How I Spent My 40th Birthday...

...because one day I might look back on this blog as a record of the significant events in my life. Where was I when I turned 40?

Well, the day began in the JobCentre+. Sadly, my signing-on day fell on my birthday. I got there nice and early so as to get it out of the way and get on with my big day.

"Sorry, mate," said the bloke on the door, "you can't go in till 10 minutes before your signing on time."

"You've let me in 15 minutes before my signing on time in the past."

"Are you arguing with a jumped-up jobsworth? Wait another ten minutes."

The first question I'm normally asked during my signing on sessions is my date of birth, as proof of my identity. (As if anyone else would want to sign on in my place - it's not as though I even get Jobseeker's Allowance any more. I only sign on so they'll pay my NI.) I was therefore ready for a bit of banter about my special day and how lovely it was to be starting it amid the disenfranchised. Typically, today was the day I got - rather than a polite chat about my job-seeking activity followed by a swift signature and home - the Spanish flippin' Inquisition. No time for pleasantries. Still, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Not even on their 40th birthday.

The rest of the day was much more enjoyable, although plans for lunch with family at my mate's restaurant were altered slightly when my Mum & Dad had to drop out. Unfortunately my mum had a bad fall yesterday and has cracked a rib. She seems pretty chipper, but I hope she'll be OK, and the fall won't damage her independent spirit.

The lunch itself was good - though I did eat far too much. The world's biggest burger. Tasty, but I suffered afterwards. Still, I can't overindulge on the drink anymore, so food's my fallback option.

Then back home for a nap - hey, I'm an old man now... napping is the future. Plus, I did only get about three hours sleep last night. Worrying about the big 4-0? Maybe. But what's the point in that?

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.



I also received Happy Birthday emails from Saint Etienne, Keane (!?) and Bon Jovi. Which was nice of them. Thanks to all the real people who sent good wishes too.

Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - Thirtysomething Else

In the last ten years, all the really good music ran screaming from the charts and founds its audience underground. Is that the sound of a 40 year-old muso talking? Perhaps. Perhaps that's what 40 year old blokes have always thought. But I remember all those 40 year old blokes buying Blur and Oasis albums and feeling like a teenager again 15 years ago. And that's how I feel when I listen to the latest by The Indelicates, Cosmo Jarvis or Frank Turner. The difference is none of those artists ever bother the single chart. Because people don't buy singles in the same way they used to. Does the singles chart truly represent what's popular in music anymore? Wiser minds that mine have tried to puzzle that one out. And that's not why I'm here today. I'm just here to conclude my countdown to...

In case you missed 'em:

The first ten years...

The troublesome teens...

20 Is The New Teenage...

And now - the last ten years...


31 (2003) The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

I surprised myself with this one. I'd pretty much given the year to Stacy's Mom, the ultimate 80's AOR throwback anthem from the mighty, mighty Fountains of Wayne. And then I remembered this little ditty, with the greatest guitar riff of the 21st Century (so far). Damn it if Jack White doesn't steal the crown. But the FoW boys came close.

Do you really care what was Number #1 on my birthday in 2003? For completeness' sake, I'll tell you. Gareth Gates featuring The Kumars - "Spirit In The Sky". I'm starting to regret having a birthday right after Comic Relief.

32 (2004) Morrissey - First Of The Gang To Die

A helluva year to judge. Bowling For Soup's 1985 might have stolen it (even though that does say more about the 80s than the noughties). Or what about Shatner & Rollins together? What do you mean you can't get behind that? OK then, how about Bill's Common People duet with Joe Jackson? Not convinced? Philistines.

You Are The Quarry was Morrissey's great comeback moment, bristling with attitude and energy. He's made better records, but none that managed to catch the zeitgeist in quite the same way. For a moment, he was an international superstar, and First Of The Gang was his tribute to an adoring Mexican fanbase. Not bad for a Stretford lad with Irish Blood & English Heart, or an album that was mostly a great big f-u to his many "enemies" (real and imagined).

In the charts? Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper. Me neither.

33 (2005) Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

"Don't believe the hype," says Alex Turner as he introduces this - a genuine Number One hit single in both the singles chart and mine. Wow - how often does that happen? This takes us back to the days when the internet could actually break a new band. Before everybody jumped on that wagon.

A number of songs came close - my favourite Eels track, Things The Grandchildren Should Know; my favourite HMHB tune, For What Is Chatteris...; even Martha Wainwright's touching tribute to her father, Bloody Motherfucking Asshole; and, of course, anything from Art Brut's glorious debut album. Particularly appropriate would be Bad Weekend, because... well, popular culture no longer applies to me.

