30 Songs - Day 13

Day 13 - A Song That's A Guilty Pleasure

I'm not sure I subscribe to the whole Guilty Pleasures bandwagon. After all, I'm someone who proudly boasts a record collection that includes Barry Manilow, Dean Friedman, Bon Jovi, Pink, Hall & Oates, Bryan Adams, Andrew Gold, ELO and many other MOR crimes against cool. And I'm not ashamed of any of them. I will stand up with pride and admit that the first 7" single I bought was Respect Yourself by Bruce Willis. I consider Kevin Rowland's much-maligned covers set My Beauty a work of genius (though the cover, with Kev in stocking and suspenders was a bad idea - even after my stockings confession last week!). I will happily admit to at one time or another having bought records by Whitney Houston, Robbie Williams, Mike & The Mechanics, Hootie & The Blowfish, Kula Shaker and even Phil Collins. No shame, no guilt. (Though I'm not saying I've listened to any of them in the last 10-15 years... or that I still own them.)

So... a record I actually feel guilty about liking?



The difference between all the artists above and Scouting For Girls is that, love them or hate them, Hall & Oates, Bon Jovi, Dean Friedman et al. have a degree of musical talent. The music they make might not be cool or to your liking, but they have songwriting, singing and instrument-playing talent.

Scouting For Girls, on the other hand, write jingles. This is an enormous talent in and of itself, but I'm damned if I believe there's any artistic merit to it. They write songs that are instantly, insanely catchy yet have as much depth as the We Buy Any Car advert or the Intel Inside bing-bong-bing. The first time I heard This Ain't A Love Song (even the title is unoriginal), I felt like I'd heard it a hundred times before. By the time I'd heard it three times, I was sick of it. If I ever hear it again, you'll find me sitting in a high window with a higher powered rifle taking potshots at passers by. I am seriously ashamed that I ever liked anything by Scouting For Girls, even for a split second. That is a guilty "pleasure".

28 Questions

From the nonstop meme machine that is Sunday Stealing...

1. Was your dad named after anyone?

My dad's so great, you should be named after him.

2. What do you think is the minimal age to get married?

Are you asking?

3. What’s the longest time you‘ve been involved with the same person?

4 1/2 years.

4. What actor/actress do you consider hot at the moment?

Other than Kate Winslet? Rebecca Hall has an interesting quality...



5. What is your favourite album by a band?

6. What is your favorite album by an individual?

Some might argue this record is by a band too. But then how would I choose between them?

7. What is something you‘d rather be a bit dirty?

The back of any white van that's in front of me in a traffic jam. You know, one of those with "I wish my missus was as dirty as this!" scrawled on it in one particular hand, and "She is with me, mate!" written in alternative calligraphy. Oh how I laugh.

8. What was the last TV show you watched?

Sherlock, episode 2. Still enjoying it, despite assorted grumblings from the world wide interweb.

9. How many people have you met from the blogosphere? Who are they?

I've not met any of them. They don't really exist.

10. What's your philosophy on life?

If you build it, they will come.

11. Do you think prescription drugs are over prescribed?

Not the ones I'm on.

12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?

I already am.

13. What is your favorite memory in the last year?

Our holiday in the Peaks.

14. What is your favourite guilty pleasure?

I've just written a whole post about how I don't really subscribe to the notion of guilty pleasures... and if I say anymore here, you won't read that.

15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:

I have weak knees (according to my chiropractor).

16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?

i) A three-book deal.

ii) Movie options.

iii) A call from Joe Quesada... "We really need you to take over Amazing Spider-Man".

17. Who would you want to get together with and make a cake?

Nigella.

18. Which country is your spiritual home?

The one I'm living in.

19. What is your big weakness?

At the moment, coffee.

20. What's your favourite Spielberg film?

Raiders or Jaws, Raiders or Jaws, Raiders or Jaws...?

21. What was your best/favourite subject at school?

English.

22. Describe your accent:

Yorkshire. But not like you're imagining.

