Call it what you will.
Have you seen that advert where cats develop opposable thumbs and are able to do everything humans do, naturally ending up hunting us down for our milk as a result? (Not our milk, obviously, I mean the milk in our fridges... though, if you ask me, it'd only be a matter of time before they had us all tied to chairs, milking us like cattle.) Isn't that just the scariest thing?
No.
This... this is the scariest thing.
I discovered this yesterday while visiting our local pet superstore to buy a new litter tray. But wait...
"Say goodbye to the litter tray forever!" it proclaims.
"Train your cat to use a human toilet in 8 weeks or less!"
Now, I'm sorry, but I don't want my cats using a human toilet. The human toilet is not for cats. There's a clue in the name. Hint: it's the word "human". Yet apparently, this particular innovation is all the rage in the States... and better still, comes "recommended by vets". (Shame on you, vets.)
What's next? "Train your cats to cook their own food"? "Train your cats to drive the kids to school"? "Train your cats to run a major national newspaper devoted to crooked and underhand journalism?" I say thee nay - there are some things that should be reserved for humans only. And using the human toilet is top of that list.
Still, if you refuse to be persuaded by my rhetoric, you can at least take comfort in the knowledge that when you buy your Litter Kwitter it comes with a helpful Training DVD in five different languages. Five different cat languages, I presume.
(This post was specially for Vicus who asked for "no more cat posts". I aim to oblige.)