Speaking of which: my birthday chart #1? McFly. Less offensive than the rest of this decade.

34 (2006) The Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

There was fierce competition from Jarvis, Guillemots and the Arctic Monkeys. Among others. Not Ready To Make Nice sprang from a battle between the Dixie Chicks and George W. Bush and ended as the Dixie Chicks versus the whole of conservative America. And somehow the Dixie Chicks won. If you don't know the story behind it, it's worth reading this. For that alone, they deserve 2006. Plus, it's nice to have a country record in this chart. Variety is the spice, etc. etc.

35 (2007) Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill

Thou shalt not think any man over the age of 30 who chooses a "hiphop" track as his favourite song of the year is just trying to be cool.

Thou shalt judge this on its own merits, not your own prejudices.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt give equal worth to the De La Soul remix.

Thou shalt not look at yourself in the mirror while you're crying: your eyes already know.

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.

Thou shalt always kill.

For 60 of my favourite songs from 2007, you can go here. This process gets a whole lot easier now I have a blog to refer back to. The Manics almost clinched the top spot with an amazing single from an incredible album at a point in their career when most bands are winding down and coasting on former glories. It even made #2 in them there meaningless singles charts. But it didn't rewrite the Ten Commandments like Scroobius did.

At #1 in them there meaningless singles charts? Sugababes vs Girls Aloud - "Walk This Way". Another Comic Relief song, I suspect. I'm just glad I've never heard it.

36 (2008) The Indelicates - We Hate The Kids

This record made me feel that same teenage passion for music I'd felt at different points in my life for Bruce, The Smiths, Jarvis et al. If the singles charts truly represented what it feels like to be a teenager, then this song would have been Number One for a year. If the NME had any balls (oh, look, is that Noel Gallagher on the cover again - how cutting edge), The Indelicates would be on the front every week. My favourite single of the 21st Century from my favourite album of the 21st Century by my favourite band of the 21st Century. Not some croaky old fuddy duddies I've been listening to all my life, but a bright, young, vibrant band bursting with ideas and attitude and intelligence.

Every generation gets fooled again
And every generation is to blame...

The rest of 2008 can be found here. Apologies to Elbow: in any other year, One Day Like This would have made it.

(We Hate The Kids might originally have been released as a single prior to 2008, but I only discovered it as part of the Indelicates' debut album, American Demo, and that's why it's here. Just in case you're a pedant.)

And in the charts? Basshunter featuring DJ Mental Theos - "Now You"...

No more music, thank you and goodnight.

37 (2009) Frank Turner - Try This At Home

'Cause there's no such thing as rockstars
There's just people who play music
And some of them are just like us
And some of them are dicks
So, quick turn off your stereo
Pick up that pen and paper
Yeah, you can do much better
Than some skinny half-arsed English country singer

Many of my other favourite songs from 2009 can be found here.

And at #1 in the charts as I turned 37? Another Comic Relief single. A good song, by a comedian I like, but I still prefer the original.

38 (2010) Cee Lo Green - Fuck You

It could have gone to either Frank or The Indelicates again, but I still think the greatest pop single of 2010 was this. (And it was a genuine pop hit too - though swearing always helps that.) Maybe I'm just a sucker for combining classic Motown production values with cuss words. Maybe you think I should have grown out of this record by now? You know what I say to that?

Many more of my favourites from 2010 can be heard here.

And at #1 in the unreal world? Pass Out by Tinie Tempah. At least it's not another bloody Comic Relief song.

39 (2011) Lana Del Rey - Video Games

Once again, both Frank Turner and The Indelicates could have swiped the crown, as could Cosmo Jarvis, Fleet Foxes, Noah & The Whale... any of the artists on this list. But I'd be lying if I didn't choose the most mesmerising record of last year. The album's pretty good too - though it does remind me of Like A Prayer era Madonna a lot more than I expected. Nothing wrong with that though, Like A Prayer era Madonna is my favourite. Nothing on the record is quite as "Joni Mitchell sings in a Twin Peaks bar" as this one song though.

And last year's Number One on the 19th of March? Just The Way You Are (Amazing) by my popstar doppleganger, Bruno Mars. Hoorah!

Which brings us to 40. No idea what my favourite record will be this year... and I don't really care what'll be at #1 as my life finally begins next Monday. Because, you know what? I hate the kids, I'm not ready to make nice, a seven nation army couldn't hold me back, I shalt always kill and I'll probably be the first of the gang to die. Anyone spot a theme? In that case, I'll leave the last word to Cee-Lo...

