Favourite Shirts

I threw out my favourite shirt this weekend. It was a thick, wooly, green and brown checked affair that I'd had since I was a teenager.

Below is a PARTICULARLY unflattering photo of me wearing said shirt in 1996, taken by a former colleague and linked to on Facebook (yet another reason to hate that site). Seriously, I've posted some terrible, terrible, NSFW things on this blog in my time, but this is definitely the most disturbing.

I'm

giving

you

space

to

click

away

now.

Don't

say

you

weren't

warned.

And yet, as much as I hate that photo, I can't help but feel a swelling in my heart and a weight behind my eyes as I look upon it now... because I'm wearing my favourite shirt.

That shirt and me, we went through so much together. As the years went by, it became my official "winter walking" shirt. I'd come home from work, change out of my work clothes, put on that shirt (over whatever T-shirt / undershirt I'd been wearing all day) then head off up into the hills. Whatever the weather. I'd wear a coat too, but even if it was just a kagool or an anorak, I wouldn't ever feel the cold. Because that shirt was THICK. It was WARM. It was like a wraparound security blanket. It was like a hug from an old friend, and during its prime, I didn't have many friends - certainly none that would be prepared to give me a hug. It made me feel comfortable. It made me feel a little less alone in this vast, cold, uncaring universe.

But nothing lasts forever. After 20 plus years, that shirt was little more than rags. I'd patched up the elbows, resewn the buttons, ironed out the creases so many times... there wasn't anything left holding it together. I'd worn it out. For the last year or so its remnants have hung in my wardrobe like a spectral tatterdemalion, unwearable but unthrow-out-able too. But there comes a time when you have to switch off the life support and say goodbye. No charity shop would have wanted it, so with heavy heart I consigned it to the wheely bin. Guilt, grief, regret... all these would follow.

Goodbye, old shirt. Thanks for the memories. Have a Haircut 100 song on me...

12.7 Thoughts About 127 Hours

1. Went to see 127 Hours on Sunday at 4pm. Should be finished by midnight on Friday. (Apologies to those of you who already had to sit through this joke on twitter.)

2. The strapline is rubbish. Every Second Counts? Not only does it remind me of a sad old Paul Daniels quiz show, but the more you think about it, the more irrelevant it is.

3. True story films are hard to get right. 12 Hours follows a similar path to Touching The Void, but it's less documentary, more dramatisation.

4. James Franco has matured as an actor since Spider-Man. That said, Harry Osborn was a thankless role. 127's hero, Aron Ralston, allows Franco much more scope. A nod from Oscar would not be unexpected... especially as this is the kind of "triumph over adversity" stuff the Academy regularly wet themselves over.

5. Is it a spoiler to mention exactly what happens to Ralston... and how he eventually escapes his dire predicament? Many of the reviews I've read have done so, and there's an argument to say that audiences are better off knowing... particularly if they're squeamish... but if you don't want to know, feel free to bugger off now. Your enjoyment of the film might be better for it.

6. So Ralston (Franco) goes canyoneering alone in the Utah desert, gets his arm trapped beneath a falling boulder and the canyon wall, has no way of calling for help, very little food or water, survives 5 days entrapment without losing his mind... then, in desperation has to cut off his arm with a dull blade to escape.

7. Ouch.

8. No, really ouch. I've seen some pretty painful things happen to characters in films, but nothing quite as shudder-inducing as this. I challenge you to keep your eyes on the screen throughout the key scene... particularly when Franco's cutting through his tendons.

9. As you'd expect, this is pure "triumph of the human spirit" stuff, well played by both Franco and Boyle. It's not a film that'll surprise you - paragraph 6 is basically the entire plot - but it will move you.

10. That said, the "people need people" subtext (Ralston's predicament is made worse by the fact that he didn't tell anyone - friends or family - where he was going that day; the movie's closing line is "next time, I'll leave a note") grates a little. But that's just my misanthropy in action.

11. Boyle directs pain- and stress-induced hallucinations very well. Though I've never been in anything like the kind of pain Ralston must have been in here, I recognise the trippy freakouts he has from when I've lost consciousness myself on occasion. The Scooby Doo hallucination isn't quite as freaky as Touching The Boid's Brown Girl In The Ring moment though.

12. Like all Danny Boyle films, you'll walk out humming the soundtrack and discover a new favourite tune. This time it'll be Never Hear Surf Music again by New York electro-indie plebs Free Blood...



12.7. Jack Bauer would have ripped his own arm off in Hour 2, then used the bloody stump to beat a terrorist to death. Just saying...

Friday Flash - Love Song

First #fridayflash short story of 2011... and I've actually managed to keep below the 1000 word limit. I'm sure that won't last...

