MY 2011 MOVIE GUIDE AND RATINGS

Here is My 2011 Movie Guide & Ratings (in alphabetical order).

The rating is based on how I enjoyed the movies and how good I think the movies were. And this is how MyRating works:

  YYYYY = EXCELLENT
  YYYY     = VERY GOOD
  YYY          = GOOD
  YY              = FAIR
  Y                   = BAD

    BOO...       = EXTREMELY BAD

I will keep updating this list from time to time to make a complete guide of all the 2011 movies that I've watched. Hope you enjoy reading and find it useful in digging movies worth watching for, and eventually spend your good time with the movies. If you happen to share the same feeling with most of my thoughts, then we possibly may have the same taste in movies. I love movies! No, it's my addiction. Have a good time at the cinema. (MJ)

50/50 (2011)

MyRating: YYYYY / [A+]

Director: Jonathan Levine

Cast: Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Seth Rogen, Anna Kendrick, Bryce Dallas Howard, Anjelica Huston
MPAA: Rated R for language throughout, sexual content and some drug use

A moving and heartwarming drama-comedy about a 27-year-old radio journalist, Adam Lerner (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), who is diagnosed with a rare spinal cancer and finds out that he has only 50/50 chance to live. Supported by people who close to him, his beautiful artist girlfriend (Bryce Dallas Howard), his best friend (Seth Rogen), his controlling mother (Anjelica Huston) and an inexperienced young therapist (Anna Kendrick), while he is going through treatments to cure his disease, Adam learns the important lessons about life and relationship, on who really cares for him and what matters him the most, as his time is ticking. The lessons that change him and his life forever. A beautiful and powerful story, funny and sad at times, with an inspiring friendship and good best-buddy chemistry between Gordon-Levitt and Rogen, that will definitely make you smile. Good performance by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who portrayed a sympathetic character with a calm and collected personality, but has his moment of emotional outburst when things get rough. While Seth Rogen was funny and basically playing himself, as the movie was inspired by the true story of how Rogen and his real-life pal Will Reiser, the screenwriter of this movie, dealt with Reiser's cancer diagnosis in the past. A thoughtful movie that will deeply touch your heart. An example of a smart screenplay that made a brilliant movie. Definitely one of the best and one of my favorite movies of 2011.

MONEYBALL (2011)

MyRating: YYYY1/2 / [A]

Director: Bennett Miller

Cast: Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hofffman, Robin Wright
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for some strong language

Brad Pitt gave a wonderful performance in this baseball drama based on a  true story as Billy Beane, the general manager of Oakland Athletics, who changes the history on how a baseball team competes, when he assembles a competitive team based on sabermetric approach by using statistical data in evaluating and scouting the undervalued good players, so as to overcome the financial constraint of their club in paying high salaries. He hires Peter Brand (Jonah Hill), a bright young graduate from Yale as assistant, whom believes and convinces Beane that such philosophy and approach is the key to form a successful team. It is not and never easy though, as they still have to prove that what they do will bring in success. But the history stated a 20 consecutive wins in the 2002 season and an American League record. The very well-written adapted screenplay and the good performances made this movie an enjoyable to watch. Brad Pitt's convincing acting and interesting character, as the headstrong and temperamental leader, is the heart and soul of this movie. His charisma shined throughout the movie. Jonah Hill was good in his serious role here, out of his usual comedic typecasting. While Philip Seymour Hoffman was also a pleasure to watch as the field manager Art Howe, who is unhappy with Beane's approach. A wonderfully told and inspiring biographical sports movie.

MYMOVIE CRITIC - REVIEWING MOVIES FROM THE AUDIENCE'S STANDPOINT

Top Ten Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune & Pluto Songs

OK, following Earth, Mars, Venus and Mercury, I struggled to make a decent Top Ten with any of the other planets in our solar system. So here's the best of the rest, with two caveats...

i) There are no decent Uranus songs. For obvious reasons. And yes, I do include 'Rocket To Uranus' by The Vengaboys when I make that statement.

ii) I know Pluto isn't considered a planet anymore by those who know far better than me. But it's still better than Uranus.



10. Grandchildren - Saturn Returns

More interesting than the R.E.M. song of (almost) the same title. I know very little about this band other than they're from Philadelphia and don't appear to be any relation to Grandaddy.

9. Stevie Wonder - Saturn

Stevie's had enough of all the bad stuff - y'know, wars, murders, people nicking your trolley when you pop to the toilet in Tesco - so he's packing his bags and moving to Saturn, the planet where people live to be 205.

8. Tori Amos - Hey Jupiter

I'm not even going to attempt to tell you what this song is about. It's far too deep for a dumb-head like me.

7. The B-52s - Hallucinating Pluto

Because I have an extremely juvenile sense of humour, I love the fact that the only things written on the youtube page for this song are...

All rights and ownership go to The B-52's.

...and...

penises

6. Train - Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)

Come on, you'd almost written Train off as a one-hit wonder, hadn't you? I quite liked their new MONSTER HIT, Drive-By, until Louise asked me, "What are you listening to - is that the Jonas Brothers?"

5. The Futureheads - Jupiter

When your life fills you with despair,
You have to believe that there’s good out there
No enemies anywhere
Then you are free

If you're quick, lads, you can share a rocket with Stevie Wonder. He's going in vaguely the same direction.

4. Super Furry Animals - (Drawing) Rings Around The World

A little bit of a cheat, but worth it. A Saturn song in all but name.

3. The Divine Comedy - Neptune's Daughter

When the last course has been consumed
They withdraw to the drawing room
Where the Schubert she plays with style
Keeps her friends happy for the while
But the memories are a burden,
So she draws back both the curtains
Stepping out into the night...

Neil Hannon: the Noel Coward of indie-pop.

2. Donovan - Jennifer Jupiter

What's that, you say? "Juniper"? Don't be daft...

1. The Inspiral Carpets - Saturn 5

Dig that funky Clint Boon organ!

An Eagle lands, and a planet full of people raises its hands
All hail the men who will walk up in heaven today

So, that's the rest of my musical solar system... which would you land on? (Uranus, anybody?)

Book Review - Stonemouth by Iain Banks

Many, many years ago, when I was doing my A Level English, I had one of those rare teachers who inspire you. Back then (as now) I spent a lot of time writing stories and I used to submit them as part of my coursework whenever I could. One day, the teacher asked me if I'd ever read any Iain Banks. From the sort of (slightly weird, character based) fiction I wrote, he thought Banks would be an author I'd appreciate. He recommended I start not with the obvious choice, Banks' controversial debut The Wasp Factory, but with his latest, The Bridge, a novel with one of the most striking and memorable opening scenes I've ever read. After that, I was hooked.

I've stuck with Iain Banks ever since, and though I've not loved all his books - and I could never get into his sci-fi work as Iain M. Banks - he's remained a favourite for the last 23 years. And every now and then, he comes out with a real belter...

