Music I'm Listening To This Week

Five more songs I can't get out of my head (or off my music player)...

8in8 is a musical collaboration between Amanda Palmer, Ben Folds, Damian Kulash and Neil Gaiman. Yes. Musical. Neil Gaiman. Calm down, granny.

I downloaded this record some weeks ago from Amanda Palmer's website (where it's available for a minimum price of just $1) because I'm a huge fan of both Palmer and Folds, both of whom can do no wrong in my eyes... well, apart from marrying Neil Gaiman. I really wish Ben Folds hadn't done that.

Anyway, I've been happily enjoying it without actually realising that the final track is spoken by the God of All Stories About Stories About Stories himself. Who knew he sounded so much like a cross between Tom Lehrer and Noel Coward? The track is called The Problem With Saints... and bloody hell, it's annoyingly good. My Neil Gaiman rehabilitation continues...

Fortunately it's not my favourite track on the record. I wouldn't have been able to live that down. No, my favourite track (though to be fair, all six are excellent) is this... a duet about the failure of permissive parenting, by Amanda and Ben...



Oh, and the 8in8 mini-album is called Nighty Night, presumably in tribute to Julia Davis. That's got to be worth 61p (at today's exchange rate) of anybody's money.

Skint & Demoralised...? Well, yes, I am. But am I downhearted? No, because I've just discovered my New Favourite Band (this week's model) - and they're from just down the road in Wakefield.

I missed out on Skint & Demoralised first time round. So did a lot of people, it seems, despite their debut album Love, And Other Catastrophesbeing on a major label. Listening to songwriter Matt Abbott on 6Music earlier in the week I heard him explain how the band went from heroes to zeroes in the space of two months back in 2009, leaving them with perhaps the most appropriate stage name in pop. Now they're back, with This Sporting Lifeon their own indie label, and ironically drawing more attention than ever. It's a fickle mistress, the music business.

Originally a performance poet, Abbott writes classic observational indie lyrics that'll remind you of everyone from Morrisey to Ian Dury to Mike Skinner to Frank Turner. Yes, he's that good. Further evidence can be found on his ode to the great British pub...

Speaking of Frank Turner, I've yet to grow tired of his latest record, England Keep My Bones- it could well turn out to be album of the year.

The opening track, Eulogy, is only 1 minute 34 seconds in length - which is both frustratingly short (when I'm listening to it, I want it to go on forever) and perfect.

Not everyone grows up to be an astronaut
Not everyone was born to be a king
Not everyone can be... Freddie Mercury
But everyone can raise a glass and sing
Well I haven't always been a perfect person
I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed

But on the day I die I'll say
"At least I fucking tried!"
That's the only eulogy I need
That's the only eulogy I need.

It's one of those songs that makes me want to go on living. There can be no finer praise.

Brilliant! Tragic!- the new record from Art Brut - isn't quite as brilliant as much of their previous output, nor is it entirely tragic. There's a lot to enjoy here, from Eddie actually trying to sing rather than just talk or shout, to their heartfelt tribute to Axl Rose, to the wonderful Bad Comedian and its appropriately corny lyrics.

You're walking around like love's young dream
He dresses like he comes free with the NME
How can you bear to hold his hand?
I bet he signs his name in Comic Sans

Best reason to buy this record though - as opposed to just downloading it - is the beautiful artwork by Phonogram's Jamie McKelvie. Album cover of the year, no competition.



Finally, I got a real urge to listen to some old Pogues the other night, in particular the track below, possibly their finest moment. I thought I'd mention here because the alternative was to come up with a Top Ten Songs About Ford Cars...

...or a Top Ten Songs About Dodgy Top Shelf Magazines From The 80s.

Be grateful I'm sparing you that...

Top Twenty-Five Unemployed Songs

Who knew there were this many great songs about not having a job?

On second thoughts, it makes perfect sense. Bunch of unemployable bums, musicians, the lot of 'em!

25. The La's - Doledrum

(From 'The La's'.)

Lee Mavers and co. recorded one album in 1990, promptly disowned it, then spent the following 21 years "on hiatus". Talk about "difficult second album syndrome".

All my life goes by in Doledrum
I'll see ninety-five in Doledrum

What kind of work ethic is that?

24. Bob Dylan - Ballad Of Hollis Brown

(From 'The Times They Are A-Changin'.)

Hollis Brown looked for work and money and walked a rugged mile. He didn't find either, but he did find a shotgun...

The Job Centre expect me to travel at least twenty miles in search of a job. I blame Hollis Brown.

23. Simply Red - Money's Too Tight To Mention

(From 'Picture Book'.)

Treasure this moment, it's probably the first, last and only time you'll ever see a Simply Red song in one of my mixtapes.

Here, Mick Hucknall has been laid off from work, his kids all need shoes, and the bank don't want to know. I might sympathise... if he wasn't Mick Hucknall.

