Top Ten Countdown Songs

So - I've got my spaceship, I'm ready to leave earth behind... this is my countdown to lift off.

10. The Tempos - Countdown, Here I Come

Just like a guided missile
My love is heading for you, baby
Like a dog when he hears a whistle
My love is heading for you, baby

They don't write 'em like this anymore. A genuine Northern Soul classic.

9. Weezer - Blast Off!

Jumping the gun rather at number 8, Weezer are already igniting their thrusters. Not sure this is the official video, but it features a robot playing keyboards with tumble-dryer pipe arms, so that's good enough for me.

8. The Black Keys - Countdown

The Black Keys can be forgiven for counting UP rather than down because this track rocks so very much. So very much, I doubt our astronauts would want to leave the launch pad.

7. The Dandy Warhols - Mission Control

From 'Earth To The Dandy Warhols'... naturally.

6. Adam Ant - Apollo 9

This almost made it onto last week's list of Spaceship Songs, but fits here just as well as it begins with a funky countdown.

We will be fine
Apollo 9
Even though
NASA say
We out of line

5. Jupiter One - Countdown

A band I know very little about other than that they countdown to a tight sound.

4. Manfred Mann - 5 4 3 2 1

Paul Jones plays a mean harmonica.

3. Europe - The Final Countdown

Inevitabubble.

2. Pulp - Countdown

A song about sitting on the launch pad, waiting for your life to lift off. We've all been there... some of us still are.

The time, of my life,
oh I think you came too soon,
Yeah you came too soon then,
Oh and it could, it could be tonight,
if I ever leave this room,
(I never leave this room no)
Oh I wasted all my time on all those stupid things that only get me down,
Get down, oh.

1. David Bowie - Space Oddity

Take your protein pills
And put your helmet on...

We've got a long journey ahead of us into musical space... I doubt this is the last we'll hear of Mr. Bowie.



Got a favourite countdown song? Share it with the class.

Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - 20 Is The New Teenage

The first ten years...

The troublesome teens...

And now, part 3 of my Countdown to...

21 (1993) Aimee Mann - I Should've Known

If I were being retroactive, I'd pick something like OU or Razzmatazz from the Pulp: Intro album, but sadly I didn't discover Jarvis till the following year. I did discover Aimee Mann in '93 though and even chose her debut solo record, Whatever, as my album of the year. Mr. Harris is probably my favourite track from that disc now, but this is the one that made me love Aimee at the time.

Meanwhile, the singles chart had fallen off a cliff. Number One as I got the key to the door? Oh Carolina by Shaggy.

22 (1994) Morrissey - Now My Heart Is Full

And I just can't explain so I won't even try to

Jarvis almost made it home once again, I could have gone with just about anything from His 'n' Hers. But then there's Vauxhall & I. Could this be Morrissey's finest 39 minutes as a solo artist?

I told you the birthday number ones just get worse and worse. March 19th, 1994? Doop. By Doop. Sadly, not this one...

23 (1995) Pulp - Common People

All hail Britpop, and its greatest hero finally makes it home. I could have chosen Sorted For E's & Whizz, but I'd just be being contrary.

Meanwhile in the charts... Love Can Build A Bridge by Cher, Chrissie Hynde, Neneh Cherry and Eric Clapton. Who all should have known better.

24 (1996) Ocean Colour Scene - The Day We Caught The Train

At last, proof that my favourite singles don't always come from my favourite albums. This was the year of Everything Must Go, Beautiful Freak and Murder Ballads... yet the song that most reminds me of my second stab at being a teenager is this exuberant blast of sunshiny retro-pop from Ocean Colour Scene. Hard to believe they were the first band I ever saw live.

Meanwhile, back in the charts... How Deep Is Your Love? Shallow, when it comes to the Take That version. Not so shallow they couldn't drown a few Gibb brothers in it.

25 (1997) Blur - Song 2

Blur were a great singles band and this was their greatest moment. Two minutes of noisy power pop that never fail to make me go "Woo hoo!" While Radiohead, The Verve and Gene were darkening my long player collection, Damon and the lads kept me smiling. This year's runner-up was a hymn to optimism from James: Tomorrow.

And in an alternate reality to my own, The Spice Girls were having their 4th Number One as I reached my mid-20s. I can't even remember the title.