Stonemouth revisits many familiar Banks themes and tropes. It tells of a young man returning to his Scottish family home after leaving under a cloud some years back (similar to The Crow Road), involves some very real yet very threatening local gangsters (Dead Air) and prominently features a bridge from the opening scene on. At heart it's a mystery novel - not so much a whodunit? as a whatdidhedo? - about a romance gone wrong. Like many of Banks' stories, the plot hinges on the effects of an everyday item used to devastating effects. If Dead Air made us extra cautious about using a mobile phone while drunk, Stonemouth warns us of the danger of disposable instant cameras at weddings.

Stonemouth is a gripping, funny, emotional and scary novel - it's Iain Banks back on top form. Read it.

Waiting On A Sunny Day - Bruce Springsteen Live in Manchester

On a day when the North West was drowning under torrential rain (yet another "wettest June on record", as though it's now become a contest), we were prepared to be Lost In The Flood at Manchester City's Etihad Stadium as Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band returned to town. We'd been lucky at previous outdoor Bruce concerts in Manchester, enjoying rare sunny days at both the Lancashire County Cricket Club and Old Trafford (the first time I saw him, at the indoor MEN Arena, the weather wasn't a worry). But it was inevitable that holding an outdoor concert in June in Manchester was going to risk angering the weather gods sooner or later, and on the day the Isle of Wight festival sank into the mud, we were ready for the worst.

It had rained all day. Not just rain - buckets, frogs, cats and dogs, a plague of locusts - and the forecast for the evening looked just as grim. As we trudged over to the stadium in the drizzle, we enjoyed a brief respite from the torrents, but nobody expected to stay dry over the next few hours. Bruce and the band took to the stage at 7-15, and suddenly the rain stopped completely. At 8 o'clock it made a brief return bid, but the band launched into Waiting On A Sunny Day in response and drove the clouds away. There were a couple more minor showers at 9 and 10, but neither lasted more than a song or succeeded in dampening the electricity in the atmosphere.

At 62, Bruce Springsteen has the stamina of a man a third his age. A three and a half hour set flew by in what felt like minutes, and we could easily have watched the band perform twice that and still wanted more. Having seen the boss live three times before, I've heard him play many of my favourite songs at one time or another, and while there are certain ones he just can't drop  (Born To Run, Thunder Road, Dancing In The Dark), it's not a problem that we didn't get Glory Days, Born In The USA or anything from Tunnel Of Love this time. There was plenty more to keep us enthralled. The sound was a little muddy for the first few songs and there were the inevitable arseholes in the audience who'd paid £50 to chat / shout with their friends or drink as much overpriced beer as they could rather than watch the band, but once the show got going, such distractions ceased to matter.

It was another thrilling performance from the heart-stopping, pants-dropping, hard-rocking, booty-shaking, earth-quaking, nerve-breaking, Viagra-taking history-making, legendary E Street Band... but also a hugely emotional one, this being the first time they've toured without The Big Man, saxophonist Clarence Clemons, who died last year. The tributes brought tears to my eyes, but so did the fact that those enormous shoes have been filled by Clarence's nephew, Jake. The lad blows a mean horn himself.

I've been a Bruce Springsteen fan most of my life and, unlike many of my heroes, he's never let me down. He even managed to drive away the rain on the wettest day of the year in the wettest city in the north. Bring on that wrecking ball!

Coming Attractions: More Sex & Violence plus some Peculiarity

Too Much Sex & Violence #4 is heading towards completion and will hopefully be hitting the streets sometime in what we're laughably calling this "summer". To whet your appetites, here's the front and back covers... a couple of wonderful arty homages from Nige & Dave...





But that's not all... my other new comic, Department of the Peculiar, drawn by the amazing Rob Wells is also nearing completion and provisionally scheduled for release some time in August (ish). Our good friends at the Forbidden Planet Blog were kind enough to preview the first five pages yesterday... so pop over there if you want to find out more.

Top Ten Mercury Songs

Back into space, this week with ten songs about (or very loosely connected to) the smallest, hottest planet in our solar system...

10. Long-View - Further

OK, I'm stretching the rules, but this is from the debut Long-View album, called 'Mercury', and it's a nice enough noise.

9. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - On Mercury

The Chilli Peppers go ska. I'm not the world's biggest RHCP fan, but I love the fact that Flea was in the Back To The Future movies.

8. Bloc Party - Mercury

Their Mercury's in retrograde. The video is what happens if you eat too much cheese while watching Planet of the Apes... and then fall into a nightmare.

7. American Music Club - Johnny Mathis' Feet

I've had to cheat again. As with the Long-View song, this is from an album called 'Mercury'. But never mind that - the name of this song is Johnny Mathis' Feet! You need no other reason to love it.

6. Todd Snider - Thin Wild Mercury

A song about the rivalry between Bob Dylan and Phil Ochs. Billy Bragg would have something to say about that.

5. Counting Crows - Mercury

It's a sunny day as I write this (I'm sure it won't be by the time it gets posted) and there are few better bands for chilling in the summertime. The music of the Counting Crows evokes long, dusty roads stretching off into nowhere and a heat haze on the horizon. Not quite as hot as the planet we're celebrating... but hot enough for me.

4. The Steve Miller Band - Mercury Blues

Lots of songs have been written about American cars. This is just one of them, and it's a Ford too. See, American songwriters had it easy. Try writing a song about a Ford Escort, Sierra or Mondeo... without sounding like Alan Partridge.

3. Kathleen Edwards - Mercury

Another song about the same car... though this one leads to a tragic death. Don't smoke pot and drive, kids.

2. Mercury Rev - Goddess On The Hiway

How could I have a Mercury list without the Rev? This is their finest moment, a song built around a quite dreadful pun... and yet, a thing of great beauty.

1. Freddie Mercury - Mr. Bad Guy

Well, it had to be. I could have chosen any number of Freddie songs, but this one wins out for its shamelessly autobiographical nature, and the fact Fred sings:

Can't you see?
I'm Mr. Mercury!

Yes, he's everybody's Mr. Bad Guy. They're all afraid of him. He can ruin people's lives. And somehow he manages to rip off both the Jaws and Psycho themes in this track...



Those are the songs that get my Mercury rising... but which is your Mr. Bad Guy?

Comic Review: Video Nasties

I've been hearing good things about Chris Doherty's Video Nasties for some time, so when I found out there was a collected edition of the whole series available again, I had to give it a go. Mighty glad I did.

Evan is a teenager with a healthy addiction to "video nasty" horror films. I've been there. There's nothing more exciting to the average teenage lad than watching nubile young things meet their ends at the end of a psychopath's knife, axe or meat cleaver. Adolescence = sex 'n' death, how better than to combine them? (Plus, there's a kind of transference going on there as you imagine a similar fate for all your obnoxious schoolyard enemies.(

Evan's also something of a whiz with a video camera himself - that's how he gets roped into helping film a school project documentary about a group of students who went missing under mysterious circumstances many years ago (well, that and a fit girl... there's always a fit girl involved somewhere... though one of the most important lessons we learn growing up is that the fittest girls often aren't worth all that heartache).

Evan's investigation leads him to dangerous places and shock revelations regarding some of his closest friends. There will be sex. There will be violence. There will be a clown murdering people with a baseball bat! All drawn in a wonderfully cute, cartoony style that fits the teenage soap elements to a tee... and makes the horror much more shocking when it finally hits.