Love Song

I’m in your bedroom, writing this song, trying not to make an obvious rhyme like ‘but I keep getting the words wrong’ because I know you wouldn’t respect that. You called me “the greatest lyricist of our generation” after all, do you remember, Evie? Of course you remember. It was the day we met. Well, the day we first communicated. The internet’s an amazing thing, isn’t it? That it could bring us together like this. How could you have known when you tweeted “I love Terry Tribeca, I want his babies!” that I’d be sitting there in my peeling wallpaper hotel room after that piss-bottle gig in Newcastle, late and lonely, just looking for someone to make me feel worthwhile... that I’d see your message and think: ‘thank you’?

You became my muse, I’m apt to confuse, the thoughts… the thoughts… the thoughts… This new album, Evie, it’s all about you. You had such a shock when I replied, you couldn’t believe it was me. Even though it had the verified tick next to my picture to prove the account was genuine, you were certain it was just my manager or somebody in my entourage mucking around. “Entourage”, ha. I guess my world seems a whole lot more glamorous from the outside. The crazy thing is, 15, 20 years ago, I probably would have had an entourage. I’d have had a record company that threw money at me, I’d have had stylists, publicists, photographers, hangers on… but those days are gone. Like I told you that first night we chatted, I don’t do this for the money. I do it because I have to. Because the songs are inside me, screaming to get out… and if I don’t have that release, well, I think I’d just go crazy, you know? Lose it completely. The songs keep me sane.

Not everything’s an accident, sometimes you have to be provident, if you want to make a start, in matters of the… The following night, when we bumped into each other at that club in Coventry, that wasn’t just coincidence, you know. I can tell you this now, we’re close enough that you won’t think... I went there to find you. I saw you talking to your friends about it on Facebook and as I didn’t have a gig that night and it was only a couple of hours on the train and I thought it’d make for a good song… Knock-Outs, remember? You said you didn’t think someone like me would be seen dead in a place like that. Didn’t I get recognised all the time? The truth is, hardly anyone ever recognises me. Your friends certainly didn’t. They didn’t even believe it was me. Yeah, I’ve been on the cover of the NME and my face is all over the internet – but everyone’s face is all over the internet. Unless you’re actually looking, you wouldn’t notice me. I’m not exactly a pretty boy, though “my unconventional look matches my unconventional lyrics,” says Alex Petridis in The Guardian. Though I guess since meeting you, my songwriting’s become a whole lot more conventional. You know I almost wrote a ‘swim any river, hike any mountain’ song last night? Maybe I’ll have a pop hit and flush my indie cred with it. That shit doesn’t matter anymore. I want to take you to Paris and Rome and New York, and not in the back of a fucking tour bus, Evie. I want my own private jet, like Bono. I never wanted to be Bono, but for you, Evie, for you I want to be Bono. I want to be whatever you want me to be.

I saw you in the arms of another, I went to pieces, then and there. I knew I wasn’t your only lover, just don’t tell me more for him you… Clumsy. That’s fucking clumsy, man. What’s happened to my writing? It used to come so natural. My mind’s on other things right now. That second time was a mistake, I admit. You were with your fiancée at that restaurant in Nuneaton. Not the classiest of establishments, but Michael wasn’t really the classiest of guys, was he? When I saw where he was taking you for your anniversary… I wanted to show you how much better you could do. That’s all. Crispy duck and a cheap Merlot? Is that really all you were to him? Caused quite a scene that night, didn’t he? Your ex… I know, I know it’s an adjustment, thinking of him in that way after all those years together, but you need to try. Part of you still expects him to walk in the front door any minute and start whinging about his shit day again. How much he hates his boss, wishes he could find something else, always wanted to be a fireman. Of course I read your blog, even though you don’t use your real name, enough of your friends know about it, leave messages on it, link to it… it’s hardly a secret. That post you wrote about me, long before we even met, that was what convinced me. You understood. And yet, by him, you were misunderstood. “Shame he’s not hunky enough to be a fireman - LOL!” That’s what Rachel wrote in your comments. She was right, of course, Michael was hardly a body builder. He couldn’t even fight me off.

You can’t have her, Mike. You’re not the man she really likes. I saw you leaving your office at night. My alibi is airtight. Mike. I know you don’t want to hear the details, Evie, but it’s done now. You don’t need to worry about him any more. We can get on with our lives. Come on, Evie, open the bathroom door. Talk to me. I’ll turn the music down if you promise not to scream again. Please, Evie, don’t be mad. Open the door. Don’t be like all the others…

Top Ten Bastard Songs

How juvenile am I? First Top Ten of 2011, and I pick a sweary word. Maybe I thought I'd end up with a cooler list of artists (and no Barry Manilow songs) if I compiled a Top Ten Bastards. How wrong can one man be...?

