Comfort & Joy

I won't lie to you: it's been a rough year here at SOS Towers. Losing my job, crashing my car, having to watch Green Lantern, Transformers 3 and Season Of The Witch... that'll take the spring out of your step and right. I've had stress, sleepless nights and moments where I've just plain broken down and sobbed into my porridge. But no matter how miserable I've felt, there are some things which always give me comfort. This post is a tribute to those...

1. Coffee Shops.

Obviously, the coffee itself is important here, but there's also something hugely comforting about taking time out from your day to sit in a coffee shop and watch the world go by. It feels like a special treat and makes me feel sophisticated and adult: something I'm especially grateful for after sitting in an anonymous cattle queue at the Job Centre. Coffee Shop Culture gets a lot of stick, but I think it's one of the true advances in our society. When I was a student first time round, our only options were pubs and grubby cafes. The rise of coffee shops make me think there's hope for civilization after all.

2. Alex Lester on Radio 2.

I tend to sleep with headphones on, tuned to Radio 2. It helps me gets to sleep and if I wake during the night it helps me get back to sleep. It gives me something to think about and distract my mind in the wee small hours when problems always seem far worse than they might actually be. 3am is the worst time to find yourself lying away with an over-active imagination, so thank god for Alex Lester on Radio 2. An amusing, genuine and inoffensive jock who plays a good variety of music and helps keep me from despair. See also Huey Morgan, Bob Harris and Richard Allison on a weekend. And Chris Evans for making me want to switch off the radio and get up as soon as it's morning.

3. Mum & Dad

They say you appreciate your parents more as you get older. I appreciate mine more every time I see them.

4. Comics

Though I can't afford as many of them as I once did, the ones I do buy, take from the library or re-read from my rapidly dwindling collection in the attic continue to give me solace. From the wonderful, warm nostalgia buzz of rediscovering comics from my youth to the rare examples of uncynical mainstream books (thank god for Dan Slott's Amazing Spider-Man!) to all the wonderful home-made small press books I continue to discover and champion. I still love reading novels and listening to music, even watching TV... but nothing calms my mind last thing at night like a good comic.

5. Writing

It's still there. Whenever I get the chance. Not as often as I might wish, but writing has always helped me sort out my thoughts and put things in perspective. Even blogging helps, but the real peace comes from writing fiction. Hopefully I'll continue to be able to steal time to write, whatever else life throws at me, it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

What gives you comfort no matter what...?

Return To Reighton Gap

When I was a kid, back in the late 70s and early 80s, our annual family holiday would be to a small pebble-dash bungalow at Reighton Gap near Filey. Me, my mum and my dad. I look back on those holidays with enormous fondness.

The bungalow was located on the edge of Reighton Sands holiday village and every day I'd get on my scooter and ride down to the beach, up to the slot machines or round to one of the three shops in the area that sold old American comics from spinner racks.

Even though I was only 7 or 8, I'd go off by myself on that scooter and my parents wouldn't worry because it was a different time, a safer time, far more innocent. Plus they trusted me not to go near the sea, not to go of with strangers, not to get in any trouble. I was a good kid. Not an only child but my brother and sister were both much older and had left home so I was used to playing by myself.

Most days Mum and Dad would take me down to the beach. At the bottom of the hill from the bungalow a long concrete path led down from the clifftops to the beach where the remains of old wartime sea defences and bunkers were gradually dissolving back into the sand. I'd take my Star Wars figures down to the beach - not all of them, but usually Luke, R2D2 and my battered up landspeeder. Where better than to play at being on Tatooine?