26 (1998) The New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Another song that stands out by not belonging to one of the year's best albums. 1998 gave us my favourite record of the 90s, Pulp's public breakdown on This Is Hardcore. But the single of the year belongs to Gregg Alexander, a man who hated being a rock star so much he went off and wrote songs for Ronan Keating.

Sadly, I can't find my other favourite single of 1998 on youtube. Child Psychology by Black Box Recorder must be too dark for the video collective.

March 19th 1998, the Number One was It's Like That by Run DMC vs. Jason Nevins. Which is a damn sight better than we've managed throughout the rest of this decade so far.

27 (1999) Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

I thought long and hard about this one. It would have been so much cooler to pick something by The Magnetic Fields (69, my favourite album of '99), The Flaming Lips or even Ooberman, but as much as Fran Healey has damaged his limited rep by writing MOR-pap for the last 10+ years, this is still a perfect gloomy-pop song that captures a snapshot of my life in 1999. I remember watching them play it live at a festival just before they went big, in the rain. Perfect.

Besides, it could have been worse. I could have chosen my last birthday Number One of the 20th Century. Boyzone murdering Billy Ocean. When The Going Gets Tough... the tough put their hands over their ears and go lalalalalalalala.

28 (2000) Everclear - Wonderful

Neither of my two favourite singles of 2000 meant much to the public at large. I've written about Black Box Recorder's The Facts Of Life before, but Wonderful by Everclear is a curio. An American band who have never bothered the British charts, this is their greatest moment. More upbeat power-pop packed with smiley hooks, handclaps and a 'na-na-na' chorus... masking a dark lyrical undertow.

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

Far less Wonderful, my first birthday chart-topper of the 21st Century: Bag It Up by Geri Halliwell. WTF? Is that Geri singing about her shopping? I'm not sure I've ever even heard that record. I am sure I never want to.

29 (2001) Eels - Souljacker Part 1

Ben Folds came close with Rockin' The Suburbs, but this rocks harder.

And on my birthday? Pure And Simple by Hear'Say. The charts are officially dead.

30 (2002) The Flaming Lips - Do You Realise?

The song I want playing at my funeral. Kind of apt for my 30th birthday?

But as I actually turned 30, Will Young was at Number One, marking the funeral of the singles chart as we knew it. Simon Cowell slaughtered the damned thing before our very eyes.

Ten more years to go...

Top Ten Sex Songs

In honour of the new issue of Too Much Sex & Violence (get your copy here), here's ten great songs that directly mention S-E-X in the title. Of course, there are millions of songs about doing the wild thing that don't mention the S-E-X word... but if I started sorting through all those, we'd be here forever...

And no, I didn't count 'sexy' songs. Or 'sexual' songs. Those will be on separate lists. Pay attention at the back!

10. George Michael - I Want Your Sex

I can hear you sniggering and you can stop it right now. I still maintain that 'Faith' was a great pop album, but you probably had to be there. It was also one of the first albums I bought again on CD (when I finally got a CD player), though that was a few years later. It reminds me of the first time I took a girl out on a date. Picked her up in my dad's car and drove her home afterwards. She even invited me in for a coffee. Did I get any...?

Did I heck.

9. Beck - Sexx Laws

This is basically Beck trying to be Prince, as is the whole Midnight Vultures album. Which is pretty silly. There's only one Prince. Beck is better being Beck. Still, this was a catchy enough single. I'd never seen the video before - who knew Jack Black was in it?

8. Soft Cell - Sex Dwarf

"WARNING," says the youtube poster, "this is one of the most controversial music videos ever made because it contains lots of sexual stuff."

Hmm. Looks like a very bad Little Britain sketch to me. Still, it's Marc Almond at his most extreme, and that's always worth a listen.

7. The King Blues - Sex Education

He never had a little chat with his Dad
It weren't his Mum who enlightened this lad...

It's the evil internet where kids get their sex education these days. A timely, if depressing, assessment from The (ever-excellent) King Blues.

6. T'Pau - Sex Talk

And we're back to the 80s with (as I've confessed before) one of my earliest pop star sex idols. And she even sings about Spider-Man in this song... swoon!

5. The Vaccines - Post Break-Up Sex

The track that first brought this noisy bunch of ruffians to my attention last year. Because they put "sex" in the title, obviously.

4. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Sex & Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll

It's all his brain and body needs...

3. The Divine Comedy - Generation Sex

Generation sex
Respects
The rights
Of girls
Who want to take their clothes off
As long as we can all watch that's okay
And generation sex
Elects
The type
Of guys
You wouldn't leave your kids with
And shouts "off with their heads" if they get laid
Lovers watch their backs
As hacks
In macs
Take snaps
Through telephoto lenses
Chase Mercedes Benzes through the night
A mourning nation weeps
And wails
But keeps
The sales
Of evil tabloids healthy
The poor protect the wealthy in this world

2. James Brown - Get Up (I Feel Like Being A Sex Machine)

The original Mr. Lover Man. Shabba, my arse.

1. Pulp - Sheffield: Sex City

Which brings us to one of the most shameless pervs in rock: our Jarv. This has long been one of my favourite Pulp songs, and not just because I recognise a lot of the places he mentions. It fair drips sleazy atmosphere, it does.

Oh the things we saw:
everyone on Park Hill came in unison at four-thirteen a.m.
and the whole block fell down.
The tobacconist caught fire,
and everyone in the street died of lung cancer.
We heard groans coming from the T-reg Chevette:
You bet, you bet, yeah you bet.

And that is why I wish Jarvis Cocker would find the time to write a novel.



So those were my sex songs. Remember, sexy and sexual get their own lists. But what does it for you, baby...?

My Top Twenty Teacher Songs

One of the things I've been doing over at The Mixtape Lives On for the past few weeks is playing songs about teachers. In preparation for my new job, it seemed wise to find out what my favourite singers and songwriters thought about their teachers. Most of them concluded they were a bunch of lecherous pervs, bullying ghouls or sexually frustrated stalkers. Still, what do pop stars know about anything? They don't live in the real world...

Here's my full Top 20, click the links to listen to and read more about each song...


20. Paul Simon - The Teacher

19. The Talks - Teachers

18. Super Furry Animals - The Teacher

17. Leonard Cohen - The Teacher

16. Big Country - The Teacher

15. Pet Shop Boys - Hey, Headmaster!

14. Rufus Wainwright - The Art Teacher

13. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Teach Your Children Well

12. Van Halen - Hot For Teacher

11. Belle & Sebastian - Expectations

10. Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall

9. Timbuk 3 - The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

8. Morrissey - The Teachers Are Afraid Of The Pupils

7. Black Kids - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You

6. The Police - Don't Stand So Close To Me

5. Madness - Baggy Trousers

4. The Trashcan Sinatras - To Sir, With Love

3. Pulp - PTA

2. The Smiths - The Headmaster Ritual

1. Black Box Recorder - The School Song



Discover a new song every day at The Mixtape Lives On...

Top Ten Spelling Songs

One of my missions in life now that I'm the world's first official Word Wrestler is to clean up bad spelling on the internet. So to help out, here's ten singalong spelling lessons from rock and pop...

10. Carla Thomas B-A-B-Y

(From 'The Platinum Collection'.)

We'll start with an easy one, and theoretically one of the first words we should all learn to spell. A classic slice of Atlantic soul from Carla.

9. The Fall - C.R.E.E.P.

(From '50,000 Fall Fans Can't Be Wrong: 39 Golden Greats'.)

What kind of creep has got Mark E. Smith's goat?

His oppression abounds, his type is doing the rounds
He is a scum-egg; a horrid trendy wretch

We need more songs with the word "scum-egg" in the lyrics, regardless of the spelling.

8. Jimmy Ruffin - As Long As There Is L-O-V-E

(From Hold On To My Love.)

Another easy one, probably the most spelled song in the history of pop. Few are the artists who spell it L-U-V... most notably Slade, but Noddy Holder's spelling was always atroshuss.

See also L-O-V-E (Love) by Al Green or Edwyn Collins and Orange Juice.

7. Piney Gir - K.I.S.S.I.N.G.

Sadly, I can't find Piney Gir's wonderful sitting-in-a-tree song anywhere on youtube, but you can hear it on her hugely entertaining debut album Peakahokahoo(eat that, spellchecker!)

Mansun are practising the same word, but they spell it K.I. Double S. I.N.G.

6. John Cougar Mellencamp - ROCK In The USA

John Mellencamp spells out a tribute to 60s rock from one of my favourite albums of the 80s, Scarecrow.