10. Mötley Crüe - Bastard

Before you mock the Crüe, consider that they've sold over 80 million albums. Can that many hair metal idiots be wrong? I have more respect for them after reading Chuck Klosterman's poignant and hilarious memoir Fargo Rock City. Not a whole lot more respect, but some. At the end of the day, their drummer did marry Pamela Anderson. I suppose somebody had to.

9. The Replacements - Bastards Of Young

Unlike the Crüe, Paul Westerberg's Replacements are one of those bands everybody always claims to have been into back in the 80s when really they only actually discovered them long after they'd split up. Go on, admit it. Unless you're really cool, like Miller. In which case you probably bought their first album when you were 9 or something. (Did that sound sarcastic? It was actually meant to be a compliment. See, I can't even give my mates compliments without it sounding sarcastic. Grrr.)

Sadly, the Replacements haven't sold 80 million records.

8. Ben Folds - Bastard

Kids today gettin' old too fast
they can't wait to grow up so they can kiss some ass
They get nostalgic about the last ten years
before the last ten years have passed

Pretty soon, you'll be an old bastard too

So why you gotta act like you know when you don't know?
It's OK if you don't know everything

7. Arab Strap - Fucking Little Bastards

And you think I'm misanthropic? Imagine if I was Scottish too...

6. Half Man Half Biscuit - The Bastard Son Of Dean Friedman

If you don't know who Dean Friedman is, consider yourself deprived. He's the poodle-faced god of 70s MOR-storytelling who brought us such classics as Ariel, Lydia, 'Well, Well' Said The Rocking Chair and the divine duet (with Denise Marsa) Lucky Stars. I don't use the word 'genius' lightly etc. etc....

Who better than Nigel Blackwell and the infamous Biscuit to pay tribute to this Titan of Tunesmithery (still on tour, coming soon to a leisure centre near you)?

And you can thank your lucky stars that you're not
The bastard son of Dean Friedman.

5. Ol' Dirty Bastard feat. Kelis - Baby I Got Your Money

You have to feel bad for Mr. and Mrs. Bastard. That name was like an albatross. Whatever they chose to christen their little boy, people were always going to take the piss. I mean... Kevin? Barry? Complete? Heartless? They must have exhausted that book of baby names before coming up with Ol' Dirty. Still, at least they kept Dirty as the middle name. Presumably to avoid causing further embarrassment to his teachers when calling the register.

4. Ian Dury & The Blockheads - There Ain't Half Been Some Clever Bastards

Ian Dury was fearless in the face of rhyming couplets - he bent them to his will. This song is the perfect example of his art... especially verse 3.

Einstein can't be classed as witless.
He claimed atoms were the littlest.
When you did a bit of splitting-em-ness
Frighten everybody shitless

3. Babybird - Bastard

Another track from my 7th favourite album of last year...

You can love me if you want to
But it's best if you don't
You can believe me, you can deceive me
But it's best if you don't

You could date me, you could hate me
But it's best if you don't
We could have kids, we could grow old
But it's best if we don't

I'm untouchable, yes I am
But if you wanna touch me, you can
I'm a bastard, you know that I am
But that's just what you like in a man

Everybody knows Babybird's biggest hit was You're Gorgeous... but coincidentally, it was spoofed by Mark 'n' Lard in The Shirehorses in a track called You're A Bastard.

2. Town Bike - Bastard Heart

Coming on like a Scouse version of the Donnas, Town Bike are the kind of hard-living punk rock chicks who scare the pants off weedy wallflower indie kids like me... but in a good way. Their debut album Go! Fight! Win! was released last year and you can download their amusingly sweary break-up single Bastard Heart (along with its Kiss-cover Crazy Crazy Nights b-side) for free ('n' legal) at the link above. If you like that, why not pop over to their myspace to hear more?

1. Charlotte Hatherley - Bastardo

An all-too autobiographical-sounding tale of holiday romance has Charlotte Hatherley seduced by a Spanish lothario (played by David Walliams) only to wake the next morning to find him gone... along with her precious guitar. Although he did leave a few Euros with thanks for the memories...

(Simon Pegg also pops up in the spoof girl's comic video as a Spanish waiter.)



I know, I'm a bastard because I didn't include...?

