Top Ten Lightning Songs

If this be Thor's Day...!

(Well, it will be for me as we're going to see the movie tonight. In 2D, the way it's meant to be seen.)

Thor may well be the God of Thunder (hence last week's Top Ten Thunder Songs), but he's more often illustrated with lightning - thunder being hardly the most visual of elements.

And so... here's my Top Ten favourite Lightning Songs...

10. Tom McRae - I Ain't Scared Of Lightning

Arguably Tom McCrae's best album, his eponymous debutcloses with this short burst of defiance...

If they gave degrees for cheating destiny
Then man, I've got a first

9. Bruce Springsteen - Dry Lightning

Despite the fact that The Grapes of Wrathis one of my favourite novels, The Ghost Of Tom Joadisn't one of my favourite Springsteen albums. Lyrically, these stories are strong - musically, they're a little too sparse - yet without the devastating 4-track effect of Nebraska.Still, Dry Lightning remains an evocative piece of storytelling...

I'd drive down to Alvarado street
Where she danced to make ends meet
I'd spend the night over my gin
As she'd talk to her men


Well the piss yellow sun
Comes bringin' up the day
She said "ain't nobody gonna give nobody
What they really need anyway"

8. George Jones - White Lightning ( From The Best of George Jones)

Written by the Big Bopper, George Jones's version of White Lightning drew infamy from the 80 takes it took its inebriated singer to get it all down on tape. The story goes the session went on so long, the bass player's fingers began to bleed.

7. David Bowie - Lightning Frightening

From one Jones boy to another, this was a bonus track on my copy of The Man Who Sold The World, though it doesn't appear to have been included on more recent versions of that release. Shame.

6. John Travolta - Greased Lightnin' ( From Grease Original Soundtrack)

We'll get some purple French tail lights and thirty-inch fins, oh yeah
A palomino dashboard and duel muffler twins, oh yeah
With new pistons, plugs, and shocks, I can get off my rocks
You know that I ain't braggin', she's a real pussy wagon - greased lightnin'

I think he's referring to something like this...

5. The Flaming Lips - Lightning Strikes The Postman ( From Clouds Taste Metallic)

I got yer letter it had turned to sand,
Lighting strikes the postman in his hand,
I hope that you remember the things you had to say,
It's just a supernatural delay...

Well, that's just typical of the Royal Mail these days. Any excuse!

And it's hard to read the writing through the flames...

4. Auf Der Maur - Lightning Is My Girl ( From Auf Der Maur)

Ex-Hole axe-grinder Melissa Auf Der Maur made better music once she's kicked Courtney to the kerb...?

3. Arctic Monkeys - Crying Lightning ( From Humbug)

While the Flaming Lips are pestering the postman, the Monkeys get back to doing what they do best - aggravating the ice cream man. Featuring lewd Carry On style innuendo based around the contents of a Pick 'n' Mix bag... really, what else do you need?

2. Richard Thompson - 1952 Black Lightning ( From Action Packed - The Best Of The Capitol Years)

I already raved about this song when it made Number One on my Top Ten Songs About The 50s. Only that, and Bruce Willis, prevent it from taking top spot twice...



1. Lou Christie - Lightning Strikes Again ( From Lou Christie The Hits)

Had you worried for a second there, didn't I? Truth is though, it's down to Bruce Willis that I first came across this track, back when David Addison sang it - very briefly - in an old episode of Moonlighting. Bruce's version didn't do it justice, but it did convey a fraction of the sheer excitement contained within this Motown-meets-Frankie Valli style 60s stomper. If you've never heard it before, give yourself just three short minutes to fall in love...





OK, lightning has struck - will it strike twice? What did I miss?

If you've still not had enough Thor-shaped action, I'll be back shortly with my review (not tomorrow though as I'm going to a wedding), and in the meantime it's Thor Week over at Thoughtballoons... go check out my 1-page story. It's Thor Vs. Richard Dawkins... the battle we've all been waiting for!

Top Ten Songs About The 50s

Because I want to do a Top Ten Songs About The 80s in a few weeks time, and because I'm a saddo list-compiler completist, I first had to go back further, to the dawn of rock 'n' roll. Just be glad I couldn't find enough songs about the 30s or 40s... or the 1800s.

To be clear - this isn't my favourite songs FROM the fifties... all these tracks were released much later. It's just a list of tracks that recall that mythical decade in one way or another...

10. Ronnie Milsap - Lost In The 50s Tonight

It's crass music journo shorthand to call Ronnie Milsap the "country Stevie Wonder" just because he's blind... so I won't.

This song was recorded in 1985... yet it could easily have come from thirty years earlier.

9. Patti Smith - 1959

I like Patti Smith. Horses? Great album. That one with Because The Night on? Even better. Let's face it, there are those who believe Morrissey and Marr named their band after her... so really, who am I to be critical?

However...

This song does contain the following lyric...

Wisdom was a teapot
Pouring from above.

???

8. The Police - Born In The 50s

OK, Sting, here's the problem. You call your song Born In The 50s, yet all your lyrics refer to events that took place in the 60s.

My mother cried
When president Kennedy died
She said it was the communists
But I knew better

Also, it seems Sting knew exactly who shot JFK... even when he was a little kid. Pity the Warren Commission didn't just ask li'l Gordon. And what's more...

