My final two gigs of the year... first up was Half Man Half Biscuit, live in Holmfirth. I can't tell you how happy it makes me that a band like HMHB will now play a venue less than 10 minutes drive from my front door. I'm almost smiling as I type this.
I smiled a lot on Thursday night... here's five lyrical reasons why I love HMHB...
(With thanks to The Half Man Half Biscuit Lyrics Project.)
1.
Car crime’s low, the gun crime’s lower
The town hall band CD, it’s a grower
You never hear of folk getting knocked on the bonce
Although there was a drive-by shouting once
(For What Is Chatteris)
2.
Checkmate! Dennis Bell of Torquay
Too late with your Nxe3
Good game sir, do you want another bout?
Well Dennis ain’t replying ‘cos he just signed out
(Bad Losers On Yahoo Chess)
3.
God I could murder a Cadbury’s Flake
But then I guess you wouldn’t let me into heaven
Or maybe you would
‘Cos their adverts promote oral sex
A Romany bint in a field with her paints
Suggesting we faint at her beauty
But she’s got Dickie Davies eyes
(Dickie Davies Eyes)
4.
I stick me big nose in
When I go out
Sealed-off car park
What’s it all about?
I like an altercation with a member of staff
“That was a ten pound note!”
I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
I ring up Dial-A-Pizza
And say that’s not how I would spell “Hawaiian”
(Petty Sessions)
5.
You don’t have a tree
And your smile has a fee
All the same, here’s a card
For your boring facade
Jingle Bells, piney smells
All the boys and the girls
Say it’s cliched
To be cynical
At Christmas
(It's Cliched To Be Cynical At Christmas)