2011 - Albums of the Year

And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain...

What an excellent year it's been for music. As well as great new records from old favourites like Luke Haines, Elbow and PJ Harvey, I've also made some incredible new discoveries from the likes of Skint & Demoralised, The King Blues and Cosmo Jarvis. Many of the artists I've been championing don't get a lot of attention from the radio or music press, yet they have strong fanbases and if the winds of taste were blowing in the right direction for a change, they'd be topping the charts. Not that topping the charts means anything to anyone but the X-Factor idiots these days.

Anyway, it's been a hard fought battle on my own chart of the year. Will my favourite band of the 21st Century clinch a hat-trick of number one albums... or has someone else beaten them to the top spot?

Click the links to hear a selection of my favourite tracks from each of the albums.

My Top 20 Albums of 2011

20. Glen Campbell - Ghost On The Canvas

19. Art Brut - Brilliant! Tragic!

18. Half Man Half Biscuit - 90 Bisodol (Crimond)

17. Arctic Monkeys - Suck It And See

16. Paul Simon - So Beautiful Or So What?

15. 8in8 - Nighty Night

14. Skint & Demoralised - This Sporting Life

13. The Airborne Toxic Event - All At Once

12. Luke Haines - 9 1/2 Psychedelic Meditations On British Wrestling Of The 1970's And Early 1980's

11. Shirley Lee - Winter Autumn Summer Spring

10. Fountains of Wayne - Sky Full Of Holes

9. The Vaccines - What Did You Expect From The Vaccines?

8. The King Blues - Punk & Poetry

7. PJ Harvey - Let England Shake

6. Cosmo Jarvis - Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange?

5. Elbow - Build A Rocket, Boys!

4. Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues

3. Noah & The Whale - Last Night On Earth

2. The Indelicates - David Koresh, Superstar

1. Frank Turner - England Keep My Bones

Apologies to The Indelicates then, it would have been nice to let them win three albums in a row, but brutal honesty must give the award to Frank Turner this year. Truth is, any one of the albums in the Top Five would have been a worthy victor in less exciting years. There's not an album there I wouldn't fight to see gain more recognition. Cosmo Jarvis asks, Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange...? And FRank Turner replies...

Not everyone grows up to be an astronaut
Not everyone was born to be a king
Not everyone can be Freddie Mercury
Everyone can raise a glass and sing
Well, I haven't always been a perfect person
I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed

But on the day I die I'll say
"At least I fucking tried!"
That's the only eulogy I need
That's the only eulogy I need.

Happy New Year, thanks for wasting some of the old one reading this silly little blog. Despite everything, it's been fun.

Gig Review: Frank Turner Live In Manchester

I only discovered Frank Turner last year but he's rapidly become one of my favourite artists. His songs are passionate, witty, outspoken and, at times, intensely personal. He mixes heartfelt rock 'n' roll with barnstorming folk like Bruce, Billy and Richard Thompson before him. He's the real deal.

I've been wanting to see Frank live for ages but the last time he played Manchester the tickets sold out immediately. It was obviously time for him to move up and play somewhere bigger... sadly this turned out to be my least favourite venue: the dreaded Apollo. It's a sign of how desperate I was to see this performer live that (still carless) I caught a bus, a train and then took a long walk through one of the dodgiest parts of Manchester... thankfully, Frank didn't let me down.

It was heartening to find myself alongside a great number of Frank-ophiles, many of whom proved all the more devoted with their word perfect singalongs to even the most obscure tracks from the Turner back pages. This is obviously an artist who touches and inspires a great many people and he's surely now on the verge of a tipping point from cult sensation to arena-filling rock star. I missed my chance to see him in the smaller venues but I'll certainly follow him to the larger ones... as long as he doesn't hurry back to the Apollo.

God, that place just goes out of its way to grab my goat. Saturday's annoyance was the heat - turned up so high I almost passed out (no exaggeration for effect). Completely unnecessary... unless it was all a scam to sell more beers. Insert your own Apollo / sun god / surface of the sun gag here; for me it's just one more reason to never set foot in the place again. Please, Frank, make it The Academy next time... or the MEN. Anywhere but the bloody Apollo!

Music I'm Listening To This Week

Five more songs I can't get out of my head (or off my music player)...

8in8 is a musical collaboration between Amanda Palmer, Ben Folds, Damian Kulash and Neil Gaiman. Yes. Musical. Neil Gaiman. Calm down, granny.