We'd also go on day trips to Filey, Scarborough, Bridlington, Flamborough and Whitby. Sometimes we'd go up to Seamer Market so Dad could look at the cattle. We'd have fish and chips and ice cream and all the usual seaside treats. They're some of my happiest childhood memories despite the fact that around this time my dad was made redundant from his long standing job as a car auctioneer and set about starting up his own auction site on the outskirts of Leeds. Most holidays Dad would drive back there twice a week to run the auctions. Money was tight but that never stopped my parents from spoiling me. I still remember one year (1980, it turns out) Mum and I walked 3 and a half miles to the nearby village of Hunmanby to buy a Spider-Man Summer Special I'd seen there the day before. We couldn't afford both bus fair and the 40p comic below. It was one of the best comics I ever owned.

A couple of weeks back, I took Mum back to Reighton Gap for the first time in years. (Dad was invited too but he passed - "too many hills!") We stopped off in Filey for fish and chips then drove down the coast to park on the cliffs at Reighton, sitting in the sunshine and watching the sea.

The old bungalow is long gone, demolished years ago along with most of its neighbours. I expected it would have been replaced by more caravans but the site itself is mostly just a grassy field now, the odd bungalow still standing, but mostly empty land. The concrete path from the cliff to the beach has crumbled and broken up and the old WWII sea defences have been bashed to sand by the sea. Reighton Sands holiday village remains, just over the rise, but all the old shops with their spinner racks of American comics have disappeared and the slot machine arcade where I played Pac Man, Space Invaders and Dragon's Lair has been replaced with a flashy bar. It's all changed from when I was a kid; all except the view from those cliffs. Some things are forever - the sky, the sea, and how much I love my mum and dad.

What I'm Wearing Today...

So I'm perusing Louise's copy of Marie Claire on the toilet the other night and once I'd finished reading about "Women Obsessed With Every Man They Meet" and "Wedding Night Sex Confessions" (honestly, you women, you're so sex-obsessed!) I stumbled across an interesting article called "I Blogged My Way To Millions - A Guide To Making Your Fortune Online". Well, naturally I was hooked... this could be the answer to all my unemployment woes. I mean, hey, I write a blog anyway... imagine if I could become a millionaire just by doing something I'm already doing!

Unfortunately, many of the ideas for blogging my way to millions were a little out of my league (they involved moving to Hollywood and schmoozing actors or being reborn as someone with a vaguely interesting lifestyle)... but one proved inspirational. Apparently there's this woman in (I can't remember where and Louise has taken the magazine back now) who started a blog which involved nothing more than posting a photo of whatever outfit she was wearing to work that day. Her blog's become such a success she's been able to quit her day job and concentrate 100% of her time to wearing clothes, taking photos of herself wearing clothes, and posting photos of herself wearing clothes online.

Well, two can play at that game, love...

This is what I'm wearing today. Little Lebowski Urban Achievers from Last Exit To Nowhere. Brown cords from... the shop. Slippers.

Here's what I wore yesterday. Incredible Hulk T-shirt from some comic shop that had a sale on. Same brown cords. (Why would I wear a pair of trousers for just 1 day?) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing tomorrow. My new Spidey T-shirt from the cover of Amazing Spider-Man #100, by John Romita Senior. Same brown cords. (What? They won't be dirty yet.) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing on Thursday. Joker T-shirt by Hahahahaha Hooohahahahaha Hehehahahahaa! Same brown cords. (Yes, I do change my underpants daily.) Slippers.

Here's what I'll be wearing on Friday. Except I probably won't because I'm always too scared to wear this T-shirt in public. I bought it from the comedian Mundo Jazz. I'm always worried people won't get the irony and I'll get either beaten up or arrested. Same brown cords (they'll go in the wash on Saturday, all right?) Slippers.

Great stuff - now I'll just sit back and watch the cash roll in! Why didn't I think of this years ago?

More Things I Have Been Listening To...

It's been a while since I bored you all with a new music post... so here's a sampling of the hot wax that's recently been trickling, like the poison that killed Hamlet's dad, into my eager ear canals...



I'd almost written off Noah & The Whale as quirky one-hit-wonders after Five Years Time drilled itself into the nation's consciousness a while back, going one of my favourite songs of the year to that annoying, over-played thing with the chirpy whistling.