Video Nasties collects the complete 7 issue series and it's available in eBook and good old fashioned dead tree format from Chris's store. Well worth your time and money, this one's a cracker... I'm looking forward to the movie!

Book Review - Luther: The Calling by Neil Cross

I'm a huge fan of the BBC crime drama Luther, starring Idris Elba as the eponymous hardbitten London cop, so I was eager to read the prequel novel written by series creator Neil Cross. It reveals the investigation of which John Luther is still feeling the fall-out when the show began, both professionally (via internal affairs) and personally (his wife left him for another man during the case). You don't need to know anything of the show to enjoy the book, though picturing Elba's imposing form will help you get into the character (indeed, Cross reveals in author's notes that the character wasn't complete until Elba was cast). As a novelist, Cross has a gripping, no-nonsense style that propels the plot forwards while still finding time for character moments and black humour. It's everything I'd hoped for... but this review does come with one warning.

Luther is a dark and extremely violent show. Likewise, the book pulls no punches - yet I've always found violence on the page to be far more affecting / disturbing than on the screen. You use your imagination more as a reader... and there are some extremely horrific scenes here. There's also a recurring theme of cruelty to animals which I always find harder to stomach than violence against humans. And when even Luther gets involved, dangling a dog from a balcony while trying to extract information from a its lowlife owner, Cross almost lost my sympathy for his hero. Desperate times call for desperate measures, but even anti-heroes need to know where to draw the line...

Top Ten Astronaut Songs

Leftover from my collection of Spacemen and Spacewomen Songs, I realised I had enough tracks to make an Astronauts' Top Ten too. And I think it's gonna be a long, long list...



(Sadly no Sleeper in this list, but their debut album cover seemed appropriate.)

10. Clint Boon Experience - Andy Gill Astronaut / Tiger Woods Astronaut

I couldn't find either of the above tracks from Clint Boon's seminal 1999 album The Compact Guide to Pop Music & Space Travel anywhere on youtube, but I did find this, an alternate version with Phillip Glass as its inspiration.

9. Cloud Atlas - Even Astronauts

A Welsh band named after David Mitchell's insanely enjoyable novel (soon to be desecrated at a cinema near you with Tom Hanks... presumably he'll play one of the clouds... or an atlas... or a plank). Cloud Atlas have a chunky indie guitar sound and interesting lyrics. Sadly, it looks like they gave up the fight a couple of years back. Unless you know differently... (I've stopped saying bands have split up because someone always ends up telling me they recently got back together.)

8. Guns 'n' Roses - Rocket Queen

A song about a girl Axl knew who was going to call her band Rocket Queen (and therefore nothing to do with actual astronauts), this sneaks into the Top Ten by being from the very best GNR album and rocking like a chair.

7. Suede - Astrogirl

Because it's high time we had some Brett Anderson in one of these top tens. Even a track from the least popular Suede album is better than nothing.

6. Amanda Palmer - Astronaut

This, on the other hand, is one of many stand out tracks from the very best Amanda Palmer album (thus far - there's a new one promised later this year from the prolific Mrs. Gaiman), Who Killed Amanda Palmer. Also, if you're looking for a rhyme with 'astronaut', 'after-thought' takes some beating...

5. Frigid Vinegar - Dogmonaut 2000 (Is There Anyone Out There?)

A lost classic from the 90s about a YTS Jedi who steals the wheels off abandoned spaceships. You can't make it up.

4. The National - Looking For Astronauts

The National are a great example of a band whose lyrics sound like they mean a lot more than they actually do. That's not a bad thing. Not always, anyway.

3. Riff Raff - I Wanna Be A Cosmonaut

Before he was Billy Bragg, he was just one half of Riff Raff (with Wiggy). They made a delightful punk noise... but his best tunes lay ahead of him.

2. The Divine Comedy - Laika's Theme / Absent Friends

Laika, if you're scratching your head, was a pioneering astronaut: the first dog to successfully orbit the earth. Sadly, she died up there, but Neil Hannon paid eulogy to her twice on the album Absent Friends, firstly on the instrumental theme named after her, and secondly in the title track...

Laika flew through inky blue
'Til Laika neared the atmosphere
And Laika knew
Laika's life was through.
Here's to absent friends...

1. Elton John - Rocket Man

I'm surprised nobody's asked me about the absence of this track from previous lists - it could easily have fit the Spacemen, Countdown, Spaceship or Mars Top Tens ("Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids," after all). I've been saving it up, because whatever you might think of Elton's crimes against sanity in recent times... there's no denying this is a stone cold John/Taupin classic.

"I'm not the man they think I am at home..."

Indeed.



Those were my favourite astronaut songs... but which one gets you high as a kite?

Comic Review: The Rainbow Orchid Volume 3

And so we finally reach the end of the road, the finale of Garen Ewing's epic Rainbow Orchid trilogy, a book I've been both breathlessly anticipating... and quietly dreading. Could this really be the last we see of Julius Chancer and co?

For anyone as yet unacquainted with Garen's masterpiece, The Rainbow Orchid follows Chancer's quest to seek out the legendary flower of the title so his employer can win a wager with the nefarious Urkaz Grope, a truly hissable villain we're all hoping will finally get his come-uppance in this final chapter (you may be surprised!). As always, it's a witty, action-packed mix of Tin Tin and Indiana Jones that looks like no other comic out there... truly, the level of detail Garen puts into his artwork is staggering: you could easily stare at any of his panels for a week and never get bored... if only you weren't wanting to race through the book to find out what happens next. Definitely a comic to read more than once, then - the first time for the excitement of the story, the second to wallow in the beauty of the artwork.

The three volumes of The Rainbow Orchid are available from all good booksellers, and you can read a huge preview - and go behind the scenes for a wealth of extra fun - at Garen's website. Get over there and find out why this book was recently named The Observer's Graphic Novel Of The Month!

Top Ten Space Alien Songs

I know, I promised you my Top Ten Astronaut songs this week... but with the release of Prometheus, this one seemed too good an opportunity to miss.

This Top Ten is also dedicated to the late Ray Bradbury, one of my favourite authors. Something Wicked This Way Comes is among the greatest novels ever written.



10. Arctic Monkeys - Space Invaders

A Monkeys rarity. Can't remember where it came from. It's an Unidentified Playing Object.

9. Magnetic Fields - Alien Being

You talk a lot about nothing at all
Watch TV shows about nothing at all
Think a lot about nothing at all
Listen to songs about nothing at all

You write the laws about nothing at all
Make 3D films about nothing at all
Stage happenings about nothing at all
Sound and light shows about nothing at all

You complain about nothing at all
Go insane about nothing at all

You have no feelings
I think you are an alien being

8. Neil Hannon - Aliens

Another rarity: it's not often you hear Neil Hannon releasing a song under his real name. This was part of an Oxfam charity album called The Cake Sale. It's really quite lovely.

7. Dweeb - Chart Raider Space Invader

Dweeb were a late 90s indie band who sounded quite a lot like Ash and had most success with their excellent single Scooby Doo. This was their debut record... good luck in tracking it down!

