Radio

31. Everclear - AM Radio

30. George Harrison - Devil's Radio

29. Talking Heads - Radio Head

28. Helen Love - Summer Pop Radio

27. Elvis Costello - Radio Sweetheart

26. The Ataris - Radio #2

25. Jesse Malin - Broken Radio

24. Teenage Fanclub - Radio

23. The Ramones - Do You Remember Rock 'n' Roll Radio?

22. Donna Summer - On The Radio

21. Bruce Springsteen - Radio Nowhere

20. Dead 60s - Riot Radio

19. Jim White - Static On The Radio

18. The Selecter - On My Radio

17. The Clash - This Is Radio Clash

16. Latin Quarter - Radio Africa

15. The Concretes - On The Radio

14. Steve Earle - Satellite Radio

13. Rush - Spirit Of Radio

12. Scissor Sisters - Tits On The Radio

11. Regina Spektor - On The Radio

10. The Wonder Stuff - Radio Ass Kiss

Radio Ass Kiss on the air
Say what you like now no one cares

9. Queen - Radio Gaga

I'd sit alone and watch your light
My only friend through teenage nights

Truer words never sung...

8. Ricky Ross - Radio On

A haunting rarity from Ricky's first solo album.

7. REM - Radio Song

I remember REM purists getting all up in arms about the fact that this song featured a rap by KRS-One. Still, probably better than a rap by Michael Stipe. Unfortunately, 20+ years on, Radio Song has dated rather more than the rest of the album.

6. Tom Robinson - Listen To The Radio / Atmospherics

Tom Robinson was eight years old when he recorded this song. Seriously - just watch the video!

5. Kathleen Edwards - One More Song The Radio Won't Like

Ironically, I discovered Kathleen Edwards through hearing this record on Bob Harris's radio show.

4. Slade - Radio Wall Of Sound

In the early 90's, Slade decided they fancied a crack at the Def Leppard market stateside. They had to sideline Noddy a bit to do though...

3. Ballboy - All The Records On The Radio Are Shite

(Except Mine) sings Ballboy.

Except having the word 'Shite' in your title would probably rule out your chances of getting much airplay... although I did hear someone use the word "shitlist" in a news bulletin on Radio 2 this lunchtime, so anything's possible.

2. Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star

A timeless classic from Trevor Horn and co... whatever happened to him?

The Presidents Of The United States Of America cover version from The Wedding Singer is always worth a listen too.

As is this rather cool live version by The Wrong Trousers.

1. Elvis Costello - Radio Radio

I've featured this song here before, and I'll probably feature it again...

And the radio is in the hands of such a lot of fools
Trying to anaesthetise the way that you feel...

With forty songs to choose from, I must have included your favourite radio song... mustn't I?

Top Ten DJ Songs

A long time ago, in a whole other lifetime, I used to write and publish a comic called THE JOCK. In it, a group of rebel DJs fought for freedom and real music in a world where mindless corporate muzak had become the opiate of the masses. A book where the hero was a DJ...? Why not write a comic about a super-powered traffic warden or altruistic ambulance-chasing lawyer while I was at it? No wonder it didn't catch on.

During my 20+ years in the radio industry, I've known a hell of a lot of DJs. Some of them have gone on to fame and fortune, some have gone on to proper jobs. Some have even been intelligent, sincere, modest, warm-hearted and normal. For every Chris Evans, there's a Mark Radcliffe or John Peel. Well, there used to be. The true DJ is a dying breed, for some of the reasons found in song below... here's my tribute.

10. Faithless - God Is A DJ

There are thousands of dance songs about DJs, but most are about club DJs rather than radio. Still, the principle is the same I suppose - someone passionate about music, passionate about sharing that music with the world. Faithless is as close as I ever got to dance music. If my God was a DJ, he'd mostly play songs with real instruments and proper lyrics. I guess I'm just an old-fashioned guy.

9. The View - Wasted Little DJs / Face For Radio

Who knows why Scottish band The View are so obsessed with DJs that they wrote two songs about them on their debut album ? Perhaps it was a ploy to get their records played?

The same record for the 16th time
Exact same set you did the last time round

Hmm... perhaps not.

8. David Bowie - DJ

I am a D.J.
I am what I play
I got believers
Believing me

The DJ as cult (sp?) of ego... as only Mad Dave McMad could do it.

7. Soulwax - Too Many DJs

"Everybody wants to be the DJ" sang Soulwax. Well of course we do. We all believe our own tastes in music are far superior to those of anyone else.

The ironic thing is that Soulwax now seem to far prefer being DJs themselves, rather than actually recording any new records. Which is a shame.

6. Tom Petty - The Last DJ

Back when I started working in radio, I had aspirations to be a presenter myself. Soon after that, free choice was taken away from the majority of jocks and replaced by music testing, focus groups and playlists. That was what spurred me into creating The Jock and convinced me it wasn't the career for me. (Well, that and the fact that I have a shit voice.)