5. Pulp - F.E.E.L.I.N.G. C.A.L.L.E.D. L.O.V.E.

Jarvis decides that sex is the best way to teach spelling, on the sleaziest track from Different Class.

And as I'm standing across this room

I feel as if my whole life has been leading to this one moment.

And as I touch your shoulder tonight

This room has become the centre of the entire universe.

4. Tammy Wynette - D.I.V.O.R.C.E.

(From 'Stand By Your Man: The Very Best Of Tammy Wynette'.)

Tammy spells out the words she doesn't want her son to understand in this classic country heartbreaker. Billy Connelly spells the same message a little differently.

3. Noah & The Whale - L.I.F.E. G.O.E.S. O.N.

(From 'Last Night on Earth'.)

Charlie Fink's story about Little Lisa Loony Tunes owes a sizable debt to Walk On The Wild Side, but that doesn't stop it from spelling out one of the catchiest singles of the year.

2. Aztec Camera - How Men Are

(From 'The Best of Aztec Camera'.)

Wait... shouldn't that be H.O.W. M.E.N. A.R.E.?

No, it should be P.E.R.S.P.E.C.T.I.V.E. - definitely the longest word I've asked you to spell today. Roddy Frame handles it with style.

Why should it take the tears of a woman

To see how men are?

1. Aretha Franklin - R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

(From 'Queen Of Soul - The Best of Aretha Franklin'.)

Otis wrote it, Aretha made it live forever.

Find out what it means to me...



This concludes today's spelling test... unless you have anything you'd like to add? Pity no one ever wrote a song called... A.N.T.I.D.I.S.E.S.T.A.B.L.I.S.H.M.E.N.T.A.R.I.A.N.I.S.M.
...or did they?

Top Ten Escape Songs

I've been thinking a lot about escape recently. For obvious reasons. So here's my top ten songs about getting the hell out of Dodge while you still have time...

10. Rupert Holmes - Escape (The Pina Colada Song)

Let's start with the obvious, as usual, and the only one that actually mentions the word 'escape' in its title. Much mocked, but this is a classic slice of 70s story-song cheese with that wonderful wink of a twist in the tale. Two cheating spouses find love... with each other. I believe that's known as irony, but I could be wrong.

(From 'Escape...The Best Of'.)

9. Pulp - The Boss

I'm gonna leave town
I'm gonna catch a train
I'm going somewhere where I can start again...

After 7 long years down a dead end road I'm gonna get off here
I'm gonna let it go,
Let it go.

7 long years, Jarvis? Try 23, mate.

(Demo track taken from 'His 'N' Hers (Deluxe Edition)'.)

8. Thin Lizzy - Jailbreak

I'm not sure there's a whole lot of metaphor to Lizzy's jailbreak. But if you feel like you've spent half your life trapped in a situation... say, just for example, a job... that feels like a prison sentence... then this track is pretty damned apt.

(From 'Greatest Hits'.)

7. Billy Joel - Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)

Billy Joel drops some profound nuggets that ring more than a little true...

Ah but working too hard can give you
A heart attack, ack, ack, ack, ack, ack

You should never argue with a crazy mi mi mi mi mi mind
You ought-a know by now

Good luck movin' up cause I'm movin' out

(From 'The Stranger'.)

6. Noah & The Whale - Tonight's The Kind Of Night

Noah & The Whale were my Glastonbury-on-TV highlight. Having said that, I did miss Paul Simon, Morrissey and The Wombles.

There's a boy with his head
Pressed up to the window
Of a bus heading out of town
In his breath on the glass
He draws with his finger
A map of the roads they go down
Circles of street lights
Are the only signal
That there's people out there in the black
He waves goodbye, to the town he grew up in
He knows that he'll never come back

They say you can't ever go home again.

Sometimes when you leave a place, you've no desire to ever go back.

(From 'Last Night on Earth'.)

5. Frank Turner - This Town Ain't Big Enough For The One Of Me

God, how did I survive before I discovered Frank Turner?

This town is growing old with me, so I'm making a move.
Everybody round here's been out with everybody else,
Which makes talking to girls hazardous to my health.
They've been in this gene pool so long they've got wrinkled toes;
I don't want all her exes to be people I know.
There's millions more fish in the sea, so I'm making a move.

