Green Lantern

I don't like Green Lantern.

Never have.

Yeah, I read the comic when I was a kid. I read all sorts of tat when I was a kid. But apart from the days when Dave Gibbons was drawing him, and a soft spot for dumb redneck Green Lantern Guy Gardener in Justice League International, I never really got into the character. The problem with Green Lantern will always be too much power. He can do anything. He can do everything. The only limits are his imagination. Plus, like a lot of DC superheroes, the costume is more important than the man. We don't care about Hal Jordan because he doesn't have a life beyond saving the world. I can't relate to that in the way I relate to Peter Parker or Matt Murdoch or Ben Grimm. Because the secret identity is the mask, everything beneath the costume is a cipher.

Then again, I don't like Superman either, for many of the same reasons. Yet I still enjoyed 3 of the Superman movies (the first two Christopher Reeves more than the Brandon Routh) and I've managed to stick with Smallville through waaay too many dead horse flogging seasons. So it's not impossible to make a fun movie or TV show out of a comics character I have little interest in. You just have to put in a little effort. Sadly, director Martin Campbell, his five screenwriters, and most of the cast just don't bother. Green Lantern is one of the worst films I've ever seen. It's not just bad, it's Forrest Gump bad. And it don't get no worse than that, buddy.

Like Thor, Green Lantern spends half its time on Earth, and the other half in the stars. The difference is that when Thor had its head in the clouds, we were being treated to cod Shakespearian camp - a meaty chunk of soap that made the sci fi much easier to swallow. When Green Lantern is in space, we just get video game visuals and video game plotting. Then when Thor was on the ground, we got a fish out of water comedy, a gutsy love interest and impressive action sequences. When Green Lantern comes down to earth, we get Blake Lively and a helicopter on a willpower-created rollercoaster. And for all the nonsense backstory of Thor, at least it was a nonsense backstory based on epic Norse mythology. With Green Lantern, we get this...

Billions of years ago, a group of immortals harnessed the most powerful force in existence: the emerald energy of willpower. These immortals, the guardians of the universe, built a world from where they could watch over all of existence: the planet Oa. A ring powered by the energy of will was sent to every sector of the universe to select or recruit. In order to be chosen by the ring, one had to be without fear. Together these recruits formed the intergalactic peacekeepers known as the Green Lantern Corps...

I swear to god, if I'd submitted that for a first year high school English assignment to write my own science fiction story, I'd have failed. "The emerald energy of willpower"? Do what now? "In order to be chosen by the ring, one had to be without fear." Because fear and willpower are connected how? What's that legendary line Harrison Ford allegedly gave George Lucas? "You can type this shit, but you sure as hell can't say it." Guys, do you not think there are some concepts from 60s comic mythology that should be left in the gutter of the 20th century? Use the characters if you must, try and sell them to the modern age... but at least have a little respect for the intelligence of your audience. And for god's sake, don't open your film with five minutes of such asinine exposition... say what you want about George Lucas, but "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away" suddenly sounds like high art.

It's sad, because the shrill and unpleasant poutiness of Blake Lively aside, there are some decent actors trying their hardest to make the most of Green Lantern. Peter Sarsgaard. Mark Strong. Tim Robbins. Hell, even Ryan Reynolds. Say what you like about him, but Reynolds has movie star charisma up the wazoo. He's got that Cary Grant / Harrison Ford grin down pat, and sometimes that's all you need to play the hero. He just doesn't get chance here. None of them do.

Green Lantern is a wasted opportunity. A waste of money. And most of all, a waste of time. I can't remember the last time I was so bored by a film. Or by any other activity save cleaning the toilet. This movie sapped my will to live. I couldn't even leave the theatre, so bad was the bright green halo of torpor. Maybe it wasn't willpower those immortal Oan guardians harnessed after all... maybe it was tedium. The green power of tedium. Maybe it really is the most powerful force in all the universe...

