MY RATING OF 2012 MOVIES THAT I'VE WATCHED SO FAR

Here is the list of 2012 movies that I've watched so far and my rating on each film, starting from my most favorable up to my least favorable one. I always tried to rate a movie from an audience's standpoint and gave my honest opinions to it, on how I actually enjoyed, felt and experienced the movie. Good or bad a movie is sometimes relative and will depend on each audience's taste and experiences. The simple science is, if you love a movie, then it's good, and if you hate a movie, then it's bad. That simple. And remember, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

I have my own taste and criteria on whether a movie is great, good, mediocre, bad or a disaster. Sometimes it's difficult to explain, sometimes it's purely based on my personal liking, but it's always there in my mind and heart everytime I watch a movie. And rating a movie is another delight, as you put your unmeasurable feelings into a measurable and mathematical expressions.

I realize that I haven't been writing for quite some time due to my time constraint, but it doesn't mean that I stop watching movies these days. Actually I kept watching a lot of movies, whether in the cinemas or dvds. Anyway, watching movies is always a fun thing to do. No, it's my addiction! I will surely write longer reviews again in the future, once I can put together the right time, energy and mood in front of my computer. And I will keep updating this humble list. Hope you have fun reading it and may dig for some movies worth seeing. (MJ)

THE GREY (2012)

MyRating: YYYY

A solid thriller about a group of oil workers survived from a plane crash in the middle of wild and cold Alaska, just to find out that they are stalked by a pack of deadly wolves. Great survival story that brings you into the middle of the chilling and intense situation yourself, served with a good character development that will make you care for the survivors, and enough actions. Liam Neeson gave his usual great performance. This movie also gave an interesting philosophy about life and dead. Loved it.

THE RAID: REDEMPTION (2012)

MyRating: YYYY

Finally saw it and convinced now that this is no overrated. A group of elite cops raiding into an apartment building to capture a ruthless drug lord, just to find themselves trapped inside with the most dangerous killers & criminals in town. Simple story, but the actions just never stop to amaze me. Extremely brutal violence, not for the faint of heart, with incredible choreography, stunts and nonstop all-style fight scenes, from guns, knives and breathless bare fist combats. Outstanding Indonesian martial arts movie that makes me proud. I was blown away.

JOHN CARTER (2012)

MyRating: YYYY

A highly entertaining sci-fi/fantasy movie about a former Confederate Army Captain, John Carter, who finds himself accidentally teleported to Mars, right into the middle of the conflicts of the Martians. When he falls in love with a Martian princess, he realizes that there is no other way than to fight their war. The impressive and dazzling visual effects was backed with a good storytelling and action-packed adventure. This is a fun thrill ride to planet Mars that you may have never seen before.

THE HUNGER GAMES (2012)

MyRating: YYYY

24 teenage boys and girls are selected into a competition where they have to battle to the death on live television, until only one can survive. Captivating story and solid performances, with a brutal deadly game à la Battle Royale, and a love triangle as the background. The casting of the lovely Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss Everdeen couldn't be more perfect, with other interesting performances from the supporting casts such as Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks and Stanley Tucci. I liked it, and I'm already sold to this nicely set-up big new franchise.

THE VOW (2012)

MyRating: YYY1/2

Channing Tatum has to win again the heart of his wife, the lovely Rachel McAdams, who losses her memory in a fatal car accident. Not an easy road for him as not only he has become a stranger to his wife now, but also her love for him may not be there anymore. A melodramatic flick? Why not? This romantic drama was a sweet and enjoyable watch, with a good chemistry and decent performances by the two leads, who shined. A perfect date movie for Valentine's Day.

CHRONICLE (2012)

MyRating: YYY1/2

A creative found-footage movie about three friends discovering their telekinetic abilities. When they are starting to abuse their superpowers and let them out of hand, their doom is just one step away. The interesting story, added with thrilling atmospheres and cool effects captured with camcorder, made this a fun experience at the cinema, including finding yourself flying in the sky with winds blowing around you. The destructions that these boys could create were massive.

THE WOMAN IN BLACK (2012)

MyRating: YYY1/2

A scary horror movie with a classic approach of a haunted house, weird footsteps sound upstairs, self-moving rocking chair, and sudden ghost sightings. Daniel Radcliff is a solicitor and a widower with a son, sent to a remote village to settle an old mansion, just to dicover that the village is terrored by a vengeful ghost of a woman dressed in black, who claims the lives of their young children. The creepy story and spooky atmosphere gave many scary jumps. An effective and a good horror.

SAFE HOUSE (2012)

MyRating: YYY1/2

Ryan Reynolds is a CIA agent and the keeper of a safe house, where a dangerous criminal, Denzel Washington, is sent for protection. When the safe house is being attacked, they find themselves in the run, while the Agent has to do whatever he could to not let the Prisoner escape from his responsibility. A good and entertaining action thriller with intense actions and solid performances by both Washington and Reynolds. Not perfect, but it surely hit the required marks.

THIS MEANS WAR (2012)

MyRating: YYY

I was prepared to hate this movie, but I found myself having some good time instead. This is a fun action comedy with a light story, never meant to be brilliant. Some of the jokes were hilarious and the actions were over the top. Chris Pine and Tom Hardy were fun to watch as two CIA agents and best friends, who ended up fighting each other and 'destroying a restaurant', so to win the love of Reese Witherspoon. Put away the logic, grab your popcorn, and enjoy the good looking cast.