6. Soko - I Thought I Was An Alien

Kind of a French Bjork, Soko transfixed me a couple of years back with her superb stalker anthem I'll Kill Her. Apparently she hates it now she's grown up a bit. Because I haven't grown up, I still love it. I Thought I Was An Alien is the title track of her latest album.

5. Dan Bern - Talkin' Alien Abduction Blues

In which Dan Bern gets abducted by aliens who strap him down, stick a probe up his nose... and start critiquing his songwriting.

Then they waved this wand around my head
Said, "Now we're reading your thoughts, you see
You got an awful lot of songs in there
Though it seems they're all in the key of G"

I said "What about Marilyn? That's in D"
They said "D flat, actually"
I said, "Yeah, because I tune it down a half step
What about Hannibal?"
They said "What about Hannibal?"
I said "Well, technically, it's in G
But it's really a dropped D tuning capo'd up"

They said "How come you don't play the harmonica more?"
I said "How come I'm in a space ship
Talking to aliens about my act?"
They said, "We'd rather talk physics
But you're illiterate there"

Couldn't argue.

4. Fountains Of Wayne - I Want An Alien For Christmas

Top of the FOWs Xmas list: a little green guy about three feet high with 17 eyes who knows how to fly. Who wouldn't want one?

3. David Bowie - Starman / Loving The Alien

Can you believe it's 40 years since the release of Ziggy Stardust & The Spiders From Mars? I could easily have filled a Top Ten just from the Bowie back catalogue, but Starman is undoubtedly his greatest alien moment (and not just because it gave its name to the John Carpenter / Jeff Bridges movie). Loving The Alien can't compete, but it does feature one of crazy Davey's maddest videos.

2. Radiohead - Subterranean Homesick Alien

Like Bowie, Thom Yorke could easily have fallen to earth with a bump. Could this be his most autobiographical song?

I wish that they'd swoop down, in a country lane
Late at night when I'm driving
Take me on board their beautiful ship, show me the world as I'd love to see it
I'd tell all my friends but they'd never believe me
They'd think that I'd finally lost it completely
I'd show them the stars, and the meaning of life
They'd shut me away, but I'd be alright
Alright

1. The Carpenters - Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Crafts (The Recognized Anthem of World Contact Day)

Originally recorded by Klaatu, who score an extra point for naming themselves after the alien hero of The Day The Earth Stood Still... but it's Karen Carpenter's version I consider definitive.



Those were my favourite alien anthems... but which one will you take to your leader?

Movie Review: Prometheus

The lukewarm reviews did Prometheus a favour. They helped puncture the biggest bubble of hype to surround any movie in recent memory. It's been impossible to take a breath over the last few weeks without someone trying to ram Prometheus down your throat. Complete three minute TV ad breaks devoted to one monster trailer. "Special cinema featurettes" interviewing the entire crew, right down to the big stone head's cleaning lady. You couldn't go out in the street without being accosted by Ridley Scott, desperate to tell you about his "creation myth" and how "this was much more than just an Alien prequel".

Like many people, I'm wary of too much hype. When Hollywood throws so much money at a film before it opens (and refuses critics access till the very last second), I start to smell turkey. And then, late last week... I started to hear the reviews. Ho-hum three starrers that complained of a poor script, a lack of suspense, anticlimax and 'meh'. One former colleague, possibly the world's biggest Alien fan, whose excitement over this movie has been bubbling over for months, broke down in soppy wet tears on Facebook and blew his brains out with a bicycle pump.

As I said at the top, all this did Prometheus a huge favour. My expectations weren't too high... and so...

I liked it.

Go in expecting another Aliens movie and you'll probably be disappointed. Because that's not what's on offer here: and that's a good thing. Indeed, the closing moneyshot seems almost shoed in to make the obligatory connection to the franchise Scott gave messy birth to back in 1979. This is a film that stands fine on its own, and may even have benefited from not being tied to the movies that went before. It has a fascinating mythology all its own, a great cast (Fassbender steals it once again) and some truly stunning visuals (note: I did not watch this film in 3D, and can only imagine what a mess that pointless "technology" would have made of many of the key moments).

Don't get me wrong, Prometheus is by no means perfect. There are some pretty huge plotholes and the last half hour feels rushed. Guy Pearce, while excellent, seems a strange choice for a role that could just as easily been filled by an older actor minus the liver-spotted war paint. But these are quibbles; I didn't have any major problems with the script, the mystery kept me engrossed, and Noomi Rapace proves a great choice for the lead, more than just a girl with a dragon tattoo... and much more than just a Ripley substitute.

It's all left wide open for a sequel, obviously, yet if they do go down that route they'll need to make damned sure not to revert to type. There are many questions still to be answered here, but the temptation to run back down a dimly lit corridor towards another crowd pleasing humans versus aliens shoot-out must be avoided at all costs.

Book Review: The Psychopath Test by Jon Ronson

Reading Jon Ronson's latest book led me to conclude, with some relief and also a whiff of sadness, that I am not a psychopath. If I learnt one thing from his investigation it's that psychopaths don't care what other people think and don't suffer any remorse over the way their actions impact the lives of others. While there's a part of me that always says "I don't give a monkey's", I know deep down that the opinions of others matter greatly... that's why criticism just kills me. And despite, or perhaps because of, the fact that other people spend the majority of their time pissing me off... I also spend far too much of my own time worrying that I might be pissing other people off. Frankly, it can be exhausting. That's where the whiff of sadness comes in... there are times, I think I'd be better off a psychopath. Perhaps we all would.

Putting aside the incarcerated psychopaths whose lack of empathy has led to crimes the police can't ignore, Ronson argues that many more have actually gone on to positions of great power and wealth... exactly because they don't give a monkey's. So he meets a notorious CEO and hatchet man who shows no remorse over the many lives he's affected through ruthless business decisions. Well, why should he? Look to anyone in power and see the bodies they've climbed over to get where they are today, Ronson discovers, and chances are they'll score highly on Canadian psychologist Bob Hare's infamous Psychopath Test which identifies factors such as superficial charm, grandiose sense of self worth, proneness to boredom, callousness and impulsivity as classic traits that make up the average psychopathic personality. That's all you need to be a success... which I guess explains how I got where I am today.

However, Ronson's book offers little to reassure us about the psychiatric profession itself. From the "thud experiments" in which a group of researchers tricked their way into getting committed to various psychiatric hospitals across the US simply by telling doctors they heard a voice saying the word "thud" (my own diagnosis would have been: you read too many comics) to the many dissenting views and extreme research methods shared by mental health professionals over the years, there's a real suggestion that the lunatics are running the asylum wherever you look.

By turns hilarious and horrifying, Ronson's book ultimately left me profoundly depressed. At last I can see where I've been going wrong all these years. Forget the anti-psychotic medication - where do I get me some anti-empathy tablets?

Comic Reviews: Points West / The Whale House

My old pal Andrew Cheverton is spoiling us this month with the release of not one but two outstanding new comics.

First up, Jerusalem West returns in his latest adventure, Points West - another atmospheric shot of mystery and bloodshed in the old west, this one fleshing out a small moment from a previous adventure, adding more to our understanding of the title character, yet working as a stand-alone story too. As usual, it's packed with grim humour, sudden/shock violence and pitch perfect dialogue... and it looks a million dollars, thanks to regular artist Tim Keable, a man born to draw westerns. Once again, I can't recommend it enough.

