Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - Thirtysomething Else

In the last ten years, all the really good music ran screaming from the charts and founds its audience underground. Is that the sound of a 40 year-old muso talking? Perhaps. Perhaps that's what 40 year old blokes have always thought. But I remember all those 40 year old blokes buying Blur and Oasis albums and feeling like a teenager again 15 years ago. And that's how I feel when I listen to the latest by The Indelicates, Cosmo Jarvis or Frank Turner. The difference is none of those artists ever bother the single chart. Because people don't buy singles in the same way they used to. Does the singles chart truly represent what's popular in music anymore? Wiser minds that mine have tried to puzzle that one out. And that's not why I'm here today. I'm just here to conclude my countdown to...

In case you missed 'em:

The first ten years...

The troublesome teens...

20 Is The New Teenage...

And now - the last ten years...


31 (2003) The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

I surprised myself with this one. I'd pretty much given the year to Stacy's Mom, the ultimate 80's AOR throwback anthem from the mighty, mighty Fountains of Wayne. And then I remembered this little ditty, with the greatest guitar riff of the 21st Century (so far). Damn it if Jack White doesn't steal the crown. But the FoW boys came close.

Do you really care what was Number #1 on my birthday in 2003? For completeness' sake, I'll tell you. Gareth Gates featuring The Kumars - "Spirit In The Sky". I'm starting to regret having a birthday right after Comic Relief.

32 (2004) Morrissey - First Of The Gang To Die

A helluva year to judge. Bowling For Soup's 1985 might have stolen it (even though that does say more about the 80s than the noughties). Or what about Shatner & Rollins together? What do you mean you can't get behind that? OK then, how about Bill's Common People duet with Joe Jackson? Not convinced? Philistines.

You Are The Quarry was Morrissey's great comeback moment, bristling with attitude and energy. He's made better records, but none that managed to catch the zeitgeist in quite the same way. For a moment, he was an international superstar, and First Of The Gang was his tribute to an adoring Mexican fanbase. Not bad for a Stretford lad with Irish Blood & English Heart, or an album that was mostly a great big f-u to his many "enemies" (real and imagined).

In the charts? Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper. Me neither.

33 (2005) Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

"Don't believe the hype," says Alex Turner as he introduces this - a genuine Number One hit single in both the singles chart and mine. Wow - how often does that happen? This takes us back to the days when the internet could actually break a new band. Before everybody jumped on that wagon.

A number of songs came close - my favourite Eels track, Things The Grandchildren Should Know; my favourite HMHB tune, For What Is Chatteris...; even Martha Wainwright's touching tribute to her father, Bloody Motherfucking Asshole; and, of course, anything from Art Brut's glorious debut album. Particularly appropriate would be Bad Weekend, because... well, popular culture no longer applies to me.

Speaking of which: my birthday chart #1? McFly. Less offensive than the rest of this decade.

34 (2006) The Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

There was fierce competition from Jarvis, Guillemots and the Arctic Monkeys. Among others. Not Ready To Make Nice sprang from a battle between the Dixie Chicks and George W. Bush and ended as the Dixie Chicks versus the whole of conservative America. And somehow the Dixie Chicks won. If you don't know the story behind it, it's worth reading this. For that alone, they deserve 2006. Plus, it's nice to have a country record in this chart. Variety is the spice, etc. etc.

35 (2007) Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill

Thou shalt not think any man over the age of 30 who chooses a "hiphop" track as his favourite song of the year is just trying to be cool.

Thou shalt judge this on its own merits, not your own prejudices.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt give equal worth to the De La Soul remix.

Thou shalt not look at yourself in the mirror while you're crying: your eyes already know.

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.

Thou shalt always kill.

For 60 of my favourite songs from 2007, you can go here. This process gets a whole lot easier now I have a blog to refer back to. The Manics almost clinched the top spot with an amazing single from an incredible album at a point in their career when most bands are winding down and coasting on former glories. It even made #2 in them there meaningless singles charts. But it didn't rewrite the Ten Commandments like Scroobius did.

At #1 in them there meaningless singles charts? Sugababes vs Girls Aloud - "Walk This Way". Another Comic Relief song, I suspect. I'm just glad I've never heard it.

36 (2008) The Indelicates - We Hate The Kids

This record made me feel that same teenage passion for music I'd felt at different points in my life for Bruce, The Smiths, Jarvis et al. If the singles charts truly represented what it feels like to be a teenager, then this song would have been Number One for a year. If the NME had any balls (oh, look, is that Noel Gallagher on the cover again - how cutting edge), The Indelicates would be on the front every week. My favourite single of the 21st Century from my favourite album of the 21st Century by my favourite band of the 21st Century. Not some croaky old fuddy duddies I've been listening to all my life, but a bright, young, vibrant band bursting with ideas and attitude and intelligence.