22. Manic Street Preachers - I'm Not Working

(From 'This Is My Truth Tell Me Yours'.)

When James Dean Bradfield can't find gainful employment, he goes a little bit loopy.

Sweating out intelligence
Like I don't know what it is
Clinging to the microwaves
And singing with the soundwaves

He should start writing a blog. That'd keep him off the streets.

21. Billy Bragg & The Imagined Village - Hard Times Of Old England (Retold)

(From 'The Imagined Village'.)

Billy and co. update this traditional folk song, dedicating it to unemployed farmers across the country...

Time was, I could sell what I grew in the shop.
Then Tesco's turned up all of that had to stop.
Now I can't make a living out of my crop.
Singing, oh, the hard times of old England,
In old England very hard times.

20. Woody Guthrie - I Ain't Got No Home In This World Anymore

(From 'The Ultimate Collection'.)

And things were even harder for the unemployed before the days of the welfare state...

I mined in your mines and I gathered in your corn
I been working, mister, since the day I was born
Now I worry all the time like I never did before
'Cause I ain't got no home in this world anymore

19. The Slackers - Every Day Is Sunday

(From 'Self Medication'.)

Not the Morrissey classic about winning yourself a cheap tray... but an ode to unemployment from a bunch of slackers... who you'd probably expect to enjoy unemployment a little more than they do.

Everyday is Sunday
When you're unemployed
Sounds pretty good man
I should be overjoyed

Every day is Sunday
Every day is Sunday
Every day is Sunday
Friday never comes

Do you think I should write a novel?
Maybe write some songs?
I'll show you I'm the genius
You thought I was all along

18. Beck - Soul Suckin' Jerk

(From 'Mellow Gold'.)

Beck quits his job at the fried chicken place and burns his uniform in celebration. It's all downhill from there.

17. John Cougar Mellencamp - Rain On The Scarecrow

(From 'Scarecrow'.)

More farmers forced to sell their farms when the bank forecloses, from another artist who owes his entire career to Woody Guthrie. And, as so often in these stories, it all ends with rain on the scarecrow... and blood on the plough.

16. Eminem - Rock Bottom

(From 'The Slim Shady LP'.)

Eminem works minimum wage, gets hired and fired a lot, and can't afford new nappies for his daughter. (Or diapers, if you insist, Marshall.)

Still... would you give this man a job?

15. Kenickie - Disco Christmas On The Dole 

(Hidden track from 'Get In'.)

The irony being that by the time the second Kenickie album hit the shops, most of the band were on the dole. At least Lauren Laverne went on to find alternative employment.


(See also the completely unrelated Spitting Image single Santa Claus In On The Dole.)

14. The Go-Betweens - Draining The Pool For You

(From 'Bellavista Terrace: The Best of the Go-Betweens'.)

I got hired but I got tired of draining the pool for you.
I got tired but not so blue,
To see the cracks in you.
I got hired against my wish,
With better prospects, after this.

I can think of worse resignation letters you could write... this should probably have made last week's list though.

13. Alex Chilton - Lost My Job

(From 'Top 30'.)

Alex Chilton loses his job and treats it as an excuse to stay out all night and sleep all day. I'm too old for all that. Then again, so was he.

12. Townes Van Zandt - Marie

(From 'Be Here To Love Me'.)

I stood in line and left my name
Took about six hours or so...

Unemployment said I got no more cheques
And they showed me to the hall

A familiar story for anyone who's ever spent any time down the Bob-a-Job Centre.

Smart Alec remarks aside, this is one of the saddest songs ever written. Poor little Marie.

11. The Libertines - Love On The Dole

If ever there was a rock star who epitomised what we might call "dole scum chic", it's Pete Doherty. This song was named after the Walter Greenwood novel, adapted into a film in 1941 starring Deborah Kerr as Waynetta Slob.

10. Thea Gilmore - Brother, Can You Spare A Dime?

(From 'Loft Music'.)

Written back in the 30s, Yip Harburg's anthem to the Great Depression sends shivers down my spine... especially as sung by the divine Thea Gilmore.

9. The Clash - Career Opportunities

(From 'The Clash'.)

Adrian reminded me of this one after last week's Top Ten 'I Quit!' Songs. Do you want to make tea at the BBC? (Hint: it'll probably be more fulfilling than making the tea at ILR.)

8. Half Man Half Biscuit - Turned Up Clocked On Laid Off

(From 'This Leaden Pall'.)

Was there ever a more accurate description of what it feels like to be laid off...?

Watch out world, I’m a man at ease
Free to do whatever when I want
Lonely heathland here I come
Deathless, useless bracken underfoot

There’s people who can’t spell ‘weird’ right
Driving round with thousands in the bank
But I get by, got a lot on my mind
I get by, got allotments on my mind

7. Ben Folds - Fred Jones Part 2

(From 'Rockin' The Suburbs'.)

