Top Ten Mercury Songs

Back into space, this week with ten songs about (or very loosely connected to) the smallest, hottest planet in our solar system...

10. Long-View - Further

OK, I'm stretching the rules, but this is from the debut Long-View album, called 'Mercury', and it's a nice enough noise.

9. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - On Mercury

The Chilli Peppers go ska. I'm not the world's biggest RHCP fan, but I love the fact that Flea was in the Back To The Future movies.

8. Bloc Party - Mercury

Their Mercury's in retrograde. The video is what happens if you eat too much cheese while watching Planet of the Apes... and then fall into a nightmare.

7. American Music Club - Johnny Mathis' Feet

I've had to cheat again. As with the Long-View song, this is from an album called 'Mercury'. But never mind that - the name of this song is Johnny Mathis' Feet! You need no other reason to love it.

6. Todd Snider - Thin Wild Mercury

A song about the rivalry between Bob Dylan and Phil Ochs. Billy Bragg would have something to say about that.

5. Counting Crows - Mercury

It's a sunny day as I write this (I'm sure it won't be by the time it gets posted) and there are few better bands for chilling in the summertime. The music of the Counting Crows evokes long, dusty roads stretching off into nowhere and a heat haze on the horizon. Not quite as hot as the planet we're celebrating... but hot enough for me.

4. The Steve Miller Band - Mercury Blues

Lots of songs have been written about American cars. This is just one of them, and it's a Ford too. See, American songwriters had it easy. Try writing a song about a Ford Escort, Sierra or Mondeo... without sounding like Alan Partridge.

3. Kathleen Edwards - Mercury

Another song about the same car... though this one leads to a tragic death. Don't smoke pot and drive, kids.

2. Mercury Rev - Goddess On The Hiway

How could I have a Mercury list without the Rev? This is their finest moment, a song built around a quite dreadful pun... and yet, a thing of great beauty.

1. Freddie Mercury - Mr. Bad Guy

Well, it had to be. I could have chosen any number of Freddie songs, but this one wins out for its shamelessly autobiographical nature, and the fact Fred sings:

Can't you see?
I'm Mr. Mercury!

Yes, he's everybody's Mr. Bad Guy. They're all afraid of him. He can ruin people's lives. And somehow he manages to rip off both the Jaws and Psycho themes in this track...



Those are the songs that get my Mercury rising... but which is your Mr. Bad Guy?

Top Ten Spell Songs

After last week's Witches, I thought about following on with a Top Ten Wizards but found just seven in my library (not counting Roy Wood) and only The Who was a classic.

But I'm not done with the occult just yet... so here's my Top Ten Spell Songs, which ties in quite nicely with this week's Thoughtballoons character, Dr. Strange, Master of the Mystic Arts. If you're so inclined, you can read my one page script here.

10. Focus - Hocus Pocus

Where rampant guitar riffs meet crazy Dutch yodelling.

I know but two things about Focus...

1) They're one of Stuart Maconie's favourite bands.

2) They're featured, to amusing effect, in the classic Half Man Half Biscuit story song, Tour Jacket With Detatchable Sleeves...

After the Identical Cocteau Twins, came the final act, I Can’t Believe It’s Not Focus. Following a commendable stab at Sylvia, Helen shouted to the guitarist: “Are you knackered, man?” To which he replied: “No, I’m Jan Akkerman”.

9. Siouxsie & The Banshees - Spellbound

In which Siouxsie Sioux suffers for her art, crawling around on a men's room floor like she's re-enacting that infamous scene from Trainspotting, before things go really mental like Toy Story meets the Texas Chasinsaw Massacre...

"When you think your toys have gone berserk..."

...they're probably just listening to too many Banshees records.

8. Gogol Bordello - Break The Spell

If Start Wearing Purple is the only Gogol Bordello song you've ever heard, here's another tasty slice of Russian gypsy mayhem for your earbuds.

7. Amber Benson - Under Your Spell

From the infamous Buffy & The Vampire Slayer musical episode - you know the one where they wouldn't let Alyson Hannigan sing because despite being too cute to live, she's also got a singing voice like Miss Piggy in a 'Yodel Like Jan Akkerman' Competition?

I still don't know whether Amber Benson's character was called Tara or Tera.

6. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Spell

Cave at his most yearningly romantic. Hard to believe this is the same guy who gave us Grinderman.

5. Lambchop - I Can Hardly Spell My Name

OK, I know, strictly speaking the definition of 'spell' here is an entirely different one to every other song on this list (one derives from the Germanic, the other from Old English - see, I'm not entirely allergic to research), but it's still a beautiful record, while Kurt Wagner's lyrics are just cryptic enough to make it an invocation of sorts.

4. Aqualung - Strange & Beautiful (I'll Put A Spell On You)

A prime slab of Coldplayesque whimsy from the summer of 2002 when this song was everywhere thanks to its use in a VW ad campaign. Songwriter Matt Hales has made far more interesting records since, but this appears to be the one he'll be remembered for.

3. Screaming Jay Hawkins - I Put A Spell On You

A unique - and at the time, shocking - performance which was achieved by getting everybody in the studio so fired up on liquor and spicy chicken wings that Screaming Jay doesn't even remember recording it. Covered by everyone from Bryan Ferry to Nina Simone, Jimmy Barnes to the Eels... but none of them are quite as scary as the original.

2. Billy Bragg - She's Got A New Spell

One minute she says
She's gone to get the cat in
The next thing I know
She's mumbling in Latin

Billy looks about 12 in this video. It's really quite depressing.

1. Steve Miller Band - Abracadrabra

The word "abracadabra" comes from Aramaic and means "to create... as I say".

Not to be confused with DC Comics' mad magician Abra Kadabra...

Steve Miller (no, not that one) allegedly wrote this song after meeting Diana Ross.

This was the band's last big hit, not counting the UK jeans ad Joker revival in the 90s.



So, shazam, alakazam, hey presto... who did I dispell?