CONTRABAND (2012)

MyRating: YY1/2

Mark Wahlberg is back to his comfort zone in this action thriller as an ex-smuggler who finds himself difficult to stay out of his dark past. To protect his family, he has to plunge into another crime by smuggling 10 million dollars in fake bills from Panama. A modest heist movie with a lot of potentials, but did not deliver enough punches to score it big. The story was fairly decent, but a bit flat, with interesting supporting cast such as Kate Beckinsale, Ben Foster and Giovanni Ribisi.

MAN ON A LEDGE (2012)

MyRating: YY

An interesting premise about a man threatens to jump from a ledge of a hotel top floor, but was poorly executed with a ridiculous heist plot, unnecessary scenes and dialogues, and annoying characters, resulting in unconvincing thriller. Sam Worthington again failed to impress with his wooden acting, he was not a charismatic leading man. The interest faded fast as too much nonsense logics. Maybe it was better for Sam to just slip from the ledge and end the movie halfway through.

JOURNEY 2: THE MYSTERIOUS ISLAND (2012)

MyRating: YY

Chasing by a big lizard, flying with giant bees and terrored by a gigantic electric sea snake. Then add Dwayne Johnson in it and the beautiful Vanessa Hudgens as the appeal. What else could go wrong? This is an unharmful family fantasy movie with a childish story, paper-thin plot and cheesy acting. Even though it has beautiful visuals and enjoyable 3D, but a movie with almost no weight at all will lose its fun for me eventually. Kids will appreciate this more.

UNDERWORLD: AWAKENING (2012)

MyRating: YY

Nothing was ever really special with the Underworld series, let alone standout. Indeed every movie just felt the same. And this latest installment of 'the stylist vampire versus werewolves' was another plain meal in the plate, with a weak and totally forgettable story. I did enjoy some of the actions, which this movie has plenty to offer, but nothing was memorable enough once you walk out of the theatre. Even Kate Beckinsale in her tight suit could not save this movie from boredom.

WRATH OF THE TITANS (2012) -

MyRating: Y1/2

Another big-dumb action-fantasy with non-stop battles, but almost no substance. This time Perseus (Sam Worthington) has to save his father, Zeus, from the underworld, and to defeat Kronos, the ancient Titan. The good visual effects and the Greek mythology creatures could not compensate for the bad story. No character interesting enough to root for. The acting was mechanical. This is a Hollywood product with no souls. I know I shouldn't expect a gem out of it, but I didn't enjoy it even as a no-brain entertainment. So many actions, yet so boring.

GHOST RIDER: SPIRIT OF VENGEANCE (2012)

MyRating: Y

OMG, this is really bad. Not only it was very difficult to like a superhero with a burning skull, but also it was painful to watch a movie with such a terrible and lousy story. The poor script has successfully made Nicolas Cage's performance looked ridiculous. Idris Elba ain't any good either. The more this movie tried to be funny, the more stupid it became. Antipathy feeling finally made all the actions became meaningless for me. The first movie was mediocre, this sequel was a complete disaster.

MYMOVIE CRITIC - REVIEWING MOVIES FROM THE AUDIENCE'S STANDPOINT

Book Review: Q, A Love Story by Evan Mandery

What is the point of this story?
What information pertains?
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly into our hearts and our brains

Evan Mandery won me over immediately by opening his latest novel with the above quote from Paul Simon's 'Train In The Distance'. It's one of my favourite lyrics, one that I've often heard rattling around my brain even when I've not listened to the song in ages. It pretty much sums up the human condition - if the human condition is a general dissatisfaction with one's lot.

The high concept of Q is pretty much unbeatable. The novel begins when the unnamed narrator meets Q (Quentina Elizabeth Deveril), the love of his life. They both fall head over heels and marriage seems inevitable... until our hero is visited by a future version of himself with a grim prophecy: marry Q and both your lives will be marred by unspeakable tragedy. Initially reluctant to accept this warning, the narrator is eventually convinced that breaking off their relationship will be best for them both. And so his life continues without Q... until he's visited by a different future version of himself with a new piece of life-changing advice. Each time he follows his future self's instructions, it's not long before another one pops up to set him off in a different direction entirely.

It's an excellent premise filled with comic possibility, and the final third of the book delivers upon this premise with both humour and heartache. Unfortunately, the first half does tend to ramble as the author goes off on the occasional entirely unnecessary tangent. You may want to skip the chapters taken from the hero's attempt to write an alternate history of Sigmund Freud's life: they do follow the book's overall theme but add nothing to the story itself and reek a little too much of vanity project. Some of the meandering comedy was also a little too faux-Woody Allen for my tastes: there were times I wanted to scream at Mandery to stop trying so bloody hard to be funny. But writing humour is the trickiest of talents to master and you may find these sections hilarious. It's a very subjective business, being funny.

All that said, I'd still hugely recommend Q for it's ingenious plot and the breathtaking drive of its final hundred pages. If you're a time travel buff like me, you'll want to know how it ends.