Unlike a lot of the people on this list, Fred Jones is actually sad to be losing his job...

Fred sits alone at his desk in the dark
There's an awkward young shadow that waits in the hall
He's cleared all his things and he's put them in boxes
Things that remind him: 'Life has been good'
Twenty-five years
He's worked at the paper
A man's here to take him downstairs
And I'm sorry, Mr. Jones
It's time

6. The Offspring - Why Don't You Get A Job?

(From 'The Offspring - Greatest Hits'.)

The perils of living with an unemployed girlfriend or girlfriend, along with typically blunt advice on how to deal with them. At least the video gave temporary employment to an entire small town.

5. Luke Haines - Never Work 

(From 'The Oliver Twist Manifesto'.)

Never work in May
Or in the summer time,
We'll call a general strike
For the right to never work

Yeah, I'd like to see how far that attitude gets you when you go sign on, Luke. I doubt singing it in French will help you either.

4. Nina Simone - Ain't Got No / I Got Life

(From 'The Very Best Of Nina Simone'.)

Nina ain't got no home, no shoes, no money, no skirts and no sweater. She does have her tongue, her chin, her neck and her boobies though. I'm not entirely sure what alternate career path she's advising here...

3. Bruce Springsteen - Born In The USA 

(From 'Born In The U.S.A.')

Yes, the most misunderstood song in the history of rock is actually the story of a disgruntled GI returning from Vietnam to find nobody will give him a job.

Come back home to the refinery
Hiring man says, "son, if it were up to me..."
Went down to see my VA man,
He says, "son, don't you understand?"

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone who's written more songs about losing your job, hating your job, not being able to find a new job... or even driving your girlfriend's mum down the unemployment agency.

2. Emiliana Torrini - Unemployed In Summertime

(From 'Love In the Time of Science'.)

You can be far more reckless with your unemployment if you're only 21. Emiliana Torrini doesn't need money because she's young and in love. Aww...

1. Everclear - Unemployed Boyfriend

(From 'Songs From An American Movie, Vol. One: Learning How To Smile'.)

Probably not the song you expected to top this chart (if you've ever even heard of it), but this is one of my favourites from Everclear. It never fails to make me smile.

Ever been chatted up down the Job Centre?



Blimey - 25 songs about unemployment. But which omissions made me fail the interview?

There's Always Someone Cooler Than You

So on Saturday night me and Dave spent £25 each on a pair of tickets to see Craig talk to his girlfriend, live at the Sheffield Academy. Craig's a particularly talented young performance artist, able to hold a pint of beer in each hand while telling hilarious stories about all the amazing things that have happened to him on Facebook (Yes... On. Facebook.)

On Saturday though, Craig found himself having to compete with a fucking musician - Ben Folds, you might have heard of him, some American piano playing geek - and his band, who'd taken it upon themselves to pitch up at the same venue and start playing songs on the stage while Craig was telling his hilarious Facebook stories. As a result, Craig had to shout to be heard over the top of this inconsiderate yank and many of Craig's audience didn't catch the subtle nuances of his drunken ramble profound storytelling.

Dave and I were lucky though, we'd found the best place in the house - Craig and his insipid girlfriend were standing right behind us! That's like front row seats - and we didn't have to pay any extra! Unfortunately, as the show progressed, Dave decided he'd rather listen to Ben Folds sing his witty, heartfelt songs than Craig go on and on about how he refused to accept Trevor's Friend Request, so we had to move away from the performance area and closer to the stage where Folds was giving it his all, Jerry Lee Lewising the piano for all his worth, making up songs on the spot from lyrics given to him by members of the audience, covering The Divine Comedy and Kansas (though not, sadly, playing Belinda or Doc Pomus) and generally being one of the most energetic, passionate and creative live acts you'll ever see...

...but still not a patch on Facebook Craig.

Top Ten Bitch Songs

This seemed like an obvious follow-on from last week's list of Bastard Songs, however I was not without my qualms...

I used to work with a woman who absolutely loathed the word B-I-T-C-H. She was happy enough using most other swearwords (even the C-one), but could not even stand to be in the same room as someone saying "bitch". Now I'm a firm believer in not letting words have power over you... but I also don't want there to be any kind of misogynist subtext from a post like this. (Misanthropic, yes, but there's a misanthropic subtext to just about every post I write.) Besides, as this list proves, the word in question can have all kinds of different interpretations... and it does make for an excellent selection of tunes...

10. Meredith Brooks - Bitch

What further proof can you ask for than this 90s feminist empowerment anthem (oh, argue that one amongst yourselves) from Meredith Brooks...?