I'm bored of this town, bored of this scene, bored of these people, yeah.

(From 'Love Ire and Song'.)


4. The Animals - We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

Shame on you if you didn't see this one coming.

(From 'The Complete Animals'.)

3. Boomtown Rats - Rat Trap

There's a huge Springsteen link to the top three... and we start with Bob Geldof doing his very best Boss impression, making Dublin sound like New Jersey...

Billy don't like it living here in this town
He says the traps have been sprung long before he was born
He says "hope bites the dust behind all the closed doors
And puss and grime ooze from its scab crusted sores
There's screaming and crying in the high rise blocks"
It's a rat trap, Billy, but you're already caught...

It's only 8 o'clock, but you're already bored
You don't know what it is, but there's got to be more
You'd better find a way out, hey, kick down the door
It's a rat trap and you've been caught

(From 'A Tonic For The Troops'.)

2. Meat Loaf - Bat Out Of Hell

What do you get when you turn the ideology and romanticism of Springsteen up to eleven?

Jim Steinman.

A demented genius who lives in some crazy Wagnerian netherworld where fanatical teenage emotions live forever, heaven and hell have both broken loose and everything's louder than everything else. Nothing succeeds like excess.

If you're looking to make an escape, I can suggest no better mode of transport than a silver Black Phantom bike.

(From 'Bat Out Of Hell'.)

1. Bruce Springsteen - Born To Run / Thunder Road

One of the greatest albums ever made, and it's essentially an ode to liberation. Each side opens with a quintessential escape song: how could I ever choose between them?

Oh-oh, baby this town rips the bones from your back

It's a death trap, it's a suicide rap

We gotta get out while we're young

`Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run

It's town full of losers

And I'm pulling out of here to win!

(From 'Born To Run'.)

So... they were my favourites... which of your favourites escaped me?

Top Ten Songs About The 90s

50s...

60s...

70s...

80s...

And finally...

The 90s is just as maligned as the 80s, if not more so. But I'll defend it with equal fervour. Though it was something of a rollercoaster personally, musically it was my time. Britpop gets a lot of negative press, but so many of my favourite bands came from that era that I can forgive it the thuggish excesses of Oasis.

Pulp, Blur, Suede, the Manics, Radiohead, The Verve, the Divine Comedy, Ash, Gene, My Life Story, Catatonia, Supergrass - even Ocean Colour Scene and Shed Seven had their moments. In many ways, these bands represent my teenage revolution - even though I had to wait till I was in my 20s to properly embrace sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. Well, ill-advised relationships, Jack Daniels and Britpop, anyway.

As with the other lists, this is NOT a Top Ten Songs FROM The 90s... only a Top Ten Songs ABOUT The 90s...

10. Travis - Tied To The 90s

Let's start with the obvious one (though not quite as obvious as the one we'll end with). Travis began life as a cute, knockabout indie band. On their second album, they discovered big ballads. On their third, they discovered pandering to the lowest common denominator and trying to beat the upstarts Coldplay at the game the stole from Travis in the first place. On their fourth album, they lost. What went wrong, eh?

9. Seahorses - 1999

I always thought the Seahorses had more potential than their one album and final unrelated single showed. John Squire got bored too easily and went off to paint pictures of dolphin. He could have been a contender...

16 sweet Chablis sham kisses
17 nothings whispered in her ear
18 attempts on her best pair of knickers
1999 was a hell of a year

8. Moxy Fruvous - Stuck In The 90s

Weird Canadian comedy hipsters from the early 90s who released one classic album (Video Bargainville) and then decided to try and become proper, serious musicians... which was much less entertaining.

7. Eminem - '97 Bonnie & Clyde

In which Em tries to prove himself a suitable father to Hailey by singing Will Smith lullabies and trying to murder her mum. Again.

What can I say? It appeals to my warped sense of humour.

6. Picture Centre - Fireworks October 1990

A band so fey and ephemeral they make Belle & Sebastian sound butch, this is wonderful 3am chill-out stuff. A band so forgotten, they don't even rate a Wikipedia entry. But I remember them.

Just.

5. Blur - End Of A Century

See, I was going to select 1992 , which is all very well, but not really a patch on the song above. So that's what you get.

End of a century?
It's nothing special...