My gigging mate Dave - who I should listen to more often when it comes to this sort of thing, as he's also the one who introduced me to Frank Turner - kept telling me how strong the new NATW material was, but as usual I had my head in the sand.

And then I stumbled across Tonight's The Kind Of Night... and discovered that Noah & The Whale have only gone and re-recorded one of my favourite songs!

You know that old trope about how there are only 7 stories in the world? I sometimes think there are an equally limited number of songs. I last wrote about this tune in 2009 when The Enemy released it as Sing When You're In Love, recognising its debt to earlier recordings by the Boomtown Rats, Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band, Drugstore, Shed Seven, Bruce - even, as Simon commented, Heroes by Bowie. Well, now Noah and the gang have given us their version... and it's every bit as lovely as could be hoped.

The album, Last Night on Earth, is rapidly becoming one of my favourites of the year too.



I haven't seen the movie Country Strong, but I realise that for many people reading it'll surely be your idea of hell. Gwyneth Paltrow acting and singing her sincere little socks off in a tale of new-country folk. Now, I've always liked country music, but never had much time for big business US radio pop country. Y'know, Garth Brooks and his ilk. And I've certainly never had much time for Mrs. Chris Martin... well, not until her spunky turn as Pepper Potts in Iron Man. And yet here I find myself unable to stop listening to a pop-country song featuring Ms. Paltrow on duet duties with Tim McGraw... I really must be getting old. (Taken from the Country Strongsoundtrack.)

This senile insanity might also go some way towards explaining my newfound love of this gentleman...



I have no defence, other than that the video above features George from Seinfeld and SHATNER!!! Although that doesn't explain why I like the rest of Paisley's album 5th Gearthough. Ah, I could start telling you about witty lyrics, heartfelt songs about growing up, growing old, and the risky business of love ("If love was a plane, nobody'd get on")... but you're not gonna listen. You just see the stetson and think, "nah - not for me". I understand. Time was, I'd have felt just the same way.

A couple of years back, I compiled a list of songs about famous Marvel Comics characters. Recently that post received a comment from Tim Sykes, directing me towards a track he'd written all about my favourite superhero, Spider-Man. It's a funky, jazzy little number which explains not only how Spidey's webshooters work, but also why Peter Parker has devoted his life to the thankless task of stopping criminals. You can listen to a preview of the song over at the Music Cafepage on Amazon. Thanks, Tim - top Spidey song!

Also dropping into my inbox recently were a couple of live tracks by one of my top discoveries of last year, The Young Hegelians. Rough and ready blasts of angry and/or resigned indie lyricism: listen and enjoy. Lead Hegelian Carl Jackson promises me that the band will shortly be going into the studio to commit these and other new tracks to acetate (or whatever they record popular music onto these days) in preparation for the band's forthcoming album. From their myspace, Carl describes the band thus...

"A jazz influenced post-punk trio from the far-flung corners of Teesside. If you like your music offbeat, al la Talking Heads, XTC, Gang of Four, then this is for you."

The Young Hegelians - The Call Centre Is The New Factory Floor

The Young Hegelians - German Autumn

Check out The Young Hegelians myspace for more info.

Given a comment I just read on Carl's twitter account, I'm guessing he'll hate me for plugging his band in the same post I confess to my Brad Paisley affliction. But we are a very broad musical church here at Sunset Over Slawit though, all are welcome. (Apart from Bono.)



Speaking of musical churches, we're just two weeks away from the release of the third Indelicates album: David Koresh Superstar. Judging from the track above, it's gonna be another belter. Keep watching Indelicates.com for more updates.



I caught Villagers supporting Elbow back in March and their debut album Becoming a Jackalhas been nipping at my heels ever since. Pieces, the track above, reminds me of early Radiohead (think Fake Plastic Trees) but lead Villager Conor O'Brien has many strings to his bow, and seems poised to conquer the world... if only you people will listen.