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover
I'm a child, I'm a mother
I'm a sinner, I'm a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I'm your health, I'm your dream
I'm nothing in between
You know you wouldn't want it any other way

9. Inspiral Carpets - Bitches Brew

An atmospheric, almost Joy Division-esque drone from the Manc madcaps... though they are wearing Sphinx masks in the video, and you never saw Ian Curtis doing that, did you?

8. David Bowie - Queen Bitch

Ah, Bowie. You really should show up on these lists more often, you crazy androgynous godlike genius, you.

She's so swishy in her satin and tat
In her frock coat
and bipperty-bopperty hat
Oh God, I could do better than that

What a bee-yatch!

7. Kenickie - 60s Bitch

I make no apology for the fact that this also appeared in my Top Ten Six Songs. It's Kenickie, deal with it.

6. Absentee - Bitchstealer

"Bring her back, bring her back, bring her back..."

I knew very little about Absentee... but after hearing this, I wanted to know more.

5. Elton John - The Bitch Is Back

In which Elton is the titular bitch... and you just know he is, too.

4. Blast Off Country Style - Hey, Hey I Love You Bitch

I can't find much about this band online either, and sadly no link to the song in question. But it's great... so if you can track it down, you'd be doing yourself a huge favour.

3. Bowling For Soup - The Bitch Song

The b-word means something quite different in an all-male prison, as Bowling For Soup discover in this sensitive video dealing with the harsh realities of prison life.

I like Bowling For Soup. They're like a band from a Hannah Barbera cartoon. I bet they drive around in a colourful tourbus solving spooky mysteries and upsetting local shopkeepers wherever they go.

It amuses me no end that when you search for this song on youtube it comes up as "Beach Song".

I originally placed this song at #7... then I received a tweet from the band's lead singer Jaret Reddick... and he's right, they should have been at least #5.

So I changed the order round and made them #3. Yes, I am that easily swayed.

If David Bowie wants to tweet me, I'll make him at least #4.

2. Ben Folds - Bitches Ain't Shit

Quite possibly the greatest cover version ever recorded, in which Ben Folds castrates the macho posturing of Dr. Dre's original (though to be fair, the bitches Dre refers to are a former bandmate and his manager) and turns it into a heartbreaking piano ballad. Folds' version of this song became so popular that he eventually had to give up playing it live because he didn't want his kids to hear him referred to as "that bitch guy".

1. Robyn - Konichiwa Bitches

I first became aware of Robyn, and this song, through Kieron Gillen and Jamie McKelvie's excellent Phonogram.

Here Robyn brags like the cockiest of rappers yet in such hilarious, tongue-in-cheek fashion you can't help but love her. This song is actually the main reason I wanted to compile this particular Top Ten... it was either this or a Top Ten Foreign Language Greetings Songs... which was much clumsier... though I haven't ruled it out completely.

I'm so very hot that when I rob your mansion
You ain't call the cops, you call the firestation

'Cause my love is so sweet
You'll be zoom, zoom, zoom
Don't even get me started on my bada-boom-boom
One left, one right thats how I organize 'em
You know I fill my cups no need to supersize em'
Right now you probably thinking how she get in them jeans
Well I'm gifted all natural and burstin the seams

Konichiwa bitches!

Feel free to bitch in the comments about the bitches I kicked to the curb...

Top Ten Bastard Songs

How juvenile am I? First Top Ten of 2011, and I pick a sweary word. Maybe I thought I'd end up with a cooler list of artists (and no Barry Manilow songs) if I compiled a Top Ten Bastards. How wrong can one man be...?

10. Mötley Crüe - Bastard

Before you mock the Crüe, consider that they've sold over 80 million albums. Can that many hair metal idiots be wrong? I have more respect for them after reading Chuck Klosterman's poignant and hilarious memoir Fargo Rock City. Not a whole lot more respect, but some. At the end of the day, their drummer did marry Pamela Anderson. I suppose somebody had to.

9. The Replacements - Bastards Of Young

Unlike the Crüe, Paul Westerberg's Replacements are one of those bands everybody always claims to have been into back in the 80s when really they only actually discovered them long after they'd split up. Go on, admit it. Unless you're really cool, like Miller. In which case you probably bought their first album when you were 9 or something. (Did that sound sarcastic? It was actually meant to be a compliment. See, I can't even give my mates compliments without it sounding sarcastic. Grrr.)

Sadly, the Replacements haven't sold 80 million records.

8. Ben Folds - Bastard

Kids today gettin' old too fast
they can't wait to grow up so they can kiss some ass
They get nostalgic about the last ten years
before the last ten years have passed

Pretty soon, you'll be an old bastard too

So why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's OK if you don't know everything

7. Arab Strap - Fucking Little Bastards

And you think I'm misanthropic? Imagine if I was Scottish too...

6. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman

If you don't know who Dean Friedman is, consider yourself deprived. He's the poodle-faced god of 70s MOR-storytelling who brought us such classics as Ariel, Lydia, 'Well, Well' Said The Rocking Chair and the divine duet (with Denise Marsa) Lucky Stars. I don't use the word 'genius' lightly etc. etc....