A CHINESE GHOST STORY (2011)

MyRating: YYY1/2

Director: Wilson Yip

Cast: Louis Koo, Liu Yifei, Yu Shaoqun, Kara Hui, Louis Fan, Wang Danyi

A remake of the 1987 Hong Kong popular fantasy romantic horror A Chinese Ghost Story starring the late Leslie Cheung, Joey Wong and Wu Ma (the original movie was produced by Tsui Hark). The plot was adapted from a short story taken from Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio (Liaozhai Zhiyi), a collection of nearly five hundred ancient Chinese supernatural tales, written by Pu Songling during the early Qing Dynasty. This remake is directed by Wilson Yip, a director who boosted Donnie Yen's career through Ip Man & Ip Man 2 (the two guy also collaborated in three other martial arts movies with Yen in it, SPL: Sha Po Lang, Dragon Tiger Gate and Flash Point).

 

The original movie was very popular in Asian back in 1987. People liked the romantic ghost story between the human and the demon, as well as the two charming and attractive main leads, the singer-actor Leslie Cheung and the beautiful Joey Wong as the ghost. The film ended up with two sequels in 1990 & 1991, and it set a trend of folklore ghost movies in the Hong Kong film industry at that time. The original movie also received a dozen of nominations in the Hong Kong Film Awards and won three of them. It will be difficult for a remake to top a popular movie like this. If we talk about the originality and the charismatic of the two main stars, well, this remake didn't top the original. And if we compare the two films, then this movie may always fall under the shadow of the original. However, despite some unfavorable that people may have towards this remake, for me this is a pretty decent film that stands on its own. And I have to say that I liked and enjoyed the movie more than I expected.

This 2011 remake (also known as A Chinese Fairy Tale) tells a slightly different story and backgrounds, even though the myth and the main characters are the same. Yan Chixia (Louis Koo) is a great demon hunter until he breaks the forbidden rule and falls in love with a beautiful demon Nie Xiaoqian (Crystal Liu Yifei). On knowing that a human and a ghost cannot live together and their romance will never have a good end, he decides to end their relationship by wiping their romance memory out of the demon's mind with a magical mind wipe, and makes her totally forget about him.

But the history seems to roll all over again when a young scholar Ning Caichen (Yu Shaoqun), journeying to the Black Mountain to help a town finding a water source to end their drought, meets with Nie Xiaoqian and they fall in love, even though the demon wants to kill him at the beginning. But there is no easy way for their romance, as the Tree Demon (Kara Hui), the strongest evil power in the mountain, despises humanbeing and will never let Xiaoqian go. At the other hand, Yan Chixia, the demon hunter, also tries to separate them with every possible way he could, as he knows their romance is doomed to fail, as what he experienced before with Xiaoqian. But will a true love finally overcome the human's forbidden crossover into the world of the ghosts?

The main difference with the original movie is, while the original focused on the love story between the scholar and the ghost (and nothing about the demon hunter and the demon itself), this remake spiced the story with the love triangle between the demon hunter, the ghost and the scholar. It was a bald's moves actually taken from the director Wilson Yip and the screenwriter to make something different out of an already familiar tale, which some people may accept and some may not. But if we see this movie in its own ground, it's still a fun and entertaining movie, which story and ghost fantasy atmosphere we can enjoy, disregard how cheesy you might feel about the story. More actions, funny at times, and lots of CGI, with the movie budget of US$ 20 million.

Leslie Cheung and Joey Wong from the original movie were hard to beat, as their images and charisma will always be correlated when talking about A Chinese Ghost Story. Cheung was a legend in the industry (he died tragically in 2003 on suicide at age 46). He was one of the greatest canto-pop singers Hong Kong ever has. And he was a fine actor too. It will not be easy for whoever that plays his character as the scholar in the remake. And Yu Shaoqun didn't play it bad actually, he looked more naive though, but he was definitely overshadowed by our fond memories of Leslie Cheung.