Against Me! is a truly awful name for a band. Actually, when I bought this record, I thought they were called White Crosses, but it turns out that's the name of their latest album... which I also believed to be their debut... I know nothing, obviously. Anyway, I came to this record through their air-punching Green Day-esque single I Was A Teenage Anarchist, which I liked a lot, despite the fact that it got a large portion of their hardcore fanbase screaming "punk-pop sell-outs". The album contains far more interesting material, though, notably this touching little ode to Saint Bob...

I dreamed Bob Dylan was a friend of mine


He was the owner of the house in which together we all lived
He slept between me and my wife in bed
Oh, the roof leaked in the kitchen
I never mentioned my collection of his albums
I never bothered him with intrusive questions


I dreamed Bob Dylan was a friend of mine

Now, I admire the old crinkly-croaky one as much as the next muso, but I'm not sure I'd want him sleeping in my bed. That's taking fandom a step too far, lads...

Enough music for one post! Before I close with a genuine rock classic from Queen's The Gamewhich I've recently rediscovered after 25 years, a quick heads up to any Half Man Half Biscuit fans that voting is currently underway in The Lux Familiar Cup over at the HMHB Lyrics Project. Pop along and join in the referendum to decide the world's favourite Half Man Half Biscuit song. Now, here's Freddie...

Easter Meme

1. Tell us who was the last person you took a shower with.

Our shower isn't big enough for two people, so the answer to that question is nobody.

Although, there was this one time, at band camp...

2. Tell us about your favorite tee-shirt. Extra points if you show a pic. (We know. What can you do with freakin' extra points?)

Either this... (Available from here.)

(And no, that's not me modelling it. And mine is a lighter blue.)

Or this...

(Available from here.)

And no, I'm not on commission for those links.

3. Has anyone ever hit on you even though they knew you were taken?

I can't remember anyone ever hitting on me full stop. Hit me, yes...

4. Do you plan what to wear tomorrow?

Not usually.

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? Why?

OK. I just had some coffee.

Mmmmm, coffee.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's black?

My shirt.

7. Tell me about an interesting dream you remember having.

Last night I dreamt I was in a recording session with a celebrity voice (can't remember who it was) and we had one hour to record five scripts. It took about half an hour to record two, then, for some unknown dream reason, we took a 20 minute break. At which point the awful anxiety kicked in that no way would we be able to finish the rest of the scripts in the time we had left.

Have I mentioned I hate my job? Well so does my subconscious.

8. Did you or might you meet anybody new today?

Not if I can help it.

9. If you could be doing anything right now (or perhaps after you finish this ridiculous meme) what would it be?

Sitting out in the sunshine, reading a good book.

10. Can you think of a meme question that's never been asked?

Where have you hidden all the bodies?

11. What comes to mind when I say China?

Honestly? At risk of offending one fifth of the world's population, the very first thing that came to mind was this...



( From Bridge Of Spies)

Never underestimate the effect Carol Decker had on my adolescent brain.

12. Are you overly emotional?

No. No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

13. If you could listen to just one rock album (CD, vinyl or mp3) which one would you pick?

Oh, I'm sure I've answered this question before many times.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?

I'm a biter.

15. Do you like your car?

Not at the moment.

16. Do you like yourself?

More than most people do.

17. Would you go out to eat with Charlie Sheen?

Would he ask me?

18. What was the last song you listened to?

China In Your Hand! Do keep up.

19. Are (or were) your parents strict?

They didn't need to be. I had too much respect for them.

20. Have you ever wondered what attending a wild orgy (if only to watch or...) would be like?

Is there really anyone on the planet who hasn't ever wondered this? If so, I don't want to meet them. (Not to say that, having wondered it, I haven't decided it's not for me.)

21. I say cottage cheese. You say:

Yuck.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?

Another one I've answered before and can't be bothered to answer again. (The nicest was Nick Heyward.)