Movie Review: The Muppets

If, like me, you grew up with The Muppet Show, these little fuzzy felt characters will always hold a place in your heart. And if that's the case, the new Muppets movie gives you everything you could possibly want. A heartwarming backstory, perfectly pitched so that innocence overrules sentimentality thanks to the performances of Number One Muppet fan (and co-screenwriter) Jason Segel and Amy Adams and the songwriting talents of FotC star Bret McKenzie. Well-chosen celebrity guests (including Alan Arkin, Kristen Schaal and Jack Black - giving his best performance in years). A sneering villain with a maniacal laugh (Chris Cooper - he raps too). A Muppets tribute act featuring Dave Grohl filling in for Animal. And most of all... the gang themselves, doing what they always did best: putting on a show.

So we get Kermit fighting to maintain a brave face while everything falls apart around his little green ears. Miss Piggy being a stuck-up sow (in Paris, naturellement). Fozzie being hugely unfunny. The Swedish Chef going 'durstyburstywursty'. The chickens singing Cee-Lo Green. Gonzo jumping off a roof. (Actually, I could have done with more Gonzo.) Stadler & Waldorf being sarcastic old grumps. Beaker going 'mee-mee'... in a barbershop quartet rendition of 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'. In short, everything we laughed at till we weed 30 years ago... updated slightly with contemporary references, but not a jot of contemporary cynicism.

If you love the Muppets, you'll feel like a child again. If you don't love the Muppets... can I suggest medical help?

RIPC

So, 40 might yet be the beginning of my life... but it was the end of my computer's. Last Friday I went to turn it on... and nothing. The motherboard was kaput. A nice local computer-fixing man gave it the burial it deserved and managed to salvage the hard drives and locate them in a new home for a very reasonable price (considering my current lack of funds). So I'm back up and running... just. (I won't mention the Cartman-like Tantrum I had when I thought the new pc didn't work either... turns out I'd plugged the monitor cable into the wrong socket.)

While mourning the pc, I rediscovered the outside world, walked in the sunshine, lived my life without constantly thinking "I'll just pop on the computer for 5 minutes when I get home" and remembered fondly the days before this bloody box ruled my life. But it's back now... and I'm saved having to live without it for one second longer. Because the world is scary without it. How did I ever live before it?

In other news, those robbing b@stards at the Royal Mail are putting up the price of a First Class stamp by 14p. Thanks, guys, that'll really help my already-desperate attempts to supplement my non-existent income via eBay... and will probably mean I'll have to raise the price of Too Much Sex & Violence to nearer £3, giving readers even more reasons not to buy it.

Still, at least the sun's out...

Top Ten 40 Songs

It was inevitable, wasn't it?

10. The Enemy - 40 Days and 40 Nights

The Enemy go for a walk to the supermarket and find themselves snowed out. While they're away, someone else shacks up with their girlfriend for 40 days and 40 nights. Meanwhile, they band is left sleeping in a petrol station. I wish I was making this up.

9. Badly Drawn Boy - 40 Days, 40 Fights

After which time, Damon lets The Enemy have her back.

8. The Donnas - 40 Boys In 40 Nights

While on tour, the Donnas make a bid for the Guinness book of records. This leaves them little time to see the sights.

7. Duane Eddy - 40 Miles of Bad Road

Obviously recorded before David Cameron's revolutionary, can't-fail plans to privatise road mending. 40 miles? Try 40,000...

6. Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes - 40 Day Dream

Edward Sharpe's been sleeping 40 days, in which time he's been mostly dreaming about the Beatles. Not scrambled eggs, more magical mysteries...

5. Franz Ferdinand - 40'

In which Franz Ferdinand stand atop a cliff, contemplating a 40 foot leap... come on, lads, it's not that bad - surely? It's not like you've just turned 40 or anything.

4. Ocean Colour Scene - 40 Past Midnight

I consider this more a homage to Let's Spend The Night Together than a direct rip-off. Mick 'n' Keef never actually sued, so...

3. Johnny Cash - When It's Springtime In Alaska (It's Forty Below)

Good job The Enemy don't live in Alaska - they'd never have got home.

2. Robert Palmer - Top 40

Batley Bob shows Bublé how this sort of thing should be done... long before Bublé was any more than a bubble.

1. Mercury Rev - Opus 40

A thing of beauty. If being 40 is anything like this song, it'll be a glorious, epic adventure...

Movie Review: Safe House

I can never quite get my head around Denzel Washington being a bad-ass. In my mind he's an ordinary, everyman hero-of-the-people so whenever he plays a psycho or supervillain I always feel like I'm watching my dad dress up in a Freddie Krueger Halloween costume. It might be scary, but I know it's still my dad underneath.

In Daniel Espinosa's Safe House, Denzel plays Evil Jack Bauer, a former CIA agent who's been off reservation so long, redemption seems impossible (should he even wants it in the first place). When Dark Denz comes into possession of a secret MacGuffin that could bring down some very bad people in very high places, suddenly everybody wants a piece of him: from waterboarding aficionado Robert Patrick (memo to the former X-Files Agent Doggett: who ate all the cow pies?) to sneaky espionage chiefs Sam Shepard, Brendan Gleeson and Vera Farmiga.

That's certainly a top notch cast... though the real star of Safe House is Ryan Reynolds, playing a vulnerable young pup determined to teach old dog Denzel some new tricks. Despite starring in the worst film of 2011, Reynolds can do little wrong in my eyes. He's an action hero with a heart and it's good to see him flexing his acting chops beyond his usual twinkly-eyed smart-ass roles to stand up against Denzel and co. in a Bourne-esque thriller that benefits from a fast-paced (and only occasionally implausible) plot and imaginative South African locations.