I downloaded this record some weeks ago from Amanda Palmer's website (where it's available for a minimum price of just $1) because I'm a huge fan of both Palmer and Folds, both of whom can do no wrong in my eyes... well, apart from marrying Neil Gaiman. I really wish Ben Folds hadn't done that.

Anyway, I've been happily enjoying it without actually realising that the final track is spoken by the God of All Stories About Stories About Stories himself. Who knew he sounded so much like a cross between Tom Lehrer and Noel Coward? The track is called The Problem With Saints... and bloody hell, it's annoyingly good. My Neil Gaiman rehabilitation continues...

Fortunately it's not my favourite track on the record. I wouldn't have been able to live that down. No, my favourite track (though to be fair, all six are excellent) is this... a duet about the failure of permissive parenting, by Amanda and Ben...



Oh, and the 8in8 mini-album is called Nighty Night, presumably in tribute to Julia Davis. That's got to be worth 61p (at today's exchange rate) of anybody's money.

Skint & Demoralised...? Well, yes, I am. But am I downhearted? No, because I've just discovered my New Favourite Band (this week's model) - and they're from just down the road in Wakefield.

I missed out on Skint & Demoralised first time round. So did a lot of people, it seems, despite their debut album Love, And Other Catastrophesbeing on a major label. Listening to songwriter Matt Abbott on 6Music earlier in the week I heard him explain how the band went from heroes to zeroes in the space of two months back in 2009, leaving them with perhaps the most appropriate stage name in pop. Now they're back, with This Sporting Lifeon their own indie label, and ironically drawing more attention than ever. It's a fickle mistress, the music business.

Originally a performance poet, Abbott writes classic observational indie lyrics that'll remind you of everyone from Morrisey to Ian Dury to Mike Skinner to Frank Turner. Yes, he's that good. Further evidence can be found on his ode to the great British pub...

Speaking of Frank Turner, I've yet to grow tired of his latest record, England Keep My Bones- it could well turn out to be album of the year.

The opening track, Eulogy, is only 1 minute 34 seconds in length - which is both frustratingly short (when I'm listening to it, I want it to go on forever) and perfect.

Not everyone grows up to be an astronaut
Not everyone was born to be a king
Not everyone can be... Freddie Mercury
But everyone can raise a glass and sing
Well I haven't always been a perfect person
I haven't done what mum and dad had dreamed

But on the day I die I'll say
"At least I fucking tried!"
That's the only eulogy I need
That's the only eulogy I need.

It's one of those songs that makes me want to go on living. There can be no finer praise.

Brilliant! Tragic!- the new record from Art Brut - isn't quite as brilliant as much of their previous output, nor is it entirely tragic. There's a lot to enjoy here, from Eddie actually trying to sing rather than just talk or shout, to their heartfelt tribute to Axl Rose, to the wonderful Bad Comedian and its appropriately corny lyrics.

You're walking around like love's young dream
He dresses like he comes free with the NME
How can you bear to hold his hand?
I bet he signs his name in Comic Sans

Best reason to buy this record though - as opposed to just downloading it - is the beautiful artwork by Phonogram's Jamie McKelvie. Album cover of the year, no competition.



Finally, I got a real urge to listen to some old Pogues the other night, in particular the track below, possibly their finest moment. I thought I'd mention here because the alternative was to come up with a Top Ten Songs About Ford Cars...

...or a Top Ten Songs About Dodgy Top Shelf Magazines From The 80s.

Be grateful I'm sparing you that...

Top Ten Escape Songs

I've been thinking a lot about escape recently. For obvious reasons. So here's my top ten songs about getting the hell out of Dodge while you still have time...

10. Rupert Holmes - Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

Let's start with the obvious, as usual, and the only one that actually mentions the word 'escape' in its title. Much mocked, but this is a classic slice of 70s story-song cheese with that wonderful wink of a twist in the tale. Two cheating spouses find love... with each other. I believe that's known as irony, but I could be wrong.

(From 'Escape...The Best Of'.)

9. Pulp - The Boss

I'm gonna leave town
I'm gonna catch a train
I'm going somewhere where I can start again...

After 7 long years down a dead end road I'm gonna get off here
I'm gonna let it go,
Let it go.

7 long years, Jarvis? Try 23, mate.

(Demo track taken from 'His 'N' Hers (Deluxe Edition)'.)

8. Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak

I'm not sure there's a whole lot of metaphor to Lizzy's jailbreak. But if you feel like you've spent half your life trapped in a situation... say, just for example, a job... that feels like a prison sentence... then this track is pretty damned apt.