THE WALKING DEAD - SEASON 1 (2010) - TV Series

MyRating: YYYYY + A CROWN

Creator: Frank Darabont

Broadcast Channel: AMC

Season 1 Premiered: October 31, 2010

Episode 1: Days Gone Bye (Director: Frank Darabont)

Episode 2: Guts (Director: Michelle Maxwell MacLaren)

Episode 3: Tell It to the Frogs (Director: Gwyneth Horder-Payton)

Episode 4: Vatos (Director: Johan Renck)

Episode 5: Wildfire (Director: Ernest R. Dickerson)

Episode 6: TS-19 (Director: Guy Ferland)

Cast:

- Andrew Lincoln as Rick Grimes

- Jon Bernthal as Shane Walsh

- Sarah Wayne Callies as Lori Grimes

- Laurie Holden as Andrea

- Jeffrey DeMunn as Dale Horwath
- Steven Yuen as Glenn
- Chandler Riggs as Carl Grimes

- Emma Bell as Amy

- Norman Reedus as Daryl Dixon

- IronE Singleton as T-Dog

- Juan Gabriel Pareja as Morales

- Michael Rooker as Merle Dixon

- Jeryl Prescott as Jacqui

- Andrew Rothernberg as Jim

- Adam Minarovich as Ed Peletier
- Melissa Suzanne McBride as Carol Peletier

The Walking Dead is a post-apocalyptic zombies television series, adapted from an American comic book series by Robert Kirkman, Tony Moore and Charlie Adlard, about a small group of survivors traveling across the United States, trying to survive the outbreak. The series was first published in 2003 by Image Comics and it won the 2010 Eisner Award for Best Continuing Series at San Diego Comic-Con International.

Deputy Sheriff Rick Grimes awakens from a coma in a hospital alone, to finds out a terrifying scene with dead bodies everywhere. Outside the hospital, the scenes are not getting any better, an abandoned city with more dead people. He returns home and finds it empty, but something makes him belief that his wife and son are still alive. And he has to find them. Rick learns that the world has somehow been overrun with zombies, hunger for human flesh. The disease spreads by infection due to bites or scratches from the zombies or high fever. It then kills the people and turns them into the walking dead.

When Rick hears that there is a refugee center in the city of Atlanta, he decides to go there with a hope to find his wife and son. But what he finds is a town full with the undead. There, he meets with a band of scavengers who are trapped inside the city, trying to find a way out and return to their group of survivors who makes a camp outside the city. Together with this group of people, Rick has to work together hand in hand escaping and fighting the zombies. But their main hope is to find a safer place until the government or the military, if there is any left, finds a way to cure the disease. But before that happens, their days are counted, because it's just a matter of time before one by one of them will become one of the undead.

For me, this series is like a dream comes true. As a big fan of zombie movie genre, I always wish that there is a zombie TV series out there, good enough to be cherished longer, rather than a short 1.5-2 hour big screen movie. And this series gave more than what I've expected. Actually, I was blown away. This is an amazing show that will make you addicted and can't stop watching. The best zombie movie I have ever seen. It was so powerful that left a deep feeling and impression in my heart after watching it, like it was so real and hanging in my mind.

What makes this series great is the script, which was brilliantly written. I really have to bow down my head for what they have done. A superb storytelling. The drama was so enticing and gripping, with clever plots, well written dialogues, and great characters. It did like LOST (the TV series) in the drama side and character development, minus the flashbacks, but add the zombies. The story was also spiced with love triangle and adrenaline-rush actions with lots of furious zombies. Despite a TV movie, the special effects were great. They are just like the zombies that we used to see in the big screen. They are real, and they are terrifying. The directions (6 different directors in 6 episodes) were top-notch, seamless within the episodes with great production values. And the settings and cinematography were wonderful, with a 'bleak and abandoned' world, that will lead your mood to the way the film wants to.

Another element that makes this series amusing to watch were the unique and interesting characters, and how the story gets messy with them and their relationships. Good character developments that make us want to care about them and their fates. We don't want them to die, but some will die. Above all, the movie was very well and convincingly acted, that makes it a perfect score. A great cast to choose at the first place, that made me already falling in love with many of the characters.