A cut above your average action movie then... if you can swallow Denzel as a bad-ass. (Robert Patrick certainly looks like he's game.)

How I Spent My 40th Birthday...

...because one day I might look back on this blog as a record of the significant events in my life. Where was I when I turned 40?

Well, the day began in the JobCentre+. Sadly, my signing-on day fell on my birthday. I got there nice and early so as to get it out of the way and get on with my big day.

"Sorry, mate," said the bloke on the door, "you can't go in till 10 minutes before your signing on time."

"You've let me in 15 minutes before my signing on time in the past."

"Are you arguing with a jumped-up jobsworth? Wait another ten minutes."

The first question I'm normally asked during my signing on sessions is my date of birth, as proof of my identity. (As if anyone else would want to sign on in my place - it's not as though I even get Jobseeker's Allowance any more. I only sign on so they'll pay my NI.) I was therefore ready for a bit of banter about my special day and how lovely it was to be starting it amid the disenfranchised. Typically, today was the day I got - rather than a polite chat about my job-seeking activity followed by a swift signature and home - the Spanish flippin' Inquisition. No time for pleasantries. Still, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition. Not even on their 40th birthday.

The rest of the day was much more enjoyable, although plans for lunch with family at my mate's restaurant were altered slightly when my Mum & Dad had to drop out. Unfortunately my mum had a bad fall yesterday and has cracked a rib. She seems pretty chipper, but I hope she'll be OK, and the fall won't damage her independent spirit.

The lunch itself was good - though I did eat far too much. The world's biggest burger. Tasty, but I suffered afterwards. Still, I can't overindulge on the drink anymore, so food's my fallback option.

Then back home for a nap - hey, I'm an old man now... napping is the future. Plus, I did only get about three hours sleep last night. Worrying about the big 4-0? Maybe. But what's the point in that?

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.



I also received Happy Birthday emails from Saint Etienne, Keane (!?) and Bon Jovi. Which was nice of them. Thanks to all the real people who sent good wishes too.

Life Begins At 40...

So they tell me.

Guess I'll find out today.

Here's an appropriate song...

Live Review: The Civil Wars

So if my life begins on Monday, this must be the death throes of my old life. I have a baaaad cold. And before you all cry "man flu!", can I just point out that Louise had it first and she can testify to the sheer, snot-drenched awfulness of it. If I talk today, I sound like a cross between Tom Waits and Jabba The Hutt. None of this stopped me going out to see The Civil Wars last night, but it might stop me writing much of a review... other than to say they were breathtaking. Maybe I'll just let the music do the talking.



I first came across The Civil Wars about a year ago when I fell head-over-heels in love with the title track to their debut album, Barton Hollow. While I liked the rest of the album, there wasn't anything to quite match that song and I wondered whether I'd spend the whole of a live concert waiting for it. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. Some bands just work better live than on record and last night's performance was a magical case of two performers (with just a single guitar, occasional piano and two amazing voices) holding a packed audience in the palm of their hand. And it closed with my favourite cover version in years. I've heard Michael Jackson's Billie Jean covered by everybody from Neil Finn to Ian Brown, but I never realised until last night the most obvious thing about it. It's a country record, pure and simple.



Wow.

Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - Thirtysomething Else

In the last ten years, all the really good music ran screaming from the charts and founds its audience underground. Is that the sound of a 40 year-old muso talking? Perhaps. Perhaps that's what 40 year old blokes have always thought. But I remember all those 40 year old blokes buying Blur and Oasis albums and feeling like a teenager again 15 years ago. And that's how I feel when I listen to the latest by The Indelicates, Cosmo Jarvis or Frank Turner. The difference is none of those artists ever bother the single chart. Because people don't buy singles in the same way they used to. Does the singles chart truly represent what's popular in music anymore? Wiser minds that mine have tried to puzzle that one out. And that's not why I'm here today. I'm just here to conclude my countdown to...

In case you missed 'em:

The first ten years...

The troublesome teens...

20 Is The New Teenage...

And now - the last ten years...


31 (2003) The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

I surprised myself with this one. I'd pretty much given the year to Stacy's Mom, the ultimate 80's AOR throwback anthem from the mighty, mighty Fountains of Wayne. And then I remembered this little ditty, with the greatest guitar riff of the 21st Century (so far). Damn it if Jack White doesn't steal the crown. But the FoW boys came close.

Do you really care what was Number #1 on my birthday in 2003? For completeness' sake, I'll tell you. Gareth Gates featuring The Kumars - "Spirit In The Sky". I'm starting to regret having a birthday right after Comic Relief.

32 (2004) Morrissey - First Of The Gang To Die

A helluva year to judge. Bowling For Soup's 1985 might have stolen it (even though that does say more about the 80s than the noughties). Or what about Shatner & Rollins together? What do you mean you can't get behind that? OK then, how about Bill's Common People duet with Joe Jackson? Not convinced? Philistines.

You Are The Quarry was Morrissey's great comeback moment, bristling with attitude and energy. He's made better records, but none that managed to catch the zeitgeist in quite the same way. For a moment, he was an international superstar, and First Of The Gang was his tribute to an adoring Mexican fanbase. Not bad for a Stretford lad with Irish Blood & English Heart, or an album that was mostly a great big f-u to his many "enemies" (real and imagined).

In the charts? Cha Cha Slide by DJ Casper. Me neither.

