Top Ten Mercury Songs

Back into space, this week with ten songs about (or very loosely connected to) the smallest, hottest planet in our solar system...

10. Long-View - Further

OK, I'm stretching the rules, but this is from the debut Long-View album, called 'Mercury', and it's a nice enough noise.

9. Red Hot Chilli Peppers - On Mercury

The Chilli Peppers go ska. I'm not the world's biggest RHCP fan, but I love the fact that Flea was in the Back To The Future movies.

8. Bloc Party - Mercury

Their Mercury's in retrograde. The video is what happens if you eat too much cheese while watching Planet of the Apes... and then fall into a nightmare.

7. American Music Club - Johnny Mathis' Feet

I've had to cheat again. As with the Long-View song, this is from an album called 'Mercury'. But never mind that - the name of this song is Johnny Mathis' Feet! You need no other reason to love it.

6. Todd Snider - Thin Wild Mercury

A song about the rivalry between Bob Dylan and Phil Ochs. Billy Bragg would have something to say about that.

5. Counting Crows - Mercury

It's a sunny day as I write this (I'm sure it won't be by the time it gets posted) and there are few better bands for chilling in the summertime. The music of the Counting Crows evokes long, dusty roads stretching off into nowhere and a heat haze on the horizon. Not quite as hot as the planet we're celebrating... but hot enough for me.

4. The Steve Miller Band - Mercury Blues

Lots of songs have been written about American cars. This is just one of them, and it's a Ford too. See, American songwriters had it easy. Try writing a song about a Ford Escort, Sierra or Mondeo... without sounding like Alan Partridge.

3. Kathleen Edwards - Mercury

Another song about the same car... though this one leads to a tragic death. Don't smoke pot and drive, kids.

2. Mercury Rev - Goddess On The Hiway

How could I have a Mercury list without the Rev? This is their finest moment, a song built around a quite dreadful pun... and yet, a thing of great beauty.

1. Freddie Mercury - Mr. Bad Guy

Well, it had to be. I could have chosen any number of Freddie songs, but this one wins out for its shamelessly autobiographical nature, and the fact Fred sings:

Can't you see?
I'm Mr. Mercury!

Yes, he's everybody's Mr. Bad Guy. They're all afraid of him. He can ruin people's lives. And somehow he manages to rip off both the Jaws and Psycho themes in this track...



Those are the songs that get my Mercury rising... but which is your Mr. Bad Guy?

Top Ten Witch Songs

Following on from last week's Top Ten Bitch Songs by changing just one letter in my search engine (yes, I'm that lazy) - and also in celebration of the unholy mockery that was Season Of The Witch - here are ten songs filled with hubble, bubble, toil and trouble...

10. Jeff Buckley - Witches Rave

Everyone knows the story. Jeff Buckley made one classic album, Grace, then floated away down the Mississippi River before he ever got chance to complete its follow up, My Sweetheart The Drunk. His record company, doing what record companies do best at times like this, released the unfinished sessions as a double album of incomplete "sketches". They're nowhere near as compelling as anything on Grace, but who knows - maybe they would have been.

Whoever uploaded this to youtube decided to link it to scenes from the movie Unfaithful, so you get to watch Diane Lane get it on with Olivier Martinez while you listen to Jeff's song. This may prove too much of a distraction...

9. Get Well Soon - Witches! Witches! Rest Now In Fire

Gloomy German arthouse types give great title... but slightly less memorable song.

8. Everclear - The Good Witch Of The North

An Everclear track that begins with a shag and ends with a promise. The titular witch is obviously his girlfriend... would you marry this man?

7. Eagles - Witchy Woman

A song written by Don Henley in a delirious fever dream, the witch in question apparently being F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife Zelda, "the first American flapper". (Yes, I said 'flapper'. You just read it as 'slapper'.)

6. Hefner - The Sad Witch

Her atheist tracts are certainly persuading.

...is one of those lyrics that always brings an unnecessary smile to my face. The question is, if we threw Hefner in a lake with bricks tied round their ankles, would they float or would they drown?

(No indie-folk weirdoes were hurt during the preparation of this Top Ten.)

5. Eels - Teenage Witch

Speaking of which...

If being a witch isn't bad enough, E imagines it must be even worse being a teenager as well!

Heaven can't help a teenage witch
From sinking deeper down into the ditch

4. Bloc Party - Hunting For Witches

The witchhunt here is the media-fuelled hysteria created after 9/11 and the subsequent terrorist attacks on the London Underground. Those wacky, fun-lovin' Bloc Party lads.

3. Edwyn Collins - The Witch Queen Of New Orleans

Originally recorded by Redbone in the 70s, there's just something about the Edwyn Collins version that tips it over the edge. Great strings, and Collins' voice has never been richer. Curiously, he also does an inspired cover of our next track too... though sadly I can't find either of them on youtube.

2. Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft

Written and released in 1957. It's easy to think of Sinatra as being a big musical force in only the 40s and early 50s, disappearing off the scene once his nemesis, rock 'n' roll, arrived on the scene. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a classic, whatever the era.

1. Donovan - Season Of The Witch

The film may have been a crock, but Donovan's 60s hit steals the broomstick from all other contenders. It's also the only truly spooky song on the list.



So... who did I forget? Or, as Scooby Doo would have it... which witch is WITCH?