Who better than Nigel Blackwell and the infamous Biscuit to pay tribute to this Titan of Tunesmithery (still on tour, coming soon to a leisure centre near you)?

And you can thank your lucky stars that you're not
The bastard son of Dean Friedman.

5. Ol' Dirty Bastard feat. Kelis - Baby I Got Your Money

You have to feel bad for Mr. and Mrs. Bastard. That name was like an albatross. Whatever they chose to christen their little boy, people were always going to take the piss. I mean... Kevin? Barry? Complete? Heartless? They must have exhausted that book of baby names before coming up with Ol' Dirty. Still, at least they kept Dirty as the middle name. Presumably to avoid causing further embarrassment to his teachers when calling the register.

4. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards

Ian Dury was fearless in the face of rhyming couplets - he bent them to his will. This song is the perfect example of his art... especially verse 3.

Einstein can't be classed as witless.
He claimed atoms were the littlest.
When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness
Frighten everybody shitless

3. Babybird - Bastard

Another track from my 7th favourite album of last year...

You can love me if you want to
But it's best if you don't
You can believe me, you can deceive me
But it's best if you don't

You could date me, you could hate me
But it's best if you don't
We could have kids, we could grow old
But it's best if we don't

I'm untouchable, yes I am
But if you wanna touch me, you can
I'm a bastard, you know that I am
But that's just what you like in a man

Everybody knows Babybird's biggest hit was You're Gorgeous... but coincidentally, it was spoofed by Mark 'n' Lard in The Shirehorses in a track called You're A Bastard.

2. Town Bike - Bastard Heart

Coming on like a Scouse version of the Donnas, Town Bike are the kind of hard-living punk rock chicks who scare the pants off weedy wallflower indie kids like me... but in a good way. Their debut album Go! Fight! Win! was released last year and you can download their amusingly sweary break-up single Bastard Heart (along with its Kiss-cover Crazy Crazy Nights b-side) for free ('n' legal) at the link above. If you like that, why not pop over to their myspace to hear more?

1. Charlotte Hatherley - Bastardo

An all-too autobiographical-sounding tale of holiday romance has Charlotte Hatherley seduced by a Spanish lothario (played by David Walliams) only to wake the next morning to find him gone... along with her precious guitar. Although he did leave a few Euros with thanks for the memories...

(Simon Pegg also pops up in the spoof girl's comic video as a Spanish waiter.)



I know, I'm a bastard because I didn't include...?

2010 - Albums Of The Year (Top 10)

Numbers 20 - 11 are here...

Now prepare yourself for the horror that is my Top Ten...


10. Manic Street Preachers - Postcards From A Young Man

I really do not get "embedding disabled by request" on youtube. Why would the record companies not want me to cross-promote their songs? Could they be scared someone might hear it and actually want to buy a copy? It's another ridiculous example of copyright law being used to shoot yourself in the foot, and I expect more from the Manics. I reckon there's more chance of you clicking play on an embedded video than clicking a link to that video - it's only a couple of extra clicks, but we all have such a fast-paced, "feed me now" lives, those two extra clicks are a great big wall of stop. I mean, you've already quit reading this paragraph because it's gone on for more than 5 lines, haven't you? Your granny's a whore. See? Nobody even flinched.

Anyway, the new Manics album. I liked it much more than the last one (the one all the real Manics fans loved because it used up all Ritchie's old lyrics) but not as much as the one before (the one with tigers).

9. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor

No, I never wanted to change the world,
But I'm looking for a new New Jersey
Because tramps like us, baby, we were born to die

Any band that quotes Billy Bragg and Bruce Springsteen within two consecutive lines... well, you know they've got me, right?

While The Gaslight Anthem sounded more and more like a Bruce tribute act this year, Titus Andronicus took the Born To Run spirit and fired it with a punk ethos that... shit, I hate it when I sound like a music journo.

This is ace. Click play now.



8. Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - The Logic Of Chance

What's this? Hip hop? Electronica? Rap? In my Top Ten? Surely this is taking up space that could be given to more landfill indie or another sad old bastard songwriter? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I first became interested in the songwriting of Scroobius Pip with his masterful list song Thou Shalt Always Kill. It made me laugh and touched a nerve, but I really didn't expect to enjoy a whole album of this stuff.

Guess what?

(The song below offers further explanation.)



7. Babybird - Ex-Maniac

Babybird? Ah, that's more like what you expect. Obscure one-hit wonder Britpop losers long past their sell-by date. From Sheffield too!