33 (2005) Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor

"Don't believe the hype," says Alex Turner as he introduces this - a genuine Number One hit single in both the singles chart and mine. Wow - how often does that happen? This takes us back to the days when the internet could actually break a new band. Before everybody jumped on that wagon.

A number of songs came close - my favourite Eels track, Things The Grandchildren Should Know; my favourite HMHB tune, For What Is Chatteris...; even Martha Wainwright's touching tribute to her father, Bloody Motherfucking Asshole; and, of course, anything from Art Brut's glorious debut album. Particularly appropriate would be Bad Weekend, because... well, popular culture no longer applies to me.

Speaking of which: my birthday chart #1? McFly. Less offensive than the rest of this decade.

34 (2006) The Dixie Chicks - Not Ready To Make Nice

There was fierce competition from Jarvis, Guillemots and the Arctic Monkeys. Among others. Not Ready To Make Nice sprang from a battle between the Dixie Chicks and George W. Bush and ended as the Dixie Chicks versus the whole of conservative America. And somehow the Dixie Chicks won. If you don't know the story behind it, it's worth reading this. For that alone, they deserve 2006. Plus, it's nice to have a country record in this chart. Variety is the spice, etc. etc.

35 (2007) Dan Le Sac Vs. Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill

Thou shalt not think any man over the age of 30 who chooses a "hiphop" track as his favourite song of the year is just trying to be cool.

Thou shalt judge this on its own merits, not your own prejudices.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt not make repetitive, generic music.

Thou shalt give equal worth to the De La Soul remix.

Thou shalt not look at yourself in the mirror while you're crying: your eyes already know.

Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.

Thou shalt always kill.

For 60 of my favourite songs from 2007, you can go here. This process gets a whole lot easier now I have a blog to refer back to. The Manics almost clinched the top spot with an amazing single from an incredible album at a point in their career when most bands are winding down and coasting on former glories. It even made #2 in them there meaningless singles charts. But it didn't rewrite the Ten Commandments like Scroobius did.

At #1 in them there meaningless singles charts? Sugababes vs Girls Aloud - "Walk This Way". Another Comic Relief song, I suspect. I'm just glad I've never heard it.

36 (2008) The Indelicates - We Hate The Kids

This record made me feel that same teenage passion for music I'd felt at different points in my life for Bruce, The Smiths, Jarvis et al. If the singles charts truly represented what it feels like to be a teenager, then this song would have been Number One for a year. If the NME had any balls (oh, look, is that Noel Gallagher on the cover again - how cutting edge), The Indelicates would be on the front every week. My favourite single of the 21st Century from my favourite album of the 21st Century by my favourite band of the 21st Century. Not some croaky old fuddy duddies I've been listening to all my life, but a bright, young, vibrant band bursting with ideas and attitude and intelligence.

Every generation gets fooled again
And every generation is to blame...

The rest of 2008 can be found here. Apologies to Elbow: in any other year, One Day Like This would have made it.

(We Hate The Kids might originally have been released as a single prior to 2008, but I only discovered it as part of the Indelicates' debut album, American Demo, and that's why it's here. Just in case you're a pedant.)

And in the charts? Basshunter featuring DJ Mental Theos - "Now You"...

No more music, thank you and goodnight.

37 (2009) Frank Turner - Try This At Home

'Cause there's no such thing as rockstars
There's just people who play music
And some of them are just like us
And some of them are dicks
So, quick turn off your stereo
Pick up that pen and paper
Yeah, you can do much better
Than some skinny half-arsed English country singer

Many of my other favourite songs from 2009 can be found here.

And at #1 in the charts as I turned 37? Another Comic Relief single. A good song, by a comedian I like, but I still prefer the original.

38 (2010) Cee Lo Green - Fuck You

It could have gone to either Frank or The Indelicates again, but I still think the greatest pop single of 2010 was this. (And it was a genuine pop hit too - though swearing always helps that.) Maybe I'm just a sucker for combining classic Motown production values with cuss words. Maybe you think I should have grown out of this record by now? You know what I say to that?

Many more of my favourites from 2010 can be heard here.

And at #1 in the unreal world? Pass Out by Tinie Tempah. At least it's not another bloody Comic Relief song.

39 (2011) Lana Del Rey - Video Games

Once again, both Frank Turner and The Indelicates could have swiped the crown, as could Cosmo Jarvis, Fleet Foxes, Noah & The Whale... any of the artists on this list. But I'd be lying if I didn't choose the most mesmerising record of last year. The album's pretty good too - though it does remind me of Like A Prayer era Madonna a lot more than I expected. Nothing wrong with that though, Like A Prayer era Madonna is my favourite. Nothing on the record is quite as "Joni Mitchell sings in a Twin Peaks bar" as this one song though.

And last year's Number One on the 19th of March? Just The Way You Are (Amazing) by my popstar doppleganger, Bruno Mars. Hoorah!

Which brings us to 40. No idea what my favourite record will be this year... and I don't really care what'll be at #1 as my life finally begins next Monday. Because, you know what? I hate the kids, I'm not ready to make nice, a seven nation army couldn't hold me back, I shalt always kill and I'll probably be the first of the gang to die. Anyone spot a theme? In that case, I'll leave the last word to Cee-Lo...