23. What was the last movie you watched at home?

Machete. Very disappointing.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in?

No.

25. What countries have you visited?

Greece. France. Switzerland. Germany (very briefly). I think that's all so far.

26. Have you ever made a phone call while you were drunk that you've regretted? If yes, do tell.

I once mad several drunken calls to a girl I had been going out with - but wasn't any more. Fortunately I was able to delete them from her mobile before she ever heard them. (Which may seem rather sneaky and underhand of me - but it saved us both a load of embarrassment in the long run.)

27. Where were you going the last time you were on a train?

That London.

28. Bacon or sausage?

Bacon.

29. How long have you had a cell-phone?

15 years or so. And it's the same one.

30. What other memes do you do regularly?

I don't do any memes regularly. After I've done them once, why would I do them again?

31. Who is the craziest meme host?

Whutchutalkinabout, Willis?

I suppose this is the place where I'm supposed to link back to Sunday Stealing, where I stole this particular meme from in the first place.

32. Who invented chop sticks?

What am I, wikipedia?

33. Who are you going to be with tonight?

Louise. And the cats.

34. Are you too forgiving?

Probably.

35. When was the last time you were in love?

I still am.

36. Tell us about your best friend.

That would be Louise.

37. What was the stupidest thing you learned in high school?

Most of what I learned in high school was pretty stupid. I only wish I'd learned not to pursue a career in radio.

38. What was the last thing you cried about?

A post I've written for The Vinyl Villain which will probably go live next week. I'll try and remember to link to it then.

39. What was the last question you asked?

Why?

40. Favorite thing to do this time of the year?

Eat chocolate eggs and not go to work.

41. If you had to get a tattoo, what would it be?

42. How would your best friend describe you?

It'd all depend on how much I'd pissed her off that day...

43. Have you ever seen all three Twilight films?

I saw the first half of the first one and that was more than enough.

44. Ever walked into a glass door?

Probably. That sounds like the sort of doofus thing I'd do.

45. Favorite colour on that person you are attracted to?

Aquamarine.

46. Have you ever slapped someone?

No.

47. What hair style (for you) would you like to see return?

The one I'm sporting.

48. What was the last CD you bought?

The Ugly People Vs The Beautiful People

49. Do looks matter to you?

Sometimes.

50. Could you ever forgive a liar?

I'd try.

51. What's the hardest bill to pay every month?

The mortgage, I guess, it being the largest.

The one I most resent paying is petrol - fuel prices being so bloody extortionate at the moment.

52. Do you like your life right now?

It could be better.

Could be a whole lot worse too.

53. Do you sleep with the TV on?

TV, no. Radio, yes.

54. Can you handle the truth?

Of course not, Jack.

55. Do you have good vision?

I've never needed glasses.

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?

Have we met?
57. How often do you talk on the phone?

As infrequently as I can manage.

58. What celeb would you like to come home to?

I wouldn't want a celebrity in my home. They're not housebroken, any of them.

59. What are you wearing?

A shirt and trousers.

60. What is your favorite wild animal?

The snow leopard.

61. Where was your facebook picture taken?

It wasn't. It was drawn. By Nige.

It's the cover to PJANG #5.

62. Can you waltz?

I'm more of a cha cha cha man.

63. Do you have a job?

Are you employed, sir?

Employed?

You don't go out looking for a job dressed like that? On a weekday?

Is this a... what day is this?

64. What was the most recent thing you stole?

Louise's heart.

(OK, you can stop laughing now.)

65. Have you ever crawled through a window?

Many times. I am Spider-Man, after all...

I Am Electro!

For months now, I've been afraid to shut my car door. Not when I'm inside, shutting it from the inside is fine because it's got a nice plastic handle that I can pull closed with no harm to my person.