Every generation gets fooled again
And every generation is to blame...

The rest of 2008 can be found here. Apologies to Elbow: in any other year, One Day Like This would have made it.

(We Hate The Kids might originally have been released as a single prior to 2008, but I only discovered it as part of the Indelicates' debut album, American Demo, and that's why it's here. Just in case you're a pedant.)

And in the charts? Basshunter featuring DJ Mental Theos - "Now You"...

No more music, thank you and goodnight.

37 (2009) Frank Turner - Try This At Home

'Cause there's no such thing as rockstars
There's just people who play music
And some of them are just like us
And some of them are dicks
So, quick turn off your stereo
Pick up that pen and paper
Yeah, you can do much better
Than some skinny half-arsed English country singer

Many of my other favourite songs from 2009 can be found here.

And at #1 in the charts as I turned 37? Another Comic Relief single. A good song, by a comedian I like, but I still prefer the original.

38 (2010) Cee Lo Green - Fuck You

It could have gone to either Frank or The Indelicates again, but I still think the greatest pop single of 2010 was this. (And it was a genuine pop hit too - though swearing always helps that.) Maybe I'm just a sucker for combining classic Motown production values with cuss words. Maybe you think I should have grown out of this record by now? You know what I say to that?

Many more of my favourites from 2010 can be heard here.

And at #1 in the unreal world? Pass Out by Tinie Tempah. At least it's not another bloody Comic Relief song.

39 (2011) Lana Del Rey - Video Games

Once again, both Frank Turner and The Indelicates could have swiped the crown, as could Cosmo Jarvis, Fleet Foxes, Noah & The Whale... any of the artists on this list. But I'd be lying if I didn't choose the most mesmerising record of last year. The album's pretty good too - though it does remind me of Like A Prayer era Madonna a lot more than I expected. Nothing wrong with that though, Like A Prayer era Madonna is my favourite. Nothing on the record is quite as "Joni Mitchell sings in a Twin Peaks bar" as this one song though.

And last year's Number One on the 19th of March? Just The Way You Are (Amazing) by my popstar doppleganger, Bruno Mars. Hoorah!

Which brings us to 40. No idea what my favourite record will be this year... and I don't really care what'll be at #1 as my life finally begins next Monday. Because, you know what? I hate the kids, I'm not ready to make nice, a seven nation army couldn't hold me back, I shalt always kill and I'll probably be the first of the gang to die. Anyone spot a theme? In that case, I'll leave the last word to Cee-Lo...

Top Ten Songs About Horrible Young People

Having recently watched the movie F on DVD, I'm now even more afraid of scary hoody-wearing young people than ever. As with Eden Lake and French horror Them ('Ils'), it transforms the beastly little oiks you see spitting and swearing on your local street corner into murderous horror film monsters. Now I don't want to go all Mail On Sunday on you and call this a mirror reflecting our society (after all, older generations have been screaming that "the kids are out of control" ever since Adam fathered Cain and Abel), though when you hear about children taking guns into school, knife attacks and junior gang warfare, you can't help but shudder. I prefer to think that, like many good horror films, F merely reflects our society back at us through a cracked mirror darkly. But maybe I'm just looking on the bright side again (you know me!)...

Anyway, I'd recommend F as a cool little urban horror that refuses to take the easier plot paths, shows admirable restraint in terms of violence, and features a stand out performance from David Schofield as the teacher under siege. Cool ending too.

It also inspired this top ten, which needs no further introduction...


10. Morrissey - The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils

Back in the days of The Smiths, Morrissey sang about being terrorised by the "belligerent ghouls" who ran Manchester school. "Spineless swines, demented minds." By the time he hit middle age, he'd grown to see things from the other side of the classroom...

So you stand by the board
Full of fear and intention
And, if you think that they're listening
Well, you've got to be joking

Mucus on your collar
A nail up through the staff chair
A blade in your soap
And you cry into your pillow
To be finished would be a relief

Being Morrissey, of course, he can't help but blame the parents too...

Say the wrong word to our children ...
We'll have you, oh yes, we'll have you
Lay a hand on our children
And it's never too late to have you

9. Carter USM - The Young Offender's Mum

All God's children snatch a handbag
Spot the ball and mash the granddad
Choose the pictures on the news
Count the stitches on the bruise
Lock your sons up with your daughters
Stay at home, don't drink the water

Carter, on the other hand, do find some sympathy for the parents...

Don't lose your temper
In the shopping centre, son
Just remember
The young offender's mum

8. Dan Le Sac Versus Scroobius Pip - Great Britain

Leave it to Scroobius Pip to deliver a more level-head appraisal of the situation...

