Why I Don't Get My Sci Fi Nerd Badge

Thanks to Samurai Frog, who pointed me towards this list of 20 Things Every Sci-Fi Nerd Should Own Physically & Emotionally...

1) Conan The Barbarian Soundtrack

I was never much of a Conan fan, though if I were I suspect I'd have wanted someone other than Arnie to play that particular Hyborian hero. As to the soundtrack...?

FAIL.

2) Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep

I have read this but honestly preferred the film. It is still on my bookshelf though, so I guess I score one point here.

3) The Twilight Zone Collection

Yes. The original US box set with TZ companion book included. Rod Serling is a genius.

4) The Original Star Wars Trilogy – WITHOUT ANY ADDED CRAP

I have the original VHS videos upstairs in the attic, pre-Special Edition, though I think even they had been mucked around with prior to release. I'll count that as a yes, even though I haven't watched them in years.

5) A Profound Hatred for Star Trek Enterprise

I never watched any Star Trek apart from the original Kirk & Spock series, but I don't have any particular hatred for the other series. Enterprise was the one with Scott Bakula, right? How can anyone hate Scott Bakula? (Louise went to college with Scott Bakula's niece. She got a signed photo as proof but she's lost it now.)

FAIL.

6) The Lord of The Rings Extended Edition, The Soundtracks and all of the books

Never liked Orcs.

FAIL.

7) A Profound Sadness for the Way Battlestar Galactica Ended

Never seen it, though Louise has been watching the DVDs and is preparing herself for a let down.

FAIL.

8) A Passionately Favorite Version of the REAL Doctor Who

By "real Doctor Who", I guess you're referring to the pre-revival era? Personally, I don't think of that as any more real than the current incarnation. The Who I grew up with was Tom Baker and I also had a great fondness for Peter Davidson. My favourite Doctor of all time may well be Matt Smith though...

Half a point?

9) A Fear That Will Smith Will Someday Star in The Movie Adaptation of Your Favorite Book

I Am Legend is a favourite book and I had few problems with the Will Smith movie. I guess that's another:

FAIL.

10) Toys from Your Childhood That You Refuse To Part With

Huggy bear. (He lost his nose to a dog.) Not very sci fi, but I'll take the point.

11) The Belief that the Word Midichlorian Was Just from a Nightmare and NOT a real Star Wars Movie

I'll definitely take that point.

12) The Original Tron Movie

Y'know... I'm not sure I've ever ever seen it.

FAIL.

13) An affection for the TV show Firefly

"Affection?" We call it love round these parts.

14) A Hatred for Chris O’Donnell

Why? Because he wasn't Burt Ward? Nah, I don't hate O'Donnell. I might hate Joel Schumacher... if it wasn't for Falling Down.

FAIL.

15) You Know Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics

FAIL.

16) You think Cheetara is HOT!

Thundercats was after my time.

FAIL.

17) You Believe Aliens are our REAL Gods

Am I trying to get my Sci Fi Nerd Badge or my Complete & Utter Numbskull Badge?

FAIL.

18) You Have a Favorite Animated Cult Sci-Fi Movie

Can't think of one.

FAIL.

19) You Blame Hot Rod for Optimus Prime’s Death

Transformers was (just) after my time.

FAIL.

20) You DESPISE Michael Bay for Masturbating on your Childhood

No, I despise George Lucas for that. Michael Bay is just an idiot. If I despised idiots, I'd never leave the house.

FAIL.


Seven and a half out of twenty? Guess I can't claim my badge. I suck at everything...

Top Ten Sci Fi Hero Songs

Because I figured we all needed a break from songs about hating your job, quitting your job and arguing with the Job Centre... here's something completely different.

My Top Ten Sci Fi Hero Songs

10. Kim Wilde - Blade Runner

(From 'Teases & Dares'.)

Yes, Kim Wilde wrote a song about Blade Runner, along with her dad Marty. Marty Wilde, not Marty McFly. I bet she's seen things you people just wouldn't believe.

9. Weird Al Yankovich - Yoda

(From 'The Essential Weird Al Yankovic'.)

Song about powerful Jedi master, Weird Al does, hmm? To the tune of Lola by the Kinks, he sings. Lyrics about how he met this wise muppet in a swamp on Dagobah, he writes. Mention awful sequels, he does not. Smart man, yes?

8. Julian Cope - Mad Max

(From 'Autogeddon'.)

Julian doesn't mean to hold a gun up to your head. I guess he leaves that sort of thing to Max Rockatansky.

7. Suede - Metal Mickey

(From 'Suede'.)

OK, he's hardly the world's greatest sci fi hero... but he was better than ALF. The song isn't really about him anyway.

6. Bellatrix - Jediwannabe

(From 'It's All True'.)



Icelandic indie chicks give great geek-rock - complete with retro-80s "boop boop!" laser beam vocals. And I just discovered their album also contains a track called Daredevil... where were they when I did my Top Marvel Comics Songs?

The nerds of a new age

Are coming up to take the stage...

They're coming round...

They're crawling into my bed.

Whatever gets you off, love.

5. The Timelords (KLF) - Doctorin' The Tardis

(From 'The History Of Jams a.k.a. The Timelords'.)

This track already made it onto my Top Ten Doctor Songs, but Who's counting?

4. Catatonia - Mulder & Scully

(From 'International Velvet'.)

I still have a great fondness for Mulder and Scully, and for the way Cerys Matthews sings their names in her razor-blade-throated Welsh. "This could be a case for Murrlder and Scccurlee!"

Special mention goes to Millennium, the X-Files spin-off, starring Lance Henriksen as Frank Black from the Pixies.

3. Spizz Energi - Where's Captain Kirk?

(From 'Where's Captain Kirk: the Very Best of Spizz Energi'.)

Spizz gets beamed aboard the Enterprise, meets all the crew, goes Warp Factor 2, but can't find Captain Kirk. But wait - there's a twist coming that would make Shatner proud. And just to balance things out, they also recorded a song called Spock's Missing.

REM have also covered this. Sadly....... theShathasn't. Yet.

Oh, and lest we forget... there's Klingons off the starboard bow, Jim.

2. Feeder - Buck Rogers

(From 'Echo Park'.)

This is what happens if you get a house in Devon and drink cider from a lemon. Could be worse, you could end up in the 25th Century wearing a white spandex jump suit, with only Arnold from Diff'rent Strokes and the universe's most annoying robot for company. ("Bidee-bidee-bidee... right, Buck!") Still, it wasn't all bad. Let's not forget Wilma Deering.

1. Queen - Flash

(From 'Flash Gordon Soundtrack'.)

Because, come on, let's face it - he saved every one of us. And he only had fourteen hours to do it.

Altogether now... "GORDON'S ALIVE!!!"



So who got lost in the black hole? "Brown Eyed Han Solo Man"? "Things (From Another World) Can Only Get Better"? "I'm ET Like Sunday Morning?" Boldly go into the comments section now...