(From 'Greatest Hits'.)

7. Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

Billy Joel drops some profound nuggets that ring more than a little true...

Ah but working too hard can give you
A heart attack, ack, ack, ack, ack, ack

You should never argue with a crazy mi mi mi mi mi mind
You ought-a know by now

Good luck movin' up cause I'm movin' out

(From 'The Stranger'.)

6. Noah & The Whale - Tonight's The Kind Of Night

Noah & The Whale were my Glastonbury-on-TV highlight. Having said that, I did miss Paul Simon, Morrissey and The Wombles.

There's a boy with his head
Pressed up to the window
Of a bus heading out of town
In his breath on the glass
He draws with his finger
A map of the roads they go down
Circles of street lights
Are the only signal
That there's people out there in the black
He waves goodbye, to the town he grew up in
He knows that he'll never come back

They say you can't ever go home again.

Sometimes when you leave a place, you've no desire to ever go back.

(From 'Last Night on Earth'.)

5. Frank Turner - This Town Ain't Big Enough For The One Of Me

God, how did I survive before I discovered Frank Turner?

This town is growing old with me, so I'm making a move.
Everybody round here's been out with everybody else,
Which makes talking to girls hazardous to my health.
They've been in this gene pool so long they've got wrinkled toes;
I don't want all her exes to be people I know.
There's millions more fish in the sea, so I'm making a move.

I'm bored of this town, bored of this scene, bored of these people, yeah.

(From 'Love Ire and Song'.)


4. The Animals - We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

Shame on you if you didn't see this one coming.

(From 'The Complete Animals'.)

3. Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap

There's a huge Springsteen link to the top three... and we start with Bob Geldof doing his very best Boss impression, making Dublin sound like New Jersey...

Billy don't like it living here in this town
He says the traps have been sprung long before he was born
He says "hope bites the dust behind all the closed doors
And puss and grime ooze from its scab crusted sores
There's screaming and crying in the high rise blocks"
It's a rat trap, Billy, but you're already caught...

It's only 8 o'clock, but you're already bored
You don't know what it is, but there's got to be more
You'd better find a way out, hey, kick down the door
It's a rat trap and you've been caught

(From 'A Tonic For The Troops'.)

2. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell

What do you get when you turn the ideology and romanticism of Springsteen up to eleven?

Jim Steinman.

A demented genius who lives in some crazy Wagnerian netherworld where fanatical teenage emotions live forever, heaven and hell have both broken loose and everything's louder than everything else. Nothing succeeds like excess.

If you're looking to make an escape, I can suggest no better mode of transport than a silver Black Phantom bike.

(From 'Bat Out Of Hell'.)

1. Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run / Thunder Road

One of the greatest albums ever made, and it's essentially an ode to liberation. Each side opens with a quintessential escape song: how could I ever choose between them?

Oh-oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back

It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap

We gotta get out while we're young

`Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

It's town full of losers

And I'm pulling out of here to win!

(From 'Born To Run'.)

So... they were my favourites... which of your favourites escaped me?

Top Ten Songs About Horrible Young People

Having recently watched the movie F on DVD, I'm now even more afraid of scary hoody-wearing young people than ever. As with Eden Lake and French horror Them ('Ils'), it transforms the beastly little oiks you see spitting and swearing on your local street corner into murderous horror film monsters. Now I don't want to go all Mail On Sunday on you and call this a mirror reflecting our society (after all, older generations have been screaming that "the kids are out of control" ever since Adam fathered Cain and Abel), though when you hear about children taking guns into school, knife attacks and junior gang warfare, you can't help but shudder. I prefer to think that, like many good horror films, F merely reflects our society back at us through a cracked mirror darkly. But maybe I'm just looking on the bright side again (you know me!)...

Anyway, I'd recommend F as a cool little urban horror that refuses to take the easier plot paths, shows admirable restraint in terms of violence, and features a stand out performance from David Schofield as the teacher under siege. Cool ending too.

It also inspired this top ten, which needs no further introduction...


10. Morrissey - The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils

Back in the days of The Smiths, Morrissey sang about being terrorised by the "belligerent ghouls" who ran Manchester school. "Spineless swines, demented minds." By the time he hit middle age, he'd grown to see things from the other side of the classroom...

So you stand by the board
Full of fear and intention
And, if you think that they're listening
Well, you've got to be joking

Mucus on your collar
A nail up through the staff chair
A blade in your soap
And you cry into your pillow
To be finished would be a relief

Being Morrissey, of course, he can't help but blame the parents too...

