File this one under The Universe Hates Me.
And no, this isn't a post about flashing temporary traffic lights to get them to change green because that's what ambulance drivers do in times of emergency. Does that ever work? This is a post about how even traffic lights are out to get me. And probably you too: you just don't realise it yet.
You know how it goes. You're on your way somewhere, probably in a hurry because you got way too distracted by something utterly pointless* or really quite life-changing on the internet before setting off. And every traffic light is either stuck on red or changes to crimson as you approach.
Well, here's how to get them to change to green. It's simple. And it virtually always works for me.
Start doing something else.
It can't be just anything, mind you. It can't be something you could also do while driving. (Sorry - picking your nose is out.) It has to be something you could only do (safely) while stationary.
Tying your shoelace.
Writing down an idea for a short story.
Checking a message on your phone.
Fetching that pork pie which rolled out of your shopping bag and underneath the passenger seat.
Reading an exciting poster about how to get free things in a shop window.
Getting a different CD out of the glove compartment.
Something that could easily fall into the category of "while I'm waiting here, unable to do anything else, and it's now safe to do so, why don't I...?"
Because the second you start doing something like that... often the very moment you even decide to do it in the first place... that's when the traffic lights will turn back to green. If you hadn't decided to do that thing, if you'd just sat there glaring at the red light, willing it to change, wishing your life was a Housemartins song, you'd still be sat there now. Because life's like that.
The universe hates us.
(*Only joking, Steve.)