See sometimes Britain ain't that great
Kids getting stabbed at an alarming rate
Press with a passion to exaggerate
Increasingly clueless heads of state

He even tries to come up with a few of his own solutions. Listen to the song to find out more.

7. Mikrofisch - The Kids Are All Shite

Ah, but now we're getting to the heart of the matter. What's wrong with kids today? It's all down to the music they listen to, reckon Mikrofisch...

Coldplay, Keane and Kaiser Chiefs
Kasabian, Jet and Razorlight
Kings of Leon, Dead 60s...
The kids are all shite!

There's a slight flaw with their argument though. I reckon most of the artists listed above are predominantly listened to by 30+ blokes. (I don't mind the Dead 60s or early Kaisers.) Most kids these days wouldn't be seen dead with a Coldplay CD. I doubt most of them even know what a CD is.

6. My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

Or, if they're a little bit emo, they might be listening to My Chemical Romance... even though those same unruly teenagers scare the shit out of Gerard Way...

5. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Rough Kids

In case you're thinking Rough Kids are a 21st Century phenomenon, here's Ian Dury whinging about them from back in the late 70s... when I was a rough kid me'sen. I hope I wasn't responsible for this song.

Rough kids play rough games and kick tin cans
Leave their feet out in the aisle
Rough kids have bother and make nuisance
They climb on someone else's fence
Rough kids give m-m-m-m-m-mama no obedience
You know, you know, they've got no sense

4. Elbow - Lippy Kids

Introducing Lippy Kids on their recent tour, Guy Garvey explained that while he does sometimes find himself intimidated by the kids on the corner of his street, he wouldn't want to send them home. Hanging around with his mates at that age was a big part of his development, and led towards him being the man he is today. Somehow, nice Guy that Garvey is, I doubt he's the sort to ever terrorise an old lady... and he never perfected that simian stroll. The Garvey gang spent all their time building rockets.

3. Jarvis Cocker - Fat Children

In which Jarvis gets mugged and murdered by a bunch of flabby delinquents... then comes back to haunt them.

Oh, the parents are the problem
Giving birth to maggots without the sense to become flies

2. Frank Turner - Thatcher Fucked The Kids

Which brings us to Frank Turner... and, man, is he angry.

Whatever happened to childhood?
We're all scared of the kids in our neighbourhood
They're not small, charming and harmless
They're a violent bunch of bastard little shits.

Don't mince your words there, Frank, will you?

And anyone who looks younger than me
Makes me check for my wallet, my phone and my keys,
And I'm tired of being tired out
Always being on the lookout for thieving gits.

But, Frank, who could be responsible for this terrible state of affairs...?

So all the kids are bastards,
But don't blame them, yeah, they learn by example.
Blame the folks who sold the future for the highest bid:
That's right, Thatcher fucked the kids.

And if you don't believe him, listen to the full song for more of his argument...

1. The Indelicates - We Hate The Kids

Long time readers of this blog will not be surprised to see this at number one. It is my favourite single of the 21st Century after all. Just press play.

Oh yeah, we mean it...

So... do you hate the kids? Or blame the parents?

(And can I respond with a Top Ten Songs About Horrible Old People? I can only think of a couple so far...)

2010 - Albums Of The Year (Top 10)

Numbers 20 - 11 are here...

Now prepare yourself for the horror that is my Top Ten...


10. Manic Street Preachers - Postcards From A Young Man

I really do not get "embedding disabled by request" on youtube. Why would the record companies not want me to cross-promote their songs? Could they be scared someone might hear it and actually want to buy a copy? It's another ridiculous example of copyright law being used to shoot yourself in the foot, and I expect more from the Manics. I reckon there's more chance of you clicking play on an embedded video than clicking a link to that video - it's only a couple of extra clicks, but we all have such a fast-paced, "feed me now" lives, those two extra clicks are a great big wall of stop. I mean, you've already quit reading this paragraph because it's gone on for more than 5 lines, haven't you? Your granny's a whore. See? Nobody even flinched.

Anyway, the new Manics album. I liked it much more than the last one (the one all the real Manics fans loved because it used up all Ritchie's old lyrics) but not as much as the one before (the one with tigers).

9. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor

No, I never wanted to change the world,
But I'm looking for a new New Jersey
Because tramps like us, baby, we were born to die

Any band that quotes Billy Bragg and Bruce Springsteen within two consecutive lines... well, you know they've got me, right?

While The Gaslight Anthem sounded more and more like a Bruce tribute act this year, Titus Andronicus took the Born To Run spirit and fired it with a punk ethos that... shit, I hate it when I sound like a music journo.

This is ace. Click play now.



8. Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - The Logic Of Chance

What's this? Hip hop? Electronica? Rap? In my Top Ten? Surely this is taking up space that could be given to more landfill indie or another sad old bastard songwriter? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I first became interested in the songwriting of Scroobius Pip with his masterful list song Thou Shalt Always Kill. It made me laugh and touched a nerve, but I really didn't expect to enjoy a whole album of this stuff.

Guess what?

(The song below offers further explanation.)



7. Babybird - Ex-Maniac

Babybird? Ah, that's more like what you expect. Obscure one-hit wonder Britpop losers long past their sell-by date. From Sheffield too!

Actually, I was never a huge Babybird fan. I've liked a few of his songs, but never fallen for a whole album. This one took me by surprise. I liked the lead single, Unlovable, enough to give it a shot - and boy, was I glad I did. There's honesty, wit and a refreshing lack of cliche about his songwriting, particularly on tracks like Failed Suicide Club, the heartbreaking Rest Of Our Lives (one of my Songs of the Year) and the Daily Mail-baiting Like Them...



6. Justin Currie - The Great War

More mature songwriting and world weary cynicism from the ex-Del Amitri bloke, now writing the strongest material of his career.

I stand on a mountain of pitiful prose
My mind is a fountain that pointlessly flows
They give you a trophy if you make the kids scream
But it's such a joke to me; how insipid I've been.

I hate the world they gave me,
I hate the world they gave me

In Morrissey's absence, Justin Currie will be writing the story of my life this year.

Sigh.



5. Eels - Tomorrow Morning

More and more artists are shaking off the shackles of big corporate record deals (a new album every two years, please) and catering to a smaller, loyaler fanbase with far more frequent releases. E has released two albums this year (three in the last 18 months), and like James before him they were thematically linked. While Tim Booth & co. gave us an upbeat Saturday night record followed by a laid back Sunday morning, E gave us an album of heartbreak (End Times) followed by this... his most positive and forward-looking record to date.



4. Frank Turner - Rock 'n' Roll / Poetry Of The Deed

My most important musical find of 2010 (Amanda Palmer was second), Frank Turner is another artist who combines the fire, lyrical nous and inspirational self-belief of young Bragg and Springsteen to show-stopping effect. He sings every song like his life depends on it. Our lives too. The sort of artist who doesn't need to carve 'For Real' into his forearm... he just is.

Strictly speaking, Poetry Of The Deed was released in 2009 (though Frank was still promoting it and releasing singles from it in 2010) and Rock 'n' Roll is a mini album, what they used to call an EP. But Frank Turner has been such an important discovery for me this year (his previous albums Sleep Is For The Week and Love, Ire & Song are also worthy of investigation), he deserved a place on this list. Very excited to hear what he does next.



3. Bruce Springsteen - The Promise

Another record that, strictly speaking, shouldn't really be here. After all, the tracks on this double album were mostly recorded in the mid-70s in preparation for Bruce's follow-up to Born To Run, Darkness On The Edge Of Town. You know the story by now... and if you don't, I doubt anything I say will make you care.

What strikes me most about listening to this record is how much bigger a pop star Bruce could have been in the 70s (prior to his eventual worldwide breakthrough in the 80s). Rejected songs like Fever, Because The Night and Someday We'll Be Together would have been massive radio hits, far more so than any of the tracks he actually chose to release. But that just wasn't where he wanted to be at that point in his career... you've got to respect that.



2. Ben Folds & Nick Hornby - Lonely Avenue

These days, Ben Folds seems to do his best work when he's working with somebody else. The Shatner album was inspired insanity, but hooking up with author Nick Hornby gave him possibly the strongest record of his solo career. A selection of short stories, from the heartwarming biog-song of Doc Pomus to a blues track based on Sarah Palin's unwanted son-in-law Levi Johnson ("I'm a fuckin' redneck, I live to hang out with the boys, Play some hockey, do some fishin' and kill some moose") to the self-loving/self-loathing delights of A Working Day ("Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know - he's got his own blog.")

And then there's this... Belinda... my song of the year...




1. The Indelicates - Songs For Swinging Lovers

They did it again.

Scoring my favourite album of 2008 with their debut, American Demo, the Indelicates returned to prove there's no such thing as Difficult Second Album Syndrome (and they're already working on their third). Broadening their musical horizons in all kinds of different directions (if I were a true muso, I'd namedrop Kurt Weill and the like - but what do I know about these things?), this is further proof of their genius. Witty, angry, iconoclastic, tender, surprising, joyful, intense, uncompromising... etc. etc. etc.

The most exciting band of the 21st Century.

Why aren't you listening to them?

Download the album direct from their website - you can even choose how much you pay. Anything less than the entire contents of your bank account and you're getting a bargain.









Happy New Year, folks - see you on the other side.