Say the wrong word to our children ...
We'll have you, oh yes, we'll have you
Lay a hand on our children
And it's never too late to have you

9. Carter USM - The Young Offender's Mum

All God's children snatch a handbag
Spot the ball and mash the granddad
Choose the pictures on the news
Count the stitches on the bruise
Lock your sons up with your daughters
Stay at home, don't drink the water

Carter, on the other hand, do find some sympathy for the parents...

Don't lose your temper
In the shopping centre, son
Just remember
The young offender's mum

8. Dan Le Sac Versus Scroobius Pip - Great Britain

Leave it to Scroobius Pip to deliver a more level-head appraisal of the situation...

See sometimes Britain ain't that great
Kids getting stabbed at an alarming rate
Press with a passion to exaggerate
Increasingly clueless heads of state

He even tries to come up with a few of his own solutions. Listen to the song to find out more.

7. Mikrofisch - The Kids Are All Shite

Ah, but now we're getting to the heart of the matter. What's wrong with kids today? It's all down to the music they listen to, reckon Mikrofisch...

Coldplay, Keane and Kaiser Chiefs
Kasabian, Jet and Razorlight
Kings of Leon, Dead 60s...
The kids are all shite!

There's a slight flaw with their argument though. I reckon most of the artists listed above are predominantly listened to by 30+ blokes. (I don't mind the Dead 60s or early Kaisers.) Most kids these days wouldn't be seen dead with a Coldplay CD. I doubt most of them even know what a CD is.

6. My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

Or, if they're a little bit emo, they might be listening to My Chemical Romance... even though those same unruly teenagers scare the shit out of Gerard Way...

5. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Rough Kids

In case you're thinking Rough Kids are a 21st Century phenomenon, here's Ian Dury whinging about them from back in the late 70s... when I was a rough kid me'sen. I hope I wasn't responsible for this song.

Rough kids play rough games and kick tin cans
Leave their feet out in the aisle
Rough kids have bother and make nuisance
They climb on someone else's fence
Rough kids give m-m-m-m-m-mama no obedience
You know, you know, they've got no sense

4. Elbow - Lippy Kids

Introducing Lippy Kids on their recent tour, Guy Garvey explained that while he does sometimes find himself intimidated by the kids on the corner of his street, he wouldn't want to send them home. Hanging around with his mates at that age was a big part of his development, and led towards him being the man he is today. Somehow, nice Guy that Garvey is, I doubt he's the sort to ever terrorise an old lady... and he never perfected that simian stroll. The Garvey gang spent all their time building rockets.

3. Jarvis Cocker - Fat Children

In which Jarvis gets mugged and murdered by a bunch of flabby delinquents... then comes back to haunt them.

Oh, the parents are the problem
Giving birth to maggots without the sense to become flies

2. Frank Turner - Thatcher Fucked The Kids

Which brings us to Frank Turner... and, man, is he angry.

Whatever happened to childhood?
We're all scared of the kids in our neighbourhood
They're not small, charming and harmless
They're a violent bunch of bastard little shits.

Don't mince your words there, Frank, will you?

And anyone who looks younger than me
Makes me check for my wallet, my phone and my keys,
And I'm tired of being tired out
Always being on the lookout for thieving gits.

But, Frank, who could be responsible for this terrible state of affairs...?

So all the kids are bastards,
But don't blame them, yeah, they learn by example.
Blame the folks who sold the future for the highest bid:
That's right, Thatcher fucked the kids.

And if you don't believe him, listen to the full song for more of his argument...

1. The Indelicates - We Hate The Kids

Long time readers of this blog will not be surprised to see this at number one. It is my favourite single of the 21st Century after all. Just press play.

Oh yeah, we mean it...

So... do you hate the kids? Or blame the parents?

(And can I respond with a Top Ten Songs About Horrible Old People? I can only think of a couple so far...)

2010 - Albums Of The Year (Top 10)

Numbers 20 - 11 are here...

Now prepare yourself for the horror that is my Top Ten...


10. Manic Street Preachers - Postcards From A Young Man

I really do not get "embedding disabled by request" on youtube. Why would the record companies not want me to cross-promote their songs? Could they be scared someone might hear it and actually want to buy a copy? It's another ridiculous example of copyright law being used to shoot yourself in the foot, and I expect more from the Manics. I reckon there's more chance of you clicking play on an embedded video than clicking a link to that video - it's only a couple of extra clicks, but we all have such a fast-paced, "feed me now" lives, those two extra clicks are a great big wall of stop. I mean, you've already quit reading this paragraph because it's gone on for more than 5 lines, haven't you? Your granny's a whore. See? Nobody even flinched.

