This is not a "revolt".
It isn't a "protest".
It isn't even "mindless thuggery".
I don't often write about current affairs, but I'm not sure how I can ignore the fact that, here in the UK, our towns and cities are being burnt to the ground, looted and pillaged by The Young People.
One of the reasons I usually choose not to comment on such things is that I'm an (un?)apologetic middle-class Guardian-reading leftie pinko liberal who always wants to look for the root causes and underlying problems that ultimately shape our society.
Another reason is that, as a writer, I always try to see things from other people's points of view. I'm interested in what makes people tick and what drives them to behave the way they do. I can't help but play devil's advocate in my own mind in even the most despicable of circumstances.
To complicate matters (because like most human beings, I'm a ball of confusion), I'm also - as anyone who's read this blog for any amount of time will know - thoroughly misanthropic. I have an angry reactionary inside me who dreams of leaving the human race to destroy itself and going off to live on an island with puffins. (Because puffins are COOL.)
With all this going on inside my head at any one time, how can I write about the sort of scenes we've witnessed in this country over the last few nights with any kind of objectivity? Simple answer: I can't. But thankfully I don't have to.
Because these are not "riots".
The people involved are not protesting the police shooting a young man in Tottenham last week.
Neither are they rebelling over the fact that the council closed down their youth club. (And if I see one more interviewed yoof say "no one respects us", I'll smash something myself. Respect yourself first, morons!)
They're certainly not "mindless thugs" either. They know exactly what they're doing. They just don't care.
They're bullies. They're thieves. They're vandals. They're arrogant and selfish and opportunistic... and all the traits I deplore most about humanity at its lowest.
So excuse me if I don't believe this is time for rooting out the underlying social problems. Excuse me if I'd just rather send in Jack Bauer to deal with the lot of them. Call me when that's been done. In the meantime, you'll find me hanging out with the puffins...
