Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know
He's got his own blog!
By popular demand, I'm back with another pathetic playlist of pity. Many thanks to everyone who suggested songs last time, some of which are included here, others will be featured in the future.
You know the drill by now... this is Radio I Hate Myself & Want To Die FM!
10. Skinny - Failure
"Why have I always been a failure?" asked Skinny in 1998. It must have been doubly galling for them when Moby was such a success.
9. Tom Jones - I (Who Have Nothing)
You know that Cee-Lo Green chart-topper I was raving about? Here's its 1970 predecessor courtesy of the Welsh warbler.
8.Superman Revenge Squad - Pupkin
This homage to Robert DeNiro's King of Comedy deserves a post all its own. I strongly urge you to read the lyrics below, and if they strike a chord, follow the link to Ben Parker's website and give him some money. He has a new record out now.
I've been looking through loads of books of old lyrics that I wrote,
I've been wondering if I have really developed at all,
I used to want to be Billy Corgan now I can't remember what I once saw in those sentimental, over-produced songs he used to sing to me,
I was at home and feeling lonely, he was out there making loads of cash...
Used to want to be a writer
But now I'd take a lighter to those stories
I thought I'd be changing people's lives
I thought I'd have the Booker Prize
Now I realise that they're just lies
People tell themselves because hey don't wanna get a job
What's the point of singing songs you don't believe in
Just 'cos people say they might make you money?
And is Robbie from Eastenders really sexy
Just 'cos people recognise him from the telly?
And if Newsnight Review look at everything you do
And they decide it's crap
Is it really time to pack it in?
And no matter how many times I do this thing
Will I still feel like Rupert Pupkin?
I used to wanna be in Iron Maiden
Now I can't imagine what I'd do
With the money that I'd come into
Just for playing shows and hanging out with Bruce
And spending my spare time with Mötley Crüe
I mean, would I really care
About the people that stare
And point at the spandex clothes that I wear
If it was something I really wanted to do?
What's the point of singing songs you don't believe in
Just 'cos people say they might make you money?
And is Robbie from Eastenders really sexy
Just 'cos people recognise him from the telly?
And if Newsnight Review look at everything you do
And they decide it's crap
Is it really time to pack it in?
And no matter how many times I do this thing
Will I still feel like Rupert Pupkin?
7. Bloodhound Gang - Why Is Everybody Always Picking On Me?
Juvenile in the extreme, like The Inbetweeners on record, yet I can't help but sympathise...
6. Gilbert O'Sullivan - Alone Again (Naturally)
A song that begins with Gilbert being jilted at the altar and ends with the death of both his parents - you can't really blame him for feeling sorry for himself.
See also Nothing Rhymed, a song so monumentally miserable that even Morrissey struggled to make it through to the end when covering it live.
5. Babybird - Unlovable
Speaking of Morrissey... there is, of course, a masterclass in self-pity from The Smiths that goes under the same title as this recent offering from Babybird - you know, it's the one where Moz declares "I wear black on the outside, black is how I feel on the inside". I'd have given my right arm for a T-shirt with that on the front when I was 15 (and it'd only have needed one sleeve).
Babybird's song isn't quite that tragic, but it is a fine example of the quality of work on Stephen Jones's 10th album, Ex-Maniac, released earlier this year. Plus the video was directed by Johnny Deep. Yes, that Johnny Depp.
4. Luxembourg - Single
"I wouldn't wish my life upon anyone else..." sings David Shah on this peerless ode to failing to bother the charts. "I can't spend another summer burning copies of my debut single in my bedroom," he continues, "I can't spend another Sunday crying on the sofa as another opportunity passes me by."
You can download the entire album free from their Last FM page. I'd highly recommend you do that. Now.
3. Nick Drake - Poor Boy
How did I get this far into an appreciation of supreme self-pity without any Nick Drake? Poor, poor Nick Drake - I'll weep for him forever.
2. Ben Folds / Nick Hornby - A Working Day
The opening track to the new Ben Folds / Nick Hornby collaboration. Seriously - Ben Folds and Nick Hornby made a record together. Ben on music and vocals, Nick on lyrics. Until Stephen King and Bruce Springsteen team up, or Morrissey and Douglas Coupland, this is my dream muso-author combo.
Some guy on the net thinks I suck and he should know
He's got his own blog!
I'm a loser
I'm a poser
Yeah really
It's over
I mean it and I quit
Everything I write is shit
Hey, hey
It's a working day
Hey, hey
It's a working day
Somehow it's reassuring to know that even Ben Folds and Nick Hornby have days like that.
1. Janis Ian - At Seventeen
A song I find almost too painful to listen to. And I'm a boy...
To those of us who knew the pain
Of valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me
Go on world - hurt each other, kill each other, do anything you want!
I just don't care any more.
