Top Ten Sex Songs

In honour of the new issue of Too Much Sex & Violence (get your copy here), here's ten great songs that directly mention S-E-X in the title. Of course, there are millions of songs about doing the wild thing that don't mention the S-E-X word... but if I started sorting through all those, we'd be here forever...

And no, I didn't count 'sexy' songs. Or 'sexual' songs. Those will be on separate lists. Pay attention at the back!

10. George Michael - I Want Your Sex

I can hear you sniggering and you can stop it right now. I still maintain that 'Faith' was a great pop album, but you probably had to be there. It was also one of the first albums I bought again on CD (when I finally got a CD player), though that was a few years later. It reminds me of the first time I took a girl out on a date. Picked her up in my dad's car and drove her home afterwards. She even invited me in for a coffee. Did I get any...?

Did I heck.

9. Beck - Sexx Laws

This is basically Beck trying to be Prince, as is the whole Midnight Vultures album. Which is pretty silly. There's only one Prince. Beck is better being Beck. Still, this was a catchy enough single. I'd never seen the video before - who knew Jack Black was in it?

8. Soft Cell - Sex Dwarf

"WARNING," says the youtube poster, "this is one of the most controversial music videos ever made because it contains lots of sexual stuff."

Hmm. Looks like a very bad Little Britain sketch to me. Still, it's Marc Almond at his most extreme, and that's always worth a listen.

7. The King Blues - Sex Education

He never had a little chat with his Dad
It weren't his Mum who enlightened this lad...

It's the evil internet where kids get their sex education these days. A timely, if depressing, assessment from The (ever-excellent) King Blues.

6. T'Pau - Sex Talk

And we're back to the 80s with (as I've confessed before) one of my earliest pop star sex idols. And she even sings about Spider-Man in this song... swoon!

5. The Vaccines - Post Break-Up Sex

The track that first brought this noisy bunch of ruffians to my attention last year. Because they put "sex" in the title, obviously.

4. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - Sex & Drugs & Rock 'n' Roll

It's all his brain and body needs...

3. The Divine Comedy - Generation Sex

Generation sex
Respects
The rights
Of girls
Who want to take their clothes off
As long as we can all watch that's okay
And generation sex
Elects
The type
Of guys
You wouldn't leave your kids with
And shouts "off with their heads" if they get laid
Lovers watch their backs
As hacks
In macs
Take snaps
Through telephoto lenses
Chase Mercedes Benzes through the night
A mourning nation weeps
And wails
But keeps
The sales
Of evil tabloids healthy
The poor protect the wealthy in this world

2. James Brown - Get Up (I Feel Like Being A Sex Machine)

The original Mr. Lover Man. Shabba, my arse.

1. Pulp - Sheffield: Sex City

Which brings us to one of the most shameless pervs in rock: our Jarv. This has long been one of my favourite Pulp songs, and not just because I recognise a lot of the places he mentions. It fair drips sleazy atmosphere, it does.

Oh the things we saw:
everyone on Park Hill came in unison at four-thirteen a.m.
and the whole block fell down.
The tobacconist caught fire,
and everyone in the street died of lung cancer.
We heard groans coming from the T-reg Chevette:
You bet, you bet, yeah you bet.

And that is why I wish Jarvis Cocker would find the time to write a novel.



So those were my sex songs. Remember, sexy and sexual get their own lists. But what does it for you, baby...?

Easter Meme

1. Tell us who was the last person you took a shower with.

Our shower isn't big enough for two people, so the answer to that question is nobody.

Although, there was this one time, at band camp...

2. Tell us about your favorite tee-shirt. Extra points if you show a pic. (We know. What can you do with freakin' extra points?)

Either this... (Available from here.)

(And no, that's not me modelling it. And mine is a lighter blue.)

Or this...

(Available from here.)

And no, I'm not on commission for those links.

3. Has anyone ever hit on you even though they knew you were taken?

I can't remember anyone ever hitting on me full stop. Hit me, yes...

4. Do you plan what to wear tomorrow?

Not usually.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Why?

OK. I just had some coffee.

Mmmmm, coffee.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's black?

My shirt.

7. Tell me about an interesting dream you remember having.

Last night I dreamt I was in a recording session with a celebrity voice (can't remember who it was) and we had one hour to record five scripts. It took about half an hour to record two, then, for some unknown dream reason, we took a 20 minute break. At which point the awful anxiety kicked in that no way would we be able to finish the rest of the scripts in the time we had left.

Have I mentioned I hate my job? Well so does my subconscious.