The ghost role in the original movie help uplifted the career and stardom of Joey Wong, the character she will always be remembered. Maybe the most beautiful, elegant and sexy ghost ever existed in the Hong Kong movie history. Even though also overshadowed by the aura of Joey Wong, I liked Crystal Liu Yifei (the girl from The Forbidden Kingdom) in this movie. I think she played her character as the ghost well. Not as sexy as the appearance of Joey Wong in the original, but she is also beautiful, seductive and very lovable, which will make human guys fight for her love. While as the demon hunter, Louis Koo gave a different interpretation to his character as has been shown by Wu Ma in the original, and much younger. Louis Fan Siu-Wong from the Ip Man series also appeared as another demon hunter here, who has unsettled hatred towards Louis Koo's character.

In overall, I am having quite a good time with this movie. Not a perfect movie as it has its flaws, and this is not a kind of movie you should take too seriously at. But if you want to see a Chinese fairy tale with beautiful ghost in it without being scared, and enjoy some sweet human and ghost romance out of it, plus some actions, then this is the movie. The theme song at the beginning and the end of the movie, sang by the great Leslie Cheung, will flush us with nostalgia and make us remember of him. (MJ)

Morrissey - The Vegas Years

On the hottest night of the year, Morrissey brought his sparkly-shirted cabaret act to St. Georges Hall, Bradford... and blew up the stage. Literally.

Whether he likes to admit it or not, these are the Vegas days for the Mozfather. A few years back he was performing in front of huge letters that spelt out his name in light bulbs, a la Elvis: The Comeback Special. Now, while he's not yet wearing jumpsuits or doing ill-advised karate moves on stage, and the lack of burgers mean his waistline stays respectable (for a man of his years), a Vegas residency Greatest Hits package has become his lot, albeit in the slightly less glamorous surroundings of Grimsby, Stoke and Bradford. But should we expect anything else?

The setlist was one of his best in recent years, without an over-reliance on the last three albums, nothing too obscure, and some live gems I've not heard for ages... if ever. Perversely, these included the much-maligned You're The One For Me, Fatty and Ouija Board, Ouija Board: but as I'm an unashamed fan of both, I was pleased as punch. Great to hear Alma Matters and Speedway again too, while the mid-set one-two punch of There Is A Light... followed by Everyday Is Like Sunday would have made for a much more satisfying singalong encore than the tired combo of First Of The Gang (a great song, but it needs a long rest) and a lumpen This Charming Man... which left me feeling JC might be right about refusing access to certain segments of the Smiths back catalogue. Then again, the night's undisputed highlight was a rare 25th birthday outing for I Know It's Over, a performance that made me wonder what'd happen if Moz took the Vegas comparison to its extremes, ditched Boz Boorer and the lads, and took to the road with a proper showband instead... or even an orchestra? He'd have to devise a set-list that steered clear of the sonic battery of Meat Is Murder (no great loss) while favouring tracks like I Know Its Over, Trouble Loves Me and There Is A Light (with proper strings... imagine!), but surely it's time for some kind of change?

Instead, it looks like we can expect more of the same, at least until he finally decides to get off the stage. New tracks performed last night were People Are The Same Everywhere (you can guess the rest) and Action Is My Middle Name, one of his catchiest offerings in years - given that I was singing along by the second chorus. Of course, he's back to being without a record deal, and moaning that no one will have have him, but that's all part of the act. It's impossible to believe there aren't interested parties, given the current state of the music industry, even with his infamous reputation.

One thing that wasn't part of the act was the aforementioned explosion which silenced the main set's final song, Irish Blood, English Heart a few lines in. Darkness and silence filled the stage, and for a moment we all wondered whether it really was over. Given his frequent avowal that performing is the only thing to give his life meaning, it'd be perfectly proper for Morrissey to one day go out singing... but thankfully this was not to be the night. A panic of roadies saved us from the riot, but by then we'd had the best of him, and it was time to say goodbye, if not farewell. Vegas act or not, record deal or gurning busker, I still hope it's a long time before we say farewell to Morrissey forever...

Today Is The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life

If I'd murdered the boss who gave me my first job in radio back in 1988, I reckon I'd have been out of prison long before this. As it is, I feel like I've done the time without doing the crime.