Next, we have this...



The Whale House is a new book written by Chev and drawn by Chris Doherty of Video Nasties fame (which I'll be reviewing here soon). It's an entirely different ballgame to West, but no less gripping. A mystery begins to unravel when a young man sets out on a voyage of discovery to find the parents he's never met... but winds up taking lodging with the Whales, a creepy family who believe he's someone else entirely. I happen to know that one of Chev's favourite books is Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived In The Castle, and there's shades of that here, although the characters are ploughing their own furrow and there's absolutely no way of knowing where this story is going. I'm looking forward to finding out, particularly as Chev has once again found the perfect collaborator, another artist so good you wonder why he's not working for the big boys. (Then again, I ask myself that question about many artists in the small press... just as I ask how some of the artists who are drawing for Marvel and DC ever got their jobs in the first place. But that's a discussion for another day.)

Points West and The Whale House #1 are both available to buy from the Angry Candy website in both paper and digital versions. So get on with it...

Movie Review: The Raid

All the critics loved Indonesian action movie The Raid. Listen to them bleat...

"Remember your first time with Hard Boiled? Die Hard? This is how it's done - a clean, hard, constant hit of adrenalin." (Empire)

"High octane excitement from start to finish." (5 Live)

"You have never seen anything this AWESOME." (Twitch Film.)

Even the normally reserved Peter Bradshaw at the Grauniad chimes in with...

"The Raid is completely deranged - and completely superb."

Blimey!

Now, I hate to be the voice of 'meh' in all this, but...

I just don't get it. It's a nice enough premise (and one that suits a city as lawless as Jakarta is painted - not sure how they'll explain the inevitable Hollywood remake): a tower block full of criminals in the worst part of town is targeted by a rogue SWAT team, and a shoot-em-up / kick-boxing bloodbath ensues. However... and this may just be me... but once you've seen 5 chop-sockey pummelings in a row, you start to feel a little... well, pummeled... yourself.

The comparison with the godfather of all action movies only goes so far as "they're both set in a tall building". What Die Hard had... and The Raid palpably doesn't... is a charismatic hero, a superbly arch pantomime baddy, good jokes (to break up the fight scenes) and heart-stopping tension. It's not a bad film, and Welsh director Gareth Evans gives it his all, but in the end there's little more to be found here than one fight scene after another after another after another after another. After another. If that's all you're looking for... then go join the critics.

Top Ten Spaceman & Spacewoman Songs

We're still up in space... but before we visit any more planets, here's a few songs about the men and women who might be making the journey alongside us.

10. Babylon Zoo - Spaceman

If you remember the 30 second jeans ad that made this song a hit, you might remember being rather confused on hearing the full-length version. The rest of the song sounds very different to the bit everybody knows. Watching the video again, I can't help but conclude that Jas Mann was a bit of a git: and his lyrics are pretentious drivel (please stop listening before you get to the "intergalactic Christ" bit). Still, it was a moment in time.

9. Drugstore - Spacegirl

See, I was about to type, "ah, Drugstore... whatever happened...?" until a little birdie told me the band recently got back together and released their first album in almost a decade. Further investigation is required...

8. Belle & Sebastian - A Space Boy Dream

I dreamt I had to go to Mars.

I'm always kidding on about going to Mars for the day
But faced with the reality of it, in a dream, I was terrified.

And it wasn't going to be like a moon trip
There was three of us going, but we couldn't all go on the same ship
We had to go one at a time with a day between us.

The other two astronauts were going to be my dad and my sister
And my dad would come first after me
So I decided when I landed I would just stay in my seat until he got there
And then we could get out together and have a look around
And see what sort of things were there.

7. The Killers - Spaceman

Whatever else you might think about Brandon Flowers, you've got to give him some credit for wearing the outfit he wears in this video. He looks kinda like Mister Sinister from The X-Men. If I were his dad...

"You're not going out wearing that in public, are you, lad?"

6. The Byrds - Mr. Spaceman

As the man who uploaded this to youtube remarks: "good song". Fair enough.

5. Patti Smith - Space Monkey

Of course, it wasn't men or women who went into space first - it was the animals. (We'll have more of them in my Top Ten Astronaut Song list next week.)

I have come to the conclusion that the best Patti Smith songs (with the exception of the one co-written by Bruce) are the ones where she sounds like the kind of insane, rambling lunatic you might meet in the street and give all your change to just to make her go away. This is a prime example.

4. The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band - I'm The Urban Spaceman

Ah, those wacky 60s. Prepare yourself for the twist ending!

And, just for Dave... The Cud cover version. Which is better than I remembered.

3. Harry Nilsson - Spaceman

Now that I am a spaceman, nobody cares about me.

In many ways, that's the tragic story of Harry Nilsson's life right there. Maybe that's why I'm such a fan...

2. The All-Seeing I featuring Phil Oakey - First Man In Space

Not only has it got Phil Oakey on vocals - it's got Jarvis Cocker on lyrics! Sheffield's finest musical sons (well, two of them), together at last.

Darling, come quick - I can see our house from here!

1. Spiritualized - Ladies & Gentleman, We Are Floating In Space

Perhaps not an obvious choice for Number One on this particular Top Ten (though it was inevitable it'd turn up somewhere on my trip)... until you remember that the man behind Spiritualized is called J. Spaceman. After that: it's perfect.



As I said, next week is Astronaut Songs. But first - which musical Spaceman would you want to be trapped in a capsule with?

In Which I Dream Of Balls

Last night, I dreamt my mum told me that radio and TV presenter Zoe Ball was 80 years old. "Don't be silly," I replied, but she insisted. She'd heard it on the radio so it must be true.

"But, Mum," I told her, "Zoe Ball's married to Fatboy Slim. He was a teenager when he was in the Housemartins - so he's probably just a few years older than me. Why would he be married to an 80 year old woman?"

"What's wrong with 80 year old women?" asked my mum. (She's 83.)

So I went off to investigate... but nowhere online could I find anything to confirm Zoe's real age. However, during my search I did discover that her dad, my childhood TV hero Johnny 'Think of a Number' Ball, was now 116 years old... which led me to believe there may be some truth to my mum's story.

In fact, so convinced was I of the veracity of this dream that I had to google Zoe Ball when I woke up, just to double-check. Turns out she's 41. Which is good, because I'd have been most upset if she'd been younger than me.

Anyway, enough of my dreams. I'm off back to the BBC website to watch Tony Blair accused of war crimes again. Video of the day!

Comic Review: The Almighties #1

My old mate Sam Johnson has recently premiered his new comic The Almighties, a timely, action-packed spoof of a certain other A-rated superteam doing the rounds at the moment. Here's Sam to tell you a little more...

Just in time for THAT movie - Almighties Amass!

Nick Fury is currently assembling Earth’s Mightiest Heroes in the Avengers movie – but what if a more questionable character put together his own skewed take on the world’s greatest super-team…or just threw together whoever was available?

