According to the Association of Chief Police Officers, I could very well be a Menace To Society. In a recent radio advertising campaign*, these top cops highlighted certain types of behaviour the public ought to be vigilant about... after all, you never know when there might be a potential terrorist in your midst.
"The man at the end of the street doesn't talk to his neighbours much, because he likes to keep himself to himself."
Or maybe he just thinks his neighbours are annoying?
"He pays with cash because he doesn't have a bank card..."
Or perhaps he can't remember his pin number?
"...and he keeps his curtains closed because his house is on a bus route."
What, you'd prefer he was an exhibitionist? Free live nude shows for the kids passing on the bus? Is that what you're suggesting? Oh, no, wait, my bad - we're not supposed to walk around naked in our own homes, are we?
"This may mean nothing, but together it could all add up to you having suspicions."
Or it could mean you're a nosey-parker busy-body with far too much time on your hands.
But wait, the foremost fuzz aren't done yet...
"The man two desks down from you at work looks at online aerial photos, because he's thinking of moving house."
Or perhaps he's building a missile in his cellar?
"He rents three lockups, full of his mother's things he just can't throw out."
But what about that fourth lock-up, the one his mother's decomposing corpse is locked in?
"He paid for a flight with cash, but that's because he's a spontaneous kind of guy..."
Or maybe he was in a desperate hurry to get away from his prying, judgmental (or just plain mental) colleagues?
In short: being vaguely antisocial, minding your own business, and keeping yourself to yourself is the new blowing up airports. Lock me up and throw away the key. Just don't expect me to make polite smalltalk with my cellmates...
*I keep telling you: radio advertising... that's the real menace to society.