Anyway, the new Manics album. I liked it much more than the last one (the one all the real Manics fans loved because it used up all Ritchie's old lyrics) but not as much as the one before (the one with tigers).

9. Titus Andronicus - The Monitor

No, I never wanted to change the world,
But I'm looking for a new New Jersey
Because tramps like us, baby, we were born to die

Any band that quotes Billy Bragg and Bruce Springsteen within two consecutive lines... well, you know they've got me, right?

While The Gaslight Anthem sounded more and more like a Bruce tribute act this year, Titus Andronicus took the Born To Run spirit and fired it with a punk ethos that... shit, I hate it when I sound like a music journo.

This is ace. Click play now.



8. Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - The Logic Of Chance

What's this? Hip hop? Electronica? Rap? In my Top Ten? Surely this is taking up space that could be given to more landfill indie or another sad old bastard songwriter? What the fuck is wrong with me?

I first became interested in the songwriting of Scroobius Pip with his masterful list song Thou Shalt Always Kill. It made me laugh and touched a nerve, but I really didn't expect to enjoy a whole album of this stuff.

Guess what?

(The song below offers further explanation.)



7. Babybird - Ex-Maniac

Babybird? Ah, that's more like what you expect. Obscure one-hit wonder Britpop losers long past their sell-by date. From Sheffield too!

Actually, I was never a huge Babybird fan. I've liked a few of his songs, but never fallen for a whole album. This one took me by surprise. I liked the lead single, Unlovable, enough to give it a shot - and boy, was I glad I did. There's honesty, wit and a refreshing lack of cliche about his songwriting, particularly on tracks like Failed Suicide Club, the heartbreaking Rest Of Our Lives (one of my Songs of the Year) and the Daily Mail-baiting Like Them...



6. Justin Currie - The Great War

More mature songwriting and world weary cynicism from the ex-Del Amitri bloke, now writing the strongest material of his career.

I stand on a mountain of pitiful prose
My mind is a fountain that pointlessly flows
They give you a trophy if you make the kids scream
But it's such a joke to me; how insipid I've been.

I hate the world they gave me,
I hate the world they gave me

In Morrissey's absence, Justin Currie will be writing the story of my life this year.

Sigh.



5. Eels - Tomorrow Morning

More and more artists are shaking off the shackles of big corporate record deals (a new album every two years, please) and catering to a smaller, loyaler fanbase with far more frequent releases. E has released two albums this year (three in the last 18 months), and like James before him they were thematically linked. While Tim Booth & co. gave us an upbeat Saturday night record followed by a laid back Sunday morning, E gave us an album of heartbreak (End Times) followed by this... his most positive and forward-looking record to date.



4. Frank Turner - Rock 'n' Roll / Poetry Of The Deed

My most important musical find of 2010 (Amanda Palmer was second), Frank Turner is another artist who combines the fire, lyrical nous and inspirational self-belief of young Bragg and Springsteen to show-stopping effect. He sings every song like his life depends on it. Our lives too. The sort of artist who doesn't need to carve 'For Real' into his forearm... he just is.

Strictly speaking, Poetry Of The Deed was released in 2009 (though Frank was still promoting it and releasing singles from it in 2010) and Rock 'n' Roll is a mini album, what they used to call an EP. But Frank Turner has been such an important discovery for me this year (his previous albums Sleep Is For The Week and Love, Ire & Song are also worthy of investigation), he deserved a place on this list. Very excited to hear what he does next.



3. Bruce Springsteen - The Promise

Another record that, strictly speaking, shouldn't really be here. After all, the tracks on this double album were mostly recorded in the mid-70s in preparation for Bruce's follow-up to Born To Run, Darkness On The Edge Of Town. You know the story by now... and if you don't, I doubt anything I say will make you care.

What strikes me most about listening to this record is how much bigger a pop star Bruce could have been in the 70s (prior to his eventual worldwide breakthrough in the 80s). Rejected songs like Fever, Because The Night and Someday We'll Be Together would have been massive radio hits, far more so than any of the tracks he actually chose to release. But that just wasn't where he wanted to be at that point in his career... you've got to respect that.