The enigmatic White Out has amassed a dysfunctional bunch of heroes to take down ‘threats to America’ - sending them on missions that have comedic nods to all the big Marvel events of recent years – from Civil War to Fear Itself. But these aren’t your momma’s super-heroes and things aren’t quite as they seem…

“The Almighties brings together creations from myself and co-scripter Mike Gagnon,” says the comic’s other writer Sam Johnson (creator of Geek-Girl and Cabra Cini: Voodoo Junkie Hitwoman). “But while that other super-team are the best that could be assembled, brought together to take on threats that no single hero could withstand – things are a bit more…offbeat here.” Johnson continues, “The guy that hires them - White Out – is a little wacky, aided as he is by a lobotomized butler with a tray of Pimm’s – and he has a personal agenda. So there are factors at play in whom he’s amassed that don’t necessarily make for the most heroic of super-teams. For example, one of them – Nite Fang – whom Johnson & Gagnon bill as ‘our Hulk’ - is a cocky British punk/werewolf who’s here purely for the pay check; another - Mason - is a borderline-psycho merc, and another - Stefanos – billed as ‘our Wolverine’ - is seemingly just a guy that runs a kebab shop - armed with his donor kebab on a skewer!

Not all members of the team are total misfits, though, Johnson and Gagnon bill their field leader - Maxi-Tron - and female member Ms. F - as ‘our Iron Man and Ms. Marvel.’ But like those heroes, these two are also flawed. Only more so.

Johnson fills us in: “Maxi has Tony Stark’s ego dialed up to 11 and is more self-centered than it’s healthy to be when your life and the lives of your team-mates are on the line, and Ms. F has just broken free of her oppressive marriage and has anger issues coming out of that. Anger issues she’s gonna take out on crime!”

“This comic has been created by a talented group of creators who are also big comic book fans,” adds co-scripter Mike Gagnon. “It’s all done in good natured humor, and with all the dark and serious stories being told in comic books, I think this book is important because it reminds people that comics can be fun.”

With the motley crew amassed, you can expect offbeat action, adventure, comedy, testicular cancer, Nazi Robots, and plenty more – all illustrated by hot team of up-and-coming artists Eleonora Kortsarz, Pablo Zambrano and D.C. White - in The Almighties #1; out now in $3.99 regular, $2.99 digital and Limited Avengers movie poster-parody Variant editions; 32 pages, full color, rated Teen+ published by Actuality Press and available to purchase at www.thealmighties.com where you can also check out free-to-read Almighties Origins!

The Almighties gets my wholehearted recommendation, so pop over to their website and find out more right now.

Oh My God - They Killed House!

You bastards!

(Spoilers ahead, obviously.)

I actually thought they'd done it too.

Last episodes are always tricky things to get right. There are certain fundamental elements the audience wants, expects, demands. And top of that list is a happy ending. We've lived with these characters, followed their adventures... laughed, cried, got angry and shared every other emotion with them... for eight whole years. If we're never going to see them again, we want to know they're riding off into the sunset, that they've finally found happiness.

The problem with a character, and a show, like House is that its basic philosophy goes against all that. In real life, House always reminds us, for some people at least, there are no happy endings. They've made a big point of that over the last eight seasons. Just when you thought you knew where a story was going, they always managed to pull the rug out from under you. That's the nature of good detective fiction (a genre which House has always belonged to - don't let anyone kid you it's a medical drama): there has to be a twist at the end that you didn't see coming. So much of the storytelling in this show is built upon dramatic irony... so when House's best / only friend Wilson was revealed as an oncologist dying of the very disease he's been helping people deal with throughout his entire medical career, it would have been a huge cop out to have House cure him. Even though House cures everything!

So Wilson had to die. And House had to either find another reason to go on living... or follow / precede his friend to the grave. Because the only other option would be to give in to sentimentality, and this is a show that has fought sentimentality at every available opportunity.

That's why I thought they'd actually killed him. Even though I knew they couldn't. Despite the fact that it was the last ever episode, despite the fact they'd titled it "Everyone Dies", despite the fact that it would have been the ultimate dramatic irony: the final lesson House learns for definite - there are no happy endings. Just like he'd been telling everyone all along.

In the end though, it would have been a colossal bummer to end the show like that. So they found a way to have their cake and eat it. House dies, he loses / sacrifices the only thing that gave his life meaning. And yet he lives. Why? Because the world's biggest misanthrope cares more about his best friend than he does himself. So House and Wilson get to ride off into the sunset after all... not a happy ending if you dwell on it, but for that one perfect moment, exactly what they - and we - needed.

Goodbye then, Gregory House M.D. I'll miss you, you cantankerous old bastard.

Top Ten Venus Songs

Hey, I never said my journey into outer space was going to take me in a straight line. From Mars, we slingshot back round Earth to our other nearest neighbour, the one a little closer to the sun. Things are hotting up, although the Venus we'll be hearing about through most of this list is a hot, heavenly goddess rather than a big blue rock surrounded by carbon dioxide and sulphuric acid...

10. Low - Venus

A wonderfully relaxing slice of slowcore Mormon rock about a girl who's fed up with everything, from her friends to her make-up. One for the chill-out tent...

9. Bjork - Venus As A Boy

A lorry. A hatter. A box of frogs. Bjork.

8. Mark Wynter - Venus In Blue Jeans

An actor who became a pop star. A Eurovision loser. A cheesy 60's crooner. Why am I so much more forgiving of Mark Wynter than I would be his 21st Century counterparts?

7. Television - Venus

I fell right into the Arms of Venus de Milo.

As rock 'n' roll jokes go, this one always makes me smile.

6. Frankie Avalon - Venus

While Sam Cooke pleaded with Cupid to draw back his bow, Frankie Avalon sent his romantic prayers straight to the Roman goddess of love. Did either answer?

5. Prefab Sprout - Venus of the Soup Kitchen

The song that gave From Langley Park to Memphis its title. So beautiful it makes me want to cry.

4. The Scaremongers - From The Shorelines of Venus

The epic closing track from my local poet laureate's debut (and to date, sadly, only) album, this finds Simon Armitage, his mate and his missus, crafting lyrical images that would make Morrissey green with envy. If you don't own this record, do yourself a favour...

At the height of the season
In a laughable blouse
Came in a suitcase and laughed at my house

3. Half Man Half Biscuit - Venus In Flares

A million housewives every day, pick up a can of beans and say
“What an amazing example of synchronisation”

...begins Nigel Blackwell's ode to our #2 record. It ends in even more outrageous fashion...

Well, The Grand Old Duke Of York
Well, he had ten thousand men
And he marched them up to the top of the hill
And he had them all again

2. The Velvet Undergound - Venus In Furs

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather...

It's about S&M. All the best songs are.

1. Shocking Blue - Venus

Or, if you insist, this version... because I'm a child of the 80s; I'm not proud. (Plus, the video looks like Meat Loaf might stroll in at any second.)



Those were my Venus votes... but which is your goddess on the mountain top?

Movie Review - The Dictator

On exiting Sacha Baron Cohen's The Dictator, I decided to play a little Generation Game memory test, recalling as many of the broken taboos that had trundled past me during the previous hour and a half on this Conveyor Belt of Wrong...

