Hey, I never said my journey into outer space was going to take me in a straight line. From Mars, we slingshot back round Earth to our other nearest neighbour, the one a little closer to the sun. Things are hotting up, although the Venus we'll be hearing about through most of this list is a hot, heavenly goddess rather than a big blue rock surrounded by carbon dioxide and sulphuric acid...
10. Low - Venus
A wonderfully relaxing slice of slowcore Mormon rock about a girl who's fed up with everything, from her friends to her make-up. One for the chill-out tent...
9. Bjork - Venus As A Boy
A lorry. A hatter. A box of frogs. Bjork.
8. Mark Wynter - Venus In Blue Jeans
An actor who became a pop star. A Eurovision loser. A cheesy 60's crooner. Why am I so much more forgiving of Mark Wynter than I would be his 21st Century counterparts?
7. Television - Venus
I fell right into the Arms of Venus de Milo.
As rock 'n' roll jokes go, this one always makes me smile.
6. Frankie Avalon - Venus
While Sam Cooke pleaded with Cupid to draw back his bow, Frankie Avalon sent his romantic prayers straight to the Roman goddess of love. Did either answer?
5. Prefab Sprout - Venus of the Soup Kitchen
The song that gave From Langley Park to Memphis its title. So beautiful it makes me want to cry.
4. The Scaremongers - From The Shorelines of Venus
The epic closing track from my local poet laureate's debut (and to date, sadly, only) album, this finds Simon Armitage, his mate and his missus, crafting lyrical images that would make Morrissey green with envy. If you don't own this record, do yourself a favour...
At the height of the season
In a laughable blouse
Came in a suitcase and laughed at my house
3. Half Man Half Biscuit - Venus In Flares
A million housewives every day, pick up a can of beans and say
“What an amazing example of synchronisation”
...begins Nigel Blackwell's ode to our #2 record. It ends in even more outrageous fashion...
Well, The Grand Old Duke Of York
Well, he had ten thousand men
And he marched them up to the top of the hill
And he had them all again
2. The Velvet Undergound - Venus In Furs
Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather...
It's about S&M. All the best songs are.
1. Shocking Blue - Venus
Or, if you insist, this version... because I'm a child of the 80s; I'm not proud. (Plus, the video looks like Meat Loaf might stroll in at any second.)
Those were my Venus votes... but which is your goddess on the mountain top?
