I did coffee...
I did tea...
But for those of you who prefer your beverages caffeine free and full of calcium... a Top Ten Milk Songs seemed a must.
10. Eddie Cochran - Milk Cow Blues
Rock 'n' Rollers knew how to write songs about farm animals. See also the Elvis version. We need more cows in the chart these days (and no, I don't mean Lady Gaga).
9. Kelis - Milkshake
Her milkshake brings all the boys to the yard. Haven't a clue what this means, but it does make me want to go to the yard. And I don't even like milkshakes.
This would normally be a good time to mention Flight Of The Conchords' hilarious reaction to this song... but I'm saving that for next week.
8. Garbage - Milk
You always have to wonder why Shirley Manson decided to call her band Garbage. Doesn't suggest a whole lot of confidence in the end product, does it? I still think Rubbish would have been a better name.
7. Art Brut - DC Comics And Chocolate Milk
Part of my Best DC Comics Songs post, the ironic thing being that this song is actually better than most DC comics these days.
6. Dr Feelgood - Milk & Alcohol
One of Mark Radcliffe's favourite bands. I reckon The Dude would appreciate this song too, since his beverage of choice is a White Russian.
"Hey man, there's a beverage here!"
5. Herman's Hermits - No Milk Today
Written by Graham Gouldman, who went on to form 10CC, this always reminds me of free school milk. Here's something I've probably told you before - drinking milk makes me throw up. I discovered this when I first went to school. After a couple of days trying to get me to drink my free school milk, the teacher gave it up as a bad job. When I went up to the next class a year later, I tried explaining to the new teacher that I didn't drink milk, but she wasn't for listening. She soon learned.
4. Rufus Wainwright - Cigarettes & Chocolate Milk
Not quite as bad for Rufus as Eddie Argos's chosen accompaniment for chocolate milk. In case you were wondering, chocolate milk makes me throw up too. And so do cigarettes.
3. Saint Etienne - Milk Bottle Symphony
Possibly Saint Etienne's greatest moment.
Oh, sod it, there's no 'possibly' about it.
2. Billy Bragg - Milkman Of Human Kindness
If you're lonely, I will call
If you're poorly, I will send poetry
If you're sleeping, I will wait
If your bed is wet, I will dry your tears
If you are falling, I'll put out my hands
If you feel bitter, I will understand
I love you
I am the milkman of human kindness
I will leave an extra pint
A bad pun has never sounded so sweet.
1. Benny Hill - Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)
I was never really a Benny Hill fan. Even as a kid I found him a bit too silly, and I guess I was too young to appreciate the innuendo. But I do consider Ernie to be a minor work of genius: not just a spoof country and western song played for laughs, there's something genuinely moving about its tragic and spooky denouement.
Was that the trees a rustling
Or the hinges of the gate
Or Ernies ghostly goldtops a rattling in their crate?
They won't forget Ernie
And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west
Have you Got Milk? What's your favourite milky milky song?