2. Ben Folds & Nick Hornby - Lonely Avenue

These days, Ben Folds seems to do his best work when he's working with somebody else. The Shatner album was inspired insanity, but hooking up with author Nick Hornby gave him possibly the strongest record of his solo career. A selection of short stories, from the heartwarming biog-song of Doc Pomus to a blues track based on Sarah Palin's unwanted son-in-law Levi Johnson ("I'm a fuckin' redneck, I live to hang out with the boys, Play some hockey, do some fishin' and kill some moose") to the self-loving/self-loathing delights of A Working Day ("Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know - he's got his own blog.")

And then there's this... Belinda... my song of the year...




1. The Indelicates - Songs For Swinging Lovers

They did it again.

Scoring my favourite album of 2008 with their debut, American Demo, the Indelicates returned to prove there's no such thing as Difficult Second Album Syndrome (and they're already working on their third). Broadening their musical horizons in all kinds of different directions (if I were a true muso, I'd namedrop Kurt Weill and the like - but what do I know about these things?), this is further proof of their genius. Witty, angry, iconoclastic, tender, surprising, joyful, intense, uncompromising... etc. etc. etc.

The most exciting band of the 21st Century.

Why aren't you listening to them?

Download the album direct from their website - you can even choose how much you pay. Anything less than the entire contents of your bank account and you're getting a bargain.









Happy New Year, folks - see you on the other side.

Top Ten Tea Songs

What sort of True Brit would I be, listing my Top Ten Coffee Songs, if I didn't follow with a tribute to The Great British Cuppa?


10. Nirvana - Pennyroyal Tea

"Give me a Leonard Cohen afterlife", pleads Kurt Cobain, "so I can sigh eternally".

Wonder if he got his wish?

9. The Proclaimers - Lulu Selling Tea

Like a Scottish Housemartins, The Proclaimers "voice their dissent" over the fact that the 60s people always talk about isn't the same decade they remember from the childhood. It's not the Beatles they grew up on, but...

Mother's Pride on the table, Batman on TV
A Man In A Suitcase, Daktari and Skippy
Jimmy Clitheroe, Colin Stein and Lulu selling tea

8. Supergrass - Whisky & Green Tea

Story of my life. Whiskey in my 20s, Green Tea in my 30s. Man, I needed those antioxidants!

7. Philip Jeays - The Tea Dance

Welcome to the tea dance
Old debutants getting up on their toes
Darjeeling and romance
Between potted plants and yesterday's Romeos

Philip Jeays - give that man an Ivor Novello.

6. Joni Mitchell - The Tea Leaf Prophecy

Still working my way through Simon Goddard's Mozipedia, and I hadn't realised how much of an influence Joni M. was on Mozzer's songwriting. Could this be her Ouija Board, Ouija Board...?

Out of the blue--just passin' thru
A young flight sergeant
On two weeks leave--
Says "Molly McGee--no one else will do!"
And seals the tea-leaf prophecy.

5. Frank Turner - A Decent Cup Of Tea

As mentioned already, Frank Turner is my musical discovery of the year, combining the fire and brimstone of a youthful Billy Bragg with the epic ambition of Springsteen. I can't tell you how happy it makes me to have found a young songwriter who speaks to me as much as Frank does.

It's obvious to me,
But she never seems to see
That it's not about the days when everything has turned out right,
No it's more about the moments when she calls me in the night
To make her cups of tea and wash the weary worries from her head
And then to draw the pain out slowly as I put her into bed.

4. Belle & Sebastian - For The Price Of A Cup Of Tea

For the price of a cup of tea
You'd get a line of coke
For the price of a night with me
You'd be the village joke

Cue self-deprecating gag. Stuart Murdoch sets 'em up, I knock 'em down.

3. Fortunes - Storm In A Teacup

Pitter patter. Pitter patter.

2. The Scaremongers - Tea Leaves

From my favourite record of 2009, the Number One album Born In A Barn.

Didn't know it'd made Number One? Here's the proof.

1. Cat Stevens - Tea For The Tillerman

Used as the theme to Ricky Gervais's Extras, this short (just over a minute) track is both poignant and uplifting. Not a clue what it's actually about, but it always makes me think of the foiled ambition of Andy Millman, Maggie Jacobs and Barry from Eastenders.



So... how do you take yours?

Once We Were Anarchists

I'm young enough to be all pissed off
But I'm old enough to be jaded
I'm at the age where I want things to change
But with age my hopes have faded
I'm young and bored of being young and bored
If I was old I could say I've seen it all before
In short, I'm tired of giving a shit

Or: One More Reason Why Frank Turner Is My Musical Discovery Of 2010.