Comic Review: Spandex #6

At some point during my regular reviews of Martin Eden's excellent small press comic Spandex, I am guaranteed to use the words "best issue yet". So let's get it out of the way right now, shall we? Spandex #6 is the best issue yet, once more proving that it's "gay superheroes" gimmick is anything but, and delivering more action, characterisation and hip, sarcastic dialogue than most comics these days manage in a 6 issue run. Because of the splash-page heavy, four or five panels per page, drag everything out to fill a 6-book trade way that many modern comics are produced, I often feel guilty as a writer if I ask an artist to draw more than 6 panels on one page or write more than two balloons' worth of dialogue per panel. Martin shows us how such things are still possible (without ever overcrowding a page) and because he's both artist and writer on this book, he delivers some outstanding sequences. 10 panels on the opening page, yet it's a thing of beauty. Elsewhere, a 17 panel fight scene - on one page. God, if you'd given that to Bryan Hitch, he'd have filled an entire issue with it. And would it have told the story any better than Martin does here? I sincerely doubt it.

Speaking of story, the latest Spandex certainly packs that in too. From a dramatic showdown between our eponymous heroes and their evil rivals, Les Girlz, to some wonderful origin / backstory pages, to a tense build-up to a climax that gives extra meaning to the titles of both the overall story arc ('O.M.F.G.') and this issue itself ('Deus Ex Machina'). It's the kind of bold, audacious WTF!? moment that only Grant Morrison used to be able to pull off, but Martin Eden gives it both barrels. I am blown away.

Better still, this issue comes with three free mini comics showcasing Martin's versatility as a writer (horror, humour and manga) and the work of three great guest artists, T'sao Wei, Garry McLaughlin and good old Rob Wells. Even more bang for your buck.

The only downside to the latest Spandex was Martin's announcement that issue #7 will be the last. NOooooooooOOOOoooo! Still, it's always good to quit while you're ahead, and I've been reading Martin's comics long enough to know that whatever comes next... it'll be brilliant.

Find out more about Spandex, and buy them all here. Go do that thing now.

JOHN CARTER (2012)

MyRating: YYYY

Director: Andrew Stanton

Cast:  Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Mark Strong, Dominic West, Thomas Haden Church, Ciarán Hinds, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Daryl Sabara

MPAA: Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action

Tagline: Lost in Our World. Found in Another.

Distributed by: Walt Disney Pictures

Production Budget: $250 million

John Carter may have received mixed reviews from the critics (negative, if you want to see it that way). But, is it enough to throw this movie under the rock, condemn and bury it, before even seeing it? The fact that this is a heavily budgeted sci-fi/fantasy movie (with a $250 million production budget) does not make things any easier, as there is a lot of money at stake. Somebody's head at the studio will roll if this movie ends up losing big money. So, what could possibly go wrong? Is it because the ineffective marketing campaign? Or is the story too old to be revived (first introduced by Edgar Rice Burroughs in 1912), not recognized by the majority people of this generation, and no one should even think to touch and film it at the first place? Or is this movie just simply failed to deliver? My answers to my last three questions will be "Maybe", "No", and "Definitely disagree". For sure, as a person who was not super-excited with the hype of this movie at the beginning, I will not say that I enjoyed this movie for 'what it is'. That won't do any justice. As this movie was better than that. Way much better than that.

This is a movie with an epic blockbuster approach in mind, which has a lot of potentials to become a new franchise. Will it ever be a sequel? Well, we'll yet to see about it. But I do hope they make the sequel. And I think that would explain how much I like this movie. If you imagine this movie to have an 'epic clumsiness' end result or an 'epic failure' writing all over its face (because it seemed to look like that, and many people worried or even expected it to be), then I must say that you might be wrong. In my opinion, Andrew Stanton (the director of Finding Nemo and WALL-E, and co-director of A Bug's Life) has done a good job directing his first live action movie, as he has delivered an entertaining science fiction story, with dazzling visuals of the wild and imaginative planet Mars that you may have never seen before, action-packed adventure, and storytelling interesting enough to keep you at your seat, as this movie was over 2-hour long (Stanton also acted as the co-screenwriter).

John Carter (Taylor Kitsch), a headstrong former captain of the American Civil War Confederate Army from Virginia, is accidentally teleported to Mars, a strange world full of deserts known as Barsoom, where he can jump high defying gravity. A hostile world where the main inhabitants are tall green aliens with four hands and two horns beside their mouths, besides the other human-like inhabitants. A world where flying is possible with dragonfly-like flying machines (in his world on Earth, humans can only sail at sea). But this is also the world at the brink of their own civil war between the Martians. And the continuous conflicts may cause a big war that may end the civilization on Mars.

When John Carter rescuing a human Martian princess named Dejah Toris (Lynn Collins), while she is escaping from her father's political plot to force her into a marriage against her will with an enemy leader of another human Martian tribe, with the purpose of military truce between the two tribes, Carter reluctantly throws himself into the middle of the conflicts. But as he involves more into the life and war of this planet, and as he discovers himself falling in love with the princess, he realizes that this is not only their war now, but also his. This is a war worth fighting for.

The story and the plots worked well, as well as its humors. It was not a heavyweight sci-fi story that you will burn your brain with, but it was good and very enjoyable, as I enjoyed the impressive visual effects of the beautiful Mars, which was a feast for the eyes, with the colorful dragonfly-like planes and all the weird Martian creatures, from the cute-funny dog that can run very fast and becomes the companion of John Carter, up to the white giant monkeys that are ready to tear John Carter apart in the gladiator-like arena. The fighting scene with the white monkeys was a memorable one.

