Yesterday, as part of my working day, I had an awkward meeting with a client. I won't divulge their occupation, but for the purpose of this post, let's just call them a Successful Person. Someone who has worked hard in their chosen field to rise to a level of achievement that would be respected by others. A professional.
I take such meetings from time to time, and it's no big deal. I may have a chip the size of a King Edward on my shoulder about having achieved Sweet Fanny Adam in my own career, but I try not to let it show. This time was different. The Successful Person in question was a former High School classmate. I didn't know that going in, but I recognised her immediately. I'm pretty sure she recognised me too (the name is memorable if nothing else), but neither of us acknowledged it. We treated each other as complete strangers: it was easier that way.
Afterwards, I was reminded of the post I wrote a couple of weeks back about why I don't do school reunions. About not wanting to explain myself to a bunch of people who'd made something of their lives. Am I that insecure about my position in the world? Do I really care so much what other people think? Or am I being too hard - and projecting that self-criticism onto others?
Louise says that whenever she tells people what I do for a living, they always think it's fascinating. From the outside, working in the media always seems that way. And I'm under no illusions that - as much as I hate this job - there are far worse things I could be doing to bring in a wage. But at the end of the day, I don't really care what other people think - I care what I think. And I think that I've failed. There are millions of people in the world who don't have the job they want, who haven't achieved the goals they set them themselves in their youth, who feel they've let themselves down. And I dare say a good proportion of them have far more to complain about than I do. I just never thought I'd be one of them.
But the world needs losers. We play an important role in society. If nothing else, we remind the winners exactly what they've won. I hope they appreciate it.