Terrorism
Murder
Rape
Suicide Bombing
Torture
Childbirth
Racism
Sexism
Capitalism
Communism
Liberalism
Feminism
Homophobia
Disability
Masturbation
Blow Jobs
Defecation
Urination
Nuclear War
Megan Fox
Death*

Truly, there are no sacred cows in Sacha Baron Cohen's world: any subject is a suitable target for either satire or flat-out farce. Of course, Cohen and director Larry Charles would no doubt argue they're not making jokes about any of the sensitive issues above... they're making jokes about people's attitudes to them. Which is a very fine line to tread.

But none of that's for me to argue. The only question that mattered to me was this: Is it funny?

And, yes, I found The Dictator a very funny film.

Your own mileage may vary.



(*It occurs to me that this list may have a wonderful effect on my SEO rankings. But I guess that just goes to show the world's as screwed as Sacha Baron Cohen thinks it is... and if so, what else have we got left but to laugh?)

Book Review: Supergods - Our World In The Age Of The Superhero by Grant Morrison

Over the 30+ years I've been reading comics, Grant Morrison has written some of my all-time favourites. Animal Man, Doom Patrol, The Invisibles, Arkham Asylum, All Star Superman... books I'd hold up among the best the medium has to offer. He's also written a fair few books I just didn't get, a smattering that disappeared (albeit with sporadic enjoyment) up their own backsides, and some that left me completely cold. Nothing I absolutely hated though, and I've long found the "Grant Morrison" persona to be among the most fascinating and insane of comic book creator caricatures. Where "Stan Lee" is your favourite uncle as a carnival barker and "Alan Moore" is the grumpy (and slightly pervy) old wizard you don't want to get on the wrong side of, "Grant Morrison" is the rock star cum Cuckoo's Nest escapee who's done a few too many mind-altering substances to the point where he actually believes he might be a superhero. A superhero with the power of writing. Isn't that the power we all dreamed of?

Supergods is, ostensibly, Morrison's history of the superhero comic. Unlike many such books, it's highly subjective... and because Morrison's comic book tastes often differ wildly from my own, I often found myself taking his facts-as-opinions with a pinch of salt, or else flat-out disagreeing. There's a strong DC-bias to his writing, partly because these were largely the comics he grew up on, partly because he's had some negative experiences with Marvel management over the years, and partly because DC are currently paying his bills. Plus, he's got more time for the cosmic madness Jack Kirby brought to comics in the 60s than the everyman quality that made me a lifelong True Believer of Stan Lee...

"And yet there was something I didn't like about the Marvel superheroes. Those characters seemed constantly angry and weird, and I found stories of conflict between heroes exhausting. Spider-Man's stressy life was a bit too grown-up, it seemed."

Yet despite our many differences, we both love comics and believe wholeheartedly in the transformative potential of the medium. Once I accepted Morrison's subjective opinions, there was much to enjoy in this larger than life tome. There's a wonderful mix of creative, character and industry back-story alongside personal anecdote, and it's good that Morrison doesn't tread the same old ground as previous historians. He's attempting to build a sociological history of the medium which is sometimes incisive and occasionally insane, but never less than entertaining. Those unfamiliar with the writer's unique world view might not be prepared for his psychedelic 90s adventures in which he creates a comic as a magic spell with the express intention of living a superhero lifestyle... only to go off the deep end when his face is attacked by flesh-eating bacteria and he finds himself face-to-face with 4th dimensional aliens who reveal to him the ancient secrets of our universe. At this point the narrative becomes more "fictional" autobiography than historical tract but as the rest of the comics industry went through its artistic nadir in the 90s, it's a welcome distraction. I still remember an interview with Morrison at the time, when it was suggested that perhaps his other-dimensional experiences might be nothing more than the result of all the mind-altering substances he was taking at that time. "I can see why you might think that," went his reply (paraphrased from memory), "but you'd be seriously mistaken."

There's much to relish here: from the writer's iconoclastic needling of Alan Moore to barbed comments about his estranged pal, Mark Millar. And despite all the Comic Book Books I've read before, I still learnt a few new things (Namor is Roman backwards!) That Supergods becomes less about the medium and more about the messenger is perhaps inevitable. In his own way, Grant Morrison is as unbelievably larger-than-life as Superman, Batman, The X-Men or any of the iconic characters he's tackled over the years. As long as nobody takes his opinionated ramblings as gospel, it's all good... but hopefully, the 4th Dimensional aliens should make sure of this.

Top Ten Mars Songs

Our next stop on my musical journey into space is Earth's closest neighbour, the red planet. Watch out for little green men... and the God of War.

10. The Boss Martians featuring Iggy Pop - Mars Is For Martians

'Nuff said.

9. Grinderman - Honey Bee (Let's Fly To Mars)

So that's what happened to all the bees - Nick Cave took 'em to Mars! One of the less obscene Grinderman records.

8. The Flaming Lips - Take Meta Mars

Somebody please take Wayne Coyne to Mars before he puts anymore heads in jars. Taken from the album In a Priest Driven Ambulance (With Silver Sunshine Stares), this was allegedly inspired by the Can song Mushroom. Or maybe just some mushrooms.

7. The Wedding Present - Mars Sparkles Down On Me

There's a new Wedding Present album out, in case you haven't heard. This is from their last one. Both are brilliant.

6. T. Rex - Ballrooms of Mars

Bob Dylan knows
And I bet Alan Freed did
There are things in night
That are better not to behold

5. The Undertones - Mars Bar

OK, so it might not be the planet... but it does help Feargal work, rest and play. And it's a perfect reminder of how supremely ACE The Undertones were.

4. Jeff Wayne - The Eve of the War

No one would have believed the top comment on youtube for this song...

I will play this on 21st December, 2012.

WHO WILL JOIN ME?

TOGETHER, LET US USHER IN THE APOCALYPSE.

No, dude, but I'll play it on the 22nd in your honour.

3. Ash - Girl From Mars

And she never told him her name...

2. David Bowie - Life On Mars?

Look, it may be a godawful small affair, but Bowie's already had one Number One on this journey and I very much doubt it's the last we'll hear from him. Let's give someone else a chance at the top position...

1. John Grant - Marz

John Grant's spelling might need a little work, but his songwriting is out of this world.

Golden champagne juicy grapefruit lucky Monday
High school footall hot fudge buffalo tulip sundae
Almond caramel frappe pineapple rootbeer
Black and white pennyapple Henry Ford sweetheart maple tea

So. Those were my favourite Martians... what are yours?

Apocalypse Girl

My movie-making pals over at Special Order 937 have completed their masterpiece, Apocalypse Girl - a 10 minute shot of dark, druggy, nihilistic depravity that's definitely NSFW or those with weak stomachs / easily offended moralities. Have no fear, Apocalypse Girl is here... god help us all.

Everyone Loves A Nice Crisp Biscuit...

My old pal and comic collaborator Rob Wells has recently put out another excellent collection of humour strips from his Crisp Biscuit Blog. Included in this issue...

The Green C**k Ring's Final Crisis!

The True Story of Christmas!

The return of Jack Bowser in Twenty-Bore!

Whatever Happened To The TV Stars of Our Youth?

Halloween at Rob's house.