Actually, I was never a huge Babybird fan. I've liked a few of his songs, but never fallen for a whole album. This one took me by surprise. I liked the lead single, Unlovable, enough to give it a shot - and boy, was I glad I did. There's honesty, wit and a refreshing lack of cliche about his songwriting, particularly on tracks like Failed Suicide Club, the heartbreaking Rest Of Our Lives (one of my Songs of the Year) and the Daily Mail-baiting Like Them...



6. Justin Currie - The Great War

More mature songwriting and world weary cynicism from the ex-Del Amitri bloke, now writing the strongest material of his career.

I stand on a mountain of pitiful prose
My mind is a fountain that pointlessly flows
They give you a trophy if you make the kids scream
But it's such a joke to me; how insipid I've been.

I hate the world they gave me,
I hate the world they gave me

In Morrissey's absence, Justin Currie will be writing the story of my life this year.

Sigh.



5. Eels - Tomorrow Morning

More and more artists are shaking off the shackles of big corporate record deals (a new album every two years, please) and catering to a smaller, loyaler fanbase with far more frequent releases. E has released two albums this year (three in the last 18 months), and like James before him they were thematically linked. While Tim Booth & co. gave us an upbeat Saturday night record followed by a laid back Sunday morning, E gave us an album of heartbreak (End Times) followed by this... his most positive and forward-looking record to date.



4. Frank Turner - Rock 'n' Roll / Poetry Of The Deed

My most important musical find of 2010 (Amanda Palmer was second), Frank Turner is another artist who combines the fire, lyrical nous and inspirational self-belief of young Bragg and Springsteen to show-stopping effect. He sings every song like his life depends on it. Our lives too. The sort of artist who doesn't need to carve 'For Real' into his forearm... he just is.

Strictly speaking, Poetry Of The Deed was released in 2009 (though Frank was still promoting it and releasing singles from it in 2010) and Rock 'n' Roll is a mini album, what they used to call an EP. But Frank Turner has been such an important discovery for me this year (his previous albums Sleep Is For The Week and Love, Ire & Song are also worthy of investigation), he deserved a place on this list. Very excited to hear what he does next.



3. Bruce Springsteen - The Promise

Another record that, strictly speaking, shouldn't really be here. After all, the tracks on this double album were mostly recorded in the mid-70s in preparation for Bruce's follow-up to Born To Run, Darkness On The Edge Of Town. You know the story by now... and if you don't, I doubt anything I say will make you care.

What strikes me most about listening to this record is how much bigger a pop star Bruce could have been in the 70s (prior to his eventual worldwide breakthrough in the 80s). Rejected songs like Fever, Because The Night and Someday We'll Be Together would have been massive radio hits, far more so than any of the tracks he actually chose to release. But that just wasn't where he wanted to be at that point in his career... you've got to respect that.



2. Ben Folds & Nick Hornby - Lonely Avenue

These days, Ben Folds seems to do his best work when he's working with somebody else. The Shatner album was inspired insanity, but hooking up with author Nick Hornby gave him possibly the strongest record of his solo career. A selection of short stories, from the heartwarming biog-song of Doc Pomus to a blues track based on Sarah Palin's unwanted son-in-law Levi Johnson ("I'm a fuckin' redneck, I live to hang out with the boys, Play some hockey, do some fishin' and kill some moose") to the self-loving/self-loathing delights of A Working Day ("Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know - he's got his own blog.")

And then there's this... Belinda... my song of the year...




1. The Indelicates - Songs For Swinging Lovers

They did it again.

Scoring my favourite album of 2008 with their debut, American Demo, the Indelicates returned to prove there's no such thing as Difficult Second Album Syndrome (and they're already working on their third). Broadening their musical horizons in all kinds of different directions (if I were a true muso, I'd namedrop Kurt Weill and the like - but what do I know about these things?), this is further proof of their genius. Witty, angry, iconoclastic, tender, surprising, joyful, intense, uncompromising... etc. etc. etc.

The most exciting band of the 21st Century.

Why aren't you listening to them?

Download the album direct from their website - you can even choose how much you pay. Anything less than the entire contents of your bank account and you're getting a bargain.









Happy New Year, folks - see you on the other side.

Top Ten Satan Songs

All right, all right, enough with the Top Twenty Devil Songs... let's have something a bit more FESTIVE, shall we?

How about a Top Ten Santa songs..?

D'oh! Me and my damned dyslexia!


10. The Louvin Brothers - Satan Is Real

An old style deep south country hit that breaks into gospel style preaching about the evils and temptations of modern music and society.

Quite possibly the most bizarre thing you'll hear this week... if you click the link.

No wonder Johnny Cash dubbed himself The Man In Black if this is what the country white hats were singing.

9. Luke Haines - Satan Wants Me

The devil has the best tunes... sounds like he's already got you, Luke.

8. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Satan Said Dance

This song sounds like a Charles Manson recruitment drive to me.

7. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me

(Or, as the mondgreen has it, "Beelzebub has the devil for a sideboard".)