4. Carter USM - The 90s Revival / 1993

Ah, Carter. How I wish I could claim to have been a huge fan of your under-appreciated oeuvre "back in the day". Sadly, it passed me by. Only now, in the 21st Century, am I finally coming to appreciate your greatness. Just in time for your forthcoming reunion tour. That'll be a true 90s revival.

3. Fountains Of Wayne - '92 Subaru

Most car songs celebrate classic '57 Chevvies and their ilk. The FOWs can only afford a late model Subaru, second hand from some old ladies out of state. Ah, but they love it like a Caddy.

2. The Soundtrack Of Our Lives - Instant Repeater '99

Often when you see a year on the end of a song title it's only there to show you when the song was recorded - or, more frequently in the 90s, remixed. Tonight though, Swedish serial guitar abusers TSOOL will actually sing '99 like it's... well, erm, the next record in our countdown. (Even though the song itself was released in '96.)

1. Prince - 1999

Like it was ever going to be anything else. Originally released in 1983, a much bigger hit in 1985, reissued for no reason I can figure in the final year of the millennium (unless you're one of those people who believes the final year of the millennium was 2000)... a song that created its own idiom.

Somebody once told me that come the 21st Century you'd never hear this record again. "Why would anybody play it once it's out of date?" Um... because its sentiment is timeless? There's no reason not to party like it's 1999 even in 2011 if you want to.

As for my own millennium memories... I had the flu so I spent the turn of the century in bed. (It really was 'nothing special'.) Was it as good as everybody thought it would be...?



And so we end our countdown of songs about decades. I won't be compiling a Top Ten Songs About The Noughties because it's all still too close and there aren't yet enough decent ones to go round. Maybe one day...

In the meantime, do you have a favourite song about the 90s? If so, you know what to do with it.

Next week, something completely different...

Rubbish!

30 Songs - Day 19

Day 19 - A Song From Your Favourite Album

No, I haven't forgotten this meme (well, I had a bit), but I have been struggling somewhat with Day 19. My favourite album? My favourite-favourite album? From when, exactly?

I could happily name my favourite album from the 70s...

My favourite album from the 80s...

My favourite album from the 90s...

Even, at a push, my favourite album from the 00s...

But asking me to choose between them for my favourite album of ALL TIME?

No... I can't.

I just... can't.

Oh, go on then.

If I have to...



But I am liable to change my mind tomorrow...

30 Songs - Day 11

Day 11 - A Song From Your Favourite Band

Ah, but my favourite band when?

This week?

This year?

This millennium?

...of the 90s?

...of the 80s?

...of the 70s?

...of the 60s?

...of the 50s?

Or... of all time?

Top Ten Television Songs

Well, I did radio, it only follows I continue with a list of my favourite songs about the idiot box...

Special mention goes to two bands names after TVs - Television Personalities and Television. If I ever do a Top Ten about tents, Marquee Moon will be number one.

For any Blur fans wondering where Graham Coxon's Coffee & TV is, I'm saving that for the Coffee Top Ten. No, seriously.


10. The Handsome Family - All The TVs In Town

You can’t see the stars
Above the city skyline
But sometimes the air shines like gold
Under the yellow street lights

The psychotics in the park
Howling up at the sky
And the silent airplanes
Slowly drifting by

Sometimes it all seems to glow
As bright as the lights
From all the TVs in town

But when I wake up scared
In those still summer nights
When the air hangs like snakes
Around flashing neon signs

It seems like there’s nothing
Along these broken roads
But blinking lights on creaking metal poles

Ah, Rennie Sparks. Lyrical poet.

9. I Am Kloot - 86 TVs

I really should pick up the new I Am Kloot album. The reviews seem to suggest they're finally ready for their Elbow moment (years spent flogging a horse that only a few people realise isn't dead... until said horse is reborn as a stallion).

8. Billy Joel - Sleeping With The Television On

I am the product of a misspent youth spent listening to Billy Joel records. See also 'Close To The Borderline' in which Billy sagely notes, "I don't change channels so they must change me".

7. Pulp - TV Movie

Without you my life has become a hangover without end
A movie made for TV: bad dialogue,
Bad acting, no interest.
Too long with no story & no sex.

See also Clem Snide's Made For TV Movie, Everclear's TV Show and Bruce's TV Movie.

6. Mansun - Television

Overblown, theatrical instrumentation? Check.