Shutting it from the outside though, that's quite a different matter. Because when I do... sparks fly. Touching the metal door after I've been driving causes me a shock. It's not a problem with the car's electrics, it's a problem with me... and static electricity. It happens at various other times throughout the day - I get static electric shocks from coat hooks, tables, even... Louise! But it's worst when I get out of the car. So I had to take action.

Someone suggested buying one of those anti-static strips that hang down from the rear of your car and drag along the road behind you - the ones with a lightning bolt design you used to see on just about every car when I was a kid. My mum always told me these were to help people with car sickness. ("Do you remember your friend Liam? He used to get car sick all the time." Vague, blurry memories of Liam at the side of the road with a paper bag... there's nothing wrong with Mum's long term memory.) Apparently there's a theory that car sickness is caused by the build up of static electricity in the atmosphere or something...

Well, that's as maybe. And maybe those strips do help people with car sickness. But do they help prevent my electrocution? Let's find out, shall we...?

Yeoooooowchh!

That'll be a 'no' then.

Anyone else got any bright ideas?

Never Let Me Go

I was torn over whether I wanted to see this film. On the one hand it features Keira Knightley (ugh). On the other, Carey Mulligan, who has yet to annoy me. On the third, Andrew Garfield, the Man Who Will Be Spider. And on the fourth hand, it's adapted from a novel by Kazuo Ishiguro who wrote Remains Of The Day, one of the most emotionally affecting films I've ever seen. Actually, that's three hands to one in favour. Louise didn't even need to cast the deciding vote. Good job, as it only takes one of Louise's hands to beat any number of mine. Never take her on in an arm wrestle.

Anyway, I'm glad we saw it at the cinema. It's a moving love story with a nice speculative twist. If you don't know, I won't tell you - but I was pleased by the way the script at no point actually uses the c-word to describe the characters in question. No, not that c-word. The screenplay credits its audience with half a brain. Not surprising as it was adapted by Alex Garland of The Beach and 28 Days Later.

There's a good reason to see this film even if you don't like Keira Knightley... you're not supposed to like her. She's the other woman, a selfish and spiteful creature who comes between our lovers and prevents them from living the life they should have lived. Of course she comes good in the end, albeit too late to make much difference. And she does ACT a little too much, as though someone's told her she might be in with a shot at an Oscar because the script requires her to "do illness". (Surprisingly, Never Let Me Go doesn't appear to have troubled Oscar at all. Which is a shame.) Mulligan is good value, and Spider-Boy shows great promise. (Let's hope he got the c-word out of his system though, we can do without any of those buggers cropping up in any future Spidey films.) Louise was in tears at the end, though I remained strangely unmoved. It's usually the other way round. I sobbed my heart out at the end of The A-Team. But I'm just an old softie...

Thoughtballoons - The 6 Month Anniversary

Hard to believe, but we've been at this Thoughtballoons malarkey six whole months now. Every week we choose a new comics character and write a one page script about them. There are six regular writers so that usually equates to a new script every day. It's been a blast - and we're just getting started.

To celebrate our first half-anniversary, we decided on a little interview meme between the writers. My answers are below... pop over to the site to read what the other guys thought.



Who is your favourite comic character?

Peter Parker, the spectacular, amazing, sensational Spider-Man. I explained why when I chose him as my first Thoughtballoons pick. The only problem is I don't get to pick him again...

What is your favourite comic?

That would have to be Amazing Spider-Man too. I've been a Marvel junkie for over 30 years and have a lot of time for all the classic Lee / Kirby / Ditko creations, when handled correctly. I've dallied with DC - favourites being the Giffen DeMatteis JLI and Grant Morrison's Animal Man and Doom Patrol - though the only DC character I've stuck with through thick and thin is John Constantine, Hellblazer. Favourite comics outside the mainstream have included Cerebus (before Dave Sim went bonkers), Phonogram and anything by Adrian Tomine.

Hey, I'd have just give you a 3 word answer, but that's not everybody else is doing, now is it?

Who is your favourite comic writer?