8. Did you or might you meet anybody new today?

Not if I can help it.

9. If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be?

Sitting out in the sunshine, reading a good book.

10. Can you think of a meme question that's never been asked?

Where have you hidden all the bodies?

11. What comes to mind when I say China?

Honestly? At risk of offending one fifth of the world's population, the very first thing that came to mind was this...



( From Bridge Of Spies)

Never underestimate the effect Carol Decker had on my adolescent brain.

12. Are you overly emotional?

No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

13. If you could listen to just one rock album (CD, vinyl or mp3) which one would you pick?

Oh, I'm sure I've answered this question before many times.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I'm a biter.

15. Do you like your car?

Not at the moment.

16. Do you like yourself?

More than most people do.

17. Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen?

Would he ask me?

18. What was the last song you listened to?

China In Your Hand! Do keep up.

19. Are (or were) your parents strict?

They didn't need to be. I had too much respect for them.

20. Have you ever wondered what attending a wild orgy (if only to watch or...) would be like?

Is there really anyone on the planet who hasn't ever wondered this? If so, I don't want to meet them. (Not to say that, having wondered it, I haven't decided it's not for me.)

21. I say cottage cheese. You say:

Yuck.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Another one I've answered before and can't be bothered to answer again. (The nicest was Nick Heyward.)

23. What was the last movie you watched at home?

Machete. Very disappointing.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

No.

25. What countries have you visited?

Greece. France. Switzerland. Germany (very briefly). I think that's all so far.

26. Have you ever made a phone call while you were drunk that you've regretted? If yes, do tell.

I once mad several drunken calls to a girl I had been going out with - but wasn't any more. Fortunately I was able to delete them from her mobile before she ever heard them. (Which may seem rather sneaky and underhand of me - but it saved us both a load of embarrassment in the long run.)

27. Where were you going the last time you were on a train?

That London.

28. Bacon or sausage?

Bacon.

29. How long have you had a cell-phone?

15 years or so. And it's the same one.

30. What other memes do you do regularly?

I don't do any memes regularly. After I've done them once, why would I do them again?

31. Who is the craziest meme host?

Whutchutalkinabout, Willis?

I suppose this is the place where I'm supposed to link back to Sunday Stealing, where I stole this particular meme from in the first place.

32. Who invented chop sticks?

What am I, wikipedia?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Louise. And the cats.

34. Are you too forgiving?

Probably.

35. When was the last time you were in love?

I still am.

36. Tell us about your best friend.

That would be Louise.

37. What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school?

Most of what I learned in high school was pretty stupid. I only wish I'd learned not to pursue a career in radio.

38. What was the last thing you cried about?

A post I've written for The Vinyl Villain which will probably go live next week. I'll try and remember to link to it then.

39. What was the last question you asked?

Why?

40. Favorite thing to do this time of the year?

Eat chocolate eggs and not go to work.

41. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?

42. How would your best friend describe you?

It'd all depend on how much I'd pissed her off that day...

43. Have you ever seen all three Twilight films?

I saw the first half of the first one and that was more than enough.

44. Ever walked into a glass door?

Probably. That sounds like the sort of doofus thing I'd do.

45. Favorite colour on that person you are attracted to?

Aquamarine.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

No.

47. What hair style (for you) would you like to see return?

The one I'm sporting.

48. What was the last CD you bought?

The Ugly People Vs The Beautiful People

49. Do looks matter to you?

Sometimes.

50. Could you ever forgive a liar?

I'd try.

51. What's the hardest bill to pay every month?

The mortgage, I guess, it being the largest.

The one I most resent paying is petrol - fuel prices being so bloody extortionate at the moment.

52. Do you like your life right now?

It could be better.

Could be a whole lot worse too.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

TV, no. Radio, yes.

54. Can you handle the truth?

Of course not, Jack.

55. Do you have good vision?

I've never needed glasses.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

Have we met?
57. How often do you talk on the phone?

As infrequently as I can manage.

58. What celeb would you like to come home to?

I wouldn't want a celebrity in my home. They're not housebroken, any of them.

59. What are you wearing?

A shirt and trousers.

60. What is your favorite wild animal?

The snow leopard.

61. Where was your facebook picture taken?

It wasn't. It was drawn. By Nige.

It's the cover to PJANG #5.

62. Can you waltz?

I'm more of a cha cha cha man.

63. Do you have a job?

Are you employed, sir?

Employed?

You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?

Is this a... what day is this?

64. What was the most recent thing you stole?

Louise's heart.

(OK, you can stop laughing now.)

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Many times. I am Spider-Man, after all...