When I was 16, Queen's biggest hit was among my Top Three Favourite Songs EVER. And that was long before Wayne's World.

6. British Sea Power - No, Lucifer

Why are satanic puppets so disturbing? A nightmarish video for one of BSP's most poppy songs.

5. Cake - Satan Is My Motor

Satan is the only one who seems to understand...

4. Orbital - Satan

I'm not a huge fan of dance music, but this Orbital track stuck in my mind from about 15 years ago because of it's amusingly sampled intro, and I had to recruit the twitter hivemind to help me remember it.

Daddy, what does regret mean?
Well son, the funny thing about regret is,
It's better to regret something you have done,
Than to regret something you haven't done.
And by the way, if you see your mom this weekend,
Be sure and tell her, SATAN, SATAN, SATAN!!!

Apparently, the sample originates from a Butthole Surfers track called Sweat Loaf. Which is nice.

3. Art Brut - Demons Out

In which Eddie Argos kicks Satan's arse.

How can you sleep at night when nobody likes the music we like?
How am I supposed to sleep at night when no one likes the music we write?
Record buying public, we hate them
This is Art Brut vs. Satan
Don't worry, we can take 'em!

2. Ben Folds - Satan Is My Master

About 45 seconds into this short track, Ben Folds is possessed by the devil. It's like Billy Joel meets The Exorcist.

1. Morrissey - Satan Rejected My Soul

Poor old Moz (#4765). Even Satan doesn't want him.




So, my little devils... which Satanic Song do you worship?


For more festive Satanic Santa fun, can I direct you towards this week's Thoughtballoons story? Ryan chose Santa Claus as this week's character... and I did a very bad thing.

Catching Up

Between going to That London, editing my latest novel (which I've now decided is finished, bar the tinkering, and will be much shorter than originally planned, but hopefully much better for it), writing stories for Friday Flash and Thoughtballoons, and setting up a fake Twitter account to take the piss out of the most annoying man on telly (don't tell anyone it's me)... I've gotten a little behind on my usual blogging subjects. So here's a quick catch-up of some of the things I've seen, done, read and listened to lately...

You know when you see a film and you LOVE it, even though you know it could be much better? RED is the best could-be-much-better film I've seen all year. It's a little slow in places. A little corny. And Helen Mirren is - surprisingly - not very good. But... it has real heart, which is rare for an action movie. The opening sequence is exceptional. Bruce Willis really underplays it - not a smirk in sight. Mary Louise Parker is both hilarious and beautiful (and unlike a lot of women in Hollywood, seems to be maturing without the aid of botox). Malkovich hams it up like he's in panto. Karl Urban proves Bones wasn't a one-off scene-stealer. And amazingly for a film adapted from a Warren Ellis comic, this is the least cynical Hollywood movie I've seen in years. It's a heartwarming feel-good action romp like they don't make any more. No, it's not perfect, but it's a lot of fun. And a damn sight better than The Expendables.

Slightly less feelgood, though still enjoyable in its own way, is the "Lesbian Moms" flick The Kids Are All Right. Mark Ruffalo steals this one with his laidback manchild routine. Much as I admire Julianne Moore and Annette Bening, there's something insufferably smug about their characters that almost tips this film into annoying. Almost, but not quite. It's an adult relationships comedy that does some amusing things, though I really can't credit the Oscar buzz. And it has been saddled with the rubbishest film title of the year - what, they just put The Who on random play and picked the next song up? What was wrong with "My Two Moms"?



Lloyd Cole's new album Broken Record is garnering some of his best reviews in years. I suspect it's down to the fact that Lloyd's dragged a full band along with him this time rather than playing the acoustic troubadour card. I've seen him do that one-man-and-his-guitar act quite a bit over the last few years and it never grows tired... but seeing him perform his greatestest hits (plus the best of the new stuff) accompanied by two other fine musicians really was a treat. Some of the best guitar work I've heard in a long time. No drums though, he hates taking drums on tour - far too much hassle! I don't love Broken Record quite as much as I did 2003's Music In A Foreign Language, but it does feature Lloyd at his literate, world-weary best. Highly recommended, particularly if you get the chance to see it performed live.



I've mentioned the Ben Folds / Nick Hornby collaboration before, but it's worth another plug as it's fast becoming one of my favourite records of the year. Particularly their tribute to veteran songwriter Doc Pomus...

Finally, Comic of the Week comes from my sometime PJANG #4 collaborator, Ryan Taylor. The Grinning Mask is a fun tribute to the old EC horror comics, down to its Frederick Wertham-inspired title. Childhood hi-jinks meet scary monsters - excellent work from Ryan on story and art. Find out more about The Grinning Mask here.

Speaking of PJANG... issue #5 will be heading to the printers shortly, with not one but TWO covers by Nige Lowrey. Here's the first, based on the strip 'The Ex-Men', illustrated by Kelvin Green, to whet your appetite. Second cover to follow soon...