Grant Morrison, JM DeMatteis, Peter David, Brian K Vaughan, Mark Waid, Ed Brubaker, Roger Stern, Warren Ellis and Peter Milligan have all distinguished themselves in my eyes, among many others. Not forgetting Stan Lee, of course, without whom this world would be a much poorer place.

Who has been the most fun to write so far in 26 weeks of thoughtballoons?

The obvious answer is Spidey, but the pressure was on for that and I ended up feeling a little self-conscious. My other two choices were John Constantine and Ben Grimm, and I had loads of fun with both... though having gotten my Holy Trinity of Comics Characters out of the way, I'm having a devil of a time deciding who to pick next time it's my shout.

Other than those, the most fun were Machine Man, Gamora and Ash. Although I had got Gamora completely mixed up with Nebula. I'm not sure anybody noticed.

Which character do you most dread having to write?

Loath though I am to fall in line with my peers, I have a real problem with Green Lantern too. I'm not good with intergalactic characters and the whole "green ring that can do absolutely anything unless there's yellow involved" has always seemed like one of those dopey concepts that would have been best left in the Silver Age. Plus, despite reading GL for a number of years in my younger days, I never liked Hal Jordan. I could just about squeeze out a Guy Gardener script... or G'Nort. G'Nort would be fun. I bet he's dead now, isn't he?

Which non-comics character would you most like to write?

My favourite fictional character who's not been bitten by a radioactive spider is Detective Andy Sipowicz from NYPD Blue. A complex, multi-layered, extremely tragic hero with any number of achilles heels... who just happens to hate most of the people he meets on a daily basis... but still tries to do well by them. And if Andy was taken, I'd choose Gregory House MD for many of the same reasons.

Which script do you think has been your best so far?

I was pleased to fit an entire locked room mystery into one (admittedly crowded) page in my Blonde Phantom story. Max Allan Collins would have done it better though. And I had loads of fun pitching Mr. Mxyzptlk against Zatanna. But the one I'm most proud of so far would be my John Constantine yarn. It was hard as hell capturing everything I love about that bastard mage on just one page, but I gave it my best shot.

Worst by far was my Daredevil offering, for which I won't even provide a link. Such a great character, and I threw away my chance on a dumb fat bloke gag. What an idiot!

Which script in total do you think has been the best on the site?

Let's see...

Ryan's Mephisto page sticks in my mind as a really clever concept and I'd have loved to see where his Daredevil story went next.

Ben's Spider-Man script really came from the heart and his Rick Grimes tale was a simple idea, perfectly executed.

Matt's John Constantine page was ripe for development and I only just discovered his Thing story (somehow I missed it first time round) and it's bloody marvellous.

Max consistently wins the prize for most inspired story titles. Noir As Heck and Boys Are Stupid, Throw Grappling Hooks At Them are just two that somehow live up to their seemingly impossible promise.

Simon's John Constantine script played like the teaser for a TV series I'd have sold my soul to watch and he writes a mean Damien Wayne too (albeit in Renee Montoya's script).

Brandon hasn't been around half as much as I'd have liked given the quality of his Mephisto page (among others).

And finally, Danial dazzled us so much from the comment box trenches he was an obvious call when a frontline vacancy came up. I look forward to reading more from him, especially if they're as strong as his Casanova Quinn offering.

What - I was only supposed to pick one? Says who?

OK, is that everything? Thank you. Now go read my Rick Grimes (from The Walking Dead) script. You know you want to...

Under The Dome

It seems the pattern these days that a new Stephen King novel will be greeted by two wildly differing reactions from longterm fans. It's either "great - a real return to form" or "SO disappointing - not a patch on his old stuff!"

The problem is that I generally wait to read King's novels in paperback, so by the time I got round to Under The Dome I'd already read loads of reviews - by people whose opinions on such things I respect - telling me how much they either loved or hated it. And because I'm such a lily-livered milksop when it comes to voicing my own opinions, I'm filled with trepidation at the prospect of writing this review.