But now I've finally been released, and not just for good behaviour. I'm free as a bird, and I'm never going back. It's forward all the way now. Even the sun has come out to congratulate me. And what better way to celebrate my new lease of life but by seeing my old pal Morrissey, live, tonight. Ironically, the gig's in Bradford... but I'm seeing it as my grand farewell to that inland town they forgot to bomb.

Thanks for all the well-wishy stuff. I promise I won't let the positivity poison this blog too much, we'll be back to the cynicism and grumbling very soon... after all, I've still got that Green Lantern review to write!

Redundant

After 23 years working for the same company, 15 of them on staff as a copywriter, I have been made redundant. I won't bore you with the whys and wherefores, the ins and outs, the tears and souvenirs of it all. It's not in my interest to talk about it and I doubt it'd be of interest to you. The fact is, I'm redundant...

Or am I?

It's a weird word, redundant. What does it really mean... and does it really mean me?

Let's ask the dictionary for a few definitions...

1. surplus to requirements; unnecessary or superfluous

Am I surplus to requirements? My former employers obviously think so. Others might (and hopefully will) disagree. I can't see anything wrong in being superfluous - you're one half super, to start with it. I'd always rather be 50% super than 60% shite.

2. verbose or tautological

I'll happily admit to the former - if you've ever read this blog, I can't really deny it. As to the latter, the secondary point, the issue of tautology described within... never.

3. deprived of one's job because it is no longer necessary for efficient operation: he has been made redundant

That would seem apparent.

4. being in excess; exceeding what is usual or natural: a redundant part.

You mean... like a mutant? Cool!

(Oh, stop being such a whinger, Cyclops. So you lost your job - big deal! Man up!)

5. characterized by verbosity or unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas; prolix: a redundant style.

Didn't we cover this already?

6. having some unusual or extra part or feature.

You mean, like six fingers or a vestigial tail? Again: cool. Can I have angel wings too?

But wait, let's look at the Latin derivation...

7. from Latin redundans - overflowing, from redundāre - to run back, stream over

Right at this moment, of all the definitions on offer, this is the one which feels most appropriate. Overflowing, streaming over... unable to contain my joy.

Yes, joy.

The truth is, I'm looking on this as, potentially, one of the most exciting things that's ever happened to me. The possibilities are endless, and I fully intend to seize every one of them by the throat or the balls or any other soft and vulnerable part within easy reach. The future's so bright...

...you know the rest.



(Only the 80s could give us a video like that. I do feel bad for the donkey though.)

INSIDIOUS (2011)

MyRating: YYYY

Director: James Wan

Cast: Patrick Wilson, Rose Byrne, Ty Simpkins, Lin Shaye, Barbara Hershey, Leigh Whannell, Angus Sampson
MPAA: Rated PG-13 for thematic material, violence, terror and frightening images, and brief strong language

What's so excited in watching a horror movie? One of the reasons I must say is to be scared. My parents used to tell me a metaphor about watching movies, that 'the filmmakers are crazy, but the moviegoers are stupid'. Why? Because the filmmakers can do whatever they want in showing you all the craziness and absurdity in the movies, and the moviegoers are still 'stupid' enough to believe and carried away with what they see. You cried, you laughed, and you got terrified. And if the so-called 'stupid' moviegoers do exist, then the horror movie fans maybe are the 'stupidest' of them all. Because the horror fanatics are always excited and feeling the rush to see every new horror movie come out at the theater, getting scared while watching them (some even have to peek behind their fingers), and at the end of the day, you come out of the theater and tell everyone, "This movie scared me to death, you have to watch it. It was very fun!" Now, what is the rationale of people who are getting excited to see a movie that will scare them to death, while still entertained by it, and then they tell everybody that it's fun? Probably that's the act of 'stupidity'. Don't be mad at me. You know what I'm telling you was just a metaphor, like my parents did. As you might have known, I am a horror fan myself, who always find the excitements in thrills and amused while being scared by these kind of movies. But of course, I will never want to be considered as a 'stupid' moviegoer.