23. If you could change anything about yourself, would you?

If I could leave anything the way it is, would I?

24. What do you wear to sleep?

Shorts.

25. What is your favorite casual outfit to wear?

Jeans and a T-shirt with some kind of pop culture reference on it.

26. Do you use cigarettes or alcohol?

No, and not anymore.

27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)

Why would you want to spend your last day alive with me?

28. Rate the memes you play generally. Use any scale or just in order.

What, you mean compile a Top Ten...?

Not today.

Once We Were Anarchists

I'm young enough to be all pissed off
But I'm old enough to be jaded
I'm at the age where I want things to change
But with age my hopes have faded
I'm young and bored of being young and bored
If I was old I could say I've seen it all before
In short, I'm tired of giving a shit

Or: One More Reason Why Frank Turner Is My Musical Discovery Of 2010.

Time Is Running Out

The person who invents a safe, reliable teleport system will never have to work again. We spend so much of our lives rushing here and there, always trying to get one place ahead in the queue... to have that pressure finally lifted from our shoulders would be a godsend.

Take yesterday. I'm coming off the motorway. I pull over into the exit lane, and at the very last second, rather than slipping in behind arsehole some impatient arsehole in an Audi cuts me up. Everyone wants to be ahead of the person in front.

Or how about when I head across town for my afternoon coffee? I'm walking fast. As I approach a street corner, I see a man heading towards the same corner from another direction, also fast. We're both going the same way, we're going to reach the corner at the same time - one of us will end up stuck behind the other. We both speed up. I spill hot coffee on my hand, but I win the race. This time, the impatient arsehole is me.

We rush everywhere - but imagine if we didn't. Imagine if we could just boil down our molecules into ray form then shoot them across the planet to be reassembled perfectly - minus the fly DNA, Jeff - at a point of our choosing. Or imagine we could BAMF! like the recently departed Nightcrawler. How cool would that be?

I spend up to 2 hours a day in some kind of transit. How much more productively might I use that time? Just think of the books I could read, the stories I could write, the blogs I could surf... though I would still have to find some time to listen to my music, since often these days the only listening time I get is when I'm stuck in the car.

The person who invents a safe, reliable teleport system will never have to work again. Anyone got any ideas?

Superpowers

I've read a few proper novels about superheroes (and by proper novels, I mean those involving original characters, created purely for the novel, rather than adapting superhero from other media such as comics or film). There was Robert Mayer's Super-Folks, which I came to a little too late - long after all its most original ideas had been ripped off by the medium it serenaded. Then there was Austin Grossman's Soon I Will Be Invincible, which was a little too respectful of its source material to have as much fun as was needed.

David J. Schwartz's Superpowers is more successful than most. It does that thing I like most about stories like this - building solid, three-dimensional characters and placing them firmly in what Stan Lee called 'the world outside your window'. Five young people wake up after a party with super-powers - the obvious ones: flight, super speed, strength, invisibility and mindreading... then they have to learn to deal with them. It's nothing we haven't seen before, but it's well done, witty and contains a few surprises along the way - not least the calculated absence of supervillains. Conflict is instead provided by powers going awry, people doing stupid things and real world events that prove much bigger than the average superhero can cope with (hint: for all those who complained about JMS's infamous black-covered Spider-Man comic, here's a different take). Schwartz writes flawed yet hugely sympathetic characters and keeps the pages turning. If you like your superheroes, this one comes recommended.

Meanwhile, over at Thoughtballoons, this week's character is sinister space-vixen Gamora - the deadliest woman in the universe. (Tony will approve.) I wasn't sure how to handle this back-stabbing scifi vamp, knowing little about her other than that she's the sort of character who'll rip your heart out if you stand in her way. Then I hit on a brainwave of throwing Gamora into a Scott Pilgrim-esque high school love story. I think this is the best of my Thoughtballoons stories so far. You're entitled to disagree.

Top Ten Coffee Songs

Went into Cafe Nero today. Ordered my usual black coffee to take out.