They screamed
When the Beatles sang
And they laughed when the King fell down the stairs
Oh they should've known better
Oh we hated our Aunts
Then we messed in our pants

I swear I'm not making these lyrics up. I take back everything I said about Patti Smith's teapot.

7. Dion - Queen of '59

From the album Streetheart, which came bundled up on CD with its far superior (Phil Spector produced) predecessor, Born To Be With You, this is a nice little duet with Phil Everly, written about Dion's wife Susan. Damned if I can find it anywhere on the internet though.

6. Tom Waits - Ol' 55

Tom Waits takes his vintage automobile out for a spin. I have no idea what sort of car this would be, but I want to say Buick. Apparently the Eagles covered this track, but Tom wasn't too impressed, calling their version "antiseptic". But then, he hates the fucking Eagles, man.

5. The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound

You ain't supposed to die on a Saturday night, not even for making a career out of impersonating the E Street Band.

4. Beach Boys - Disney Girls (1957)

A nostalgic ode from Beach Boy Bruce Johnson, released in the 70s when the 50s already felt like a golden age. I'm not sure how much of this is American Happy Days mythologising (certainly Britain in the 50s doesn't look half as appealing with hindsight) but you can hear in this song exactly why Marty McFly had to go back there.

3. Morrissey - Munich Air Disaster 1958

As if to prove my point about Britain, here's Morrissey with a song dedicated to the Manchester United team killed on their way home from Germany. In black and white, no doubt.

2. Billy Joel - We Didn't Start The Fire

Some may question this track's inclusion. To them I say: compile your own list. This infamous 80s list song begins in the year of Joel's birth, 1949, but spends more of its time in the 50s than it does in the 60s, 70s or 80s... as illustrated in this excessively detailed guide to every single lyric.

We Didn't Start The Fire was released at the height of my teenage Joel-mania, when I really should have been listening to the Smiths... but wasn't. I still love it, even the bit where he obviously can't think of a rhyme for "JFK blown away". He should have asked Sting.

1. Richard Thompson - 1952 Black Lightning

A wonderful story about Richard Thompson's favourite motorcycle, and the heartbreaking romance it inspires. Would also likely make Number One in my Top Ten Motorbike Songs... if I ever get round to that.

Said Red Molly to James that's a fine motorbike
A girl could feel special on any such like
Said James to Red Molly, well my hat's off to you
It's a Vincent Black Lightning, 1952
And I've seen you at the corners and cafes it seems
Red hair and black leather, my favorite color scheme
And he pulled her on behind
And down to Box Hill they did ride

So... do you remember any songs about the 50s? Or are you all too young?

Top Ten Coffee Songs

Went into Cafe Nero today. Ordered my usual black coffee to take out.

"Would you like a biscotti to go with that, sir?"

"Tell you what, call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

As mentioned a couple of weeks back, I'm back on the drugs. Specifically caffeine. And for no other reason than because I didn't have enough room in my Top Ten TV Songs for Blur... here's my Coffee Countdown.



10. Johnny Ray - Coffee & Cigarettes

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono...

If it's good enough for Kevin Rowland, it's good enough for me.

9. Otis Redding - Cigarettes & Coffee

Some of the greatest songs ever written take place in the wee small hours of the morning, yet typically they're written from the point of view of a lonely, down-at-heel loser who's only companion is a whiskey glass. Otis bucks that trend by writing a small hours love song. They're just sitting here talking over cigarettes and coffee - with Otis on the stereo.

8. Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffee Spoons

The song that proves Crash Test Dummies weren't just an annoying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm One Hit Wonder.

7. All Saints - Black Coffee

All Saints, Rol?

Really?

I'm a big fan of the classic girl-groups - from the Supremes to the Shangri Las... and for a second - just one second - All Saints came closer than most to recapturing and updating that sound. Ultimately they failed, but give them some credit...

6. Richard Thompson - Java Jive

From Richard Thompson's epic trawl through 1000 Years Of Popular Song, here he takes on The Ink Spots' 1940 hit. You know the one.

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me..."

5. James - Coffee & Toast

Recorded in the original sessions for the Pleased To Meet You Album, this was subsequently relegated to b-side status when Brian Eno stepped on board the good ship James as producer. A shame, because this would have been the best track on the album. Perhaps Tim Booth realised this - he quit the band for 7 seven years after its release.

4. Squeeze - Black Coffee In Bed

Featuring Paul Young and Elvis Costello on backing vocals, another of those songs that reminds you what a great lyricist Chris Difford is.

3. Blur - Coffee & TV

The song that broke Blur and persuaded Graham Coxon a solo career was beckoning? Could be.

2. Prince - Starfish & Coffee

Prince goes into Cafe Nero...

"Hello sir, can I take your order."

"Yes, I'd like Starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham, please."

"Certainly sir. And would you like a Biscotti with that too?"

"Call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

Soulwax do a cracking cover of this song too.

1. The Clint Boon Experience - White No Sugar

The man on the mac in Macedonia
Hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC
This is definitely a new revolution

Mr. Boon - play that tune!



So that was my caffeine fix - what's yours?