Insidious is one of those good old school horror movies that will give you a real frightening time while watching it and may haunt you with nightmares afterwards. The theme was of those of the traditional horror movie themes, a combination of haunted house, demonic possession and exorcism. It was scary. It was terrifying. Refresing at the same time. And it was fun. Now I said it. I really appreciate what James Wan (the creator of Saw) did with this movie, a small budgeted horror movie (US$ 1.5 million in production budget) with the script written by Leigh Whannell (also the writer of Saw), but the result is a great and original horror movie, that will be remembered and considered as a classic for years to come.

A couple, Josh and Renai Lambert (Patrick Wilson & Rose Byrne) moves into a new house with their three young children, just to realize that the house might be haunted. When their oldest son, Dalton (Ty Simpkins), has an accident in the attic and comes into a mysterious coma, they decide to move out from the house. But it is not long before they are being disturbed again by seems to be the same evil spirit in their new place, which makes them come into a conclusion that maybe it is not the house that is haunted, but it is something that follows them. And before it is too late, the couple has to invite a paranormal in order to help them solve their problems and find the truth about what is happening to their son. However, they may not be ready to hear what they are about to know, as it is something beyond their thoughts and imaginations. Besides, the devil may never let them go.

This movie has the right elements and ingredients to become a genuinely scary ghost movie. Eerie atmosphere, haunting camera moves, and daunting score and sounds, added to the already creepy house and situations. The tensions were slowly built, to more and more getting in your nerves. You knew something will appear outside the window, or behind that door, or in the corner of the room. And when it suddenly appeared together with a loud noise, it will still make you jump at your seat and catch you with a gasp. The thing is, it was not only happened at night, but also in daylight, when suddenly 'someone not from the living' crossing by a character in an unexpected moment. When the character held a deep breath and still shocked with what was just happened, you also realized that you were doing exactly the same thing, with your brain still anxiously thinking. "What was that? What was just passing by? What was that?"

But this movie also has its humor side. When things are becoming too tense, it will loosen you up with some humorous moments, so that you can catch some breaths. If you ask me if this movie is really-really scary. I will answer yes, especially for a Hollywood horror standard, even though if we compare it with Asian horrors (which usually gave you real hard times while watching them due to the extremely deep-to-the-bones scares), this movie may not be as scary as those Asian's. Still, it was scary enough and definitely one class above many average and generic Hollywood horror movies. The actors did well in bringing out the believable horror moments, especially Rose Byrne and the psychic woman (Lin Shaye). For the ghosts themselves, some are real scary, and some are touched with a slightly comical approach. As the screenwriter, Leigh Whannell also appeared as the psychic's assistant.

What I like the most about this movie is the smart and inventive story, with some interesting twists. The theme about astral projection is also something fresh and told in a different way than what you may have heard or seen before, that made this movie to become respectably original. The final act of this movie, when things have to be resolved and where the story pushed a character to step into an unthinkable world, was the real scares and culmination of the movie, and I think it ended well. Thumbs up for James Wan who executed this movie in a beautiful crafted way that made it a standout movie. He is a very promising and talented new generation of horror filmmaker, which new movies I will always watch out for. This is not a horror movie where you will see blood spilling all over the place with hard-core gore, like Saw, but it rather will terrorize you phychologically inside. If you are a horror fan, then this is a definite MUST SEE. It will scare you in an enjoyable and entertaining way, and will satisfy your hunger for a good horror movie out there. And it was a real fun. Damn, I said it again! (MJ)

Top Twenty Car Crash Songs

You're only human, you have to slow down and take a look as you drive past this week's list of songs...

20. James - Crash (From 'Millionaires'.)

Probably isn't actually about a car crash, which is why I placed it at number 20. Who can tell with Tim Booth's lyrics? Great song anyway.

19. Half Man Half Biscuit - Tour Jacket With Detachable Sleeves (From 'Some Call It Godcore'.)

On his way back from seeing a night of terrible tribute acts (including I Can't Believe Its Not Focus and the Identical Cocteau Twins), Nigel Blackwell and his girlfriend Helen, in her eponymous tour jacket, take the last bus home...