Pretentious lyrics? Check.

Every album a concept album> Check.

So why did Muse become massive and Mansun disappear? Paul Draper was robbed.

5. Airborne Toxic Event - I Don't Want To Be On TV

I don't.

I've worked with a TV crew twice in my life, recording two separate documentaries, and both times I've found them peopled by arrogant tosspots who thought everybody else existed purely to do their bidding.

Apologies if you work in TV and you're the exception to that rule.

4. Ned's Atomic Dustbin - Kill Your Television

Music blogger Friend Of Rachel Worth over at Cathedrals Of Sounds has a regular feature in which he names Bands That Should Have Been Bigger Than The Beatles. I thoroughly agree with many of his suggestions, including Spearmint, Furniture and The Pearlfishers. Even if they'd never released a record, Ned's Atomic Dustbin deserve pop sainthood for their name alone.

3. Bruce Springsteen - 57 Channels (And Nothing On)

The early 90s is generally considered Bruce's creative nadir. Releasing two albums on the same day is always a sign that something's up (see also GnR - though Use Your Illusion I & II were slightly less disappointing than Lucky Town and Human Touch). This is probably the best track he recorded between Tunnel Of Love and The Rising, and the lyrics hint at just why his mojo went astray.

I bought a bourgeois house in the Hollywood hills
With a truckload of hundred thousand dollar bills
Man came by to hook up my cable TV
We settled in for the night my baby and me
We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on

Never trust any artist who's so content the only thing they've got to complain about is "there's nowt worth watching on TV".

2. Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy - Television, The Drug Of The Nation

This was one of the toughest Top Ten decisions I've had to face. Which is the better television tune, the Disposable Heroes... or the track that - by toss of a coin alone - made it to Number One? Both are essential listening, and yet they're also somewhat surprising choices that venture a little further from my usual whiteboy indie/rock safety zone.

T.V. is the reason why less than ten percent of our nation reads books daily...

1. Gil Scott Heron - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised

There will be no highlights on the eleven o'clock
news and no pictures of hairy armed women
liberationists and Jackie Onassis blowing her nose.
The theme song will not be written by Jim Webb,
Francis Scott Key, nor sung by Glen Campbell, Tom
Jones, Johnny Cash, Englebert Humperdink, or the Rare Earth.
The revolution will not be televised.

No, the theme song will be written by Gil Scott Heron... and lo, it shall be genius.



So... which TV track would have you refusing to change the channel?

30 Songs - Day 6

Day 06 - A Song That Reminds You Of Somewhere



The first time I flew the nest I was in my early 20s. I'd just come out of an ill-advised and emotionally scarring relationship and I thought what I needed most to sort my life out was a place of my own. Unfortunately, the only place I could afford was a shitty one-down two-up hovel perched precariously over the motorway with pleasant factory views, neighbours who liked to party (and park right outside my front door) and a cold, sterile bathroom. It was the worst six months of my life. While I was there (over Christmas too), my dad was rushed into hospital, my dog died, and a girl I really, really liked made it clear it wasn't ever going to be mutual.

I drank a lot while I was there. I developed a taste for red wine and vodka and cultivated my interest in whiskey and Jack. A trip to the supermarket wasn't complete without spending at least £15 on spirits. I stayed up late watching DVDs on a tiny TV (that I'd forgot to buy a TV license for), drinking till I was sleepy enough to make it through the night. The staircase was really steep; more than once I remember climbing up to the bedroom on my hands a knees.

I'm sure I listened to a lot of music while I lived in that house. I was working in the record library at the time so getting loads of freebie CDs and gig tickets. It was probably around the time Britpop started imploding, so my album of choice was more than likely This Is Hardcore, the perfect soundtrack to my life right at that moment (and, ironically, my favourite record of the 90s).

But it's not Pulp that reminds me of that house, and that dark, dark time. It's not Radiohead either, though they would be similarly appropriate. Actually, it's Sonny & Cher, I Got You Babe. My overriding memory is of watching Groundhog Day on DVD, struggling to laugh, hearing that song come round again and again and again...

A couple of mates rescued me a few months later, offering me a room in a shared house in a much more pleasant area, and happier times (while they lasted). I'll always be grateful to Matt and Greg (and Dave, who was moving out) for getting me out of that pit.