The acting was fine. Taylor Kitsch gave a decent performance as John Carter. Not great, but he did fine. While Lynn Collins was very good as the princess of Mars, a perfect combination between a beauty and feisty heroine. The other interesting supporting cast was including Mark Strong and Dominic West as the human Martian villains, and Willem Dafoe and Thomas Haden Church, who played the green Martians with the motion-capture performances. To make them look tall as the green aliens, they walked using stilts in the middle of the desert while filming (this movie took set in the real desert of Utah). As there were many characters, it was slightly difficult to differentiate one green Martian with another though.

The final battle was a fun climax, even though it may not be grand enough. And as a fun ride, this movie has a lot of actions and excitements to be offered, which will make you cheer everytime our heroes kicked down the bad guys. I also liked how this movie ended. It was somehow a thoughtful ending, which left a mixture of feelings of sad and hope, and widely open for a sequel. This movie has turned out to be a highly enjoyable entertainment. If you like an epic and spectacular popcorn sci-fi/fantasy movie, then ignore the critics and go see this movie. (MJ)

MYMOVIE CRITIC - REVIEWING MOVIES FROM THE AUDIENCE'S STANDPOINT

Book Review - 11.22.63 by Stephen King

If you'd told me there was a new book out in which a teacher has to travel back in time to try and stop the assassination of President John F. Kennedy on the 22nd of November 1963, I would have bought it regardless of the author. From Back To The Future to Mad Men, I've long had a great affection for late 50s / early 60s Americana, and I've also always been fascinated by the way the Kennedy assassination has been absorbed into pop culture, from Oliver Stone's epic, star-studded and wildly paranoid JFK to one of my favourite Manic Street Preachers songs, I'm Just A Patsy. And it goes without saying that I'm a sucker for time travel stories too. So, like I say, I'd have bought this book whoever wrote it. But Stephen King? My favourite author in the whole world ever, ever? Could it get any better?

Well, yes, it could. Because not only is this Stephen King, but it's also the best Stephen King I've read in 20+ years. I've been more positive about King's recent works than many of his longtime fans, but I've still been aware of its flaws: self-indulgent rambling and anti-climatic conclusions being his greatest crimes of late. But at no point during 11.22.63 did I feel that King was dragging his feet: indeed, for a novel that's 734 pages long I could happily have read another 734. Unlike many novels, I wasn't racing to get to the end so I could move on to the next book on my stack, I was pacing myself, slowing down my reading, trying to relish every page, not wanting it to end. That said, I was glad when it did - and, more importantly, how it did. This was perhaps the most satisfying climax King has ever written, and it was interesting to see him tip his hat in that regard towards his son, Joe Hill, who "thought up a new and better ending".

The most impressive thing about 11.22.63 is the plot. Time travel stories are notoriously tricky to navigate, especially ones which involve changing history. Add to that the conspiracy legends that surround JFK and Lee Harvey Oswald and there were a plethora of predictable twists that could have sunk this story. That said, there are also certain time travel tropes which are essential, and to ignore them would have led to a hugely unsatisfying read. King's answer to this dilemma is two-fold: firstly to cleverly hoodwink readers who were expecting a shlocky conspiracy thriller into enjoying a far more satisfying romantic drama. To the point that once the Oswald chase finally takes centre stage, we're screaming at the author to take us back to the comforting diversions of young high school teachers in love. Secondly, there's King's ingenious solution to the book's true protagonist and antagonist. Despite what you might expect, this is not one man from the future versus history's most infamous assassin. Instead, it's one man from the future versus time itself. Time is the bad guy in 11.22.63, because time does not want to be changed. And time will do anything to stop history being meddled with. 'How does one man defeat time itself?' is the novel's central question, yet we're ever aware that a second question lurks in the background: 'What are the consequences if he does?'

The best thing I can say about 11.22.63 is that it's taken top place on my list of Stephen King novels I'd recommend to people who don't read Stephen King novels. If it's true that King has spent his entire career trying to shed the clumsy genre labelling and write that elusive "Great American Novel", then I'll be damned if he hasn't finally done it. Whether or not the sniffy critics will be able to get past the fact that this is a story in which an English teacher travels back half a century through a food pantry in a roadside diner... well, screw 'em if they don't have the imagination.

Countdown To 40: A Song A Year - 20 Is The New Teenage

The first ten years...

The troublesome teens...

And now, part 3 of my Countdown to...

21 (1993) Aimee Mann - I Should've Known

If I were being retroactive, I'd pick something like OU or Razzmatazz from the Pulp: Intro album, but sadly I didn't discover Jarvis till the following year. I did discover Aimee Mann in '93 though and even chose her debut solo record, Whatever, as my album of the year. Mr. Harris is probably my favourite track from that disc now, but this is the one that made me love Aimee at the time.

Meanwhile, the singles chart had fallen off a cliff. Number One as I got the key to the door? Oh Carolina by Shaggy.

22 (1994) Morrissey - Now My Heart Is Full

And I just can't explain so I won't even try to

Jarvis almost made it home once again, I could have gone with just about anything from His 'n' Hers. But then there's Vauxhall & I. Could this be Morrissey's finest 39 minutes as a solo artist?

I told you the birthday number ones just get worse and worse. March 19th, 1994? Doop. By Doop. Sadly, not this one...