Top Ten Self-Pity Songs (Volume 2)

Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know
He's got his own blog!

By popular demand, I'm back with another pathetic playlist of pity. Many thanks to everyone who suggested songs last time, some of which are included here, others will be featured in the future.

You know the drill by now... this is Radio I Hate Myself & Want To Die FM!

10. Skinny - Failure


"Why have I always been a failure?" asked Skinny in 1998. It must have been doubly galling for them when Moby was such a success.

9. Tom Jones - I (Who Have Nothing)


You know that Cee-Lo Green chart-topper I was raving about? Here's its 1970 predecessor courtesy of the Welsh warbler.

8.Superman Revenge Squad - Pupkin

This homage to Robert DeNiro's King of Comedy deserves a post all its own. I strongly urge you to read the lyrics below, and if they strike a chord, follow the link to Ben Parker's website and give him some money. He has a new record out now.

I've been looking through loads of books of old lyrics that I wrote,
I've been wondering if I have really developed at all,
I used to want to be Billy Corgan now I can't remember what I once saw in those sentimental, over-produced songs he used to sing to me,
I was at home and feeling lonely, he was out there making loads of cash...

Used to want to be a writer
But now I'd take a lighter to those stories
I thought I'd be changing people's lives
I thought I'd have the Booker Prize
Now I realise that they're just lies
People tell themselves because hey don't wanna get a job

What's the point of singing songs you don't believe in
Just 'cos people say they might make you money?
And is Robbie from Eastenders really sexy
Just 'cos people recognise him from the telly?
And if Newsnight Review look at everything you do
And they decide it's crap
Is it really time to pack it in?
And no matter how many times I do this thing
Will I still feel like Rupert Pupkin?

I used to wanna be in Iron Maiden
Now I can't imagine what I'd do
With the money that I'd come into
Just for playing shows and hanging out with Bruce
And spending my spare time with Mötley Crüe
I mean, would I really care
About the people that stare
And point at the spandex clothes that I wear
If it was something I really wanted to do?

What's the point of singing songs you don't believe in
Just 'cos people say they might make you money?
And is Robbie from Eastenders really sexy
Just 'cos people recognise him from the telly?
And if Newsnight Review look at everything you do
And they decide it's crap
Is it really time to pack it in?
And no matter how many times I do this thing
Will I still feel like Rupert Pupkin?

7. Bloodhound Gang - Why Is Everybody Always Picking On Me?

Juvenile in the extreme, like The Inbetweeners on record, yet I can't help but sympathise...

6. Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again (Naturally)


A song that begins with Gilbert being jilted at the altar and ends with the death of both his parents - you can't really blame him for feeling sorry for himself.

See also Nothing Rhymed, a song so monumentally miserable that even Morrissey struggled to make it through to the end when covering it live.

5. Babybird - Unlovable


Speaking of Morrissey... there is, of course, a masterclass in self-pity from The Smiths that goes under the same title as this recent offering from Babybird - you know, it's the one where Moz declares "I wear black on the outside, black is how I feel on the inside". I'd have given my right arm for a T-shirt with that on the front when I was 15 (and it'd only have needed one sleeve).

Babybird's song isn't quite that tragic, but it is a fine example of the quality of work on Stephen Jones's 10th album, Ex-Maniac, released earlier this year. Plus the video was directed by Johnny Deep. Yes, that Johnny Depp.

4. Luxembourg - Single


"I wouldn't wish my life upon anyone else..." sings David Shah on this peerless ode to failing to bother the charts. "I can't spend another summer burning copies of my debut single in my bedroom," he continues, "I can't spend another Sunday crying on the sofa as another opportunity passes me by."

You can download the entire album free from their Last FM page. I'd highly recommend you do that. Now.

3. Nick Drake - Poor Boy

How did I get this far into an appreciation of supreme self-pity without any Nick Drake? Poor, poor Nick Drake - I'll weep for him forever.

2. Ben Folds / Nick Hornby - A Working Day

The opening track to the new Ben Folds / Nick Hornby collaboration. Seriously - Ben Folds and Nick Hornby made a record together. Ben on music and vocals, Nick on lyrics. Until Stephen King and Bruce Springsteen team up, or Morrissey and Douglas Coupland, this is my dream muso-author combo.

Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know
He's got his own blog!

I'm a loser
I'm a poser
Yeah really
It's over
I mean it and I quit
Everything I write is shit

Hey, hey
It's a working day
Hey, hey
It's a working day

Somehow it's reassuring to know that even Ben Folds and Nick Hornby have days like that.

1. Janis Ian - At Seventeen

A song I find almost too painful to listen to. And I'm a boy...

To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me

Go on world - hurt each other, kill each other, do anything you want!

I just don't care any more.