"Would you like a biscotti to go with that, sir?"

"Tell you what, call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

As mentioned a couple of weeks back, I'm back on the drugs. Specifically caffeine. And for no other reason than because I didn't have enough room in my Top Ten TV Songs for Blur... here's my Coffee Countdown.



10. Johnny Ray - Coffee & Cigarettes

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
Moved a million hearts in mono...

If it's good enough for Kevin Rowland, it's good enough for me.

9. Otis Redding - Cigarettes & Coffee

Some of the greatest songs ever written take place in the wee small hours of the morning, yet typically they're written from the point of view of a lonely, down-at-heel loser who's only companion is a whiskey glass. Otis bucks that trend by writing a small hours love song. They're just sitting here talking over cigarettes and coffee - with Otis on the stereo.

8. Crash Test Dummies - Afternoons & Coffee Spoons

The song that proves Crash Test Dummies weren't just an annoying Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm One Hit Wonder.

7. All Saints - Black Coffee

All Saints, Rol?

Really?

I'm a big fan of the classic girl-groups - from the Supremes to the Shangri Las... and for a second - just one second - All Saints came closer than most to recapturing and updating that sound. Ultimately they failed, but give them some credit...

6. Richard Thompson - Java Jive

From Richard Thompson's epic trawl through 1000 Years Of Popular Song, here he takes on The Ink Spots' 1940 hit. You know the one.

"I love coffee, I love tea, I love the Java Jive and it loves me..."

5. James - Coffee & Toast

Recorded in the original sessions for the Pleased To Meet You Album, this was subsequently relegated to b-side status when Brian Eno stepped on board the good ship James as producer. A shame, because this would have been the best track on the album. Perhaps Tim Booth realised this - he quit the band for 7 seven years after its release.

4. Squeeze - Black Coffee In Bed

Featuring Paul Young and Elvis Costello on backing vocals, another of those songs that reminds you what a great lyricist Chris Difford is.

3. Blur - Coffee & TV

The song that broke Blur and persuaded Graham Coxon a solo career was beckoning? Could be.

2. Prince - Starfish & Coffee

Prince goes into Cafe Nero...

"Hello sir, can I take your order."

"Yes, I'd like Starfish and coffee, maple syrup and jam, butterscotch clouds, a tangerine and a side order of ham, please."

"Certainly sir. And would you like a Biscotti with that too?"

"Call it a fucking bisCUIT and I might."

Soulwax do a cracking cover of this song too.

1. The Clint Boon Experience - White No Sugar

The man on the mac in Macedonia
Hits on the girl with the fully loaded PC in DC
This is definitely a new revolution

Mr. Boon - play that tune!



So that was my caffeine fix - what's yours?

There's No Time Like The Present - The End!

I've been wittering on about the majesty of Paul Rainey's There's No Time Like The Present for months now. Well, it's been a long but extremely satisfying journey, and now it's over. #13 is certainly an unlucky number for fans of quality comics - but you'll be pleased to know that writer/artist Paul goes out on a thought-provoking and emotionally satisfying high.

Where most writers would use the final episode of a series to wrap up what's gone before, Paul keeps throwing new ideas at us too. One of the underlying themes of TNTLTP is of time speeding up as you grow older - so while the early episodes started slow with lots of slice of life character work, as the series progressed Paul has introduced more and more fascinating concepts. As a writer, he understands that the most affecting sci-fi is grounded in the world outside our windows, and takes off from there. Under a less-skilled creator, this final episode might seem like an info-dump of exposition, but Paul keeps it human and enthralling even when introducing the most mind-bending of concepts... then leaves us with a surprisingly tender conclusion that packs an emotional punch I really hadn't expected. Come the inevitable TNTLTP graphic novel collection, this story really deserves to reach a much wider audience.

In the meantime, you can read the first 39 pages of Paul's masterpiece by clicking here. Pick up back issues and that awe inspiring final episode by popping over to his shop here.