Rick Grimes is a typical leader, brave and resolute, with high ethical values within him, who will do anything to protect his family and his group of people. Shane Walsh, who I think is the most interesting character here, has his moral struggling inside. A complex character who has to go through a circumstance that slowly changes him inside as human, and defines a strong motive that drives all his acts. His deep character development shows us to what he will become. And I think the flashback scene in the last episode, that showed what Shane actually did back at the hospital when the outbreak began, was a smart and unexpected one, at the same time explaining the hidden reality, and it was relieving. While Lori Grimes is an attractive and beautiful woman, whose love, men will fight for, but whose heart is weak of being alone. Her complicated relationships with Rick and Shane shaped an interesting conflict in this series. Andrea is a tough and independent woman, with a melancholic heart inside. When she is forced to end the suffering of one lovely character, it just shows us how strong she is, but at the same time heartbreaking. Glenn is another interesting character as a Korean guy with high agility and surviving skills, a guy that you can always depend on. The appearance of an Asian actor will surely attract more of the Asian markets. Daryl Dixon is an example of a good antagonist, or a bad protagonist. We just don't really know what he will become. A potential enemy? Or a friend? And his high temper and trouble maker nature are the source of many conflicts in the group, that are needed to mess-up the story. But I kind of like his character. And last but not least, Merle Dixon, a total bad-ass who will make your days like hell, and make the hell hotter. His personal struggling to make peace with God when he is being handcuffed, with the fear of zombies approaching, is one terrifying, brilliant and heart-wrenching scene. A great villain.

This is an awesome series, beyond what I can think of as a zombie TV series. Gladly they made it. They have not only made it, but they also have created a masterpiece for the zombie genre. Can't wait for Season 2, which I believe things will get even messier and zombier. (MJ)

The Year Of The Flood

Margaret Atwood's Oryx and Crake is one of my favourite literary / science fiction crossovers (even though Atwood herself snobbishly denies the sci fi label). It's set in a speculative future where genetic engineering has gone haywire and civilization has fallen apart as a result. It's part romance, part post-apocalyptic thriller, part distorted mirror on the world we live in today. I loved it, and was intrigued to see Atwood returning to that world for a second novel, not a sequel as such but a separate story set in the same dystopian future.

The Year Of The Flood is a different beast entirely. I suppose you have to respect Atwood for trying something else - isn't that what we always complain about with sequels, that they just retread the same ground louder and brasher? That said, this one just didn't work for me. It tells the story of two survivors: Ren, a young dancer trapped in the sex club she worked at before the "waterless flood" (lots of obvious Noah parallels floating around here); and Toby, a young woman who tends a rooftop garden and awaits the return of her religious cult friends. Though each character is well drawn and believable, Atwood doesn't seem entirely certain what to do with them. Their stories lack the narrative drive that propelled Oryx And Crake.

There's also unpleasant hints of misandry. Atwood is no stranger to stories that pitch feminist heroes against unpleasant patriarchies, though normally there's a little more balance to her work. Reading The Year Of The Flood though, I felt subtly indoctrinated that when civilization does inevitably fall, men will devolve en masse into barbarian rapists. And while that's probably likely in certain circumstances... I'm not exactly planning it myself. Rest easy, ladies. Personally, I'd be far more likely to lock myself in the house and quietly starve to death (after eating the cats), while sobbing into my pillow that the internet had gone down forever. But maybe that's just me. Fellas...?

New Year... New Beginning... New Blog?

I'm thinking of pulling the plug on this blog.

OK, OK, stop cheering. It's not as good as it sounds.

I recently discovered posterous, a new blogging platform that works like a dream. It combines all the best bits of blogger, tumblr, wordpress et al. with none of the annoying stuff... and best of all, it's the most user-friendly platform ever. Seriously, it took me about an hour in the week before Christmas to upload two pages of PJANG to my wordpress, pfaffing about with resizing and editing html and a site that kept crashing and not allowing me to do what I wanted.

Last week I discovered posterous, and having heard how easy it was, I decided to give it a try... by making the entirety of PJANG #1 available to read online. It took me about 15 minutes to upload all three strips and the results are... well, see for yourself.

I was so impressed that I decided I'd move my whole wordpress site across there... but then I started thinking, maybe I should move Sunset Over Slawit too. This old blog's been feeling a bit tired of late... maybe a new home is just what it needs.

I have some reservations though. I regularly receive between 100 and 150 individual hits a day (which I'm pretty pleased with... but don't ask me who all these readers are, since only about six of them ever leave a comment)... would I lose that silent majority if I moved? Would I have to start again from scratch? Does it really matter?

Then there's the question of splitting up the blog. I know there are people who only come here to read my music posts or top tens. Or my comics stuff. Or my short stories (thank you). Perhaps I should host a separate blog for each? And another just for personal nonsense. And another for ephemera? Or is it better just to keep on bundling everything together in one? Do I even still need a writing blog and an "everything else" blog anymore? Should I just bring it all together under one roof where it can live together in harmony?

I'm still puzzling this one out... though obviously your thoughts would be welcome. Whatever happens, a change is gonna come.

In the meantime, in case you haven't already, READ PJANG #1 FREE HERE. Then please tell your friends. Especially if they're the sort who think People Just Ain't No Good.