As we boarded, I immediately felt a little uneasy, as the driver didn’t seem to know the required fare for our intended destination. As we made our way to the upper deck front seat, I felt the vehicle swing round to the left, as if to go along Bridge Street. “He really doesn’t know the route”, I thought, with increasing alarm. “Better go downstairs and help him out. Wait a minute. Bridge Street? The overhead railway Bridge Street? Oh my God – HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLENNNNNNNNNN…!!!”

Ten years later, Blackwell is driving the same bus route... and has a spooky encounter... with that very same black tour jacket (with detachable sleeves).

18. Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm (From 'God Shuffled His Feet'.)

Once, there was this kid who got into an accident and couldn't come to school...

A true outcast's love story... and it all begins with a car crash. The boy was OK though - he was a Crash Test Dummy.

17. Ferlin Husky - The Drunk Driver (From 'Ferlin Huskey'.)

The maudlin and moralistic story of two small children killed by a drunk driver... with an awful twist.

This one will either break your heart or crack your funny bone.

Also by the same artist: I Dug My Daddy's Grave, Draggin' The River, Born To Lose (you get the picture)...

16. The Candyskins - Car Crash (From 'Sunday Morning Fever'.)

Britpop also-rans who broke up in 1998... have amazingly got back together. It seems there's even money in the reunion circuit for bands nobody can remember. Good on 'em.

15. Eminem - Stan (From 'Curtain Call - The Hits'.)

You know, the one with Dido wailing about her tea going cold. You may not remember, but it ends with Stan sticking his girlfriend in the boot of his car and driving it off a bridge. Like so many Eminem songs do.

14. Suede - Daddy's Speeding (From 'Dog Man Star'.)

Bret Anderson muses on how James Dean's car crash granted him immortality...

Whiplash caught the silver son
Took the film to No. I
Crashed the car and left us here
Broken glass for teenage boys trapped in steel and celluloid
Crashed the car and left us here.

13. Meat Loaf - Objects In The Rear View Mirror (From 'Bat Out of Hell Vol.2: Back Into Hell'.)

You'd be forgiven for thinking that every Jim Steinman song involves a car crash of some kind. Bat Out Of Hell has been described as "the ultimate car crash song" but much as I love that record (and I love it more than is healthy for a 39 year-old man), Objects... seems even more focused on the tragedy of a "fatac". Whereas BooH escapes the crash - and Hell itself - on a silver Black Phantom bike, Objects... stays with the accident, the death of Meat Loaf's teenage friend Kenny ("Oh my god, they killed..." etc.) and the way it's haunted him throughout his life.

There are times I think I see him peeling out of the dark
I think he's right behind me now and he's gaining ground

The video was directed by Michael Bay. Because, damn, who else could do this song justice?

12. Twinkle - Terry (From 'Golden Lights: Special Edition'.)

Though there has been much death and destruction in this list so far, this is the first actual death disc, an actual genre in its own right back in the 50s and 60s, wherein teenage girl (and occasionally boy) singers told tragic tales of young love cut short by driving too fast without paying due care and attention to the road.

I guess nobody ever took heed of the message in these songs because they just kept happening... as you'll see below.

11. Radiohead - Airbag (From 'OK Computer'.)

One of my absolute faves from grumpy Thom and the gang.

In a fast german car
I'm amazed that I survived
An airbag saved my life

10. Jan & Dean - Dead Man's Curve (From 'The Very Best Of Jan & Dean'.)

Every other early Beach Boys song was about coasting round town in your dad's character with a surfboard on the roof and bird-dogging chicks. Over on the other side of town, Jan & Dean were driving their cars a little more recklessly...

Won't come back from Dead Man's Curve...

9. Bruce Springsteen - Wreck On The Highway (From 'The River'.)

Another artist who spends much of his time writing car songs, so you'd imagine we'd come across more pile-ups in his repertoire than we actually do. Where many of the records on this list go for melodrama, Bruce strips away the pomp to give us a more personal reaction...

