Top Ten Bored Songs

A couple of weeks back, the ennui set in with my Top Ten Boring Songs. As if that wasn't enough to bore you to death, here come another ten...

10. Chris Difford - On My Own I'm Never Bored

Chris Difford is a man after my own heart. The only time I ever get bored is at work... so I guess that won't be a problem in a couple of weeks...!

From 'The Last Temptation Of Chris'.

9. Paul Armfield - Why Should It Be That A Man Gets Bored

I don't know much about singer-songwriter Paul Armfield, but I find it hard to believe any man could get bored listening to this beautiful track.

8. Edwyn Collins - Bored

Edwyn Collins gives new meaning to the words "rock 'n' roll survivor".

From his amazing, Lazarus-like comeback album, 'Losing Sleep'.

7. Manic Street Preachers - Bored Out Of My Mind

I'm bored out of my mind and I'm too stoned lazy to see...

From 'Lipstick Traces (A Secret History of Manic Street Preachers)'.

6. The Adverts - Bored Teenagers

Some punky racket by a load of snotty-nosed upstarts from the 70s. In case you like that sort of thing.

From 'Anthology'.

5. Evan Dando - Baby I'm Bored

OK, strictly speaking this isn't the name of a song, it's the name of an album... but considering it neatly sums up Evan Dando's entire career - the consummate "can't be arsed" slacker king - I couldn't leave it out.

Like the Dude himself, it's good to know Evan Dando is out there, taking it easy for all the rest of us sinners.

'Baby I'm Bored'.

4. The Clash - I'm So Bored With The USA

Yankee detectives
Are always on the TV
'Cos killers in America
Work seven days a week

In the UK, of course, killers always take Thursday afternoons off. They're not all "work, work, work".

From 'The Clash (UK Version)'.

3. Grandaddy - Kim, You Bore Me To Death

Ah, Grandaddy. They sure knew how to write a song title.

We met at a party
I was drunk and smoking cloves
I really just needed a ride back to town
No, I don't smoke cloves anymore

Amusingly, whoever uploaded this to youtube decided the song must have been written about Kim Jong Il. Man, that must have been some party - who invited both Jason Lytle and Kim Jong Il? (At least Kim wouldn't have been so very rone-ry that night.)

From 'The Broken Down Comforter Collection'.

2. Morrissey - The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores

In which Morrissey bemoans a world of "policewomen, policemen, silly women taxmen, uniformed whores" and "lockjawed pop stars, thicker than pig shit" with "nothing to convey"... before concluding, with typical self-deprecation...

And I must be one, 'cos no one ever turns to me to say
Take me in your arms, Take me in your arms
And love me, And love me

From 'You Are The Quarry'.

1. Iggy Pop - I'm Bored

Iggy Pop isn't just bored - he's the Chairman of the Bored. I suppose that might explain why he ended up doing those car insurance ads.

From 'Best Of Iggy Pop'.



For my next top ten, I promise you something far more... exciting...

Top Ten Witch Songs

Following on from last week's Top Ten Bitch Songs by changing just one letter in my search engine (yes, I'm that lazy) - and also in celebration of the unholy mockery that was Season Of The Witch - here are ten songs filled with hubble, bubble, toil and trouble...

10. Jeff Buckley - Witches Rave

Everyone knows the story. Jeff Buckley made one classic album, Grace, then floated away down the Mississippi River before he ever got chance to complete its follow up, My Sweetheart The Drunk. His record company, doing what record companies do best at times like this, released the unfinished sessions as a double album of incomplete "sketches". They're nowhere near as compelling as anything on Grace, but who knows - maybe they would have been.

Whoever uploaded this to youtube decided to link it to scenes from the movie Unfaithful, so you get to watch Diane Lane get it on with Olivier Martinez while you listen to Jeff's song. This may prove too much of a distraction...

9. Get Well Soon - Witches! Witches! Rest Now In Fire

Gloomy German arthouse types give great title... but slightly less memorable song.

8. Everclear - The Good Witch Of The North

An Everclear track that begins with a shag and ends with a promise. The titular witch is obviously his girlfriend... would you marry this man?

7. Eagles - Witchy Woman

A song written by Don Henley in a delirious fever dream, the witch in question apparently being F. Scott Fitzgerald's wife Zelda, "the first American flapper". (Yes, I said 'flapper'. You just read it as 'slapper'.)

6. Hefner - The Sad Witch

Her atheist tracts are certainly persuading.

...is one of those lyrics that always brings an unnecessary smile to my face. The question is, if we threw Hefner in a lake with bricks tied round their ankles, would they float or would they drown?

(No indie-folk weirdoes were hurt during the preparation of this Top Ten.)

5. Eels - Teenage Witch

Speaking of which...

If being a witch isn't bad enough, E imagines it must be even worse being a teenager as well!

Heaven can't help a teenage witch
From sinking deeper down into the ditch

4. Bloc Party - Hunting For Witches

The witchhunt here is the media-fuelled hysteria created after 9/11 and the subsequent terrorist attacks on the London Underground. Those wacky, fun-lovin' Bloc Party lads.

3. Edwyn Collins - The Witch Queen Of New Orleans

Originally recorded by Redbone in the 70s, there's just something about the Edwyn Collins version that tips it over the edge. Great strings, and Collins' voice has never been richer. Curiously, he also does an inspired cover of our next track too... though sadly I can't find either of them on youtube.

2. Frank Sinatra - Witchcraft

Written and released in 1957. It's easy to think of Sinatra as being a big musical force in only the 40s and early 50s, disappearing off the scene once his nemesis, rock 'n' roll, arrived on the scene. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is a classic, whatever the era.

1. Donovan - Season Of The Witch

The film may have been a crock, but Donovan's 60s hit steals the broomstick from all other contenders. It's also the only truly spooky song on the list.



So... who did I forget? Or, as Scooby Doo would have it... which witch is WITCH?