Michael J. Fox IS Stuart Little.

And some X-Factor spoofs I don't really get (being that I hate The X-Factor) but I'm led to believe are very funny if you did watch it.

All this for just £2.50 - a bargain at twice the price!

To pick up a copy, along with Crisp Biscuit #1 and the new full-colour edition of Colin Comix (featuring more Jack Bowser AND Cecelia Doom!), get on over to the Crisp Biscuit Shop now. Tell him I sent you.

Not Every Book I Read Deserves A Review

Here's a few I just couldn't be bothered to write about in depth... or even get all the way through. Life is too short.

Child 44 was a gripping classic.

The Secret Speech was a disappointing, though still entertaining, sequel.

It's a good job Agent 6 was the final book in the series because I wouldn't have bought any more. I skim-read this one and still found it over-written, rambling and self-indulgent. Tom Rob Smith has let the research take over, desperate to shoehorn his hero into every significant moment in 20th Century Russian history, somehow forgetting how to plot an exciting thriller along the way.

I was a huge fan of David Guterson's previous books, Snow Falling On Cedars, Our Lady Of The Forest and East Of The Mountain... but this one left me cold. The plot itself was intriguing and the relationship between the central characters had potential. But, just like Tom Rob Smith above, Guterson kept getting off the point until I lost all interest in finding out why the narrator's old schoolmate had gone off to live in the woods (a la Thoreau) before dying and leaving our hero a fortune in his will.

Excellent character writing but a series of very loosely connected vignettes does not a novel make. I'd much rather have read the continuing adventures of Sasha, the first chapter's kleptomaniac heroine, than any of the smug, privileged bores who follow her. If Sasha returned later in the novel, I stopped caring by the time the safari went bad.


Of course, I could be wrong about any of the above. Perhaps you read them and found them far more entertaining? Feel free to disagree.

Top Ten Man On The Moon Songs

OK, let's get back into space after last week's unrelated diversion... and where's the first stop on our journey?

There are far too many songs about the big blue cheese button to narrow down a Top Ten Moon Songs... so instead, here's 10 solely about taking a trip there.

10. Radiohead - Sail to the Moon (Brush the Cobwebs Out of the Sky.)

See, I might consider that bracketed subtitle pretentious... had Thom Yorke not stolen it from Bagpuss.

9. Super Furry Animals - Colonise The Moon

I vomited throughout your saxophone solo, sings Gruff Rhys, to whom I'm not sure. It's enough to make him want to leave the planet and set up his home Space 1999 style on Moonbase Alpha.

8. Love & Rockets - Holiday On The Moon

You can't get a suntan on the moon, reckon the band named after the comic.

7. Grinderman - Man In The Moon

Nick Cave's daddy was an astronaut. Now he's living on the moon...

6. Drive-By Truckers - Puttin' People on the Moon

The Truckers sing the working man's blues: while they're struggling to scrape by, another joker in the White House is puttin' people on the moon.

5. Eels - Climbing To The Moon

Got a sky that looks like heaven
Got an earth that looks like shit
It's getting hard to tell where
What I am ends
And what they're making me begins

No wonder E's got his foot on the ladder...

4. The Police - Walking On The Moon

I believe giant steps are in order.

3. ELO - Ticket To The Moon

Remember the good old 1980s?
When things were so uncomplicated?
I wish I could go back there again
And everything could be the same.

2. Frank Sinatra - Fly Me To The Moon

What's Spring like on Jupiter and Mars? Patience, Frank, we'll get to that in coming weeks.

1. REM - Man On The Moon

Oh, look, I found a version where Stipey duets with Bruce. That'll do nicely.



Got a favourite Man On The Moon song? Don't be shy about it...

Movie Review - The Avengers

How much more I enjoyed watching The Avengers in 2D rather than through the mud and blur and migraine of threedy. I felt like a partially sighted man suddenly given the gift of 20/20 vision. "Look at how beautiful it all is!" I cried at the cinema screen. "The colours so bright and vivid, the action distinctive, the background detail actually visible... I can see - I CAN SEE!"

In truth, The Avengers looks no better or worse than any other big screen FX fest. Unless you watch it in 3D... when it looks just as bad as every other big screen 3D FX fest. I couldn't help thinking of those adverts in which terribly earnest thesps like Ray "Cant" Winstone or Tim from The Office (you might know him as Dr. Watson or The Hobbit, but he'll always be Tim from The Office to me) encourage us not to download badly pirated movies from t'internet because not only are we damaging the film industry, but "the picture quality is rubbish". And yet (not that I've ever downloaded any badly pirated movies from t'internet), I imagine that'd still be preferable to watching said movies in 3D. But...

...enough about all that. What about the newly crowned BIGGEST OPENING WEEKEND EVER movie, the superhero blockbuster even the most churlish of critics are lauding (with the exception of Philip French's wonderfully pompous review in The Observer, which begins thus...

"Unhappy the land that has no heroes!" someone remarks to Bertolt Brecht's Galileo. "No. Unhappy the land that needs heroes," Galileo replies.

...and you can guess the rest); what about The Avengers? Is it any cop?

Well, yes. It's not an unqualified success, but it does the job far better than it might have... if not quite as well as I'd hoped. All the main characters are well-handled, although it's new-boy Mark Ruffalo who really shines as the most likeable Bruce Banner since Bill Bixby's David and a more enjoyable Hulk to boot. Robert Downey Jr's insistence on throwing away some of his best lines continues from Iron Man 2; Chris Evans brings flashes of nobility to the otherwise faintly ridiculous Captain America; and Chris Hemsworth's Thor faces real competition from his half-brother Loki, with Tom Hiddleston almost stealing the movie after a somewhat muted performance first time out. (I love his Loki-grin.) Scarlett Johansson is slightly less annoying than she was in Iron Man 2 and a whole lot less annoying than she is in anything else and Jeremy Renner rather draws the short arrow as a mindwashed Hawkeye stolen from the first half and given little development as a result.

The script has some nice visual gags and typically Whedon one-liners (when RDJ's goatee isn't fast-talking them into inaudibility) and the fanboys will be happy to see that virtually every character gets the chance to go one-on-one up against each other. Best are the scenes where someone faces off against the aforementioned God of Mischief... Fury vs. Loki, Cap vs. Loki, Widow vs. Loki, Stark vs. Loki... and, best of all, the hilarious Hulk vs. Loki sequence which is worth the price of admission on its own. The hero-on-hero fight sequences (while necessary to slake the geek thirst) seem a little forced... and the film is at least 20 minutes too long, especially considering how little actual story there is to go round. I was impressed by the way the writers tied together the earlier movies, making each a genuine prequel to the main event, but after that it's a mishmash of chase scene, destructo-porn and quipping slugfest right up to the closing credits. I'd have hoped for a few more plot twists... especially from Loki, the king of crafty shenanigans. And the Big Bad Reveal at the end is distinctly underwhelming, even for fanboys who know who Thanos is. I reckon they only roped him in to piss on DC's Darkseid chips should that fabled JLA movie ever get past the planning stages. Oh, sorry, was that a spoiler? Pretend I wrote it in 3D and you'll not even notice it was there...