23 (1995) Pulp - Common People

All hail Britpop, and its greatest hero finally makes it home. I could have chosen Sorted For E's & Whizz, but I'd just be being contrary.

Meanwhile in the charts... Love Can Build A Bridge by Cher, Chrissie Hynde, Neneh Cherry and Eric Clapton. Who all should have known better.

24 (1996) Ocean Colour Scene - The Day We Caught The Train

At last, proof that my favourite singles don't always come from my favourite albums. This was the year of Everything Must Go, Beautiful Freak and Murder Ballads... yet the song that most reminds me of my second stab at being a teenager is this exuberant blast of sunshiny retro-pop from Ocean Colour Scene. Hard to believe they were the first band I ever saw live.

Meanwhile, back in the charts... How Deep Is Your Love? Shallow, when it comes to the Take That version. Not so shallow they couldn't drown a few Gibb brothers in it.

25 (1997) Blur - Song 2

Blur were a great singles band and this was their greatest moment. Two minutes of noisy power pop that never fail to make me go "Woo hoo!" While Radiohead, The Verve and Gene were darkening my long player collection, Damon and the lads kept me smiling. This year's runner-up was a hymn to optimism from James: Tomorrow.

And in an alternate reality to my own, The Spice Girls were having their 4th Number One as I reached my mid-20s. I can't even remember the title.

26 (1998) The New Radicals - You Get What You Give

Another song that stands out by not belonging to one of the year's best albums. 1998 gave us my favourite record of the 90s, Pulp's public breakdown on This Is Hardcore. But the single of the year belongs to Gregg Alexander, a man who hated being a rock star so much he went off and wrote songs for Ronan Keating.

Sadly, I can't find my other favourite single of 1998 on youtube. Child Psychology by Black Box Recorder must be too dark for the video collective.

March 19th 1998, the Number One was It's Like That by Run DMC vs. Jason Nevins. Which is a damn sight better than we've managed throughout the rest of this decade so far.

27 (1999) Travis - Why Does It Always Rain On Me?

I thought long and hard about this one. It would have been so much cooler to pick something by The Magnetic Fields (69, my favourite album of '99), The Flaming Lips or even Ooberman, but as much as Fran Healey has damaged his limited rep by writing MOR-pap for the last 10+ years, this is still a perfect gloomy-pop song that captures a snapshot of my life in 1999. I remember watching them play it live at a festival just before they went big, in the rain. Perfect.

Besides, it could have been worse. I could have chosen my last birthday Number One of the 20th Century. Boyzone murdering Billy Ocean. When The Going Gets Tough... the tough put their hands over their ears and go lalalalalalalala.

28 (2000) Everclear - Wonderful

Neither of my two favourite singles of 2000 meant much to the public at large. I've written about Black Box Recorder's The Facts Of Life before, but Wonderful by Everclear is a curio. An American band who have never bothered the British charts, this is their greatest moment. More upbeat power-pop packed with smiley hooks, handclaps and a 'na-na-na' chorus... masking a dark lyrical undertow.

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now

Far less Wonderful, my first birthday chart-topper of the 21st Century: Bag It Up by Geri Halliwell. WTF? Is that Geri singing about her shopping? I'm not sure I've ever even heard that record. I am sure I never want to.

29 (2001) Eels - Souljacker Part 1

Ben Folds came close with Rockin' The Suburbs, but this rocks harder.

And on my birthday? Pure And Simple by Hear'Say. The charts are officially dead.

30 (2002) The Flaming Lips - Do You Realise?

The song I want playing at my funeral. Kind of apt for my 30th birthday?

But as I actually turned 30, Will Young was at Number One, marking the funeral of the singles chart as we knew it. Simon Cowell slaughtered the damned thing before our very eyes.

Ten more years to go...

Movie Review: The Descendants

There were a lot of reasons I wanted to see The Descendants. I'm a big fan of director Alexander Payne's previous movies: Sideways, About Schmidt and Election. I enjoy George Clooney's laconic Cary Grant shtick and was intrigued by the awards buzz surrounding his latest performance. And the film's set in Hawaii, so if nothing else we could be sure it'd be nice to look at.

As with all Payne's prominent work, The Descendants is a leisurely, spacious film that allows much time for subtle characterisation and quietly observed comedy. I'd say it probably made me laugh less than any of the films listed above, but then I did make the mistake of popping to the loo during what Louise later informed me had been the funniest scene. That said, it did make me smile a lot and Clooney was charming and sympathetic as ever. Was it his best role? No, he was far better in O, Brother Where Art Thou? where he actually got to do some proper acting, rather than just playing himself. But it's his time, there's a lot of good will towards him, and there are far worse movie stars getting far more recognition, so I don't begrudge him the plaudits. Some attention must however be given to his kids, played by Shailene Woodley and Amara Miller, both of whom inhabit their complex roles with ease, and the dumb teenage layabout Sid (Nick Krause), who gets dragged along on their adventures and ultimately proves to be there for more than just clichéd comic relief. As for Hawaii, I was impressed by how Payne showed us a different side of the islands than we usually get from Hollywood. Still beautiful, but a little more rainy and windswept with random chickens scattering the streets and fallen leaves filling the swimming pools. It made me want to visit even more.

If you enjoyed Payne's previous films, you'll enjoy The Descendants. Arguably, it's not his best work, but it's another fine addition to the cv for both him and Clooney. And there's a Beau Bridges cameo too, looking almost more dudelike than even his brother could manage.