Ah, sod it.

I liked it. I'd almost go so far as to say 'loved'. If it was written by anyone other than King. It's just that after so many years as one of SK's biggest fans, we always expect a little more.

The high concept plot involves a small town in Maine (surprise!) that one day finds itself sealed off from the outside world by an impenetrable dome that appears from nowhere. While the US army tries to find a way to break through and rescue the townspeople trapped inside, the politicians and policeforce set up an independent state and refuse to co-operate with the outside world in an attempt to cover up their own crooked dealings.

Those who loved the book talked about King's mastery with a large cast of characters, and how fast and exciting he keeps the narrative - "whizzing from one cliffhanger to the next" says the Telegraph. I'd mostly agree. I felt the 800+ story sagged a little around the page 600 mark, but it certainly rallies for an explosive finale.

Those who hated it complained about the characters being far too black and white, and the rather heavy-handed nature of the allegory - the town becoming a microcosm representing the state of US politics in the 21st century. Well, yes, but I didn't feel it was any more clunky than many other sci fi metaphors, and more importantly it didn't hinder my enjoyment one bit. As to the lack of grey - hell, I read Dean Koontz novels, compared to him, King's got a million different shades in his palate.

Ah, make up your own mind. Opinions are like arseholes - everybody's got one. Mine rarely resembles anybody else's.

This week's Thoughtballoons character is Araña, the new Spider-Girl. I'm not too familiar with this character, although I was a big fan of Tom DeFalco's recently concluded "Daughter Of Spider-Man" incarnation. Still, give Anya a chance. Spidey is.

You can read my one-page Spider-Girl story here. I named it after a My Chemical Romance song, for any emo-kids in the audience.

The Social Network

A movie about Facebook starring the current king of loveable geeky losers and Justin Timberlake?

I'll pass.

A movie about Facebook written by Aaron Sorkin, directed by David Fincher, and also starring the new Peter Parker?

Oh, go on then.

Unlike Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg himself, The Social Network rarely puts a foot wrong. In choosing Jesse Eisenberg to play Zucker, it gives welcome vulnerability to a role which otherwise would be hard to sympathise with. The fictionalized account of the legal squabbling, back-stabbing and bitterness surrounding the origins of the common people's favourite website (being a web-snob and misanthrope, I hate Facebook) allows Aaron Sorkin to do what Aaron Sorkin does best - take complex legal, business and even technology-based issues and weave a human story out of them, using his trademark snarky, fast-paced dialogue and oodles of sharp wit. David Fincher's direction, by contrast, is competent yet unshowy (apart from one rather tacked on boat race sequence set at Henley Regatta). He does present Harvard as a dark and gloomy place where you wouldn't be at all surprised to find Gwyneth Paltrow's head in a box, but apart from that he seems content to let the script and cast carry this story. Eisenberg does very well with his most difficult role to date, the Kid Who Would Be Spider-Man convinced me he's up for that part, and Justin Timberlake was a dick... perfect casting all round then.

The only question I have left is just HOW Facebook became a billion-pound business. I get the advertising potential, but I can't say I've found myself ever noticing the ads while I'm on that site. Admittedly, unlike many people, I don't spend a lot of time on there (once a week, maybe even less) - but are there really billions of advertising bucks to be made from just one website? That's one thing I wish Sorkin had explained in snappy, Howard Hawks style back-and-forth banter... 'cos I just don't get it.

Oh, and in case you missed yesterday's late announced celebrations - this is Sunset Over Slawit's 1001th (1001st?) post. I demand a cake!

Thoughtballoons - Spider-Man

I got to choose this week's Thoughtballoons character. No prizes were given for guessing. If you don't know why I picked the Amazing Spider-Man, you can read this.

For everybody else, here's my one-page Spidey strip. Given this may well be my only "real" chance to write my favourite fictional character, I wanted to include everything I loved about the character... not strictly possible, but I did my best.