An ambulance finally came and took him to Riverside
I watched as they drove him away
And I thought of a girlfriend or a young wife
And a state trooper knocking in the middle of the night
To say your baby died in a wreck on the highway

Special mention must go to another Bruce song, Cadillac Ranch, dedicated to the place where smart wrecks go when they die...

8. Pearl Jam - Last Kiss (From 'Rearview Mirror: The Best of Pearl Jam'.)

Another death disc, originally recorded by Wayne Cochran back in 1961. I'm not a huge Pearl Jam fan, but this may well be Eddie Vedder's finest moment.

7. The Hours - Car Crash (From 'See The Light'.)

Me and you were just a car crash, baby
Everybody slowed down to take a look

The Hours - criminally ignored songwriters.

6. Black Box Recorder - Girl Singing In The Wreckage (From 'England Made Me'.)

Sarah Nixey crashes with her boyfriend on the way back from a New Year's party and gets stuck there for hour after hour after hour... or does she? It's a Luke Haines song, so who knows if she's telling the truth?

5. Ricky Valance - Tell Laura I Love Her (From 'The Very Best of Ricky Valance'.)

One of the all-time classic death discs ('bom bom bom bom'), originally recorded by Ray Peterson ('bom bom bom bom') though it was Ricky Valance who took it to Number One in the UK ('bom bom bom bom'). Tommy enters a stock car race to win money for his bride to be, loses his life in a crash, then comes back to haunt Laura forever, thereby ensuring her misery...

4. Dave Edmunds - Crawling From The Wreckage (From 'The Many Sides Of Dave Edmunds: The Greatest Hits And More'.)

It's a Graham Parker song, but the Dave Edmunds version was always mine. Despite the fact that "bits of me are scattered in the trees and on the hedges", the narrator of this song refuses to let one little accident prevent him "crawling from the wreckage... and into a brand new car". I hope he has good car insurance.

3. Shangri-Las - Leader Of The Pack (From 'The Best Of'.)

I love the Shangri-Las. So many of their songs end in teenage tragedy. Though this is their most famous record, there's similar automotive disaster in their Give Us Your Blessings, a song so woeful it makes Leader Of The Pack sound like an uplifting Jackanory story.

Sadly I can't listen to Leader Of The Pack anymore without hearing Julian Clary's spoof version, from his old identity as The Joan Collins Fanclub.

"Julian - is that Jimmy's ring you're wearing?"


No, it's not, it's my ring.


"Gee, it must be great riding with him... is he picking you up after school today?"


No, I don't go to school anymore - I'm 28 now.


Watch out for that great big lorry, Jimmy...
Oh... too late.

This wasn't actually the first Leader Of The Pack parody. Back in the 60s, The Detergents gave us the other side of the story... The Leader Of The Laundromat. (You'll have to hunt that one down yourself.)

2. The Primitives - Crash (From 'Best Of'.)

Another band back on the reunion circuit after nearly 20 years in retirement. Hope Tracy Tracy's vocal chords are still up for it.

Hands up if you thought this would be Number One?

Good guess... but look what you forgot...

1. The Smiths - There Is A Light That Never Goes Out (From 'The Queen Is Dead'.)

It could only be Morrissey & Marr's finest moment. The song that finally convinced me to love the Smiths. I haven't ever looked back.

And if a double-decker bus crashes into us...
To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
And if a ten ton truck kills the both of us
To die by your side - well, the pleasure and the privilege is mine

But... lest you feeling I'm celebrating the car crash, I'll let the final word go to Tony Christie...

Drive safely darlin',
There's a long long road ahead,
And the weatherman says the freezing rain may turn to snow,
Mind how you go,
Drive safely darlin'
Mind how you go,
Drive safely darlin'

Do please take care on the roads… I need every reader I can get!

(Lyrics used for review purposes only. Copyright the respective songwriters. Removable on request.)