Well you can't turn him into a company man
You can't turn him into a whore
And the boys upstairs just don't understand anymore
Well the top brass don't like him talking so much
And he won't play what they say to play
And he don't want to change what don't need to change
And there goes the last DJ
Who plays what he wants to play
And says what he wants to say
Hey, hey, hey

5. The Hold Steady - Most People Are DJs

Everyone's a critic and most people are DJs

I know it's not what this song is about... but can you come up with a better eight word definition of the internet?

4. Donald Fagen - The Nightfly

Amazingly, I can't find the original of this Donald Fagen classic anywhere on the net. Lots of middle-aged blokes playing it in their bedrooms though...

I'm Lester the Nightfly
Hello Baton Rouge
Won't you turn your radio down
Respect the seven second delay we use

I used to work on a phone-in show. Spent my nights telling people to turn off their radios before they went on air. And calling the police to deal with all the nutters and attempted suicides...

3. Harry Chapin - W*O*L*D*

Harry Chapin. Genius. Three words that should always be used in close proximity.

A plea from an old, drunk DJ to the ex-wife who doesn't want him back...

Got a spot on the top of my head, just begging for a new toupee
And a tire on my gut from sitting on my...
But they're never gonna go away
Sometimes I get this crazy dream
That I just drove off in my car
But you can travel on ten thousand miles and still say where you are
Been thinking that I should stop this jocking
And start that record store
Maybe I could settle down and you'd take me back once more...

2. The Smiths - Panic

Come on, you knew it was coming. You're only surprised it's not number one.

Hang the blessed DJ!

1. Mark Germino - Rex Bob Lowenstein

Tom Petty's isn't the only last DJ. When Hartlanberg's Rex Bob gets told what to play by the boys upstairs, he's locks himself in the studio and goes out fighting.

Now, one day a man in a pinstriped suit
Took the owner of the station to a restaurant booth
His pitch was simple, "you’ll increase your sales
If you only play the song list we send in the mail."

He guaranteed a larger audience
Less confusion and higher points
"But your drive-time jock won’t get to do his thing.
Hey he’s not half bad, tell me, what’s his name?"

For all those wondering what happened to Buggles and Video Killed The Radio Star... I'm saving that for my Radio Top Ten... which is looking more like a Top 40 at the moment. Kinda fitting. In the meantime... what's your favourite DJ song?

Top Ten Haircut Songs

Thanks to Penelope, I've started work on a new Top Ten Music feature... yet it's rather spiralled out of control and might take a little more work than these countdowns normally do. In the meantime, I'll keep up with the random playlists... this one's for anybody who's had a new haircut this week.

Special mention goes to Nick Heyward, the nicest popstar I ever met, and Haircut 100. Where do we go from here? Is it down to the lake, I fear...

Runners up included SFA's Ice Hockey Hair, Mercury Rev's Car Wash Hair, The Charlatans' Jesus Hairdo and Half Man Half Biscuit's tragic Hair Like Bryan May Blues...

But these, in my humble opinion, are the dos that most definitely do.

10. George Thorogood - Get A Haircut

"...and get a real job!"

Sage advice from George T. Pity I never took it.

9. Tracie Young - Boy Hairdresser

I think it was JC, The Vinyl Villain who introduced me to Tracie Young, probably because I wasn't paying enough attention during her brief 15 minutes back in 1984. This song was co-written by Paul Weller and seemed set to spur her on to stardom, particularly when she was voted Most-Fanciable Female by the readers of Smash Hits. Sadly, twas not to be.

8. The Waifs - Haircut

The Waifs are an Australian band I really must investigate in more depth. They're darker underneath...

7. Pavement - Cut Your Hair

Scruffy bunch of American indie scalliwags with not a decent haircut between 'em. Shave 'em all and send 'em in the army - 'specially Malkmus!

6. Jim White - Combing My Hair In A Brand New Style

"He used a blue hair comb with a busted tooth
To comb out the tangles of his messed-up youth."

If only it was that easy.

5. The Divine Comedy - Bernice Bobs Her Hair

Her hair was long
Her hair was dark
Her hair flowed down her back
And now it lies upon the floor
Bernice runs out the door

None on her head, just down her back, as the old Eric Morecambe gag goes.

4. Beck - Devil's Haircut

Beck updates Stagger Lee and introduces him to 90s consumerism via a Noel Gallager remix.

3. Regina Spektor - Samson

Ah, Regina Spektor, whatever happened? Begin To Hope was such a perfect album... why did its follow-up, Far, leave me so cold? Who cut your hair in between records?

2. Morrissey - Hairdresser On Fire

Poor old Morrissey, even his hairdresser's too busy to see him. Apparently there are barber shops in both Connecticut and Copenhagen named after this song.

1. Billy Bragg - Walk Away Renée

With Johnny Marr playing the tune of The Left Banke's 60s hit as backing, Billy makes up his own heartbreaking lyrics - a short story of young love doomed by infidelity and haircuts. Perfect.



So go on then, what's your favourite haircut song?