Started Early, Took My Dog

I've not been watching the new Case Studies TV series starring Jason Isaacs as Kate Atkinson's accidental detective Jackson Brodie... mainly because I enjoy the books so much, and couldn't imagine the most successful elements of Atkinson's writing translating well to TV. Unlike the majority of TV shows adapted from crime novels, Atkinson's stories are never about the plot. They're about character, about history, and about writing.

Take her latest, with the sublime title of Started Early, Took My Dog. There is plot here. A mystery gradually unfolds about a crime that took place many years earlier. Jackson's been hired to trace the parentage of a New Zealand woman who was adopted as a child, and his investigations lead him back to his home city of Leeds. Adoption is a recurring theme - another character, a former policewoman called Tracy, buys a child from a local prostitute to give the little girl a better future, while even Jackson becomes an adoptive parent, of sorts, when he liberates a small dog from its thuggish owner (the dog later repays Jackson by saving his life). As with all great mystery novels, there's twists and misdirection aplenty. There's also - typical of Atkinson, though anathema to many thriller writers - huge dollops of coincidence and serendipty. Yet none of this is all that important. It's all about the writing.

Atkinson writes wonderfully chatty, meandering prose that feels at times like being caught on a bus with an old woman nattering away in the seat beside you. Yet there's so much truth contained within her stories - the kind of everyday details that grant us keen insight into the characters she creates, and make the world they inhabit as real as the one outside your window. And she's given us a unique hero in Jackson Brodie. More than just a reluctant detective, in many ways he's a reluctant human being. He wanders round the country making little effort to solve the mysteries he's presented with, stumbling across clues, very occasionally connecting with someone else (but usually ending up disappointed), living out of Holiday Inns and B&Bs, getting into scrapes, eventually coming up with answers. At least now he's got a dog to keep him company...

Say No To Bono

Here's the opening track to the new Readers' Wives album (remember, the positioning of that apostrophe is all important), Rachel's Apartment. It's got a harder edge than some of their previous material, but the album itself offers a nice variety of lyrically intriguing songs from one of Ireland's best contemporary rock exports. But don't take my word for it - you can download the whole album for free, direct from the Readers' Wives themselves, if you click this link before the end of June. Go on, give it a listen, and help spread the word.



My favourite band of the 21st century is back again - having previously delivered my favourite albums of 2008 and 2010, can The Indelicates make it a hat trick? Only time will tell, but they're venturing into murkier waters this time round with... dare I say it... a concept album! David Koresh: Superstar is a full on musical extravaganza based on the infamous Waco Siege of 1993, "a bitter cocktail of rebel country disco rock opera" featuring guest appearances from David Devant & His Spirit Wife, Jim Bob of Carter USM, Philip Jeays, Lily Rae and "a full Greek chorus of strapping Camdenite youth". Watch the promo film here, or play the opening single, I Am Koresh, below. Then pop over to the Corporate Records website to download the full album, and pay whatever you think it's worth.



The Lancashire Hotpots are driving down to Glastonbury this weekend to promote their new album, Achtung Gravy. They're playing the Croissant Neuf stage at the same time a bunch of narcissistic hacks are headlining the Pyramid. As a result, the Hotpots have established a Say No To Bono campaign which I wholeheartedly endorse... if you happen to be on your way to Worthy Farm this weekend, I hope you'll give them your support.

Achtung Gravy is released June 27th.

Buddy Miller is a veteran Nashville singer songwriter who's worked with Steve Earle, Emmylou Harris, Robert Plant & Alison Krauss and many others. I'll be damned if this track from his 2004 album Universal United House of Prayerdoesn't make me think of ex-Del Amitri man Justin Currie. Yes, it's that good.



Finally, here's a great song from the late Warren Zevon. Reminds me of a character we used to have on our Saturday morning radio show... 20+ years ago now (is it really that long?) The character was a rubbish magician called Bald Daniels. You can guess the rest...

I can saw a woman in two
But you won't want to look in the box when I'm through
I can make a love disappear
For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer...

(From 'Life'll Kill Ya'.)